search for strength ch4

[reixgaara]

Search for strength

Search for strength

A/N: Okay, well I’m very glad that I got to finish this chapter. I’ve been working on it for over a week now. This will probably be the last chapter I post before I get back as four or five days next week I’ll be out in the Serengeti on a safari!! Huzzah! I’m also entertaining the possibility that one of the cute white guys in town wants to get in my pants. Helloooo nurse! Lol, did you like that one Michele? Michele and Roely looked this over for me as I now have to pay for my internet time and even more to print out pages. Grrr. Well, hope you like it.

Warning: Language, violence, masturbation and rape. This chapter is darker than the last few!!

Iruka shifted his weight nervously in the Hokage’s presence. It was one thing to tell Ibiki that he didn’t feel like talking but this was his boss, a very powerful, short tempered kunochi.

“Iruka,” she narrowed her amber eyes, “I understand that you refused to tell Ibiki who did this to you. Would you care to explain why?” She tented her fingers and looked at him expectantly.

“Well,” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat before starting again. “I don’t think it is incredibly important. I’ve removed myself from the danger and I want to give him a chance to get his life together. He’s not a bad person, he just has anger issues.” Tsunade furrowed her brows.

“Iruka, to leave whoever did this free, is putting more people at risk. You owe it to yourself and the village you swore to protect, to tell someone.”

“I understand that, Tsunade-sama, but I think mostly it was our particular relationship that caused his violence.”

“Iruka,” the blonde leaned forward, lacing her fingers and resting her chin on them. “You’re young…and unfortunately naive. If he was like this with you, there’s no reason to believe he won’t be the same with someone else. You really need to explain the situation. How can you be sure you’re not still at risk?”

Iruka gazed at his feet before raising his stanch gaze to meet the Hokage’s.

“I’ve ended the relationship but to be honest I’m not sure he won’t come after me. The only thing I can tell you is I won’t submit to that kind of treatment ever again.”

“I need more than that, Sensei.” He exhaled slowly before closing his eyes and continuing.

“Lady Tsunade, if you order me to tell you, I will, of course, comply. However, in doing so, you will be severely invading my privac-.” She slammed her palm downward, making her desk shake violently.

“You’re privacy be damned! The safety of this village is paramount! What if he starts seeing a civilian next? Someone who couldn’t even defend themselves if they wanted to?” Iruka frowned. He hadn’t thought of that. What would happen if Mizuki took another lover and killed him?

“I will watch him. I’ll make it my mission to make sure that whomever he sees isn’t mistreated. Please, Hokage-sama. Everyone deserves a second chance.” Tsunade released a long breath, “Iruka, Iurka, Iruka. What am I going to do with you? You’re far too caring and trusting. I do have some questions that must be answered. Is he close to you?”

“Yes, Tsunade-sama. That’s why I think he was able to gain such a hold on me.”

“Is he in a position of power?” Iruka shifted uncomfortably. If Tsunade found out he worked at the school, she would not hold back until she knew everything.

“Yes, Tsunade-sama, however, I’m certain he would never abuse said position.”

“Very well. Are you fit to return to duty?” With nod of the tan head, she continued, “I would have liked to reduce your workload and give you time off, but it appears in your three day absence the missions office is in a disastrous state and if I had the heart to reduce your class times, I’d have dozens of incredibly pissed off parents in here complaining about how their children do nothing but whine.” The corners of Iruka’s mouth twitched as he suppressed a grin.

“Mizuki-sensei has been struggling to teach both classes at once and will be delighted to know that you’re back.” Iruka carefully monitored his expression not allowing it to fluctuate at the mention of his abuser. He turned to leave when Tsunade’s voice stopped him.

“Iruka…one more question. Due to the highly graphic nature of the offense, I need you to answer this honestly,” she took a deep breath before continuing, “Was it Kakashi Hatake?” Iruka’s brow furrowed incredulously.

“He’s very powerful and easily capable of this. If he’s losing himself, in anyway, we need to know immediately.” Iruka’s frown slid into a very small smile.

“No. It’s wasn’t Kakashi.” She exhaled very slowly, leaning back in her chair, “that,” she dropped her voice to just above a whisper, “is a great relief. You may go now, Iruka.”

It was only an hour of being home by himself and Iruka already found himself lonesome. He busied himself with cooking dinner and setting dozens of traps around the apartment. Finally, steeling his nerves, he grabbed a bucket of soapy water and began cleaning his dried blood off the floor. The dried puddle was sticky and thick like molasses and covered most of the floor in the living room. The size and smell of the stain made his stomach churn unpleasantly; the clumps of dried blood sticking to the cloth became gooey clots as they hit the water. He was grateful when a knock at his door pull him away from the nauseating job. Wiping his hands on his pants he opened the door as far as the chain would allow, his body racked with panic, inciting a new wave of nausea, when the silver hair and cold eyes that had haunted his dreams for days stared back.

“What do you want, Mizu?” Iruka tried to keep the fear in his chest from his voice but failed miserably.

“I need to talk about this. Open the door, Iruka. Please.” A tan hand moved to the chain to open the door when a spot of coagulated blood on his hand from his earlier labors snapped him back to reality.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He tried to close the door when a pale hand shot through the door frame.

“Please, we need to talk about this.”

“No. Go away.”

“Baby, open the door. Now!” The hand clawed at the air though the crack in the door. A suffocating panic gripped the teacher and he back pedaled until his back bumped the fridge, while the insane man on the other side of the door hissed in rage.

“Just open the door, you fucking slut. I knew you were fucking him, you cheap piece of shit. Do you really think that I’m just going to let you embarrass me like that? You’re mine. No one will want you now. Open the door! Open the fucking door!” The hand pulled back and Iruka jumped on the opportunity and slammed it shut, flicking the lock and backing out of the kitchen. The door rattled on its hinges as fists smashed it from the other side.

“Fuck you, you worthless piece of shit! Open the door! Open the door! Do you think he’s any different than me? Do you think that the ruthless ex-ANBU captain will protect you? Will love you? You’re so fucking stupid. Now OPEN THE DOOR!”

Iruka sank to the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees rocking back and forth.

“Just go away,” he whispered, “just go away. Just go away. Just go away.” The screaming from the door was no longer words, just psychotic grunts and bellowing. Iruka dropped his head to his knees and gripped his hair when the wood of the door could be heard cracking.

“Just go, Mizu. Just go away. Just go away. Just go.” He rocked himself until only silence could be heard from beyond the apartment. Then he curled up on the floor in the fetal position muttering his mantra over and over before finally falling silent, mouth open, eyes wide and unseeing.

Kakashi felt unease crushing him as he climbed the stairs to Iruka’s floor. Something was terribly wrong but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. His stomach clenched as he saw a large crack in the center of the solid wood core door. He tried the knob and was unsure whether to be relieved or terrified to find it locked. That could be a very good sign…or a sign of the worst. He rapped his knuckles lightly on the wood.

“Iruka? It’s Kakashi.” Silence from inside the apartment. Kakashi’s pulse and mind raced, flashes of the teacher’s battered, half dead body ran through his brain.

“Iruka, if you can hear me, I’m coming in.” He teleported through the wall and was immediately attacked by several kunai which had been drawn to his chakra. He would have been impressed by the trap that caught him completely off guard, if he hadn’t been so worried. After dodging the last one, his heart stopped when he smelt blood.

“No!” He dashed into the living room to see Iruka’s lifeless eyes staring at the wall. Dropping to his side, the Copy Nin touched the seemingly inert shoulder only to jump back in surprise, stepping in the pool of dried blood the teacher had been trying to clean. Iruka scrambled away from his touch and pressed his back against the wall as he commenced rocking, whispering incomprehensibly to himself.

“Iruka?” The jounin slowly advanced to his side, “Iruka, can you hear me?” He sank to his knees and held his breath to hear the garbled words spilling from the younger man’s mouth. Rage sped through his veins as they hit his ears.

“Just go away, Mizu. Just go. Just go.” Kakashi reached out and touched the traumatized man’s hand only to have Iruka rock harder and fist his hair repeating over and over, “Just go. Please, just go. Just go.” Kakashi’s chest tightened with emotion and in one swift motion he pulled the man into his lap and wrapped his strong arms around him.

“It’s okay, Iruka. It’s okay. I’m here. He’s gone. You’re safe now. Shhhh. It’s going to be okay.” He gently stroked the teacher’s hair and pressed his cheek to the chocolate crown.

“Ssh. I’m here. Please, come back to me, ‘Ruka.” It was several minutes before he realized that the chuunin had stopped whispering and looked down at the still hollow brown eyes. Fear and rage coursed through his body and he began to plan the horrific torture he would put the abusive chuunin through. He nuzzled the dark locks before whispering, “I’ll kill him for what he’s done to you.”

A timid whimper drew his attention back to Iruka who was trembling and clutching Kakashi’s uniform. Scooping the distraught man up, he side-stepped the ominous crimson stain on the floor and gently laid Iruka on his bed with every intention of dashing out of the dwelling, finding Mizuki and pounding the living shit out of him. However, upon laying him down he found his shirt in Iruka’s vice like grip. He stoked the dark man’s hair and whispered reassuringly in the hopes that he would be released, but the more he comforted, the stronger the hold on his shirt became. Finally, sighing, he slid onto the bed next to Iruka who immediately pressed himself to the warmth of Kakashi’s body. The deadened eyes held a little more life but were still riddled with fear. As if reading his mind, Kakashi wrapped his arms around the golden frame and whispered delicately, “Shhhh. I’m not going anywhere. Get some sleep.”

Iruka nuzzled his head under Kakashi’s chin and within five minutes of the jounin’s calming caresses was fast asleep. Kakashi gazed down at Iruka who despite being asleep still had a strong hold of his uniform. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had frightened him as completely as Iruka had…twice. He thought the chuunin couldn’t possibly have scared him more than when he’d been dying a few days ago but having spent so much time with him and seeing how bright and shining he could be, Kakashi was even more afraid by the emotionally crippled man he had witnessed tonight. Wounds could heal but fixing a broken person was something Kakashi had no experience with. He wanted more than anything to save Iruka but how to do it was the bigger question. Exhaling slowly, he pulled the body into him further, effectively abolishing any space that had remained between them and interlocked their legs, listening to the brunette’s slow, steady breathing. He ghosted his covered lips over the bronze forehead, “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” he breathed before closing his eyes and letting the silence of the room surround them.

Mizuki stormed through the village, rage surging through his body. How could he have lost control of Iruka so quickly? The man had practically been a shell, a mindless drone, a week ago. It had now been four days since he’d had the sweet release of making his ex scream in pain and pleasure while mercilessly fucking him and it was beginning to affect the silver-haired devil’s reasoning. He craved to hear the mild mannered teacher beg him for release while cowering on the floor, feel the hot mouth around him as he ruthlessly fucked Iruka’s throat, taste the coppery tang of blood from the dark, abused lips.

He roughly knocked his shoulder into a passing chuunin who turned to yell at him but stopped as soon as he felt the murderous intent pouring off of Mizuki.

‘How have things gotten so royally fucked? Iruka loves me. He’ll never survive without me. He needs to be loved and no one will love him now that he’s so broken. No one will ever want him the way I do.’

He ducked into a back alley and slammed his fist into the wall, sending little pieces of brick and mortar flying.

‘Kakashi was the cause of this. The fucking jounin couldn’t keep his nose out of it. If Kakashi hadn’t gotten involved, Iruka would still be worshiping me and I wouldn’t have to jack off in an alley.’

Mizuki slid behind a dumpster and pulled out his dick, stroking it slowly. He pictured the last time he’d had Iruka.

The tan body was already bleeding on the floor when he slid his pants down. Running his hand over the battered body, cock throbbing at the seductive sight of his abused boyfriend he slathered a handful of blood on himself and flipped the body so that Iruka’s beautiful face was pressed against the floor. Iruka tensed when he rammed his cock into the lifeless body, but only for a second before slipping back into his numb, mindless state as his body was violated. Harsh bites riddled the bronze neck and shoulders as Mizuki slammed into him again and again, caring nothing about the blood that had begun to seep from the abused ass around him. Not wanting the moment to be over quickly he halted his thrusting and began hammering his fists into Iruka’s back and shoulders rocking his hips and moving his member inside the ragged body every time Iruka would grace him with a scream of pain. Finally a bone protruded from one of the tan shoulders and Iruka wailed in pain. Mizuki began thrusting deeply and frantically at the feeble sounds coming from the man beneath him. He loved hearing Iruka cry almost as much as he loved hearing him beg. A choked sob ripped from the mocha lips and the silver haired chuunin emptied himself into the taught body. Lifting Iruka’s head and slamming it into the ground he then leaned his head so that it was right beside the broken chuunin’s ear.

“You’re such a fuck disgrace, but its okay. I love you anyway. Oh, you don’t think I’m tired do you? No, you still have lots more to come. Despair looks so good on you, Iruka. You’re at your most beautiful right now. You’ll never get away. I promise you that.”

Fisting himself wildly Mizuki spilled his load all over the back of the dumpster, groaning in pleasure. His mind was a little clearer now and he tucked himself back into his pants, wiped his hand on the wall and exited the alley. What he needed was a plan. He needed the fucking jounin to be gone for a while. He could always play to Iruka’s insatiable sex drive. No one would think it but the mild mannered teacher had incredible needs. They just had been slaked when meeting those needs meant fulfilling Mizuki’s. Yes, it wouldn’t be long before Iruka would be uptight from lack of sex. The dolphin wouldn’t be seeing anyone yet and would need release and Mizuki would be there to provide it. It would mean hiding his nature as much as possible but it would be well worth the effort. ‘The jounin…Kakashi…that was harder to get around. He was always around, always watching; always waiting for an opportunity to either beat the shit out of me or move deeper into Iruka’s life…and heart. I’ll just have to wait until team seven was out on a mission before making my move.’

There had to be another in. What was a weakness that could be exploited? It had to be something personal, something the teacher cared deeply about, something easily manipulated.

“Ikadimasu!”

An evil grin spread across his face as his eyes fell on the blond at Ichiraku’s, diving into his first bowl of ramen. Perfect…

Iruka groaned lightly, he cracked a bleary eye but it wouldn’t focus. Something was off…something was blocking his vision. He shifted lightly, freezing when he felt pressure on his arms, legs, and his head. Someone was in bed with him. Someone had him wrapped up in their arms. Someone who smelled amazing was gently stroking his hair. That smell. It was familiar, comforting; the musk of body odor and a hint of spice. He held his breath and willed his mind to place it.

“Iruka?” Kakashi’s voice floated over his ear and the hand stopped moving, “Are you alright?” Iruka nodded still not fully comprehending why he was in the jounin’s tight grip.

The arms tightened around him, “You stopped breathing.” Iruka, who realized his lungs were burning, took a few long breaths, not wanting to pull himself from the warm body beside him and not even sure if he could. Their legs were so deeply entangled that he wasn’t sure they would be able to unknot themselves. He wanted nothing else from life than to bury his head back into the muscular chest and go back to sleep but his body was now wide awake and Kakashi knew that.

“What time…what are you…why are you here?” Kakahsi arched a sliver eyebrow. He didn’t remember what happened last night.

“Six-thirty, comforting you and because you needed it.”

“What do you mean, I needed it?” Iruka’s confusion was quickly shifting in to aggravation. Being around Kakashi wasn’t easy for him. Sure it was exhilarating to spend time with the legendary copy nin but the more time they spent together, the harder the brunette fell for the charismatic jounin. Waking up in the warm comfort of his arms had been damn near catastrophic for the poor chuunin’s heart.

“I came to see you yesterday evening. You were pretty out of it. Did Mizuki try to break down you’re door?”

The memories from the previous night crashed on Iruka like a tsunami, drowning him in the choking fear he had experienced.

“Last night, I’d completely forgotten. I guess I didn’t want to remember.” A mildly hurt expression flitted across Kakashi’s face, baffling the brunette. Slowly, the sounds of soft words and comforting warm caresses seeped to the front of his mind. The older man had stayed with him all night. He would have apologized for the comment if he hadn’t been so angry at himself for having Kakashi see him in such a pathetic state…again!!

“Uh…yeah…thanks for staying,” he grumbled and practically stormed from the bedroom.

“I’m having a shower. Feel free to let your self out whenever you feel like it.”

He slammed the door to the bathroom making little pieces of plaster fall from the ceiling.

He wrenched opened the shower curtain, almost pulling it from the bar before stepping into the warm shower and none to gently lathering his hair.

‘Fucking Kakashi. Why was it always him? Always around to watch me fall apart. Always here when I desperately need someone. Why was it always him?’

He quickly rinsed his body. Usually, he loved long showers, finding them relaxing beyond all possible meaning of the word, but today he was quite sure even the longest, hottest shower couldn’t remove the dark cloud over his head. He tore down the towel bar while ‘retrieving’ his towel, swearing loudly as he clumsily tried to put it back up. Finally giving up, he wrapped the towel around his waist and exited the bathroom. He jumped a foot and nearly lost his towel when Kakashi stepped out of his kitchen, a mug of Iruka’s favorite tea held out for him.

“What are you still doing here?” Kakashi’s eye curved into a happy arc.

“You told me to let myself out whenever I felt like it. Besides, you seemed stressed, so I made you some tea.” The brunette had an overwhelming urge to throw the scalding hot tea on the gracious man in front of him and scream obscenities until he was hoarse. Why did Kakashi have to be so perfect? He took a small sip of the tea and inhaled the spicy sent. It was exactly what he needed which was all the more infuriating.

“Thanks,” he grumbled again before setting the cup down and heading to his room to get dressed. He allowed his towel to fall to the floor and pulled a clean uniform out of his dresser, tossing it without looking onto the bed behind him. A groan made him scramble for his towel as he whirled around. The muscular jounin was still sprawled out on the bed, where he had been when Iruka had stomped from the room, the uniform pants partially over his face. The baffled teacher stuttered incoherently.

“What…how…if you’re…who…what the hell, Kakashi?”

“I’m trying to sleep, Iruka. Get dressed and come back to bed. You don’t have to leave for class for another hour and a half.”

“Why are you still here?” Iruka began to dress as Kakashi had flipped on his side and was facing the wall.

“I told you, I’m trying to sleep. You kept me up half the night.” Iruka couldn’t help but grimace at the words that were sending shots of electricity down his spine.

“Why didn’t you just go home?”

“You wouldn’t let go of me.” Iruka sighed loudly and settled on the edge of the bed.

“Why?” Kakashi gave a grunt of incomprehension as a response.

“Why are you here? Why are you doing this? Why do you even give a damn?” Iruka whispered across the bed. Kakashi’s lean body tensed visibly before relaxing.

“Because you need someone right now. I want to help. Besides, I couldn’t just leave you last night. You were a mess. Now are you coming back to bed or what?”

The question had sounded as though it was being posed to a lover and the urge to crawl back into bed and Kakashi’s arms was almost undeniable…but they weren’t lovers. Kakashi was straight and crawling back to him would put the teacher’s heart into complete infatuation…if not more. Kakashi’s words sunk in and something inside the gentle brunette snapped.

“I’ve go a better idea. I’m going to go to the school and finish all the grading I didn’t get done last night and you; you’re going to GET OUT!”

Kakashi sighed as he flipped onto his back, “I can’t help but feel that I’ve done something wrong.” Iruka ran his hands through his hair in vexation.

“Nooo, of course not. Perfect Kakashi swings in to save the worthless chuunin from all harm, internal along with external.”

“What?! Iruka are you being sarcastic?”

“I don’t know, now get out!”

“You really sound like you could use some more sleep. Come lay down.” Kakashi patted a spot on the bed very close to him and Iruka growled in rage. He pulled the silver-haired man up by his collar, dragged him to the front door before placing his foot on the slim man’s tailbone and literally kicking his pale ass out the door before slamming it shut. Kakashi stared incredulously at the cracked wood panel. ‘He just kicked me out! The man’s more temperamental than a woman!'

To his surprise the door swung open and an exact copy of himself was thrown out by his ear.

“Don’t forget about your-," slam, "tea." The pair of Kakashis stared at each other before the tea making jounin spoke, "What the hell did you say to him?"

"I have no idea but it set him off like a powder keg."

"Well, you better figure out what you did wrong and quickly cuz he was maaaaad."

The real silver-haired nin stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged down the stairs and towards the jounin lodgings, wondering how much ass-kissing he was going to have to do to fix this...whatever this was.

A/N: I’ll try to handwrite a few more chapters while I’m away and post them soon after my return. Cheers!