fic: Lean on Me 7/??
Fandom: Glee
Title: Lean On Me
Author: jt4702(JT)
A/N: All italics denotes spoken Spanish.
Chapter 7
Rachel makes a beeline to the auditorium. She knows she won’t be able to pay attention to class, so there is no point in showing up. All she knows is that she needs a quiet place to think before she goes crazier than what she already feels.
Rachel quietly looks around her and for once in her tenure as a high school student, she is grateful that most of the time, people choose to ignore her. Making sure one last time that no one is paying any attention to her she quietly slips inside the auditorium and makes her way backstage to an unused room that most people do not even know exists. It has always been a place she has used to get away to think. She is careful to ensure that the room is enshrouded in darkness so that if anyone decides to come inside they will not notice the room. She has wondered about the existence of it because it really serves no purpose, but just the same, she is quite happy of its existence. The door is made of a similar material as the walls and it is painted in the same colour. Unless there is a spot light trained in that wall (which is highly unlikely) no one would notice. She only discovered it by sheer accident one day she was exploring the backstage area, daydreaming about trapdoors and encore performances of her Broadway debut.
She spreads the blanket she has hidden in a small backpack on a couch and lies down on top of it. She closes her eyes and lets her mind wander free. She sends a small prayer that she will be able to push certain events out of her mind and perhaps be able to figure other things out. Namely, what seems to be her out of blue attraction to Santana.
Rachel forces herself to take even breaths, in the hopes of stemming the fear and panic that seem to be just a half step behind her, waiting for any opening to just envelop her and swallow her whole. Immediately, she feels the loss of Santana’s calming presence, which brings her to the reason she finds herself hiding from everything and everyone in the first place.
Rachel closes her eyes and thinks about each and every person she has ever been attracted to. There is one single common denominator. Every single one of her crushes has been male; that is until Santana López. She finds it odd that she never considered the possibility of finding a person of her same gender as a possible romantic interest, especially considering the fact that she is the daughter of two gay men. Finding that she can indeed be attracted to another woman isn’t a world shattering event. If anything, it just shows that her dads have done a good job in raising her to be open minded about love and, that it can sneak up on her from anywhere and anyone.
Rachel thinks back to her interactions with Santana and the phone conversations she has had since ‘the incident’. It dawns on her that yes, it started out as just shock and wanting to feel comfort and at the time, Santana was the one present and the one offering said comfort. Rachel also reminds herself that before the incident, she had been intrigued by Santana’s presence in Glee, especially after Finn left so suddenly just before Sectionals. Rachel remembers how easy it was to just believe the Latina when she told them she wasn’t set on destroying them. Maybe there was something there and she just didn’t realise it sooner, and just needed something to nudge her and them forward. She remembers the quiet talks in which the Latina started to reveal herself to Rachel and she is struck dumb that in the past few days she knows more about Santana than anyone else in the school. She thinks about the way she reacts whenever Santana is near and how she just knows when the taller brunette is near. She is petrified that what she feels, what they feel is a direct result of a very charged and stressful situation. She is afraid that once they deal with the situation things will go back to the way they were and the mere thought is enough to cause a rising tide of panic much worse than the what ifs of what might have happened had Santana not been present last Thursday. And it dawns on her that she actually likes Santana. The feeling of loss she experienced all of Sunday until her nightly phone call is the same one she feels now. The memory of the look she caused when she took off after AP Calc causes her heart to squeeze tight because her thoughtlessness and penchant for overreacting has hurt the one person that has supported her when she has needed it the most.
With the realisation comes the sudden urge to not be alone anymore and the fervent wish to fix her gigantic mistake. She finally pulls out her phone and turns it back on, and with each text she reads, her heart and soul feel heavier and each passing second makes her feel progressively worse. With the same determination that has turned her into one of the best singers the state of Ohio has, she sends what she hopes is her own shot for a second chance in the form a text message to her saviour.
* * *
With about ten minutes to spare, Santana leaves the locker room and makes her way to Ms. Preston’s classroom to wait for Rachel. The second the bell rings, and the other students start to come out, she pushes her way inside the classroom only to discover Rachel is nowhere to be seen.
“She never showed up to class.” Quinn says quietly as she walks to Santana’s side, with Brittany joining them.
“I heard someone say that Rachel wasn’t feeling well and was heading to the nurse’s office.” Brittany says once she is within earshot of Santana.
“Come on, we’ll go with you and see how she is doing.” Quinn says softly. She has never seen Santana look so lost before.
“Ok.” Santana says as she forces her mask of cool indifference back in place. She leaves the room and heads towards the school nurse, closely flanked by Quinn and Brittany.
The trek is made in silence, with Santana thinking what might have happened to make Rachel bolt. Quinn and Brittany walk beside her, trying to be supportive without being too obvious about it. Quinn takes advantage of the silence to hear what else the students are saying about what happened to some of the jocks from the football team. The rumour that Santana heard earlier changed enough to now include a near stab wound and a gunshot that missed one of the boys by mere centimetres. Quinn shakes her head and wonders what the story will be like by the end of the day. She knows something did happen because she saw Jonathan arrive with crutches and a huge immobilising brace on his leg that ran from his groin all the way down to the tip of his toes. She wonders what the real story is because she knows that big gangs like Hells Angels don’t waste their time in their loser town, and they would have heard something about it in the news had such a gang decide to pass through Lima.
“Don’t worry San. Rachel will be ok. She didn’t look as green on Saturday as she did last Friday. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.” Brittany says hoping to cheer her best friend, bringing Quinn out of her thoughts.
“I know, B. Thanks.” Santana says distracted, her head clearly on something else.
Santana doesn’t even stop to check with Ms. Layton, the new nurse before she ploughs through the door in search of Rachel, only to find the room with the small bed empty. She turns around to come face to face with a slight worried and angry nurse.
“May I help you with anything?” Ms. Layton asks a clearly flustered Santana.
“Uh, no, it’s ok. We were looking for someone and we just received some wrong information. We apologise for bursting in like that. It won’t happen again. Come on girls, let’s go. Sorry for the interruption Ms. Layton” Quinn says quickly before either of the Cheerios can say anything that might get Rachel in trouble for cutting classes. She quickly guides Santana and Brittany out by their elbows.
“What the hell Q? You didn’t even ask if Rachel was here earlier.” Santana says getting angry.
“Shut up and follow me.” Quinn says looking in the direction of the nurse’s office. “I don’t think Rachel came here at all.” Quinn starts to say, only to be interrupted by Santana.
“How would you know?” Santana asks getting agitated, but following Quinn nonetheless.
“I’m getting there if you give me a chance to speak.” Quinn replies, getting annoyed with the attitude.
“Chill girls. Q, are you physics now? I didn’t know you could tell the future.” Brittany says.
“Huh? Oh, you mean psychic?” Quinn asks confused, only to continue once she sees Brittany’s nod. “I’m not. Ms. Layton looked a bit too relaxed for someone who had to take care of a sick student. She had her coffee cup out, a half eaten muffin and an open newspaper spread on her desk. Besides, the small bed there didn’t look like anyone had used it recently. We had a double period and I doubt she would have let Rachel leave in the middle of it without making sure she made it back to class. Wherever Rachel is, she was never with the school nurse.” Quinn says to the other two girls now following her.
“I never even paid attention to all that. I can’t believe I missed all of it.” Santana says disgusted with herself.
“You were worried about Rachel, and your first thought was about finding her and making sure she is ok. I only managed to notice because you made Ms. Layton jump when you flew in like a rampaging rhinoceros.” Quinn says with a small smile. “I’m kinda worried myself. I have never seen Rachel cut classes before.” She says before either of the other girls can ask anything.
“How do you know she cut History?” Santana asks a bit suspicious.
Quinn sighs because she can do without Santana’s paranoia. “Because you did not walk her to class and you came to escort Rachel to her next class, just like you did last Friday. Had she cut first period, you would have known.” Quinn states.
“Oh.” Santana says dumbly. She keeps forgetting that Quinn is an extremely intelligent woman and that most things do not get by the shorter blonde.
“What happened? It is so unlike her to skip class.” Quinn asks, hoping to get a straight answer.
“I’m not sure. Everything was great this morning when we met by her locker. We made it to her AP Calc, and…” Santana hesitates a bit, thinking of what to say, not wanting to reveal too much. “We talked and stuff. I left for class. I went back to walk her to History and she just took off. I am so worried something happened to her.” Santana whispers, worry clearly etched on her face.
Quinn is taken aback by the concern. It is still so strange to see Santana display so much emotion. “Ok, first things first. It’s lunch now so at least we don’t have to worry about being late for class.” Quinn says looking at her watch.
“Why don’t we go see if Rachel’s car is still here?” Brittany asks the other two.
“That would only work if we knew where she parked, B. The parking lot is huge and it would take forever to cover the whole parking lot. Great idea though.” Santana says with a small smile.
Brittany grins at the praise. It’s not often people acknowledge things like that about her.
“How about the practice room?” Quinn ponders aloud, but before she can finish the sentence, Santana has taken off running in that general direction, leaving Quinn struggling to catch up and Brittany slowing down because she doesn’t just want to ditch the pregnant girl waddling around after them. That just isn’t nice.
They catch up just in time to see a dejected looking Santana sinking into the risers, looking completely lost and confused at the turn of events. Before either of the blondes can say a thing to comfort her, salvation comes in the form of a chirping phone. Faster than they have ever seen, Santana whips out her phone and a gigantic grin and a sense of relief appears on her face. Quinn can’t help but compare it to the look off a condemned man granted a new chance at life.
“She is in the auditorium.” Santana says as she once again takes off at a sprint, once again leaving behind her two companions. She can make it up to them after she finds her Rachel and figures out what’s going on.
“Come on Brit. Let’s go grab some lunch.” Quinn says as she grabs Brittany’s elbow and starts to guide the taller blonde in the direction of the cafeteria.
“But what if San and Rachel need our help?” Brittany asks clearly concerned.
“I doubt it. Santana would have said something if she needed us with her. I have a feeling that we would be intruding in a very personal matter if we follow. I am sure Santana will explain everything once they fix whatever is wrong in the first place.” Quinn says softly, hoping for the best. She knows that if it were her, she would certainly appreciate the privacy.
“Ok, Q. Let’s go eat.” Brittany says as she replays Santana’s promise to explain everything once the Latina understands everything herself.
* * *
Rachel knows the exact moment Santana enters the auditorium because she hears the crash of the double doors reverberate through the whole auditorium followed by Santana’s frantic voice asking where she is. She quickly hits speed dial on her phone and the sigh of relief she hears brings a bittersweet smile to Rachel’s face.
“Rachel, Mi Reina, where are you?” Santana asks a second time when she answers her phone.
“There is a room backstage that is fairly well hidden. Just follow the wall and you will find a door near the right side if you’re facing the back wall.” Rachel answers softly.
Santana can hear the trace of tears in the voice and she takes off at a sprint once again, not caring about anything but getting to where Rachel is.
Thankfully, Santana finds the door without any problems and quickly opens it to find a crying Rachel waiting for her, looking completely miserable and the urge to seriously torture and kill returns with a vengeance. She pushes those feelings aside and opens her arms as a sobbing Rachel launches herself into her.
“I am so sorry.” Rachel says as she feels strong arms envelope her and a sense of peace washes over her. She holds on to Santana for dear life and can’t help but nuzzle the taller girl’s neck and inhale deeply as her tears soak Santana’s Cheerio top.
“Shh. It’s okay Mi Reina. I’m here now. I’ve got you now. Just don’t cry anymore Mi Cielo.” Santana says as she pulls Rachel close with one arm as she tangles her other hand in the silky brown hair of her angel. Any thought to watch herself when she is around Rachel goes out the window the moment she feels Rachel’s arms around her and Rachel’s body pressing against hers. Absently she thinks she knows what the sappy romantics mean when they say they’re home in the arms of their beloved.
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Rachel mumbles as she gets a bit of control and manages to quiet her sobs as she lifts her head to face Santana, tears still streaming down her face.
“What are you talking about Preciosa? You did nothing wrong. If anything I’m the one who should be apologising for pushing too hard.” Santana says confused.
Rachel just shakes her head in the negative and slowly pulls Santana towards the couch. “Would you please sit down with me so that we can have this conversation in a somewhat more comfortable position?” Rachel asks as she points to the couch.
“Of course Preciosa. Whatever you need.” Santana says as she sits down and opens her arms to hold Rachel tightly against her, afraid that if she lets go, the diva will disappear into thin air again.
Rachel for her part just hangs on and hopes that once she is done explaining her behaviour and offers her heartfelt apology that Santana will not be too angry with her.
“Is this ok?” Rachel asks as she wraps her arms around Santana’s waist once she feels one of Santana’s arms around her shoulder and the other hand softly caressing her face as she burrows into the Latina’s neck and chest.
“More than ok.” Santana smiles as relief washes over her.
Rachel takes a deep breath and lifts her head up so she is facing Santana. “I know that I don’t have the right to ask, but do you think you could let me speak before you say anything to me?” She asks softly, shame evident in her voice.
“Rachel, you’re really scaring me.” Santana says quietly as a sliver of fear takes hold of her insides.
“Please?” Rachel pleads.
“Ok.” Santana says as she tightens her hold on Rachel.
“I want to apologise for my earlier behaviour. I was… no, make that I am very afraid…” Rachel starts only to be silenced by soft fingers pressing against her lips.
“It’s ok, Preciosa. I know you are, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure those assholes do not ever come near you again.” Santana says with conviction.
“It’s not that. I know you will. I am actually afraid that whatever it is that is going on between us won’t last. I’m petrified that once things settle down that our relationship will return to what it was.” Rachel says in a soft whisper, feeling some of the oppressing weight lift from her shoulders once the words leave her mouth.
“Oh Rachel. I wish I could take back all of the stupid things I have said and done in the past. I wish you would believe me when I say that what I feel is so very real and that I will move heaven and earth to show you how sincere I am.” Santana says sadly.
“That’s not it, Santana. I know you are being sincere. I was afraid that what I am feeling isn’t real because this… this attraction I feel just seemed to come out of nowhere.” Rachel says blushing furiously. “I’m afraid that I will end up hurting you and you will end up hating me.” Rachel finishes, averting her face as tears begin to fall again.
“You were? You mean you’re not longer afraid?” Santana asks hopeful as she softly wipes the tears that falling again.
“Not about my feelings. At least I don’t think so. I have been thinking about this for a while now and I realised that while it started as a way for me to seek comfort, as I have gotten to know you more during our nightly conversations I am truly intrigued by you. I like the person you keep hidden from the rest. I like your honesty and your courage. I know that being seen with me has to be horrible for your reputation, yet you are so sweet and kind to me.” Rachel says, forcing herself to be honest in the hopes to avoid any more misunderstandings between them. “It hurts to know that I was the cause of your distress when I took off earlier. Please forgive me and allow me the opportunity to make up for my thoughtless acts. Please give me the opportunity to show you I am sincere. I can’t promise that I won’t falter again, but I will promise that I will try my best and talk to you first before I run off.” Rachel finishes.
Santana breathes a huge sigh of relief and somehow manages to pull Rachel even closer to her. “There is nothing to forgive. I understand. I have had months to explore what I am feeling and come to terms with it, and then just out of the blue, I dump it all on you. I am just grateful that you are giving me a chance and that you trust me. I understand the need to go slow and I apologise if I have in any way pressured you into something you are not ready for. It’s just that it feels so right to hold you in my arms that I forget how new this must be for you.” Santana says softly.
Rachel just burrows herself further into Santana, drawing them impossibly closer. “Thank you. I am so lucky and honoured that you are allowing me to see this side of you. I’m sorry I cried all over you again.” Rachel says as she points to the now damp top Santana is wearing.
“I don’t care. I’m just glad I found you.” Santana says relieved, placing a kiss on top of Rachel’s head
“Just for the record, I don’t ever feel pressured by you. If anything, I feel like I am taking advantage of you because I am so clingy. In case you haven’t noticed, I need you to know that I have a tendency to over-analyse feelings and situations that are new to me, and as a result, I might panic slightly. I have done my fair bit of research and I learned that relationships that result from intense and extreme circumstances normally don’t last and I don’t want you to go back to hating me because later on you realise how I have been taking advantage of you and your good intentions. Then there is your friendship with Brittany and I don’t want her hating me because I am taking her best friend away and…” Rachel starts to further explain her actions and fears when she is interrupted by a pair of soft lips on hers.
Just as soon as she feels those lips on hers, they are gone, leaving behind a flabbergasted Rachel. “You talk too much Preciosa. First of all, no matter what happens, I won’t hate you. I never did, and I won’t ever. I just misunderstood you and I gave in to peer pressure and already feel like a complete jackass for it. Second, B likes you. She doesn’t think you’re in the way or that you’re trying to take me away. I had already told her I like you and as long as I’m happy she is happy.” Santana says a bit surprised that she went along with her impulse.
“You kissed me.” Rachel says still stunned, blinking non stop.
“Uh, yeah. Please don’t be mad. I have wanted to do that for quite some time now and you are just so adorable when you’re talking a mile a minute and I just couldn’t resist the urge anymore. I know I said we would take things as slow as you need and I swear that we will. I just needed to get that out of my system and when you put your lips into that adorable pout you are irresistible and…” Santana starts babbling herself only to find herself stopped by the same method she used on Rachel earlier.
The kiss this time last a little longer, but before it can deepen, Rachel pulls away blushing furiously.
“Wow.” Santana manages to exclaim as she traces her lips with her tongue. Her first impulse is to pinch herself to make sure that it isn’t a dream but she manages to stop herself once she catches a glimpse at a blushing Rachel. Her second impulse is to capture those lips again and maybe this time she might get the chance to taste not just the lips but that beautiful mouth as well. Before she gives in though, the small part of her brain that hasn’t been fried reminds her that whatever they are sharing is still very new for Rachel.
“And you say I talk too much.” Rachel says in a soft whisper, hoping she hasn’t made a mistake.
“Who knew your babbling was contagious. I like the way you stopped my verbal diarrhoea though.” Santana says with a smirk as she leans her forehead against Rachel’s.
“Yeah, well, that method seemed to work well for you.” Rachel answers with a smile of her own. “Where do we go from here?” Rachel asks eventually, as she closes her eyes, her heart pounding so loud she is sure Santana can hear it beating a steady rhythm against her chest.
“How about we take our time and explore this thing between us and we get to know each other at the same time?” Santana asks, not quite believing the sudden turn of events.
“That sounds like something I would really like to do. Is this going to be a matter that is completely private, or will this new development be something others will be aware of?” Rachel asks, afraid of the answer.
“I know I let peer pressure dictate my actions before, but I have realised that life is too short, so if you are ok with it, I don’t want to waste precious time and energy hiding out from others.” Santana says smiling.
“Will you be all right with what it might do to your reputation? One thing is to be seen with me as your friend, another altogether is to be seen as my significant other. You will not only have to deal with the fact that in terms of status, I am so far below the sub-soil, but you will also have to deal with the fact that we are both girls.” Rachel says voicing her fears.
“We’re both girls, huh? How come I never noticed that before?” Santana starts to say only to be met with a swift smack on her shoulder and a “Be serious” from Rachel. “I’m ok with that. Most if not all the students here are afraid of me. They try anything against either one of us and I will put them in their place. It’s not like I go shouting it at the top of my lungs, but I had this thing with B at one point and it didn’t do anything bad to my rep.” Santana says with a shrug.
“You and Brittany? Really?” Rachel asks stunned, feeling as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water on her. It certainly explains the closeness they share, and all of a sudden, a bout of insecurity hits her. There is no way she can compete with the lanky blonde.
“Yes. B and me. You really didn’t know?” Santana asks.
“I didn’t.” Rachel answers a bit subdued, feeling completely and utterly inadequate.
“Hey, no need to worry, Preciosa. It’s been over for a while now. We discovered we work better as friends. I would never start something if I was still with her. I would never hurt B like that. I would never hurt you like that.” Santana says, sensing part of what is bothering Rachel with that revelation.
“I know. It’s just that compared to Brittany I am so plain and boring…” Rachel starts, only to be cut off by soft fingers lifting her chin so they are now looking at each other. The intensity of Santana’s gaze leaves the diva breathless.
“I have been calling you Preciosa for a reason. I meant it when I said you are the most beautiful girl in Lima. In my eyes, you are the most beautiful girl in the known universe. Anyone who says otherwise is just jealous because not only are you gorgeous but you are talented as well.” Santana finishes as she drops another chaste kiss on Rachel’s lips. She can definitely get used to that.
“Thank you.” Rachel breathes out. “What about your parents? Will they be ok with us?” Rachel asks suddenly aware that Santana’s parents are more than likely Roman Catholic, and might have some serious problems with their daughter dating another girl.
“This is another reason I like you so much.” Santana says smiling tenderly. “You not only care about your own well being, but you worry about other’s as well. Not all Catholics are bigots. Thankfully, my family can differentiate the love for God and not get lost in the power struggle and politics others have. They have known I am bi since I was thirteen and have been very accepting.” Santana adds.
“Will you be ok if I tell my dads about this new development between us?” Rachel asks.
“Of course not. Considering our past history, will they be ok that it’s me?” Santana asks ashamed.
“Well, it will surprise them but not because you are Cheerio. It will be because I have never shown any interest in girls before you. They trust my judgement so more than likely they will insist in getting to know you better and stuff.” Rachel says as she snuggles into Santana.
“You know, as much as I’m enjoying this, we don’t have much time left until the next period starts and we still need to eat something. Did you bring your lunch? Or do you need to buy something from the cafeteria?” Santana asks.
“I didn’t bring anything, but I’m really not that hungry. I had a lot to think about and it kind of killed my appetite.” Rachel admits.
“Well, I won’t have you faint in the middle of Glee later today. I know it sounds odd coming from me, but we both need to eat something. We’ll share something light and then I’ll walk you to class. Come, Mi Reina.” Santana says as she pulls Rachel up with her.
“Ok, but we better make it quick because we don’t have much time left.” Rachel says resigned, knowing Santana is right and that she will regret skipping lunch later on in the day.
TBC…
To Chap. 8
Title: Lean On Me
Author: jt4702(JT)
A/N: All italics denotes spoken Spanish.
Chapter 7
Rachel makes a beeline to the auditorium. She knows she won’t be able to pay attention to class, so there is no point in showing up. All she knows is that she needs a quiet place to think before she goes crazier than what she already feels.
Rachel quietly looks around her and for once in her tenure as a high school student, she is grateful that most of the time, people choose to ignore her. Making sure one last time that no one is paying any attention to her she quietly slips inside the auditorium and makes her way backstage to an unused room that most people do not even know exists. It has always been a place she has used to get away to think. She is careful to ensure that the room is enshrouded in darkness so that if anyone decides to come inside they will not notice the room. She has wondered about the existence of it because it really serves no purpose, but just the same, she is quite happy of its existence. The door is made of a similar material as the walls and it is painted in the same colour. Unless there is a spot light trained in that wall (which is highly unlikely) no one would notice. She only discovered it by sheer accident one day she was exploring the backstage area, daydreaming about trapdoors and encore performances of her Broadway debut.
She spreads the blanket she has hidden in a small backpack on a couch and lies down on top of it. She closes her eyes and lets her mind wander free. She sends a small prayer that she will be able to push certain events out of her mind and perhaps be able to figure other things out. Namely, what seems to be her out of blue attraction to Santana.
Rachel forces herself to take even breaths, in the hopes of stemming the fear and panic that seem to be just a half step behind her, waiting for any opening to just envelop her and swallow her whole. Immediately, she feels the loss of Santana’s calming presence, which brings her to the reason she finds herself hiding from everything and everyone in the first place.
Rachel closes her eyes and thinks about each and every person she has ever been attracted to. There is one single common denominator. Every single one of her crushes has been male; that is until Santana López. She finds it odd that she never considered the possibility of finding a person of her same gender as a possible romantic interest, especially considering the fact that she is the daughter of two gay men. Finding that she can indeed be attracted to another woman isn’t a world shattering event. If anything, it just shows that her dads have done a good job in raising her to be open minded about love and, that it can sneak up on her from anywhere and anyone.
Rachel thinks back to her interactions with Santana and the phone conversations she has had since ‘the incident’. It dawns on her that yes, it started out as just shock and wanting to feel comfort and at the time, Santana was the one present and the one offering said comfort. Rachel also reminds herself that before the incident, she had been intrigued by Santana’s presence in Glee, especially after Finn left so suddenly just before Sectionals. Rachel remembers how easy it was to just believe the Latina when she told them she wasn’t set on destroying them. Maybe there was something there and she just didn’t realise it sooner, and just needed something to nudge her and them forward. She remembers the quiet talks in which the Latina started to reveal herself to Rachel and she is struck dumb that in the past few days she knows more about Santana than anyone else in the school. She thinks about the way she reacts whenever Santana is near and how she just knows when the taller brunette is near. She is petrified that what she feels, what they feel is a direct result of a very charged and stressful situation. She is afraid that once they deal with the situation things will go back to the way they were and the mere thought is enough to cause a rising tide of panic much worse than the what ifs of what might have happened had Santana not been present last Thursday. And it dawns on her that she actually likes Santana. The feeling of loss she experienced all of Sunday until her nightly phone call is the same one she feels now. The memory of the look she caused when she took off after AP Calc causes her heart to squeeze tight because her thoughtlessness and penchant for overreacting has hurt the one person that has supported her when she has needed it the most.
With the realisation comes the sudden urge to not be alone anymore and the fervent wish to fix her gigantic mistake. She finally pulls out her phone and turns it back on, and with each text she reads, her heart and soul feel heavier and each passing second makes her feel progressively worse. With the same determination that has turned her into one of the best singers the state of Ohio has, she sends what she hopes is her own shot for a second chance in the form a text message to her saviour.
* * *
With about ten minutes to spare, Santana leaves the locker room and makes her way to Ms. Preston’s classroom to wait for Rachel. The second the bell rings, and the other students start to come out, she pushes her way inside the classroom only to discover Rachel is nowhere to be seen.
“She never showed up to class.” Quinn says quietly as she walks to Santana’s side, with Brittany joining them.
“I heard someone say that Rachel wasn’t feeling well and was heading to the nurse’s office.” Brittany says once she is within earshot of Santana.
“Come on, we’ll go with you and see how she is doing.” Quinn says softly. She has never seen Santana look so lost before.
“Ok.” Santana says as she forces her mask of cool indifference back in place. She leaves the room and heads towards the school nurse, closely flanked by Quinn and Brittany.
The trek is made in silence, with Santana thinking what might have happened to make Rachel bolt. Quinn and Brittany walk beside her, trying to be supportive without being too obvious about it. Quinn takes advantage of the silence to hear what else the students are saying about what happened to some of the jocks from the football team. The rumour that Santana heard earlier changed enough to now include a near stab wound and a gunshot that missed one of the boys by mere centimetres. Quinn shakes her head and wonders what the story will be like by the end of the day. She knows something did happen because she saw Jonathan arrive with crutches and a huge immobilising brace on his leg that ran from his groin all the way down to the tip of his toes. She wonders what the real story is because she knows that big gangs like Hells Angels don’t waste their time in their loser town, and they would have heard something about it in the news had such a gang decide to pass through Lima.
“Don’t worry San. Rachel will be ok. She didn’t look as green on Saturday as she did last Friday. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.” Brittany says hoping to cheer her best friend, bringing Quinn out of her thoughts.
“I know, B. Thanks.” Santana says distracted, her head clearly on something else.
Santana doesn’t even stop to check with Ms. Layton, the new nurse before she ploughs through the door in search of Rachel, only to find the room with the small bed empty. She turns around to come face to face with a slight worried and angry nurse.
“May I help you with anything?” Ms. Layton asks a clearly flustered Santana.
“Uh, no, it’s ok. We were looking for someone and we just received some wrong information. We apologise for bursting in like that. It won’t happen again. Come on girls, let’s go. Sorry for the interruption Ms. Layton” Quinn says quickly before either of the Cheerios can say anything that might get Rachel in trouble for cutting classes. She quickly guides Santana and Brittany out by their elbows.
“What the hell Q? You didn’t even ask if Rachel was here earlier.” Santana says getting angry.
“Shut up and follow me.” Quinn says looking in the direction of the nurse’s office. “I don’t think Rachel came here at all.” Quinn starts to say, only to be interrupted by Santana.
“How would you know?” Santana asks getting agitated, but following Quinn nonetheless.
“I’m getting there if you give me a chance to speak.” Quinn replies, getting annoyed with the attitude.
“Chill girls. Q, are you physics now? I didn’t know you could tell the future.” Brittany says.
“Huh? Oh, you mean psychic?” Quinn asks confused, only to continue once she sees Brittany’s nod. “I’m not. Ms. Layton looked a bit too relaxed for someone who had to take care of a sick student. She had her coffee cup out, a half eaten muffin and an open newspaper spread on her desk. Besides, the small bed there didn’t look like anyone had used it recently. We had a double period and I doubt she would have let Rachel leave in the middle of it without making sure she made it back to class. Wherever Rachel is, she was never with the school nurse.” Quinn says to the other two girls now following her.
“I never even paid attention to all that. I can’t believe I missed all of it.” Santana says disgusted with herself.
“You were worried about Rachel, and your first thought was about finding her and making sure she is ok. I only managed to notice because you made Ms. Layton jump when you flew in like a rampaging rhinoceros.” Quinn says with a small smile. “I’m kinda worried myself. I have never seen Rachel cut classes before.” She says before either of the other girls can ask anything.
“How do you know she cut History?” Santana asks a bit suspicious.
Quinn sighs because she can do without Santana’s paranoia. “Because you did not walk her to class and you came to escort Rachel to her next class, just like you did last Friday. Had she cut first period, you would have known.” Quinn states.
“Oh.” Santana says dumbly. She keeps forgetting that Quinn is an extremely intelligent woman and that most things do not get by the shorter blonde.
“What happened? It is so unlike her to skip class.” Quinn asks, hoping to get a straight answer.
“I’m not sure. Everything was great this morning when we met by her locker. We made it to her AP Calc, and…” Santana hesitates a bit, thinking of what to say, not wanting to reveal too much. “We talked and stuff. I left for class. I went back to walk her to History and she just took off. I am so worried something happened to her.” Santana whispers, worry clearly etched on her face.
Quinn is taken aback by the concern. It is still so strange to see Santana display so much emotion. “Ok, first things first. It’s lunch now so at least we don’t have to worry about being late for class.” Quinn says looking at her watch.
“Why don’t we go see if Rachel’s car is still here?” Brittany asks the other two.
“That would only work if we knew where she parked, B. The parking lot is huge and it would take forever to cover the whole parking lot. Great idea though.” Santana says with a small smile.
Brittany grins at the praise. It’s not often people acknowledge things like that about her.
“How about the practice room?” Quinn ponders aloud, but before she can finish the sentence, Santana has taken off running in that general direction, leaving Quinn struggling to catch up and Brittany slowing down because she doesn’t just want to ditch the pregnant girl waddling around after them. That just isn’t nice.
They catch up just in time to see a dejected looking Santana sinking into the risers, looking completely lost and confused at the turn of events. Before either of the blondes can say a thing to comfort her, salvation comes in the form of a chirping phone. Faster than they have ever seen, Santana whips out her phone and a gigantic grin and a sense of relief appears on her face. Quinn can’t help but compare it to the look off a condemned man granted a new chance at life.
“She is in the auditorium.” Santana says as she once again takes off at a sprint, once again leaving behind her two companions. She can make it up to them after she finds her Rachel and figures out what’s going on.
“Come on Brit. Let’s go grab some lunch.” Quinn says as she grabs Brittany’s elbow and starts to guide the taller blonde in the direction of the cafeteria.
“But what if San and Rachel need our help?” Brittany asks clearly concerned.
“I doubt it. Santana would have said something if she needed us with her. I have a feeling that we would be intruding in a very personal matter if we follow. I am sure Santana will explain everything once they fix whatever is wrong in the first place.” Quinn says softly, hoping for the best. She knows that if it were her, she would certainly appreciate the privacy.
“Ok, Q. Let’s go eat.” Brittany says as she replays Santana’s promise to explain everything once the Latina understands everything herself.
* * *
Rachel knows the exact moment Santana enters the auditorium because she hears the crash of the double doors reverberate through the whole auditorium followed by Santana’s frantic voice asking where she is. She quickly hits speed dial on her phone and the sigh of relief she hears brings a bittersweet smile to Rachel’s face.
“Rachel, Mi Reina, where are you?” Santana asks a second time when she answers her phone.
“There is a room backstage that is fairly well hidden. Just follow the wall and you will find a door near the right side if you’re facing the back wall.” Rachel answers softly.
Santana can hear the trace of tears in the voice and she takes off at a sprint once again, not caring about anything but getting to where Rachel is.
Thankfully, Santana finds the door without any problems and quickly opens it to find a crying Rachel waiting for her, looking completely miserable and the urge to seriously torture and kill returns with a vengeance. She pushes those feelings aside and opens her arms as a sobbing Rachel launches herself into her.
“I am so sorry.” Rachel says as she feels strong arms envelope her and a sense of peace washes over her. She holds on to Santana for dear life and can’t help but nuzzle the taller girl’s neck and inhale deeply as her tears soak Santana’s Cheerio top.
“Shh. It’s okay Mi Reina. I’m here now. I’ve got you now. Just don’t cry anymore Mi Cielo.” Santana says as she pulls Rachel close with one arm as she tangles her other hand in the silky brown hair of her angel. Any thought to watch herself when she is around Rachel goes out the window the moment she feels Rachel’s arms around her and Rachel’s body pressing against hers. Absently she thinks she knows what the sappy romantics mean when they say they’re home in the arms of their beloved.
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Rachel mumbles as she gets a bit of control and manages to quiet her sobs as she lifts her head to face Santana, tears still streaming down her face.
“What are you talking about Preciosa? You did nothing wrong. If anything I’m the one who should be apologising for pushing too hard.” Santana says confused.
Rachel just shakes her head in the negative and slowly pulls Santana towards the couch. “Would you please sit down with me so that we can have this conversation in a somewhat more comfortable position?” Rachel asks as she points to the couch.
“Of course Preciosa. Whatever you need.” Santana says as she sits down and opens her arms to hold Rachel tightly against her, afraid that if she lets go, the diva will disappear into thin air again.
Rachel for her part just hangs on and hopes that once she is done explaining her behaviour and offers her heartfelt apology that Santana will not be too angry with her.
“Is this ok?” Rachel asks as she wraps her arms around Santana’s waist once she feels one of Santana’s arms around her shoulder and the other hand softly caressing her face as she burrows into the Latina’s neck and chest.
“More than ok.” Santana smiles as relief washes over her.
Rachel takes a deep breath and lifts her head up so she is facing Santana. “I know that I don’t have the right to ask, but do you think you could let me speak before you say anything to me?” She asks softly, shame evident in her voice.
“Rachel, you’re really scaring me.” Santana says quietly as a sliver of fear takes hold of her insides.
“Please?” Rachel pleads.
“Ok.” Santana says as she tightens her hold on Rachel.
“I want to apologise for my earlier behaviour. I was… no, make that I am very afraid…” Rachel starts only to be silenced by soft fingers pressing against her lips.
“It’s ok, Preciosa. I know you are, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure those assholes do not ever come near you again.” Santana says with conviction.
“It’s not that. I know you will. I am actually afraid that whatever it is that is going on between us won’t last. I’m petrified that once things settle down that our relationship will return to what it was.” Rachel says in a soft whisper, feeling some of the oppressing weight lift from her shoulders once the words leave her mouth.
“Oh Rachel. I wish I could take back all of the stupid things I have said and done in the past. I wish you would believe me when I say that what I feel is so very real and that I will move heaven and earth to show you how sincere I am.” Santana says sadly.
“That’s not it, Santana. I know you are being sincere. I was afraid that what I am feeling isn’t real because this… this attraction I feel just seemed to come out of nowhere.” Rachel says blushing furiously. “I’m afraid that I will end up hurting you and you will end up hating me.” Rachel finishes, averting her face as tears begin to fall again.
“You were? You mean you’re not longer afraid?” Santana asks hopeful as she softly wipes the tears that falling again.
“Not about my feelings. At least I don’t think so. I have been thinking about this for a while now and I realised that while it started as a way for me to seek comfort, as I have gotten to know you more during our nightly conversations I am truly intrigued by you. I like the person you keep hidden from the rest. I like your honesty and your courage. I know that being seen with me has to be horrible for your reputation, yet you are so sweet and kind to me.” Rachel says, forcing herself to be honest in the hopes to avoid any more misunderstandings between them. “It hurts to know that I was the cause of your distress when I took off earlier. Please forgive me and allow me the opportunity to make up for my thoughtless acts. Please give me the opportunity to show you I am sincere. I can’t promise that I won’t falter again, but I will promise that I will try my best and talk to you first before I run off.” Rachel finishes.
Santana breathes a huge sigh of relief and somehow manages to pull Rachel even closer to her. “There is nothing to forgive. I understand. I have had months to explore what I am feeling and come to terms with it, and then just out of the blue, I dump it all on you. I am just grateful that you are giving me a chance and that you trust me. I understand the need to go slow and I apologise if I have in any way pressured you into something you are not ready for. It’s just that it feels so right to hold you in my arms that I forget how new this must be for you.” Santana says softly.
Rachel just burrows herself further into Santana, drawing them impossibly closer. “Thank you. I am so lucky and honoured that you are allowing me to see this side of you. I’m sorry I cried all over you again.” Rachel says as she points to the now damp top Santana is wearing.
“I don’t care. I’m just glad I found you.” Santana says relieved, placing a kiss on top of Rachel’s head
“Just for the record, I don’t ever feel pressured by you. If anything, I feel like I am taking advantage of you because I am so clingy. In case you haven’t noticed, I need you to know that I have a tendency to over-analyse feelings and situations that are new to me, and as a result, I might panic slightly. I have done my fair bit of research and I learned that relationships that result from intense and extreme circumstances normally don’t last and I don’t want you to go back to hating me because later on you realise how I have been taking advantage of you and your good intentions. Then there is your friendship with Brittany and I don’t want her hating me because I am taking her best friend away and…” Rachel starts to further explain her actions and fears when she is interrupted by a pair of soft lips on hers.
Just as soon as she feels those lips on hers, they are gone, leaving behind a flabbergasted Rachel. “You talk too much Preciosa. First of all, no matter what happens, I won’t hate you. I never did, and I won’t ever. I just misunderstood you and I gave in to peer pressure and already feel like a complete jackass for it. Second, B likes you. She doesn’t think you’re in the way or that you’re trying to take me away. I had already told her I like you and as long as I’m happy she is happy.” Santana says a bit surprised that she went along with her impulse.
“You kissed me.” Rachel says still stunned, blinking non stop.
“Uh, yeah. Please don’t be mad. I have wanted to do that for quite some time now and you are just so adorable when you’re talking a mile a minute and I just couldn’t resist the urge anymore. I know I said we would take things as slow as you need and I swear that we will. I just needed to get that out of my system and when you put your lips into that adorable pout you are irresistible and…” Santana starts babbling herself only to find herself stopped by the same method she used on Rachel earlier.
The kiss this time last a little longer, but before it can deepen, Rachel pulls away blushing furiously.
“Wow.” Santana manages to exclaim as she traces her lips with her tongue. Her first impulse is to pinch herself to make sure that it isn’t a dream but she manages to stop herself once she catches a glimpse at a blushing Rachel. Her second impulse is to capture those lips again and maybe this time she might get the chance to taste not just the lips but that beautiful mouth as well. Before she gives in though, the small part of her brain that hasn’t been fried reminds her that whatever they are sharing is still very new for Rachel.
“And you say I talk too much.” Rachel says in a soft whisper, hoping she hasn’t made a mistake.
“Who knew your babbling was contagious. I like the way you stopped my verbal diarrhoea though.” Santana says with a smirk as she leans her forehead against Rachel’s.
“Yeah, well, that method seemed to work well for you.” Rachel answers with a smile of her own. “Where do we go from here?” Rachel asks eventually, as she closes her eyes, her heart pounding so loud she is sure Santana can hear it beating a steady rhythm against her chest.
“How about we take our time and explore this thing between us and we get to know each other at the same time?” Santana asks, not quite believing the sudden turn of events.
“That sounds like something I would really like to do. Is this going to be a matter that is completely private, or will this new development be something others will be aware of?” Rachel asks, afraid of the answer.
“I know I let peer pressure dictate my actions before, but I have realised that life is too short, so if you are ok with it, I don’t want to waste precious time and energy hiding out from others.” Santana says smiling.
“Will you be all right with what it might do to your reputation? One thing is to be seen with me as your friend, another altogether is to be seen as my significant other. You will not only have to deal with the fact that in terms of status, I am so far below the sub-soil, but you will also have to deal with the fact that we are both girls.” Rachel says voicing her fears.
“We’re both girls, huh? How come I never noticed that before?” Santana starts to say only to be met with a swift smack on her shoulder and a “Be serious” from Rachel. “I’m ok with that. Most if not all the students here are afraid of me. They try anything against either one of us and I will put them in their place. It’s not like I go shouting it at the top of my lungs, but I had this thing with B at one point and it didn’t do anything bad to my rep.” Santana says with a shrug.
“You and Brittany? Really?” Rachel asks stunned, feeling as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water on her. It certainly explains the closeness they share, and all of a sudden, a bout of insecurity hits her. There is no way she can compete with the lanky blonde.
“Yes. B and me. You really didn’t know?” Santana asks.
“I didn’t.” Rachel answers a bit subdued, feeling completely and utterly inadequate.
“Hey, no need to worry, Preciosa. It’s been over for a while now. We discovered we work better as friends. I would never start something if I was still with her. I would never hurt B like that. I would never hurt you like that.” Santana says, sensing part of what is bothering Rachel with that revelation.
“I know. It’s just that compared to Brittany I am so plain and boring…” Rachel starts, only to be cut off by soft fingers lifting her chin so they are now looking at each other. The intensity of Santana’s gaze leaves the diva breathless.
“I have been calling you Preciosa for a reason. I meant it when I said you are the most beautiful girl in Lima. In my eyes, you are the most beautiful girl in the known universe. Anyone who says otherwise is just jealous because not only are you gorgeous but you are talented as well.” Santana finishes as she drops another chaste kiss on Rachel’s lips. She can definitely get used to that.
“Thank you.” Rachel breathes out. “What about your parents? Will they be ok with us?” Rachel asks suddenly aware that Santana’s parents are more than likely Roman Catholic, and might have some serious problems with their daughter dating another girl.
“This is another reason I like you so much.” Santana says smiling tenderly. “You not only care about your own well being, but you worry about other’s as well. Not all Catholics are bigots. Thankfully, my family can differentiate the love for God and not get lost in the power struggle and politics others have. They have known I am bi since I was thirteen and have been very accepting.” Santana adds.
“Will you be ok if I tell my dads about this new development between us?” Rachel asks.
“Of course not. Considering our past history, will they be ok that it’s me?” Santana asks ashamed.
“Well, it will surprise them but not because you are Cheerio. It will be because I have never shown any interest in girls before you. They trust my judgement so more than likely they will insist in getting to know you better and stuff.” Rachel says as she snuggles into Santana.
“You know, as much as I’m enjoying this, we don’t have much time left until the next period starts and we still need to eat something. Did you bring your lunch? Or do you need to buy something from the cafeteria?” Santana asks.
“I didn’t bring anything, but I’m really not that hungry. I had a lot to think about and it kind of killed my appetite.” Rachel admits.
“Well, I won’t have you faint in the middle of Glee later today. I know it sounds odd coming from me, but we both need to eat something. We’ll share something light and then I’ll walk you to class. Come, Mi Reina.” Santana says as she pulls Rachel up with her.
“Ok, but we better make it quick because we don’t have much time left.” Rachel says resigned, knowing Santana is right and that she will regret skipping lunch later on in the day.
TBC…
To Chap. 8