Dear Victor - 3
Dear Victor,
Good morning (or evening) to you. I'm curious, have you read my story yet, any of it? If so, how do you like it? You haven't said anything about it (or about anything else in my letters to you), and I was just wondering about it, because you seemed to be anticipating it for such a long time, and I had really forced myself to work on it for such a long time - so, I'm sure you can understand my curiosity. :)
I know you are busy, though, so I wouldn't be too surprised if you haven't looked at it yet. I'd almost prefer it if you read it when you really have nothing else to do, that way your full attention will be on it, and not just half your attention. Well, regardless, I would sure appreciate your thoughts - or even just a small comment - on it when you had read some (or all.)
I had another dream about us last night. As usual, it was a very strange one.
You had come to my house, and it was nighttime. No one was supposed to be at my house, except that Adrian and my mom ended up coming when they weren't supposed to. Also my mom's friend, Karen. I kept trying to 'hide' you in various places of the house, where I thought no one would come, but you ended up going outside into our backyard, and meeting my mom and Karen, who were out there. There was a quick greeting between you three, and then my mom and Karen went into the house, while you and I were outside. I had gone back into the house for a few minutes, and when I came back out, you were there. You didn't have a shirt on. I had walked over to you, you were smiling, and you lifted me into the air with your arms. The sensation was incredibly strange - I remember looking down at your smiling face from up high, and having a slight feeling of vertigo that was more exciting than it was scary. I don't remember what we did after that - it may be that the dream ended soon after. I don't know why this happens sometimes in dreams, but you didn't look quite like yourself. In the dream, this person was supposed to be you, but he didn't look like you exactly.
Like I said, it was unusual.
Other than that, I do still miss you, even though you don't seem to like me anymore.
I wish you would be honest with me and tell me that you are simply done with me, so that we can both move on, and so that I would no longer be living in sin. And if you are not done with me, I hope and hope so much that you will let me know when you are...that you won't keep me hanging to you for no good reason. I love you still, and I always will, but I think you just don't know how to love me. That's alright, Victor. Not everyone is the same. I understand that in the end, humans will be humans, and I can't ask too much of you. Although, I didn't know that sending me a letter once in a while was asking too much...Or showing me a bit of affection when we were together...Or even talking to me when we made the 4-hour drive, twice. I never imagined that such small things could be too much for a person to give. Is it because they're not really 'small'? Because they do in fact mean a lot when they are given? I don't know. I don't have any answers to my questions, but I keep asking them over and over, as if I will receive one. I'm confused.
I must tell you...you know, even though I've never considered myself to be a whiny, needy girl...deep down, I really was hurt that you had done nothing for me on Valentine's Day. What I mean by this is, I'm hurt that you didn't even wish me a 'Happy Valentine's Day.' You know darn well I would never expect you to send me anything (other than, perhaps, a letter.) But why is a letter so much to ask for, Victor? Why did it become so hard to simply type the words on an email? It was just 3 words. I don't even ask you to say 'I love you.' Just 'Happy Valentine's Day' would have sufficed...
I'm trying, so hard, to be understanding of you, Victor...because I know how busy you are, I know how distracted you probably are, and I know your job isn't easy. And I know that I myself am incredibly forgetful and have been known not to remember the simplest and/or most important things...I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, and that is why I had never (and will never) tell you how it hurt me, that you hardly acknowledged it at all.
My fear is that you had done it out of neglect, rather than being distracted. I mean...last year, I was amazed and thrilled when you had sent me that pretty picture - that virtual valentine - through email and actually wished me a happy Valentine's Day. I know, because back then you liked me more - were more interested in me.
Your so-called 'love' has dwindled since then, and yet I still had hoped that maybe you would have done something caring for me on this day. I had sent something to you - I mean, what I could...a letter and a pretty image attached (because let's face it, that's about all we can do for each other, living in different countries and all.)
I'm afraid I'm just not sending my letters to anyone anymore. I used to send them to a friend called Victor, but now Victor is no more it seems. I don't know what's happened to him. But I miss him.
Good morning (or evening) to you. I'm curious, have you read my story yet, any of it? If so, how do you like it? You haven't said anything about it (or about anything else in my letters to you), and I was just wondering about it, because you seemed to be anticipating it for such a long time, and I had really forced myself to work on it for such a long time - so, I'm sure you can understand my curiosity. :)
I know you are busy, though, so I wouldn't be too surprised if you haven't looked at it yet. I'd almost prefer it if you read it when you really have nothing else to do, that way your full attention will be on it, and not just half your attention. Well, regardless, I would sure appreciate your thoughts - or even just a small comment - on it when you had read some (or all.)
I had another dream about us last night. As usual, it was a very strange one.
You had come to my house, and it was nighttime. No one was supposed to be at my house, except that Adrian and my mom ended up coming when they weren't supposed to. Also my mom's friend, Karen. I kept trying to 'hide' you in various places of the house, where I thought no one would come, but you ended up going outside into our backyard, and meeting my mom and Karen, who were out there. There was a quick greeting between you three, and then my mom and Karen went into the house, while you and I were outside. I had gone back into the house for a few minutes, and when I came back out, you were there. You didn't have a shirt on. I had walked over to you, you were smiling, and you lifted me into the air with your arms. The sensation was incredibly strange - I remember looking down at your smiling face from up high, and having a slight feeling of vertigo that was more exciting than it was scary. I don't remember what we did after that - it may be that the dream ended soon after. I don't know why this happens sometimes in dreams, but you didn't look quite like yourself. In the dream, this person was supposed to be you, but he didn't look like you exactly.
Like I said, it was unusual.
Other than that, I do still miss you, even though you don't seem to like me anymore.
I wish you would be honest with me and tell me that you are simply done with me, so that we can both move on, and so that I would no longer be living in sin. And if you are not done with me, I hope and hope so much that you will let me know when you are...that you won't keep me hanging to you for no good reason. I love you still, and I always will, but I think you just don't know how to love me. That's alright, Victor. Not everyone is the same. I understand that in the end, humans will be humans, and I can't ask too much of you. Although, I didn't know that sending me a letter once in a while was asking too much...Or showing me a bit of affection when we were together...Or even talking to me when we made the 4-hour drive, twice. I never imagined that such small things could be too much for a person to give. Is it because they're not really 'small'? Because they do in fact mean a lot when they are given? I don't know. I don't have any answers to my questions, but I keep asking them over and over, as if I will receive one. I'm confused.
I must tell you...you know, even though I've never considered myself to be a whiny, needy girl...deep down, I really was hurt that you had done nothing for me on Valentine's Day. What I mean by this is, I'm hurt that you didn't even wish me a 'Happy Valentine's Day.' You know darn well I would never expect you to send me anything (other than, perhaps, a letter.) But why is a letter so much to ask for, Victor? Why did it become so hard to simply type the words on an email? It was just 3 words. I don't even ask you to say 'I love you.' Just 'Happy Valentine's Day' would have sufficed...
I'm trying, so hard, to be understanding of you, Victor...because I know how busy you are, I know how distracted you probably are, and I know your job isn't easy. And I know that I myself am incredibly forgetful and have been known not to remember the simplest and/or most important things...I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, and that is why I had never (and will never) tell you how it hurt me, that you hardly acknowledged it at all.
My fear is that you had done it out of neglect, rather than being distracted. I mean...last year, I was amazed and thrilled when you had sent me that pretty picture - that virtual valentine - through email and actually wished me a happy Valentine's Day. I know, because back then you liked me more - were more interested in me.
Your so-called 'love' has dwindled since then, and yet I still had hoped that maybe you would have done something caring for me on this day. I had sent something to you - I mean, what I could...a letter and a pretty image attached (because let's face it, that's about all we can do for each other, living in different countries and all.)
I'm afraid I'm just not sending my letters to anyone anymore. I used to send them to a friend called Victor, but now Victor is no more it seems. I don't know what's happened to him. But I miss him.