Ranting
Ok, I think this is it! I myself feel i have reached my limit.
Well to begin with, I am having a cold, not sure if i have reached the fever limit yet. I have not consulted my family with anything and to my parents I seem like "too much sleeping" or "too lazy" or "never studying and only with japanese stuff". Well in a way they might be right, I dont ( Read more... )
In my whole life I have been compared with everyone. Back in my country my parents would compare me to my cousin who would always get a*s unlike me who get average points. Then when we moved here, I once invited my friend to my house, and she got all the good grades so he compared us. And a few years later I went out with my senpai who is like me and get average points and my friend with the good grades. at that time my father recieved a call from my aunt and it was video call so he show me and my senpai and said we were dull girls and showed to my friend and said she was smart girl. He thought of it as a joke but it had totally affected me back then, and my whole day was ruined.
This morning, I was depressed and decided to watch butai, and when I was watching I cried and laughed and cheered and properly showed my emotions, yet my mom walked in and told me that , am i imagining them saying that to me. And that they would never even know I exist and how much of a waste of time they are. She used the word "Perasan" its a word in malay meaning like I feel that its happening to me even though its not or something like that. She also said they wont help me in life, but the thing is that now since I dont have a cat anymore, I dont have anything to leave behind. If i had a cat, my parents would throw him/her away if i died since the whole family except me hates cats. Its like I really wouldnt mind when I die anymore, and the thing thats keeping me alive is watching cat videos and wishing I had one and watching butai and concerts with the hope, I could go see them one day. Its not my parents keeping me alive by providing food on the table, place to live or clothes to wear. Its them. I couldnt care less about what they provide. I have literally given up on my life.
I am happy you were able to tell me about your life. It might be pointless since the words are coming from me, but please stay strong!
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