errr...I am being torn apart
I can't decide...either to stay here or to move back up to Chicago. It's only only a matter of time until Cindy and I get into another big fight. I am trying my best to endure her rants and complaints...but I am being worn away. I could just ask my mother to move back...but I dunno. Some of you might think this a easy decision...but it is not. Sure, Chicago is my home...where my heart is. Though, all my friends and loved ones are here. Most of my friends and loved ones up north are either moving on or killing themselves.
I don't know what to do...I can't stand it. I am being ripped apart, Cindy is being just a depressing factor. I mean...she is just horrible to threaten divorce on her own husband because of me. Though, I see her stratagy.
If she does, My father will hate me forever. That is his wife, no matter what she is like. If I am the cause...he will no longer care for me. I will lose my father...
Also, She gets out guilt free. If all the blame goes to me, she will feel no guilt.
Lastly, she will actually get a bed buddy. My father lives in DC due to his service in the Army. He is never home, she sleeps alone. Now, I know she is feeling very loney and wants some action. Though, her husband is living out of state. If she divorces my father, she can sleep around all she wants.
I see her stratagy, but it is still evil that she threatens it. I can't stand it, I feel like I am going to ruin their lives. Cindy is going out of her way to make my life hell, so maybe I will snap. If I do, she will cut everything.
I already feel responsible for my mom and dad's divorce, actually being 100% responsible for another one and losing my father would kill me. She does not know, nor does she care, how much she is hurting me.
Right now, due to Cindy's lack of kindness, I fear getting close to anybody right now. I fear that she will make me snap...and I might hurt that someone I care for. Though I do want to be close, I fear that I will end up hurting them because of my instability. In relationships, both people should be happy...right now, I obviously am not. I do not wish to bring down someone special with me. I hope I can get things straightened out...I really want to get back on track. Unfortunatly, my parental units seem unwilling to help out. I just wish that they would outwardly show compassion and caring toward me if they indeed possess them.
Right now...I just need to get my head straight and stay away from Cindy.
I don't know what to do...I can't stand it. I am being ripped apart, Cindy is being just a depressing factor. I mean...she is just horrible to threaten divorce on her own husband because of me. Though, I see her stratagy.
If she does, My father will hate me forever. That is his wife, no matter what she is like. If I am the cause...he will no longer care for me. I will lose my father...
Also, She gets out guilt free. If all the blame goes to me, she will feel no guilt.
Lastly, she will actually get a bed buddy. My father lives in DC due to his service in the Army. He is never home, she sleeps alone. Now, I know she is feeling very loney and wants some action. Though, her husband is living out of state. If she divorces my father, she can sleep around all she wants.
I see her stratagy, but it is still evil that she threatens it. I can't stand it, I feel like I am going to ruin their lives. Cindy is going out of her way to make my life hell, so maybe I will snap. If I do, she will cut everything.
I already feel responsible for my mom and dad's divorce, actually being 100% responsible for another one and losing my father would kill me. She does not know, nor does she care, how much she is hurting me.
Right now, due to Cindy's lack of kindness, I fear getting close to anybody right now. I fear that she will make me snap...and I might hurt that someone I care for. Though I do want to be close, I fear that I will end up hurting them because of my instability. In relationships, both people should be happy...right now, I obviously am not. I do not wish to bring down someone special with me. I hope I can get things straightened out...I really want to get back on track. Unfortunatly, my parental units seem unwilling to help out. I just wish that they would outwardly show compassion and caring toward me if they indeed possess them.
Right now...I just need to get my head straight and stay away from Cindy.