He was like PBS
My brother got me a calendar of country sayings. I just got it in the mail today. We both decided they need to become a part of our lexicon. It's a day-by-day calendar, too, so I get the satisfaction of pulling off a page everyday.
-Surprises: Sometimes you get so surprised by life there ain't nothin' else to say but "butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
-Flirting: Flirtin' with a married woman is as safe as if you were in Abraham's back pocket and him fixin' to sit down.
-Inaction: You'll sit a long time with your mouth wide open before a roasted chicken flies in.
-If you want to compliment a cook: Boy! That tasted like more!
-Children: Watching young 'uns play can leave you grinnin' like a mule eatin' saw briars.
-If someone asks you how sick you are: I'd have to get better just to die.
-Congress: Gettin' a politician to do somethin' good for our country is like tryin' to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.
-Admitting you're wrong: The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause the colder it gets, the harder it is to swallow.
-Manners: Used to be that men took their hats of inside, but "used to be" died.
-If someone is acting like a martyr: get down off that cross 'cause someone else needs the wood.
-Teenage boys: You kinda wish they used their heads for somethin' besides hat racks.
-If you're angry with someone: You're not worth the spit to cuss you.
-Putting on airs: Even if you are in high cotton, don't get above your raisin'.
-Living in sin: Now there's a couple that ate supper before they said grace.
-Wishing for the impossible: Wish in one hand, spit in the other, and see which one gets full faster.
-If someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes: Don't pee down my leg and tell me it's rainin'.
-Revenge: Two wrongs don't make a right, but they sure do make it even.
-When someone is mad at you: Who licked the red off your candy?
-Facing reality: You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits.
-Ego: Some people are so full of themselves, you'd like to buy 'em for what they're worth and sell 'em for what they think they're worth.
-Lies: Pile up too many lies, and the ground you're on will be so steep you'll skin your nose climbin' up them.
-If you had a great time clogging at the church dance: I sure tore up the pea patch.
-Karma: Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
-If you child is stalling over doing a chore: Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.
-Unlucky: He's so unlucky he wouldn't hit the water if he fell out of a boat.
-Lucky: He's so blessed he could step in manure and come out smellin' like a rose.
-Adversity: Mama said there'd be days like this, but she didn't say they would come in bunches!
-If you're a little short of cash: If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I wouldn't make it to the end of the driveway.
-Energetic: She's livelier than a puppy with two tails.
-If accused of being lazy: I'm not afraid of work. I can lay down right beside it and go to sleep.
-Children: Young 'uns can make more noise than skeletons fightin' on a tin roof.
-Futility: Try as you might, when things don't work out, it's time to admit you're just spittin' into the wind.
Useless: That's as useless as a milk bucket under a bull.
-If you're talking about an ignorant fool: If you put his brain in a matchbox, it would roll around like a BB in a boxcar.
-Bragging: That big mouth is all vine and no taters.
Whew! I like a bunch of them, but for the most part I think they would be better served to have less proper grammar and some ain'ts.
For my awful children at school I bought High School Musical and Marvel Heroes valentines, and Crunch hearts. This'll probably be the only nice thing I do for them all year, so they better like it.
This 3rd grader was asking me if I would be only getting High School Musical ones, since he obviously doesn't want any. I said I didn't what boys like. His response? "Boys like Kung Fu and violence." Kung Fu?
Things that are coming to me in the mail: The World Ends with You, Batman #686, and Absolute Sandman Vol. 1.
At some point I'm going to take stock of how many books I've bought since I've been here.
Here's a condensed version of an episode of Rocko's Modern Life for you.
Cool tattoo. I like the waves best.
What does the Pope totally look like?
I just hit geek critical mass.
Dave White's apartment building caught on fire- he's fine. I really only post it because I love this part: "I grabbed a hat and scarf and then began employing my always-revising list of 'what art needs to be saved first in case of fire.'"
Awesome Former Mad Women Say Mad Men's Too Tame
-Surprises: Sometimes you get so surprised by life there ain't nothin' else to say but "butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
-Flirting: Flirtin' with a married woman is as safe as if you were in Abraham's back pocket and him fixin' to sit down.
-Inaction: You'll sit a long time with your mouth wide open before a roasted chicken flies in.
-If you want to compliment a cook: Boy! That tasted like more!
-Children: Watching young 'uns play can leave you grinnin' like a mule eatin' saw briars.
-If someone asks you how sick you are: I'd have to get better just to die.
-Congress: Gettin' a politician to do somethin' good for our country is like tryin' to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.
-Admitting you're wrong: The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause the colder it gets, the harder it is to swallow.
-Manners: Used to be that men took their hats of inside, but "used to be" died.
-If someone is acting like a martyr: get down off that cross 'cause someone else needs the wood.
-Teenage boys: You kinda wish they used their heads for somethin' besides hat racks.
-If you're angry with someone: You're not worth the spit to cuss you.
-Putting on airs: Even if you are in high cotton, don't get above your raisin'.
-Living in sin: Now there's a couple that ate supper before they said grace.
-Wishing for the impossible: Wish in one hand, spit in the other, and see which one gets full faster.
-If someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes: Don't pee down my leg and tell me it's rainin'.
-Revenge: Two wrongs don't make a right, but they sure do make it even.
-When someone is mad at you: Who licked the red off your candy?
-Facing reality: You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits.
-Ego: Some people are so full of themselves, you'd like to buy 'em for what they're worth and sell 'em for what they think they're worth.
-Lies: Pile up too many lies, and the ground you're on will be so steep you'll skin your nose climbin' up them.
-If you had a great time clogging at the church dance: I sure tore up the pea patch.
-Karma: Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
-If you child is stalling over doing a chore: Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.
-Unlucky: He's so unlucky he wouldn't hit the water if he fell out of a boat.
-Lucky: He's so blessed he could step in manure and come out smellin' like a rose.
-Adversity: Mama said there'd be days like this, but she didn't say they would come in bunches!
-If you're a little short of cash: If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I wouldn't make it to the end of the driveway.
-Energetic: She's livelier than a puppy with two tails.
-If accused of being lazy: I'm not afraid of work. I can lay down right beside it and go to sleep.
-Children: Young 'uns can make more noise than skeletons fightin' on a tin roof.
-Futility: Try as you might, when things don't work out, it's time to admit you're just spittin' into the wind.
Useless: That's as useless as a milk bucket under a bull.
-If you're talking about an ignorant fool: If you put his brain in a matchbox, it would roll around like a BB in a boxcar.
-Bragging: That big mouth is all vine and no taters.
Whew! I like a bunch of them, but for the most part I think they would be better served to have less proper grammar and some ain'ts.
For my awful children at school I bought High School Musical and Marvel Heroes valentines, and Crunch hearts. This'll probably be the only nice thing I do for them all year, so they better like it.
This 3rd grader was asking me if I would be only getting High School Musical ones, since he obviously doesn't want any. I said I didn't what boys like. His response? "Boys like Kung Fu and violence." Kung Fu?
Things that are coming to me in the mail: The World Ends with You, Batman #686, and Absolute Sandman Vol. 1.
At some point I'm going to take stock of how many books I've bought since I've been here.
Here's a condensed version of an episode of Rocko's Modern Life for you.
Cool tattoo. I like the waves best.
What does the Pope totally look like?
I just hit geek critical mass.
Dave White's apartment building caught on fire- he's fine. I really only post it because I love this part: "I grabbed a hat and scarf and then began employing my always-revising list of 'what art needs to be saved first in case of fire.'"
Awesome Former Mad Women Say Mad Men's Too Tame