2 years
Omg, I can't believe it has been 2 years since I have posted an entry. My daughter will be 4 on the 17th. My life has been through hell and back, sometimes I feel like I'm still there. I really don't know what to do. I'm getting burnt out with school and being a single mom. No guy lasts even a year. Leandra's "daddy" and biological father both live on the other side of the country and don't want much to do with her. I share an apartment with a friend who drives me nuts cuz she's lazy, my mother and my brother and my ex bf who I wanna throw through a window 98% of the time. I guess he's the reason I cam back here. I talk to my therapist but no one is better at listening then you guys.
I left my bf of 5 months a week after we singed the lease to our new place. I wanted him to learn a lesson. He can't control me all time, that I need space and that he suffocates me...just back off a little. I told him to make some friends, he's not from Maine and doesn't have many here. He took my advice alright. He's meeting at least one new girl a week. He claims they are just friends but he carries a condom in his wallet when he goes. Never gets used though lol. He tells me everyday how much he misses me and wants me back but him walking around all the time with this huge smile and his happy go lucky facebook says otherwise. It's not that I wanna be with him anymore because with everything he's doing, I'm all set. He doesn't show in the slightest that he's upset or wants me back. Him saying it to me is a different story then actually showing he's miserable. He's supposed to be the unhappy one, so why is it that because he's not and he's not seeing why I left? I'm being pushed further and further away everyday. Yes, I am talking to a few guys trying to see what's out there but I'm not throwing it in his face or posting it all over the internet...Does he think that by making me jealous that I'm gonna come back to him? HELL no! I know I don't wanna be with him, but yes, I do still love him, so how do I not feel like crap everyday? I feel like he's found something better then me and i was EASILY replaced. FML.
I left my bf of 5 months a week after we singed the lease to our new place. I wanted him to learn a lesson. He can't control me all time, that I need space and that he suffocates me...just back off a little. I told him to make some friends, he's not from Maine and doesn't have many here. He took my advice alright. He's meeting at least one new girl a week. He claims they are just friends but he carries a condom in his wallet when he goes. Never gets used though lol. He tells me everyday how much he misses me and wants me back but him walking around all the time with this huge smile and his happy go lucky facebook says otherwise. It's not that I wanna be with him anymore because with everything he's doing, I'm all set. He doesn't show in the slightest that he's upset or wants me back. Him saying it to me is a different story then actually showing he's miserable. He's supposed to be the unhappy one, so why is it that because he's not and he's not seeing why I left? I'm being pushed further and further away everyday. Yes, I am talking to a few guys trying to see what's out there but I'm not throwing it in his face or posting it all over the internet...Does he think that by making me jealous that I'm gonna come back to him? HELL no! I know I don't wanna be with him, but yes, I do still love him, so how do I not feel like crap everyday? I feel like he's found something better then me and i was EASILY replaced. FML.