Cloneness, 10 and 11
Duo groaned a bit as his internal clock told him that it was morning. The monsters would be waking up soon... But he didn't want to. He pressed his face against his mattress, trying to stay asleep.
Then he nuzzled it cautiously, trying to figure out why his bed was suddenly warm and breathing.
A hand tightened on his braid, and he blinked his eyes open fuzzily. The sound of kids stirring interrupted his muddy thoughts and Duo suddenly came awake, bypassing the whole slow process of floundering about trying to remember where he was and what had happened.
He was nose to nose with the Soldier clone.
"... Uhmmm... mornin'..." he managed to mumble, surprised. There was no trace of sleepiness in the gunmetal blue eyes facing his own, and he wondered if Heero had just awakened, too, or if he'd been trapped under Duo for a while. The clone didn't seem to be that bothered by the situation, even though his muscles were a bit tense... Or maybe that was his usual level of relaxation.
Duo felt a tug on his braid and realized that Heero was -- not playing with it per se, but... Poking at it? Feeling it? Fondling it? He wasn't pulling too hard, so Duo didn't protest, even though he didn't really like people touching his braid. After what had happened the previous evening, the clone might not understand why Duo appeared not to mind hands on his dick, and yet minded hands on his hair.
There was a loud squeal and the sound of someone crying, and Duo sat up suddenly, pulling himself out of Heero's arms. There would be time later for trying to figure out how huge a mistake he'd made the previous evening; right now he had children to care for. "Hey, you leave Lena alone!" he called, quickly scrambling up, fixing his pants and dashing out. Fei was standing over Lena, his black eyes narrowed in anger, the little girl curled up on the floor and crying.
Duo pretended that no part of his brain was actually glad to have a good excuse for not thinking about the encounter.
When the clone emerged after him, Duo had the little brat by one ear and was scolding him. His twin was glaring daggers at Lena and trying to intervene -- something about Lena saying she was ugly and pulling her pigtails, but the blonde girl had a red handprint on her face that showed that the insult had already been repaired.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to pick on her?" Duo growled. Fei and Mei were strong-willed, aggressive kids, especially for five-year-olds -- nice usually, but they kept a grudge like nobody else, and took exception to little Lena needing more attention -- what they saw as favoritism. "She's younger than you. It's really not fair to gang up on her."
"We didn't!" Mei protested, offended.
"Yeah, they went at it one after the other," Milly muttered, glaring daggers at them as he helped his little sister to her feet.
"Did you?" Duo asked, frowning. Fei and Mei exchanged a quick, guilty glance and looked down, muttering. That was as good a confession as he was likely to get, so after a swat across the backside to each of them, he sent them on their way. The day was going to be long if there was already fighting, he reflected with a sigh as he checked on the other kids. Quat was half-asleep in Nash's arms, and Hilde was combing Sylvia's hair with her fingers, yawning. The older kids were already up, awakened by the argument.
"Now everyone wash up for breakfast! Move!" he called out, nudging Quat gently as the rest of his children scrambled.
Heero was standing in his corner, back to the wall, watching them all, expressionless. Duo was starting to get used to his non-expressions, though, and the clone seemed ... uneasy. He motioned for him to follow, as casually as possible, as if it wasn't pitiful that a grown man should be scared of a bunch of kids. Heero came willingly enough when it became clear that Duo was leading him away from the noisy group. There was another barrel of water in the other room, close to the makeshift table they'd used to cut up the rats; Duo measured out some water for Heero to clean up a little, and some for himself. He quickly washed up before unwinding his braid, and started finger-combing it, trying to ignore the way the clone was watching him. It was a bit unnerving, to be frank; he didn't know how to behave around Heero at all. Mornings after were usually awkward even when they were with normally socialized people, but with him...
Well, so far the 'pretending nothing weird happened' approach seemed to work; the clone wasn't acting that different from the previous day. And if Heero ever asked him if Duo still respected him, or suddenly decided to hold hands and beam at him cutely, Duo would probably die of shock anyway, which would resolve the issue of him not knowing how to treat the clone. Heero didn't seem to even know that after what they had done, he could entertain romantic expectations, not that Duo wanted him to anyway -- and could that line of thought get any more complicated? With a shrug, he made himself stop worrying about the last night. There were more important things to think about right now.
"Whatcha think... should the kids get a treat this mornin'?" he asked, eyes glittering with the thought of making his kids happy.
Heero nodded, expressionless. "It's useless to keep the food anyway. You'll have to eat it sooner or later."
Duo grinned. He didn't need approval, but it was still nice to have it. "Let's see if the monsters are ready then."
He went back into the main room, yelling for the kids to sit at the table. They were pretty noisy, as always, but he had a hard time minding. Cathy was already bossing Alex and Mueller around, making them set the table and help the smallest kids. He smiled; he could always count on her to play the little governess. Sometimes he felt bad to lean on her so much -- she was only nine after all, and a few of the boys were older than she was; he should have asked them -- but Cathy honestly thrived on caring for other people.
Of course, he was always happy to claim that she was too young to do it all herself and take over whenever she tried to make soup, but luckily today was not one of these days.
Ducking into his partitioned little space, he picked out one can, thought for a second, then grabbed a second, since they deserved to have a bit of a celebration.
As the meal was passed out, he opened one can and set it in the flames of the fire to warm up, then opened the second and smiled. Alex had seen him and elbowed Otto to whisper urgently at him, and soon enough they were all staring avidly, even the littlest ones who didn't get what was so interesting about a metal tube.
"Alright, now everyone eat up, 'cuz I've got a treat," he grinned as he put the open can on the fire. "Real food! Now, y'all eat yer breakfast, an' I'll be the one handing this out, got it, ya monsters?"
It was beans. It had been so long since the last time he'd eaten beans. He remembered that he used to hate it, and pout and ask Helen -- don't go there, he reminded himself, and dismissed that line of thought with the ease of an old habit.
Duo used a rag to pull the heated can of beans out of the fire. Walking around the table, he offered each child a spoonful, scraping the can to manage to feed every one of them. The babies were poking at it curiously, but none of them ate any of it before Quat courageously tested it, munching on a lone bean, his face scrunched up in concentration. He picked up one other bean, chewed thoughtfully, then another... then another... and soon they were all eating. Duo surveyed them, pleased.
Mei, of course, dived into her food as if it was an enemy to be vanquished. Fei was a bit slower, watching his sister warily, since she had a habit of feeding as much from his plate as from hers. Lena didn't look very interested, but Milly was feeding her over her halfhearted protests -- though he did spare a few seconds every time to feed himself. Hilde was playing at stalking the beans one by one and stabbing them viciously, running a commentary that was making Sylvia and Cathy smile indulgently. Trowa and Alex were already finished, and were eyeing Otto and Mueller's plates thoughtfully.
Duo grinned. Man, if that was the reaction he got for beans, what would he get for canned fruit? He shared the can between his kids, carefully measuring it, and was relieved when he managed to get everyone a little something. He stood back, and watched, as the kids made delighted noises, relishing the unexpected tastes.
"Alright, you monsters. You've slacked enough. Since ya got a good breakfast, I expect ta see ya bring back dinner. Remember not to go out alone!"
He distributed the chores, then the kids scrambled again. They looked happier, even just a tiny bit. That made him happy. He sighed as he watched them leave, leaning against the table.
"Hey, Heero."
The clone was still leaning against the wall in his corner, where he'd observed the whole meal with the concentration and interest of a scientist observing an anthill.
"Yes?"
Duo motioned him over to the table. "If yer gonna be a part o' us, ya don't gotta sit in the corner like that. The kids gotta get used to ya." And you have to get used to the kids, he diplomatically didn't add.
Heero came and sat on the bench, though he didn't straddle it. Didn't want to be hindered in case he had to move fast, Duo knew. He wondered how long it would take to get him to relax enough to feel safe.
"I know... but not just yet."
"Ya didn't eat either." Duo slid the can of fruit towards Heero. There was a little left at the bottom. He could bet that the Soldier had never had canned fruit before.
Heero stared at the can as if it may have contained a bomb. "I don't need it. Rat is enough."
Duo gave Heero a dubious look. "Ya didn't eat that either. You haven't eaten since yesterday."
"I can stay without food longer than you can."
"Look, I'm not gonna argue about this with ya," Duo finally replied, sticking the spoon in the can and pushing it to Heero. Heero blinked at the can.
"You didn't have any either," he opposed, pushing it back.
Duo was tempted. So tempted. He vaguely remembered how good it tasted, all sweet and yummy -- and -- but Heero had never had any in his life and it wasn't very fair, was it...
"... We'll split it," he finally decided. He scooped up some of the fruit and ate, his eyes closing as he savored the taste of real food after so long. "Mmmm... god, it's been a long time..." he whispered, swallowing regretfully when he couldn't make it last any longer. Reluctantly, he gave Heero the can and the spoon.
Heero was so careful as he tasted, it made Duo wonder what he expected it to be like. Maybe they fed the Soldiers exploding meals or something in the Army.
He looked so surprised, it made Duo smile. Surprised, approving, and even a carefully hidden hint of delighted. It reminded Duo of the night before, when Duo's hand had closed around his -- feeling a sharp pang of guilt, he dragged his eyes away from the clone's face to stare at the wall instead.
"It tastes good," the clone commented. "Sugary. I didn't get a lot of that. Sugar is bad for your health," he added sounding weirdly melancholy.
Duo chuckled uneasily. "Well, ya better enjoy it while ya can. Once those cans run out, we won't be tastin' that fer a long time. Maybe never again," he finished, feeling a stab of depression.
"Probably. But there are real fruits out there, you know. Out of town."
Duo blinked. "Huh?"
"Apples and strawberries. In gardens and fields and... all that."
Duo could only manage a wide-eyed look.
"Plants don't always die when they're not cared for. They may not grow as fast, and some might die, but some of them will probably still be there."
Duo had never thought of that before. But then he'd always been a city boy.
"W-where....?"
"Where people grew them before the war, I guess," Heero replied with a little shrug.
Duo shook his head, more in pure disbelief than in denial. "I didn't see nothin' but destruction when I came to this place. Have ya seen those things? You've traveled alot..."
"I've had glimpses. But I couldn't stay there. "
There was a cautious hint of idea -- not even an idea, just hope -- unfolding discretely inside his head. He had to shoot it down before it took root. "... But it's probably far, right? I couldn't take my kids so far without it gettin' dangerous..."
"The eldest ones could be armed."
Duo caught himself thinking about it. Trowa and Otto knew how to handle a weapon -- and with a little training, if he had bullets to spare, Mueller could be a crack shot. He had the hand-eye coordination part down. "Y-yeah... it could work... if we made sure to stay covered an' safe at night..." No, bad. First rule of survival; don't dream too hard. He shook his head. "Ah, forget that."
"It would be safer for them out there," Heero opposed calmly. "And they would get better food."
"Yeah but... I don't know where ta find a place like that. I can't take my kids out without knowin' where we're goin'... that's like askin' ta be slaughtered."
"That's why I was proposing to check out some places and lead you back there earlier."
Duo looked at Heero, trying to sort through his initial reaction and feelings. He couldn't believe that the clone was sincere in his offer, but the hope -- the hope... "That... that would be great. Someplace nice, right? Peaceful? God... a farm? D'ya think my kids would like a farm?" he asked wistfully.
Heero gave him a fleeting, awkward-looking little smile. "I'll find you a farm if you want. Away from people. Maybe if there's a barn, we can capture the animals that ran away and keep them. And plant greens ... and hunt rabbits and deer."
Duo's eyes sparkled at the thought. Heero sounded like he was making it up as he went along, but this was still the best plan Duo had ever heard.
"What do you think?" the clone asked, not quite neutral.
"That... god, that would be a dream. If ya could find that, I wouldn't ever be able ta thank ya..."
"I could stay, right? That would be enough." Heero's voice was soft, strangely unsure.
Duo nodded. "Yeah, you could stay. I said ya could, didn't I?"
The clone didn't reply to that question, instead choosing to keep planning. "I can stay a day here to gather what I need for the trip and leave tomorrow. I don't know how far I will have to go to check things, so I probably will need around a month or two."
So soon? Duo caught himself thinking. He'd barely gotten used to Heero's presence, to the support the presence of another adult offered, to his curious mix of competence and innocence. "Yeah," he admitted regretfully, "it's best to do it as soon as possible."
Heero frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps I should stay for a few days. To make sure that no one saw us, followed us here and is just waiting to attack."
Duo pondered the problem for a few seconds. He didn't think they'd been followed, but if that was the case, he sure would be happy to have the Soldier at his side.
"Well... yer the one who's gonna be travelin'. D'ya think the gangs'll be a problem?" he asked, his voice hardening slightly and his eyes drifting to his space where the guns were hidden.
Heero shook his head no, but didn't look entirely convinced.
Duo thought, then shrugged. "...Yeah, it's better to check things out today, see if we can see anything suspicious. We'll decide what to do this evening. Just in case." He gave Heero a smile. "...Well, what're we sittin' around for? You've gotta earn your keep here, too."
Heero got up. "What am I to do?"
"Well... I was gonna go to the north part of the city. I ain't never been there so much -- never wanted to go alone, but since yer here to back me up an' I got a shiny new shotgun, the odds'll be on our side."
Duo went to his bedroom, grabbed up the shotgun, and strapped on his knives. He was sure that Heero's gun hadn't left him, so they were pretty much as ready as they could be.
"It's Vulture territory, but they ain't gonna be out in the day. If we play it smart, we can go through the buildings there."
Heero nodded in acknowledgement.
"Ready?" Duo asked.
Heero nodded again, his expression hardening with a mix of battle-readiness and anticipation.
"Then let's go."
-------------------------------------------
The recon through Vulture territories had shown a suspicious amount of unsuspicious activity -- just the apparently usual lazing around and sleeping off hangovers. Heero was seriously wondering how that group of incompetent thugs had managed to pull itself up to the position of biggest threat around; they looked totally useless. Anyway, if they were getting ready to raid Duo's place, they wouldn't have acted like that; there would have been a subtle buzz of excitement, even if they'd been skillfully pretending to be inept, which Heero privately doubted they could. So once reassured, Duo had taken him on a tour of his territory.
They'd come back from their walk to find the children hiding up in the unstable parts of the building, where Heero could tell it was risky for an adult to follow. As they told Duo later when the braided man managed to coax them all down, Milly and Nanashi had almost been caught on their way back home. That had spawned a good half-hour of group hugging, which Heero had spent exploring the building and its surroundings more cautiously. He felt too out of place to stay inside with them when they were all stacked in a pile like that. He vaguely understood the appeal -- being held had felt nice the day before -- but shackling Duo in so many little limbs and tender bodies meant that if anyone attacked, he'd be too busy untangling himself to protect them all.
The meal had gone like the day before; Heero watching from his corner as Duo directed his circus with all the ease born from habit, then the braided man sending off the kids and inviting him to finish the scraps together. It was already starting to feel like routine, even though it was only the second time.
Now Heero wasn't sure what to do, though. His corner wasn't exactly comfortable, and if he planned to leave early tomorrow, he wanted to rest as well as possible, but he wasn't sure that he could assume the invitation in Duo's bed hadn't been a one-time deal only. The scavenger was busy tucking the children in, though, so he couldn't ask. He didn't want to sit down in his own corner yet, though, because Duo could assume it meant Heero had decided not to share.
All that assuming and supposing and trying to read between the lines was tiring him out.
"Okay, monsters! Lights out!"
There was a chorus of goodnights and a few grunts, and the fire was smothered, embers glowing faintly in the darkened room. Duo stumbled toward his mattress, yawning, then paused, turning toward Heero, giving him a puzzled glance. "Somethin' wrong?"
"Am I allowed to share your bed tonight?" he asked, glad that he didn't need to find a way to broach the subject on his own.
Duo blinked. Heero wondered what he'd said.
"A-ah... I mean... uhh... y-yeah, sure..."
"Thank you," Heero replied as he joined him.
"W-well... Not like ya got yer own place yet or nothin'... sorta short of blankets..."
Heero wondered what was the matter with his voice.
They both sat down, tugging off their boots and getting settled. The light was very dim; Heero wondered what exactly Duo could see, if he was even aware that Heero knew he was looking toward him. He lay down on his back, not saying anything.
"I thought..." Duo muttered, and coughed. "... I already taught you what to do..."
Heero blinked. "I remember. I just want to sleep here."
"Oh... oh, you mean, JUST sleepin'?"
Heero blinked, confused by the amount of surprise in Duo's voice. "What do you mean, just sleeping? ... I won't mind if you touch or hold me."
Duo sounded ... flustered. "So... ya don't wanna do... like... want me to touch ya that way again?"
That way? ... Oh. Heero considered it. "Later, if you want. I don't feel that need now. Why, do you want to? I don't mind if you feel the need now," he added, sitting up again.
Duo started waving his hand frantically. "No, no! That's not what I mean! I mean... ya just came here to sleep, right? Not fer anythin' else?"
Heero nodded, puzzled, then wondered if Duo could see him. "To sleep. You thought I wanted something else?"
"Well... yeah."
Then he'd accepted his offer under a wrong impression. "I can leave if you want," Heero offered, though he didn't especially want to.
"No, it's okay. I guess I'm just jumpin' the gun. Well... that and ya don't got a proper place ta sleep. I just wanted to be sure."
"You invited me in your bed thinking I wanted to share pleasure with you. If you feel that need, I don't mind helping you."
Duo jumped. Even in the darkness, Heero could see him staring with eyes wide open. "No!" He covered his face with his hands. "Goddamn... I was afraid this would happen..."
Heero tensed, uneasy. What was the matter? He didn't understand.
"... Look, even if I DID wanna... do stuff, ya don't gotta oblige me. I ain't gonna kick ya out or nothin' if ya don't wanna screw around with me."
Obviously he was missing something obvious again. Heero scowled, and tried to explain his reasoning. "I don't have to, but I don't mind. You feel nice against me, and I like seeing how you react to my touch."
Duo made a weird growl-like sound. "Yeah, but it feels like yer only doin' it 'cuz I ask or expect it or somethin'. That... that ain't right."
"I'll be doing this because I like touching you. I am not -- aroused? That was the word? I am not aroused, but if you are, I will like helping you even then. I don't need to feel sexual need to enjoy physical contact."
There was a long pause as Duo appeared to think that over. "Yeah but that's... it's kinda one-sided."
Heero shrugged. "Maybe I will become aroused because you are. You did, yesterday."
There was another long pause, and then Duo sighed loudly. "Ahhh... whatever. It's too late ta debate this."
Heero didn't really like that conversation anyway, so he didn't really mind ending it. "I agree. You don't seem to be aroused now, so it's really a moot point. Let's stop talking about this."
They lay down, and Duo tugged up the blanket to cover them. One of Heero's sides wasn't covered, so he scooted a bit closer. They weren't touching, but almost.
"Do you mind if I hold you?" Heero whispered, because it had to be less awkward than that, and he could at least find someplace to put his arm.
"Uhhh... why?"
Heero blinked. "It's hard to be that close and not touch."
"O-oh... well, uhh... I guess it's okay then."
Heero turned on his side and slid an arm around Duo's waist. Heero noticed that Duo was a bit stiff at first, but since he eventually relaxed, the clone decided not to say anything. So long as Duo wasn't complaining, he wasn't going to bring it up. He closed his eyes. It was... nice. Weird, and vaguely unnerving still, but nice.
"... Thank you..." he whispered, nuzzling Duo's hair clumsily.
"... you don't even know what yer doin'..." Duo commented quietly.
"I know that it feels good. Wouldn't do it with anyone but you, though."
"Ya don't gotta say that. Ya haven't met everyone. There'll be someone else you'll... ahh... sleep with."
Heero shook his head no. "I am satisfied with what I have."
"Y-ya shouldn't say stuff like that. Ya don't know what yer sayin'." Duo sounded weird, a bit unsettled. Heero wondered wearily what he'd said, this time.
"I know that I don't trust anyone else to touch me. I let the children do it, but I don't like it." He could break them so easily; it was uncomfortable. "But I like you touching me. I should dislike it when you do things to me that make me completely vulnerable, but I don't. I know that I don't want to learn to be so trusting that I'll react this way to anyone."
Duo sat up suddenly, surprising Heero. He looked up at the braided man, rolling on his side.
"Ya don't know what yer sayin'... ya don't..."
"... Maybe," Heero agreed. "I know what I feel, though."
Duo clutched the blanket to him like a shield. "Look... when people say that to each other, it means they wanna be together forever."
Heero lay down on his back, watching Duo. "...oh?"
Duo nodded.
"... I wouldn't mind. Forever is not something any mind can truly apprehend, but for the foreseeable future..."
"L-look... ya think it's simple, but... but what yer sayin' means somethin' different ta me," Duo stammered out, unsettled.
"You said I could stay with you," Heero replied, starting to feel... betrayed.
"Right now... we're... we're sorta friends, right? I mean, ya hang around here, help me with the kids and ya ain't tryin' to kill me. Friends. And ya can stay, that's no problem."
"...oh." He relaxed faintly, relieved.
"But... what yer sayin'..." Duo shook his head. "Yer askin' to be more than friends. That's what I'm sayin'. Yer asking... when ya say ya wanna be with someone forever, that's... a relationship. More than friends."
Heero was more and more confused. "I don't know. I don't understand what you're talking about. I just know that I want to stay around you."
Duo sighed; it made the clone twitch. "Okay... uhmm... how do I explain? There's... enemies, right? People you don't wanna be around."
Heero nodded patiently.
"Then there's strangers, who ya don't particularly wanna be around, but as long as they don't do nothin' to ya, you can ignore them."
Heero nodded again; so far it made sense.
"Then there's... acquaintances. People you sorta know and if you're facin' strangers or enemies, you'd go with them. Then there's friends, who ya like to be around and spend time with, but not ALL the time. And then there's... uhh... lovers, I guess. Lovers you always wanna be with, an'... an' ya have... sex with. And you... love 'em... like, are in love."
" I don't know what love is yet. It's a powerful feeling," Heero commented, tilting his head on the side as he thought. "But I like to be around you, and isn't masturbation of a sexual nature?"
Even in the dark, he could see Duo's cheeks flushing. "Well... yeah... it's sexual, but it's not SEX. I mean, ya don't GOTTA be in love with the person ya have sex with or nothin', but that's... I dunno... empty. Feels damn good, but it ain't the same, or that's what I've heard."
Heero pondered that a long time. The root of the problem, really, was that Duo's idea of their relationship and his weren't the same. But in the end, it wasn't that complicated. "Maybe we aren't lovers, because I don't know what love is and we didn't have sex, but I still want to stay with you."
Duo watched him, frowning in thought. "As friends? Look, I know it's a lot fer ya to think about, but... I'd like to have a better picture of what ya want."
Heero considered it. "I don't know. So far I don't feel like there are moments I'd rather not be around you. But we haven't known each other that long."
"I don't mind bein' yer friend, I don't mind us screwin' around, but... if ya want anythin' beyond that, it's somethin' different."
Heero gave him a frustrated look. "How should I know what I want of you? I've never had normal interaction with someone before."
"That's what I'm sayin'! Figure out what ya want first, before ya say ya wanna be with me forever. That's like... commitment or some shit. Ya might figure out that ya don't like me."
Heero glared at him. He just -- it -- frustrated him. Duo's attitude. It was... annoying. Duo was being obtuse.
"I don't want to talk about that anymore. I want to sleep. I'll leave early tomorrow."
Duo snorted. "Fine with me. But just think about what I said when ya feel like it, okay?" he added, and lay down next to Heero again, adjusting the blanket.
Heero turned on his side, facing away from Duo. He made him think too much, how would he ever fall asleep now? And tomorrow he'd leave and be alone again, and instead of letting him enjoy it, Duo was making him doubt it all. Yes, that was definitely annoyance that he was feeling.
Duo sighed as he settled down, his breath ghosting over the back of Heero's neck. Heero shivered slightly, his heartbeat speeding up without reason.
"You be careful out there, okay?" Duo said quietly.
"... of course." Heero wanted to turn around and touch Duo back, but he was still annoyed at the way Duo kept confusing him.
"I don't want ya comin' back here all bleedin' or shot up or nothin'. ...You'd scare my kids."
Heero felt a weird twisty feeling inside his chest when Duo added that he wanted him to be careful because of the children. He had thought that -- well, he didn't really know. It was okay anyway, because they were children and children had to be protected. It was normal that Duo didn't care about keeping Heero safe -- Heero was more than able to protect himself on his own. "I won't scare the children," he promised softly.
"Damn right ya won't," the braided man replied. He shifted and tucked the blanket over both their shoulders, his arm going around Heero to make sure that he was covered enough. Heero tensed a little, then made himself relax his clenched muscles. He wasn't about to fight.
Duo ran his hand over Heero's arm, leaving it on his shoulder. "Ya don't do nothin' stupid either."
"I'm not stupid," he shot back, mildly offended.
"I know ya aren't, but ya promised to come back. I expect ya to come back."
"...I will. I've been alone for almost two years. I can survive a few weeks on my own."
"I know, but I'm just a big worrywart. Comes from my life, I guess," Duo added in a low-pitched voice, squeezing Heero's shoulder. "... just... I've seen too many go away and not come back. I don't want ya to be one of 'em."
Heero looked at him over his shoulder. He was... worried? "I'll come back. Ninmu ryoukai. I'll come back."
Duo gave him a half-smile. "Well, if yer gonna use that funny Japanese stuff, ya must be serious."
Heero blinked, puzzled. "I'm always serious."
"Just forget it, buddy. I'm just bein' weird," Duo replied with a soft chuckle. "Let's get some shut eye, huh? Ya probably wanna leave before the monsters wake up."
Heero nodded, and settled down once again. Duo's hand was still on his shoulder, heavy and strong and calloused. It was positioned awkwardly, and as Duo relaxed, his arm slipped down, laying on Heero in a half-hug. Not quite keeping him prisoner -- more like... anchoring, in a way.
He could have pulled out of it easily, which was why he didn't protest, in the end.
-------------------------------------------
The morning after, very early, Heero awoke. Duo was spooning him -- his face pressed against Heero's neck, their bodies touching in so many places it was easier to feel where they didn't -- and it felt good, if worrisome. Even though he felt hindered and it bothered him, he didn't really want to leave. He didn't have a choice, though, so he squirmed a little, trying to find a way to slip out of the bed without waking Duo up.
When Heero moved, Duo instinctively held him closer, his hips now pressed firmly against Heero's bottom.
Of course, Duo was aroused -- morning wood, he'd called it? Heero stopped moving, unsure about what to do. He wasn't in a good position to touch Duo back, plus he seemed to be sleeping -- Heero didn't want to do something Duo wouldn't like.
Duo muttered a little as his hand ran from Heero's chest to his stomach, and stroked Heero's belly. The clone wondered if he was awake, if he wanted sex. He supposed he wouldn't mind, if they did that quickly... But no, his senses told him that Duo was still asleep. And he had to leave. He had a mission, he couldn't waste time on frivolities. He pushed Duo's arm off him gently, careful not to wake him up, and got up in silence.
He got dressed, shouldered his pack. Duo had curled into the warm spot where Heero was, still snoozing. He watched him a last time, smiling just a bit. Duo was so weird.
He left before he lost his resolve. All the kids were curled up like puppies all over the main room -- Lena and Milly entangled, the twins sleeping back to back, Mueller slumped in a corner against the wall, a hand on a heavy piece of wood -- and no one stirred as he ghosted through the room and slipped out through the crack in the wall.
Still asleep, Duo kept dreaming of fruit trees and grass and a nice place where he and his kids could be happy.