Hopes crashed down
i know i shouldn't have put my hopes high. i know this would happen. probably because of my half-hearted feelings and worries stopped this. but i dont get why, i feel sense of relief or breathe of fresh air entering in my senses.
i wanted to go, i wanted to go there so bad but why do i feel that way. was it because of the money i have in hand? or was it the money that i had to spend?
i was about to leave for Japan next year in February 2011. it was confirmed.
my only hiccup for that was my dead passport, i had to renew it.
another hiccup was asking for leave. finally ask and now, leader said no. wow. double face pushed to the cement floor. my heart broke into million pieces. it was hard to mend.
my smile faded and i try to fake it to pretend that i am okay. it wasn't suppose to be this way.
patience, i hear my inner thoughts telling me.
the only thing is that: i am patient with people but i am not patient with the things that i want the most.
i went depressed. i ate alot within a day and i dont want to gain back the weight i lost.
i need to remain positive. i need to work hard. i need to move on and accept reality.
you can do this, ila. you're strong. look how far you have gone and look at how patient you are with people even though you complain. you stay by their side even though they treat you like trash. they spit anger at you. you're still there when you should have just left them instead. why?
because you care so much.
but you know because of this things happen. i will not care anymore. i only care to the people i really really really, should earn my concern.
im done. im gonna work my ass off. its money making time.
let's get this motivation going. for the person who my instincts is saying that you are happy that my dreams got crashed.... WATCH ME. i'll get there and you'll rot here.
i wanted to go, i wanted to go there so bad but why do i feel that way. was it because of the money i have in hand? or was it the money that i had to spend?
i was about to leave for Japan next year in February 2011. it was confirmed.
my only hiccup for that was my dead passport, i had to renew it.
another hiccup was asking for leave. finally ask and now, leader said no. wow. double face pushed to the cement floor. my heart broke into million pieces. it was hard to mend.
my smile faded and i try to fake it to pretend that i am okay. it wasn't suppose to be this way.
patience, i hear my inner thoughts telling me.
the only thing is that: i am patient with people but i am not patient with the things that i want the most.
i went depressed. i ate alot within a day and i dont want to gain back the weight i lost.
i need to remain positive. i need to work hard. i need to move on and accept reality.
you can do this, ila. you're strong. look how far you have gone and look at how patient you are with people even though you complain. you stay by their side even though they treat you like trash. they spit anger at you. you're still there when you should have just left them instead. why?
because you care so much.
but you know because of this things happen. i will not care anymore. i only care to the people i really really really, should earn my concern.
im done. im gonna work my ass off. its money making time.
let's get this motivation going. for the person who my instincts is saying that you are happy that my dreams got crashed.... WATCH ME. i'll get there and you'll rot here.