QaF ficlet - From Where I Can't Return
Happy birthday to my darling f1renze. Last year on your birthday I had only just met you and I said this:
Despite the fact that I haven’t known you long you’re already one of my most favorite people here
I am happy to report that one year later, you still remain one of my favorite people. I love you more now than I did then, and I have many reasons to wish you a happy birthday:
I just checked and it is still your birthday where you are, and I hope that your day was filled with all the things that matter and that you were surrounded by the people you love.
Notes: Post S5 ficlet; rated R. Just because there's no porn doesn't mean I love you any less, Flozie :X:X:X
From Where I Can't Return
Then
In the beginning it was easy. All you had to do was look at him and he was there, ready and willing to do anything you wanted. There was nothing he wouldn't try so it was nice having him around, and even in the face of tears and wounded looks, you could push him away when you were done.
You don’t remember exactly when you discovered that it wasn’t just a tight little ass and an insatiable appetite for sucking your cock that you liked so much, but sometime after you cradled his broken head on the cold concrete ground of a parking garage, you lost your footing and began to slip. But you fought back, vowing not to let any amount of blond hair, pretty smiles and amazing blowjobs change what you believed in.
He was so persistent and you had to admit that he earned every piece of you he got because you didn’t give up anything easily. There was always a part of you that felt defeated each time you fought him and he won; even when you discovered that his way was maybe just a little bit better, you still told yourself every time, this far, no further.
When it was obvious that he had you all figured out, you still held your ground, refusing to admit what he already knew anyway. You had to keep something, and he already had everything else.
Now
Despite the fact that you fought him every step of the way, somehow you end up here -- here where you finally gave him all you had and he turned and left you alone.
At first you want to put up the walls again -- fight to get back what you gave up -- but when he tells you it will be okay you believe him. He’s almost always right.
A year goes by, and then another, and you work more and trick less than you have in your entire adult life. You’re not exactly unhappy, but it all feels like passing the time-- just days connecting the dots between his visits.
There finally comes a time when you can hold him without leaving marks from desperate urgency and kiss him like it’s not the last time because you know it’s not. Every time you say goodbye again you wonder if you should have fought harder, but then you whisper I love you and you think you could give up backroom blowjobs and $20 million accounts if only he will look at you like this forever.
In moments like these you have a hard time remembering why you fought him so hard to begin with.
And when he calls and asks you to come to New York and stay this time, you don’t make excuses; instead you just say yes. Making the arrangements is simpler than you thought it would be, and everyone smiles when you tell them you’re leaving Pittsburgh for good, and instead of a sarcastic reply, you just smile back.
Somewhere along the way you realized forever doesn’t have to be scary.
Michael offers to take you to Babylon one last time, but you refuse; instead he shows up at your place with Chinese food, and you get high and eat dumplings, and when you tell him that you’ll miss him, you really mean it.
You pack your things and say goodbye and go to him, and it doesn’t feel like giving up or giving in; it just feels right.
You don’t have to fight this anymore.
Despite the fact that I haven’t known you long you’re already one of my most favorite people here
I am happy to report that one year later, you still remain one of my favorite people. I love you more now than I did then, and I have many reasons to wish you a happy birthday:
- Because you are always there when I need you, and you always know exactly what to give me.
- Because I smile when we say goodbye on YIM; even though I know what you’re going to say before you say it, it still fills my heart with joy every time.
- Because I believe in you like I believe in Buffy.
- Because sisters are forever, even adopted Asian ones.
I just checked and it is still your birthday where you are, and I hope that your day was filled with all the things that matter and that you were surrounded by the people you love.
Notes: Post S5 ficlet; rated R. Just because there's no porn doesn't mean I love you any less, Flozie :X:X:X
From Where I Can't Return
Then
In the beginning it was easy. All you had to do was look at him and he was there, ready and willing to do anything you wanted. There was nothing he wouldn't try so it was nice having him around, and even in the face of tears and wounded looks, you could push him away when you were done.
You don’t remember exactly when you discovered that it wasn’t just a tight little ass and an insatiable appetite for sucking your cock that you liked so much, but sometime after you cradled his broken head on the cold concrete ground of a parking garage, you lost your footing and began to slip. But you fought back, vowing not to let any amount of blond hair, pretty smiles and amazing blowjobs change what you believed in.
He was so persistent and you had to admit that he earned every piece of you he got because you didn’t give up anything easily. There was always a part of you that felt defeated each time you fought him and he won; even when you discovered that his way was maybe just a little bit better, you still told yourself every time, this far, no further.
When it was obvious that he had you all figured out, you still held your ground, refusing to admit what he already knew anyway. You had to keep something, and he already had everything else.
Now
Despite the fact that you fought him every step of the way, somehow you end up here -- here where you finally gave him all you had and he turned and left you alone.
At first you want to put up the walls again -- fight to get back what you gave up -- but when he tells you it will be okay you believe him. He’s almost always right.
A year goes by, and then another, and you work more and trick less than you have in your entire adult life. You’re not exactly unhappy, but it all feels like passing the time-- just days connecting the dots between his visits.
There finally comes a time when you can hold him without leaving marks from desperate urgency and kiss him like it’s not the last time because you know it’s not. Every time you say goodbye again you wonder if you should have fought harder, but then you whisper I love you and you think you could give up backroom blowjobs and $20 million accounts if only he will look at you like this forever.
In moments like these you have a hard time remembering why you fought him so hard to begin with.
And when he calls and asks you to come to New York and stay this time, you don’t make excuses; instead you just say yes. Making the arrangements is simpler than you thought it would be, and everyone smiles when you tell them you’re leaving Pittsburgh for good, and instead of a sarcastic reply, you just smile back.
Somewhere along the way you realized forever doesn’t have to be scary.
Michael offers to take you to Babylon one last time, but you refuse; instead he shows up at your place with Chinese food, and you get high and eat dumplings, and when you tell him that you’ll miss him, you really mean it.
You pack your things and say goodbye and go to him, and it doesn’t feel like giving up or giving in; it just feels right.
You don’t have to fight this anymore.