(no subject)
i think im relieved. really relieved. a lot of what i missed was habit. ugh its good to get out of it. especially when its a bad. its like coming off heroin. (this is an analogy, i never did heroin!) at first you love it. then you see yourself change. you start becoming less and less of what you want to be. and then one day after years of self abuse, you get off it. and it sucks. and at first you want to change your life. everything seems wonderful to look at through the eyes of soberness. but then it hits you. you'll never have a taste of heroin again. never ever again. its dead to you. you left it behind. you want to help yourself but wasnt abusing yourself so much easier? you tolerated ur parents and ur friends just to do more of it. but u had enough. why not listen to ur heart? its screaming to stop the addiction. and then you realize, that even if u had that taste of it, it wouldnt be how it was. no matter how you turn its different. the only way to move is forward. and keep faith that its the smartest thing you ever did for yourself.
reasons why i left mike:
- he didnt really know who i was
- he spent too much money on me to prove love. and money NEVER = love.
- he expected too much in return
- he was impatient
- he was too emotional (it was like being with a woman)
- his family was NOTHING like mine
- i only felt comfortable in his house after THREE years. and the 4th year was because i wasnt required to talk to anyone
- his sister was a bitch to me the minute i walked through their front door in 2002
- he was embarrassing
- he wasnt that funny
- my friends tolerated him
- he seems great at first but then when u REALLY know him, you understand why people found it so easy to backstab him
ok reasons i stayed with mike:
- he was VERY sweet and caring
- he was a great musician
- we did Kenai together
- he was a good person to talk to when i was upset
- he told me what i wanted to hear
- he was someone i knew would always be there when i fell
yeah. so check out the bigger list. thats my conclusion too.
anyways
my moms sick. i feel bad. i just hope she doesnt get the virus i had. ugh. puking is not fun.
i miss justin. i saw him YESTERDAY morning. isnt that sad? or maybe thats just sweet. its sadly sweet. there we go.
i want to see a movie. maybe ill see one with him tomorrow.
i need money.
people are dying too much, ya know?
my lips are really chapped.
i think justin knows me 93894 times better than mike. and thats good. <3
well im gunna go study or something.
its good to be home though.
reasons why i left mike:
- he didnt really know who i was
- he spent too much money on me to prove love. and money NEVER = love.
- he expected too much in return
- he was impatient
- he was too emotional (it was like being with a woman)
- his family was NOTHING like mine
- i only felt comfortable in his house after THREE years. and the 4th year was because i wasnt required to talk to anyone
- his sister was a bitch to me the minute i walked through their front door in 2002
- he was embarrassing
- he wasnt that funny
- my friends tolerated him
- he seems great at first but then when u REALLY know him, you understand why people found it so easy to backstab him
ok reasons i stayed with mike:
- he was VERY sweet and caring
- he was a great musician
- we did Kenai together
- he was a good person to talk to when i was upset
- he told me what i wanted to hear
- he was someone i knew would always be there when i fell
yeah. so check out the bigger list. thats my conclusion too.
anyways
my moms sick. i feel bad. i just hope she doesnt get the virus i had. ugh. puking is not fun.
i miss justin. i saw him YESTERDAY morning. isnt that sad? or maybe thats just sweet. its sadly sweet. there we go.
i want to see a movie. maybe ill see one with him tomorrow.
i need money.
people are dying too much, ya know?
my lips are really chapped.
i think justin knows me 93894 times better than mike. and thats good. <3
well im gunna go study or something.
its good to be home though.