I think that we're approaching this from different philosophical POVs. You say:
what if it ties in with her entire life philosophy? what if she has tried looking for men - or not looking but had fallen deeply in love before, but lost it? what if, she has a well-paying career to financially support the child, and that she is mature enough to know that she is ready to raise a child, but there is just no darn mr husband?
Your view is that if someone's position in life ticks all the right boxes (salary, maturity, etc.) that person (or couple) deserves to have a baby if they want it hard enough.
My view is that a (biological) baby is not a right. Even married heterosexual couples sometimes can't conceive, as much as they would love to -- you can't force nature, and that's very hard sometimes but you just have to accept it.
What is more important here is the right of the child to know his/her biological parents, and to be born to them -- not the supposed "right" of an adult to have a baby like he/she would buy a pet.
you're very right! in response to this comment and the one below, I can only say that the world shall have to wait with bated breath on the outcome of this. there is no denying that there will be more women who choose to have children without fathers.
also, I agree with you that every child should have the right to know his/her biological parents and I can see the need for it... but the 'forcing nature' bit, hm, I have some issues with that (does IVF count as non-biological? strictly speaking, it is). can I also infer that you don't think gay couples should have their own biological children either? just curious.
your friends who are adopted: are they angsty that their biological parents are somewhere out there? again, another question asked out of curiosity.
well, I'll be sure to speak to you again if ever the time comes when I want to have a child - but with no partner.
does IVF count as non-biological? strictly speaking, it is)
IVF, if it uses both parents' egg and sperm, is biological. But sometimes you have donor egg/sperm so of course then it's not, lah. I am opposed to IVF on other grounds, but not because it introduces a "third parent" into the relationship.
can I also infer that you don't think gay couples should have their own biological children either?
What do you mean by "their own"? Any child that one of them sires/births is not going to be the biological child of BOTH of them. So the child is going to wonder who the mother is (if it's a guy couple) or the dad (if it's a lesbian couple). So, what do you think my answer would be? :-)
your friends who are adopted: are they angsty that their biological parents are somewhere out there?
Of the three cases I know best:
1) My neighbours bought two baby girls from China, who are now around 12/13 yrs old -- I don't know if their adoptive parents have told them yet. So, can't say yet.
2) My ex-schoolmate adopted 4 siblings from overseas cos she was told their parents were dead. Turned out they are alive, and now in touch (messy child-trafficking case, now happily resolved) -- the parents are poor, so agreed to let them stay with adoptive parents so that kids would have better future -- now THAT is a far better example of kevlars's "parental self-sacrifice" than what he cited). I don't know how often they see their children, I think rarely.
3) A friend's dad was adopted by his mum's spinster sister (I love the way our grandparents used to pass around kids because some had too many, some wanted a boy/girl, etc). Erm no angst here, because the dad was v grateful to his adoptive mum for raising him (plus he knew exactly who his birth-mum was and she was quite a nightmare!).
what if it ties in with her entire life philosophy? what if she has tried looking for men - or not looking but had fallen deeply in love before, but lost it? what if, she has a well-paying career to financially support the child, and that she is mature enough to know that she is ready to raise a child, but there is just no darn mr husband?
Your view is that if someone's position in life ticks all the right boxes (salary, maturity, etc.) that person (or couple) deserves to have a baby if they want it hard enough.
My view is that a (biological) baby is not a right. Even married heterosexual couples sometimes can't conceive, as much as they would love to -- you can't force nature, and that's very hard sometimes but you just have to accept it.
What is more important here is the right of the child to know his/her biological parents, and to be born to them -- not the supposed "right" of an adult to have a baby like he/she would buy a pet.
You may want to read this WP article, which made quite an impression on me:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/15/AR2006121501820.html
Cheers!
-Willow
P/S you never told us about Israel trip!
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also, I agree with you that every child should have the right to know his/her biological parents and I can see the need for it... but the 'forcing nature' bit, hm, I have some issues with that (does IVF count as non-biological? strictly speaking, it is). can I also infer that you don't think gay couples should have their own biological children either? just curious.
your friends who are adopted: are they angsty that their biological parents are somewhere out there? again, another question asked out of curiosity.
well, I'll be sure to speak to you again if ever the time comes when I want to have a child - but with no partner.
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IVF, if it uses both parents' egg and sperm, is biological. But sometimes you have donor egg/sperm so of course then it's not, lah. I am opposed to IVF on other grounds, but not because it introduces a "third parent" into the relationship.
can I also infer that you don't think gay couples should have their own biological children either?
What do you mean by "their own"? Any child that one of them sires/births is not going to be the biological child of BOTH of them. So the child is going to wonder who the mother is (if it's a guy couple) or the dad (if it's a lesbian couple). So, what do you think my answer would be? :-)
your friends who are adopted: are they angsty that their biological parents are somewhere out there?
Of the three cases I know best:
1) My neighbours bought two baby girls from China, who are now around 12/13 yrs old -- I don't know if their adoptive parents have told them yet. So, can't say yet.
2) My ex-schoolmate adopted 4 siblings from overseas cos she was told their parents were dead. Turned out they are alive, and now in touch (messy child-trafficking case, now happily resolved) -- the parents are poor, so agreed to let them stay with adoptive parents so that kids would have better future -- now THAT is a far better example of kevlars's "parental self-sacrifice" than what he cited). I don't know how often they see their children, I think rarely.
3) A friend's dad was adopted by his mum's spinster sister (I love the way our grandparents used to pass around kids because some had too many, some wanted a boy/girl, etc). Erm no angst here, because the dad was v grateful to his adoptive mum for raising him (plus he knew exactly who his birth-mum was and she was quite a nightmare!).
Hope this helps.....
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Er, sure. Don't forget, if you're a single mom the govt will only give you 8 weeks maternity leave!
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