Malajube - Le Blizzard
Both of my parents are confident people who like build their talent. Unlike me, who sometimes would have a falling out on herself when it comes to build my talent. I'm aware of my own potentials but I always feel inadequate of things. I don't like bragging people and I'm not trying to brag here, but I'm a firm believer that God gives me a really cool brain especially my right brain. I'm telling you, when I'm struck by "lightning of ideas", they won't leave me alone. My brain will shit rainbows and neigh like an unicorn.
First thing first, I love art, I like to design some graphic also every once in a while, my brain composes these art projects that won't leave me alone until I finish it. I did take some notes to schedule my art project, and guess what? NO ACHIEVEMENTS! The ideas are stuck at some place in my neurons.
I also love to create some DIYs, handicraft things, claywork and even nail-arts. I want to create some amazing original stuff with my bare hands and guess what? The answer is still the same. Once, I planned to make a claywork in a box as a gift for someone special, I planned it for their birthdays, I've bought the box, tools, and ingredients. I did start to mold and all the jazz, but when the clay was dried up... me as a perfectionist who's hard to please, was unsatisfied with my work. Frustrated, I threw the claywork until it broke into pieces, I hated myself for that then I stopped.
If you read my stories on Mibba, you guess right, I also love writing stories. Of all things I love to do, writings is the most simple thing to you. All I need is only word processor to pour my scumbag brain out. I have a weird insomnia-phase every night. It takes tedious hour for me to drift off to sleep because every night new story ideas will pop into my mind. Some unicorns decide to have a new habitat in my head. It bugs me because I can't have a good sleep ):
What's the worst thing ever happened? Some people think I'm so lucky to have this kind of superpower (read: overdosed ideas), on the contrary when a BAD-ASS "lighting-of-ideas" struck me with full power, bad things happens to me. I get panic attack.
Yes, a real panic attack. My head feels heavier, my breath turns uneven, and I feel my blood pumps so fast. Dzikir is the remedy, trudat. I'm not trying to be thankless and less appreciative of what Allah gave me, but sometime it hurts my head. I don't want those ideas exist only to be ignored. I want them to be real, finished, and make myself proud.
A friend told me that I have an overdosed-ideas-syndrome (as if it exists), some encouraged me to develop it into the next level but unlike my parents, I have a very low self-esteem. I always feel downgraded by people around me who are far more genius, I'm jealous of them, I also want to achieve great things like them, but I have no courage. According to my observation through my past, my low self-esteem was formed from my childhood. I was a loner, my home was my playground, I didn't interact with kids in my age that time, I had no friend not until I hit kindergarten. Ever since then, I always have difficulties to make friends. This thing also influenced my talent, I always get a cold feet every time I want to develop and expand my talent.
Low self-esteem sucks. How do you cope with it?
First thing first, I love art, I like to design some graphic also every once in a while, my brain composes these art projects that won't leave me alone until I finish it. I did take some notes to schedule my art project, and guess what? NO ACHIEVEMENTS! The ideas are stuck at some place in my neurons.
I also love to create some DIYs, handicraft things, claywork and even nail-arts. I want to create some amazing original stuff with my bare hands and guess what? The answer is still the same. Once, I planned to make a claywork in a box as a gift for someone special, I planned it for their birthdays, I've bought the box, tools, and ingredients. I did start to mold and all the jazz, but when the clay was dried up... me as a perfectionist who's hard to please, was unsatisfied with my work. Frustrated, I threw the claywork until it broke into pieces, I hated myself for that then I stopped.
If you read my stories on Mibba, you guess right, I also love writing stories. Of all things I love to do, writings is the most simple thing to you. All I need is only word processor to pour my scumbag brain out. I have a weird insomnia-phase every night. It takes tedious hour for me to drift off to sleep because every night new story ideas will pop into my mind. Some unicorns decide to have a new habitat in my head. It bugs me because I can't have a good sleep ):
What's the worst thing ever happened? Some people think I'm so lucky to have this kind of superpower (read: overdosed ideas), on the contrary when a BAD-ASS "lighting-of-ideas" struck me with full power, bad things happens to me. I get panic attack.
Yes, a real panic attack. My head feels heavier, my breath turns uneven, and I feel my blood pumps so fast. Dzikir is the remedy, trudat. I'm not trying to be thankless and less appreciative of what Allah gave me, but sometime it hurts my head. I don't want those ideas exist only to be ignored. I want them to be real, finished, and make myself proud.
A friend told me that I have an overdosed-ideas-syndrome (as if it exists), some encouraged me to develop it into the next level but unlike my parents, I have a very low self-esteem. I always feel downgraded by people around me who are far more genius, I'm jealous of them, I also want to achieve great things like them, but I have no courage. According to my observation through my past, my low self-esteem was formed from my childhood. I was a loner, my home was my playground, I didn't interact with kids in my age that time, I had no friend not until I hit kindergarten. Ever since then, I always have difficulties to make friends. This thing also influenced my talent, I always get a cold feet every time I want to develop and expand my talent.
Low self-esteem sucks. How do you cope with it?