tomorrow is another day
i cant help but feel stranded. i have great friends and a loving boyfriend. but after leaving home, it feels like im just alone. and i know it seems like a bad thing right now but it's really a good thing. i have to stand on my own two feet eventually, right? this was just sort of abrupt and im not sure how long it will last. im not afraid that i cant handle being on my own because i know i can. i'd go into my natural marisa-survival mode. but what is getting to me is this love/hate sensation. i love my parents very much and i had a great childhood because of them. however..its like now everything has just gone downhill. nothing i do is going to be good enough for them. my experimentation with life is not allowed. im marisa reingle and must be kept safely inside a glass box. i must watch everyone else fall all around me. but i cant step out to help them, lest i get caught up and fall too. but thats life. life is a bunch of cuts and bruises from falling. and when u heal, the cuts arent as deep the next time. but right now i feel so fragile that im a bit intimidated by even starting this adventure that could end up being a great learning experience. but thats normal; we're always afraid of the unknown. except, i kinda think there's not much to know here. its life. you work. you pay. you stay above water. no, it doesnt have to be this hard for me now but what other choice do i have? if i want the privileges i seek, then i must earn them somehow. nothings free in life. i already know that. i just hate facing that cold-hearted fact.
i have no cell phone. im thinking of buying a prepaid phone once i get the cash. currently i have like 20 bucks in my savings account. thats ridiculous.
i feel lonely in a weird way. but things always get better. maybe itll get worse but itll get better after that..after some time...i mean..it has to! haha but for now i think this is a good struggle. its like i needed it. like i knew it was coming. i just didnt know when. the more i feel angry and sad, the less i think about how much im gonna hate working again. because working will be all i have. and in life, you always gotta work at something. or life just isnt very eventful.
well i suppose i should try to get some sleep. justin i believe has already dove into a pillowy soft web of dreams.
i dont want any sympathy because theres nothing to sympathize.
it is what it is.
i have no cell phone. im thinking of buying a prepaid phone once i get the cash. currently i have like 20 bucks in my savings account. thats ridiculous.
i feel lonely in a weird way. but things always get better. maybe itll get worse but itll get better after that..after some time...i mean..it has to! haha but for now i think this is a good struggle. its like i needed it. like i knew it was coming. i just didnt know when. the more i feel angry and sad, the less i think about how much im gonna hate working again. because working will be all i have. and in life, you always gotta work at something. or life just isnt very eventful.
well i suppose i should try to get some sleep. justin i believe has already dove into a pillowy soft web of dreams.
i dont want any sympathy because theres nothing to sympathize.
it is what it is.