just keep following those heartlines
so I promised sex in the next installment of Kurogirl amirite? I'm sure by now you've realized I'm about as good at keeping promises as a politician, so WHOOPS, HAVE SOME LUDICROUS SCHMOOP INSTEAD.
so far i've been sort of keeping the series in some kind of vague chronological order, but the reason im posting it here rather than inmyvortex is cos its rough draft, so here's a post-series segment!
Your heart is the only place that I call home
I could be your girl (but would you love me if I ruled the world) 'verse (Kuro-girl!)
Previous parts chronologically: Fish and silent ocean - It's in the ABC of growing up - All I want, only one, street level miracle - There is no modern romance
7,291 words. Post-series. Ridiculous amounts of schmoop.
When Kurogane was younger her mother had sat her down and they had had a talk, in which her mother explained plenty of aspects of a woman's life that Kurogane had until that point never considered. It had been shortly after she started her bleeding, and her embarrassment had been plenty obvious, to her mother's wry amusement. She had learned how to brew certain teas, and how to use the herbs that grew naturally in their country for many things beyond simple cough medicines and poultices, and she knew it was important but she hadn't really... well, she hadn't thought it would apply to her.
She sighed and tipped her head back, letting the water of the shower wash over her scalp, and mused about how she really should have foreseen this.
This world was fairly boring, which suited her fine. The technology was adequate - hence the shower, which she was enjoying perhaps more than she ought - and the people were happy enough. It was the third world in a row where she hadn't needed to so much as touch her sword, a situation that vexed her as much as pleased her. Fai openly preferred the calmer worlds; he and Syaoran were out at the local library, taking the opportunity to... obsess over something pointless, she didn't know, and the blond was an idiot and she was angry at him, and it just made her angrier to know that that was why he was at the library.
He probably thought he was being sensitive and fucking in tune with her emotions or something by giving her space. Instead, she kind of wanted to smack him, because he was so damn insensitive sometimes, and...
She sighed heavily and thumbed her wet mane out of her eyes, leaning back and fixing the showerhead above her with a glare. The hot water was doing wonders for most of her various aches and pains, but it couldn't fix the unobservant blond idiot she loved.
(Because she did love him, she knew that, even when he hadn't the brains to put two and two together.)
The whole mess had started because of him. Well, okay, she could admit that wasn't fair of her. It had been both of them in the wide bed of Spirit world, him stretched out on the bed naked and hers as she threw a leg over his narrow hips and guided him inside her with shallow jerks of her hips, loving the way his eyes shuttered in pleasure, how she could do that to him. And... and it had been her idea to do it even though they hadn't had anything, because Mokona was sleeping in Syaoran's room that night and she hadn't wanted to go wake them both up to have that pork bun vomit up one of those little foil wrappers...
Well, it was still his fault for not noticing, she thought grumpily.
By her count it had been thirty four days since then, and she was definitely feeling it. He had noticed how sore her breasts were because he used them as a fucking pillow and she hadn't let him do so, but he had accepted her claims that her absent woman's blood was down to a new tea she was trying to stave off this very situation without blinking. Sometimes it amazed her that someone that bright could be that stupid, but she supposed it was a case of not seeing the forest through the trees.
She could tell him. She probably should. But the problem was, she didn't know yet whether she even wanted this... thing growing inside her, because it would change everything, and she didn't... she didn't want to tell him and then decide she didn't. She had been kind of hoping he would notice to take the gods-damned choice out of her hands, but she suspected he would remain stupidly oblivious right up until she started to show, so she had kept quiet.
Her mother had fallen pregnant again several times after she had been born, but her body had been too weak to survive childbirth a second time. She hadn't had to deal with the problem by herself. Kurogane's father had loved his wife more than life itself, and he had been there every step of the way, and they had openly discussed it in front of Kurogane, because they thought it was something she needed to know about being an adult woman and in a relationship.
Kurogane had never thought it would apply to her, but she had listened. She had thought she would never find a man like her father because she wasn't her mother, and then Fai had turned up and he wasn't much like either of her parents but he was... right for her. Sometimes that embarrassed her, because he was, after all, an idiot and a foreigner with dreadful manners and a ridiculous habit of abusing nicknames; but he made her smile, and he made her happy, and she just didn't know.
She blew out a long breath and ran her palm over the flat, taut muscles of her abdomen. It didn't feel any different, but she wasn't a complete child, she knew, and hadn't Souma warned her this could happen the morning after she had first slept with him?
"You are gonna fuck up my stances," she remarked into the steamy air of the bathroom, and waited to see if she would experience any sort of squishy maternal feelings for the thing. After a moment, she shook her head and turned the shower off.
She was definitely not her mother.
The other three members of her strange travelling household returned while she was in her bedroom toweling off, and were about as subtle as a facial rash. "Kuro-chaaaaaaaan~!"
"Indoor voice, idiot," she said as the bedroom door bounced open, and then dropped her towel and recoiled. "The hell is that?"
Fai beamed at her proudly. "Well," he said, "Since poor Kuro-breasts were sore earlier, I thought I'd stop off on the way back and get something to help! It's supposed to lift and support."
He held the cotton bra out helpfully, and Kurogane reminded herself that she wasn't allowed to dropkick him, especially not the way she was right now. "You talked about my breasts with a stranger," she said, icily, and he nodded cheerfully.
"The salesgirl was quite impressed I knew your size off the bat," he said, and Kurogane buried her face in the palm of her hand and told herself that he was trying to be nice.
"Give me that," she said, and swiped it. It took longer to put on that it should, and though she could feel how something like it might help, she pulled it off again with a wince. He had moved close, circling her, and she threw it at his face and scowled. "It's too small," she said, turning away to her drawers, and out of the corner of her eye she watched him peel it off and turn it over in his hands.
"Hrm. It's the same size I always get," he said, frowning, and then glanced up with a wicked light in his eyes and his mouth curling in a grin. "Maybe Kuro-sama's poor chest hurts because she's undergoing a growth spurt~!"
"What," she said, deadpan.
He managed to eel his way closer to her, but she slapped his hand ruthlessly away before he could cup one of her tits with it and he pouted and then leaned in and kissed her, lightning quick, on the cheek. She sighed and slid her hand onto his narrow hips, feeling the sharp press of bone there against her palm, and ducked her head to kiss him. He tasted revoltingly like hot chocolate, and the way he melted against her woke a flicker of interest in her belly. Maybe they had time...
"You've been sore for three weeks now," he said quietly, and she jerked back. He was watching her from up close, his eyes so vivid and beautiful. "Are you sure you're okay, Kuro-sama? Even big tough ninja can get sick every now and then."
For a moment she couldn't speak, and then she smiled and cupped the back of his neck, her fingers digging into his soft hair. He was still watching her, so she kissed him. "I'm fine," she said, and added, "Really."
"Is it something to do with that tea you're taking?" he wanted to know, and she huffed out a breath and bumped her mouth against his forehead, less a kiss and more a nuzzle. He was paying attention. Just to the wrong damn things, and she supposed that wasn't surprising considering his upbringing.
"Oi," she said. "I know what I'm doing. I'll be fine."
"If you're sure," he said, but he sounded doubtful. She kissed him again. He smelled like old books and paper, and his hair was so soft... she let her hand slip lower, and then lower than that until he made a pleased heh noise into her mouth. "I really should go start dinner within the hour," he breathed, and she shrugged.
"That's loads of time," she said, and stepped away. She wanted to be close to him, and she wanted it now, and the worst had already happened so everything would be fine. She still didn't know what to do about the... about the thing growing inside her, but she had plenty of time yet to think it through, and right now she just really wanted his mouth between her legs, using his clever tongue for something a whole lot less irritating than teasing her. She grabbed a hair tie from the drawer and yanked her hair into a rough ponytail, and then turned to watch the way his eyes roamed her body hungrily. She grinned and held her arms open, quirking an eyebrow.
He made dinner late.
By the time the earring glowed, she still hadn't made up her mind on the fate of the thing. She refused to think of it as a child or a baby, because it blatantly wasn't, yet, and such words were loaded. The indecision was beginning to take over her life, and Fai and even Syaoran had definitely noticed it; she was increasingly foul tempered and silent, and she kept almost snapping their heads off because they seemed so impossibly cheerful and what did they know?
She felt bad about it. She could just see the expression Tomoyo would make if she knew, although that vision was almost always followed by another one of the outfits her princess would force her into and really she was kind of glad she wasn't home. She tried to make it up to them, to the men in her life, by taking herself off to sulk when she knew she was in a terrible mood, or by doing their share of the chores. They knew something was wrong but they didn't know what, and for the first time since Fai had socked her in head in her rooms in Nihon there was a kind of hesitance between them as he plainly tried to avoid upsetting her. It just made her feel guilty.
It didn't help that she was beginning to have nightmares, which was unusual. She wasn't the type to remember her dreams, and her ninja training had taught her how to centre herself before sleeping to ensure peace and quiet, but now she started to have them almost every night.
They were different from the ones that had plagued her after she had first arrived in Tomoyo's care, a half-feral wounded creature who dreamed of her parents' death; one night she merely dreamed of waking up to find someone had left a red iwata-obi at the foot of her bed, and in the dream she knew she had left it there because she no longer needed it because she was no longer pregnant, and she woke up to find wetness at the edges of her cheeks.
This did not help her mood.
She resolved not to think about it for a good two days, and that evening she made an effort to be normal to Fai, a process that clearly made him suspicious. Their sex that night was angry and hard, and she dug her blunt fingernails into the meat of his shoulder and reflected that this had gone on for long enough.
"Tell me what's wrong," he said, matter-of-factly, after he had toppled her over and pulled out of her. He was lying on his belly, his head turned toward her and his blond hair bright and pale in the darkness, and she growled under her breath.
He didn't blink and he didn't look away, and she eventually sighed and said, "I can't tell you yet, wizard. Soon, maybe. I'm working a few things out."
"Kuro-sama, you've been..." he paused. "You've been different," he said, eventually. "I thought we weren't supposed to be that anymore. What are you hiding from me?"
Under the covers, she caught her hand before it could drift to her stomach, and swallowed. "I know," she said. "Tch. I know, okay? It's... I'm working it out. Just wait, wizard."
He didn't answer straight away, and she could sense the careful way he was watching her; then he pushed himself up on his elbow, leaned over her, and kissed her so gently and so carefully it made her toes curl. "I trust you," he said, softly. "If there's anything I can do, tell me."
Oh, she thought numbly, and nodded. He gave her a slow, warm smile and snuggled down in the covers to sleep, in his usual position with his face wedged into the pillow, and she reached out before she could think and carded her fingers gently through his hair. She couldn't lie to this man, she knew, and she... and she didn't want to lie by omission much longer. She'd have to tell him. She just didn't know when, or how.
The next morning started badly, which was to say Syaoran thundered on the door before the sun was up. "Fai-san," he called, urgently. "Kurogane-sensei!"
Fai got up and answered it, and Kurogane sat up, wrapping the blanket around her chest in the name of modesty as he pulled on his underwear and opened the door. Syaoran was standing on the other side, looking faintly concerned, and the reason why was apparent; Mokona was on his shoulder with her earring glowing. "Wakey wakey!" chirped the pork bun, and before Fai or Syaoran could react, launched itself across the room in a plain beeline for Kurogane's cleavage; she caught it by the ears almost lazily and it made a whining noise. "Good morning!" it sang. "We've got to go soon!"
"Yeah, yeah," Kurogane grunted. She felt faintly nauseous and was still tired, but this was something out of any of their control. "Fine. Get out so we can get dressed, cream puff."
Mokona strained in her grip toward her cleavage and she shook it. She only let the silly thing rest there on special occasions, and they were so sore lately that no occasion would be special enough. Fai was pulling on his trousers, and Syaoran bowed to her quickly. "We'll head from the roof in twenty minutes," he said, and she nodded to show him she'd heard.
"Kuro-daddy's breasts have gotten sooooo biiiiig!" Mokona crooned, and she threw it at the kid through the open door; it went sailing through the air with a faint wheee! noise that had Fai chuckling as he closed the door gently behind them.
"You know you only encourage her," he remarked, and she sighed and flopped back on the pillows, stretching out her legs and arms. He padded over toward her and held out his hand, and smiling crookedly she grasped it and got out of bed. Her own clothing was scattered over the room, so she pulled something clean out of her bags and changed into it briefly while Fai shoved his own stuff carelessly into his. "Kuro-sama, can you do the rest of our belongings so I can make some toast or something? I'd hate to travel hungry..."
Kurogane winced. "Nothing for me," she said, "But you go ahead, wizard."
He paused. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," she replied, bending down to scoop a pair of his underpants out from underneath the dresser. She thought she remembered pulling these off him the first night they'd arrived... She shoved them in with her dirty laundry bag and swung the strap over her shoulder, and realized he was eyeing her oddly. "What? Weren't you going to get some breakfast?"
"I changed my mind," he said, shaking his head, and turned away.
It only took then fifteen minutes to get everything prepared, and that was only because Fai kept breaking off from his packing to look at her thoughtfully. The kid was up on the roof when they got there, his bag on the floor by his feet, and Kurogane ditched hers on top of it. "We're ready," she said, shortly, and the pork bun leaped onto her shoulder. Usually she would have swatted it away, but this time she just hmphed and let it sit there.
"Here we go," it said, and jumped up into the air; Fai reached out absently and took her hand, and she let him. He was being weird today.
It was a strange feeling, dissolving and then reconstructing, but she was used to it. Closing her eyes helped. Usually the first thing she noticed was the weather, and this time was no exception; heat hit her like a wave, and her eyes flew open to sand, and a town sprouting from the desert, and in the distance the ruins...
"Oh," Syaoran said, and beamed. "Oh."
"It's Clow!" Mokona squealed with glee, and bounced off Fai's shoulder and onto Syaoran's head. "Look, we're back in Clow!"
They had materialized on the roof of Sakura and Syaoran's building, overlooking the market street; Kurogane headed over to the edge and narrowed her eyes. There was some kind of disturbance... ah. She stood up straight and smiled. "Oi, pork bun," she said. "Over here."
"Is that Sakura?" Fai wondered, looking out beside her at the girl pushing her way through the shoppers, and then smiled warmly and waved. Down in the street below Sakura returned it and Syaoran came to the edge as well, grinning fit to burst. Kurogane eyed him, touched for his sake; she thought he had been through enough in his short life, and his happiness helped hers, too. Was that a parental feeling? She didn't know.
"Princess~! Princess~!" Mokona chirped, so she reached out and yanked it up by the ears.
"Come on," she said, depositing it on her own shoulder. "Let's give the kids some time alone, huh?"
Syaoran flushed gratefully and Fai chuckled, climbing up onto the edge of the roof. "Kuro-sama, we should at least say hello," he said.
Sakura bounded up the stairs two at a time, and when she reached the top she flung herself into Syaoran's arms with such force she knocked them both over. Fai laughed at that, covering his mouth with his hand, and Kurogane grinned despite herself. Mokona bounced up and down excitedly, waving its stubby arms.
"Fai-san, Kurogane-san," Sakura said politely from the floor, and then stood up, pulling Syaoran to his feet. They embraced, rather hard, and Kurogane glanced away politely, pretending not to hear that murmured, "Tsubasa-kun."
"It's good to see you, Princess," Fai said warmly, and Sakura giggled.
"I knew you were coming, I saw it in dreams! Come on, the clock's racing," she said happily, and grabbed Syaoran's hand; he blinked at her in open confusion.
"I don't -"
"You'll see! Come on, all of you!" she called over her shoulder, and then she was racing down the stairs, Syaoran dragged behind her looking both uncertain and excited. Fai and Kurogane exchanged glances, then Kurogane shrugged and jumped off the edge of the building to follow them to the ground. She had to admit she was curious.
She dragged them to the palace, which wasn't really a surprise since it was where they stayed every time they came. She didn't let them go sort out their rooms, dragging them straight to the gardens, which were full of flowering plants; a luxury indeed, in the heat of the desert. This was no surprise either.
What was a surprise were the sheer amount of people standing there in the courtyard, dressed in awkward finery and staring at the three of them.
"Tsubasa, I don't understand -" Syaoran whispered, eyeing her brother. Prince Touya was standing at the edge of the crowd with his arms folded over his chest and a deep scowl on his face, glaring at Syaoran; Yukito patted him gently on the shoulder. Sakura tossed her hair, and Syaoran's attention returned to her. Kurogane glanced cautiously around their surroundings and made to go investigate, but Fai caught her real shoulder in an iron grip and shook his head minutely.
"It's alright," said Sakura. "I didn't really explain." She turned to the crowd - every important member of the nobility and castle staff Kurogane had met over the years, as well as her family - and bowed deeply. "One moment, please," she said, and returned her gaze to Syaoran. "This is somewhat unconventional, I know," she said, and flushed. "And... And it's very forward. But... now is the best time, I think. I..."
"Princess?" Syaoran asked, mystified, and Kurogane began to have some inkling of what was happening here. She turned to Fai to see him looking smug and nudged him; he shushed her absently.
Sakura dropped to her knees in the heady loam of the gardens, drew in a deep breath, and said, "Syaoran... no, Tsubasa. Would you take me as your bound partner, in the..." she drew in another gulp of air and pushed forward. "In the eyes of the law and my kin, here in the house of my father?"
Syaoran's jaw dropped open, and then he was on the dirt next to her and they were hugging and the sound of applause thundered the air, the King and Queen perhaps the loudest. Fai was grinning like the cat who had gotten all the cream in the world, and Kurogane narrowed her eyes at him.
"How long have you been planning this with the princess?" she murmured, leaning over to put her mouth to his ear, and he smiled at her but didn't reply, which was all the answer she needed.
"The princess was quite determined," he said cheerfully, and Kurogane snorted and shook her head, and brought her hands together hard enough her palms stung. Fai snuggled up against her side and said, "That was just the proposal. The wedding comes next, Kuro-chan. The princess has been coordinating this for some time!"
Kurogane shook her head, amused, and Mokona bounced up and down on her shoulder, its small stubby paws banging together as it joined in the applause. Even the Crown Prince was clapping, although he looked like he'd rather have been doing something else entirely.
"You've done stupider things," she said, and he laughed, and while attention was on the kids she bent her head and kissed him, because sometimes he could be so damn thoughtful, and she could admit she liked that about him.
It was going to be a beautiful day.
The wedding took perhaps half an hour, which surprised Kurogane. She'd never seen a royal wedding back home, but she had known how much work it would take because every year advisors planned one 'just in case' for Amaterasu, although Kurogane privately thought they'd have an easier time winching the sun itself from the sky and wedding it to some politically appropriate partner than getting Kendappa to do something she didn't want to do. She'd always known when the annual barking about weddings began because Souma always grew this tension around her mouth, and they'd left off their bickering and nagging during that time.
It was a nice enough ceremony, seemingly consisting of exchanging rings - Sakura had had one made for Syaoran out of memory and, Kurogane suspected, Fai's help finding a size - and vows to honour and obey each other. Kurogane stood to attention through the whole thing, Fai at her sword-side, and couldn't help but keep glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. His attention was rapt on the kids.
"You okay, wizard?" she asked at the crucial moment, and he flicked his gaze up to meet hers and gave her a wistful, sweet smile.
"Of course," he said. "It's just so strange, to see our kids all grown up, don't you think?"
"All grown up, all grown up!" Mokona crooned, jumping onto Kurogane's lap, and she was feeling mellow enough she put her hand onto its head and stroked it. She felt better now than she had when she woke up, but still vaguely nauseous. Stupid wizard's spawn.
"Tch," she said. "It's about time."
"Fai-mommy and Kuro-daddy should go next," Mokona said, slyly, and Kurogane snorted. Fai raised an eyebrow, smiling.
"We don't really do weddings back home, unless you're someone important," Kurogane said, and Fai nodded agreement.
"Ceres either," he said. "Weddings were for lords and ladies. I went to a few, but... well." He glanced away, his blue eyes bright, and she cautiously touched her fingertips to his elbow to offer him some ground. That got his attention, and he grinned at her, crooked and warm.
"But weddings are fun!" Mokona said. "All those drinks, yum yum!" It bounced at Kurogane's face and she caught it absently, her fingers splayed around its round white body.
"Not in Ceres," Fai said, grinning. "Only one drink, really. Mead. It's made with honey, and... other things," he added at Kurogane's mystified look. "The married couple got red wine, because it was so expensive. No vineyards in Ruval."
Kurogane snorted and poked Mokona in its stomach. "No booze for you anyway, pork bun," she said, severely. "You do stupid fucking shit when you're plastered."
Mokona pouted and turned its eyes on Fai. "Mommy," it complained, "Kuro-daddy is so strict."
"She has a point," said Fai, but he rescued it from Kurogane's palm and placed it on his shoulder, stroking the fingers of one long pale hand down one of Mokona's ears. Musicians were setting up shop, and he glanced over at them. "The after-party is getting started, and there will be plenty to drink tonight. The princess is fairly sure we won't be leaving for a few days, so you'll have lots of time to sleep it off, I promise."
"Just don't trash our rooms again," Kurogane grunted, and the pork bun bounced off Fai's shoulder over to the tables with another high-pitched wheeee~! Kurogane shook her head. "I swear, that thing..."
"Mokona is having fun," Fai said, and smiled. He glanced back at Sakura and Syaoran, who had their fingers locked at the very front of the gathering; Yukito behind them flipped his book closed with one hand and smiled.
"You may now kiss the bride," he said, and Syaoran stooped and did. More applause rang out, along with cheers and cries of advice; Fai's whole face softened.
"They're all doing well," he said, gently. "All three of them. We didn't fail."
Kurogane leaned over and took his hand, sighing. "You are aware they're not really our children," she said dryly. "They have their own parents."
Fai grinned at her, sweetly. "But they're as good as," he countered, and Kurogane had the sudden feeling that this... this was the side of Fai their baby would be seeing as it grew up, because... because...
Oh, fuck. Somehow she knew now what choice she would make. Maybe she had always been going to make it, because she was kind of in love with this man, and, well, it was going to happen sooner or later. She closed her eyes and flopped back in her chair with a groan, and Fai chuckled and kissed her cheek.
"I'm going to grab something from the tables, since we didn't have anything to eat," he said. "Then we should go congratulate the happy couple. Do you want anything?"
"No," she said shortly, massaging her temples, and he made an agreeable noise and she felt him getting up.
She waited until she was sure he was distracted before hunching up in her seat, her palm resting lightly across her flat belly, and she sighed. "Well," she said, in a low, slightly grumpy voice, "I guess I'm keeping you." After a moment, she added, "You better not be an idiot like your father."
Sakura and Syaoran were surrounded by other well-wishers when they approached, but Sakura excused herself with a deftness Kurogane could admire and threw her arms around Fai's chest when she realized they were there. "It worked just like you said, thank you so much, Fai-san!" she said, and he laughed and put his arms around her, too, bending down to embrace her back.
Syaoran was beaming like Kurogane hadn't seen for a while, and she scuffed his hair fondly with her palm. Would it be a boy, she wondered? She would know what to do with a boy.
"You looked so beautiful, Princess," Fai said, and Sakura giggled and her eyes tracked sideward to Kurogane, and then widened. It was only momentary, but Kurogane felt rather like she'd been stripped bare in that moment, that Sakura had seen rather more than she should. The Princess looked flabbergasted, her lips parting; and then she smiled deeply like nothing had happened and grabbed Kurogane into a tight hug that she was definitely less than comfortable with. Awkwardly she patted her other princess on the shoulders, and when Fai smirked at her she glared at him.
"Well done," she said, not sure what else to offer her... fuck it, her kids, and Syaoran made a noise suspiciously like a snigger and then hastily disguised it as a cough when she glared at him. "You did good."
"Kurogane-san, we're twenty one," Sakura said, laughing, and let her go. Her fingertips fluttered over Kurogane's belly as she did so, in a gesture that probably looked natural to everyone else, and uncomfortably Kurogane shifted her weight. Sakura smiled up at her sweetly, innocently, and said, "Please enjoy the party, both of you. I imported wine for it from all over the world. I already tried some and it's very nice. It won't harm you as long as you don't drink to excess!"
It won't hurt the baby if you only have a bit, Kurogane heard in her words, and bit her lower lip. Fai and Syaoran hadn't seemed to have noticed; Fai pressed himself against her side and smiled beatifically at Sakura. "Oh dear, my little girl is drinking without me?" he sang, and Sakura giggled.
Kurogane excused herself shortly after that, patting both the kids' heads as she went, and headed over to the tables. Mokona was attempting to knock over one of the wine bottles to get at the contents, and with a sigh she seized it and poured the pork bun out a generous measure into a shot glass, which it happily drained. She took a swig of the bottle and refilled the glass, to the pork bun's delight.
"Kuro-daddy is so supportive," it said.
"Tch," Kurogane said, and put the bottle down heavily. Fai was still talking to Syaoran, but as she glanced over Sakura lifted her head and met her gaze; excusing herself with a touch to her new husband's shoulder, the princess made her way over toward Kurogane, who took herself off to a more isolated spot away from the tables. She sensed she was going to need privacy for this.
"Congratulations," Sakura said quietly as she rounded the tree Kurogane was leaning against. Her ruffled skirts swished over the plant life, and Kurogane grunted awkwardly.
"I could say the same for you," she said. "It's your wedding. Shouldn't you be with the other kid?"
"It's my wedding, Kurogane-san," Sakura said, lightly. "I don't know when you're leaving, but we have a few days together yet, Tsubasa and I. I wanted... I wanted to tell you what I saw. I think it's something your princess would want me to do."
Kurogane hesitated, scuffing her hand through the fine hairs at the back of her neck, and quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"It's a girl," Sakura said. "I... I know you're confused, but I think you've already made up your mind on that score. I just wanted to let you know."
Kurogane grunted, but she couldn't keep her artificial hand from lowering to rest lightly against her belly. Still so early... "You saw that in your future-dreams?" she asked, and Sakura nodded calmly.
"If your princess could still see, I think she would have been the one to tell you," she said. "As it is, I think you will see her again shortly, and she will suggest a name." She picked a tree opposite Kurogane and leaned against it, and smiled. "You're afraid, aren't you?"
Kurogane snorted. "Of course I'm not," she said. "I've faced -"
"- Enemies," Sakura finished. "Things that you can kill. This isn't something you'll be able to get rid of with your sword, Kurogane-san, and... and I wanted to offer you someone to talk to. You spent so much time worrying about being female."
She swallowed. "I didn't," she protested. "The rest of the world did. All those fucking rules about what makes a woman a woman... er, sorry about the language," she added awkwardly, and Sakura giggled, covering her mouth with both her hands.
"In another life I was a mother too," she replied, and Kurogane paused and then nodded. Yes, of course. The clone.
The party was still going on, and dimly Kurogane hoped Fai wouldn't come looking for her. "A mother," she mused, quietly. "My mother was... she was a kind woman, and she was... warm. Princess, how can I be her?"
Sakura cocked her head to one side. "Is that what you're worrying about?" she asked softly, and Kurogane shrugged and folded her arms across her chest, refusing to make eye contact.
The grass cushioned Sakura's footsteps when she approached, but Kurogane sensed it anyway. All those years wound up and tense, a warrior hunting down threats; that didn't go away just because she'd had a few years of comfort and safety. Sakura's small hands folded over hers, and the princess tugged gently, forcing her to uncross her arms and free her chest of its defensive barrier.
"Kurogane-san," she said, and there was a kind of mature firmness in her voice that Kurogane had heard from the clone during that final battle with Fei Wang Reed. "Kurogane-san, listen to me. You can do this. You were there for me, and for Syaoran-kun, and for his parents. You kept us together during that horrible period after... after Tokyo, and I know you'll do great. I love you, and so does Syaoran-kun... and so does Fai-san, more than all of us. If you think you'll be a bad mother, remember that you won't be alone, and... and what you're missing, he can provide. Do you understand?"
She drew in a deep breath, and forced herself to meet Sakura's eyes. They were narrowed slightly in concentration, every inch of the princess' body tense with seriousness. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah, I understand."
"Have you made your choice?" Sakura asked gently, and she could only nod, because she had and she knew she had. A girl. Huh. Sakura smiled so suddenly and brightly it was like watching the sun come out from behind grey storm clouds; the princess squeezed her hands and said, "You'll do fine. Besides... as Mokona keeps reminding us, Fai-mommy is plenty maternal."
That made the corner of her mouth turn up, because it was true. The idiot would make a good parent, she already knew that. She tugged one hand free of the princess' and put it over her stomach, and Sakura beamed back at her. Kurogane cleared her throat. "I should... I should probably go tell the idiot, right?" she said, in a voice that was only a little bit raspy.
Sakura nodded firmly. "I think that would be for the best," she said, and well, Kurogane supposed she had a point. It was long past time, anyway.
When she found the wizard, he was sitting on an overturned log teaching a naughty drinking song to the Crown Prince, his fingers moving like an imaginary conductor’s baton as he navigated his way through the twisting turns of a song about a rodent that could not be sodomized in any way. Kurogane had a moment of doubt about the man's parental abilities, and then reminded herself that the last time he was really, truly, honestly drunk - not like Outo country, where being in a video game had affected his tolerance levels - he had refused to do anything because of his impaired judgment, drunk two whole jugs of water to stave off a hangover, and then put himself to bed early. This was just him playing.
"Oi," she said, stepping into their circle in the middle of a refrain about what one could do to a giraffe that could not be done to a hedgehog, "I want a word with you."
Fai blinked at her hazily and then smiled. "Okay," he said. "I was wondering where you'd gotten to."
He climbed to his feet and as he did so she let herself admire his backside and the tight lines of his body. Sometimes she wondered how a man like him had ended up with her; and then she remembered everything they had done for each other. She reached out and seized his sleeve, and yanked him away from the people he'd been entertaining as behind them Touya began to pick up the song where he'd left off.
"Listen," she said, as she towed him over to the far edges of the gathering, half in the tree line. Over his shoulder she could see Sakura rejoining her new husband for a dance; the musicians were playing a slow, sensual waltz for the newlywed's first dance, and she felt marginally guilty for delaying it. "I... I promised to tell you what was wrong with me, right?"
He blinked at her and nodded. He had a tall goblet in his free hand of something dark, and he took a sip as she hesitated. "Kuro-sama has been quite tetchy," he said cheerfully. "Even for her."
"Yeah, yeah," she said, irritably, and sighed. "Oh, fuck it, there's no way to get around this, is there? Listen." She weighed her words heavily, and then nodded, lifted her chin to meet his eyes, and said, firmly, "I'm pregnant."
"I know," said Fai, and she felt her jaw drop open.
It took her a moment to find her voice, and he took another sip from the goblet, his face carefully blank. "You knew? Since when, you scrawny blond bastard?"
He laughed. "Well, I didn't know know until now," he said. "But... I guessed. From this morning, actually."
"And when were you going to, I don't know, fucking ask me about it?" she growled, and he licked his lips and glanced up at the sky.
"Never," he said, quietly. "I thought you had your own reasons for not saying anything. Kuro-sama, I... I trust you. I said that, didn't I?" Caught off-guard, she nodded, and he flashed her a quick smile. "I meant it. Whatever you chose to do, I would have been okay with that."
She stared at him, speechless, and he held out the goblet, pressing it into her free hand. When she glanced down she realized the liquid in it was dark, and though she couldn't quite make out the colour, she was suddenly reasonably sure it was a red-purple. "This is wine," she said, quietly, remembering what he'd said about red wine and Ceresian weddings...
He nodded and picked up her free hand, the fake one, wrapping both his hands around it. She couldn't really feel the contact - the false skin wasn't that sensitive - but she could pick up the warmth of his touch. His gaze was completely serious when he said, "This was for me, Kuro-sama. So the wine is for you."
Her chest felt impossibly full, like her heart was too small to contain all the things she felt for him, so she tugged her hand free and thanked him the only way she knew how; she curled it into a fist and bonked him gently on top of the head. "Idiot," she said, and if her voice wavered it was no fault of hers.
"Yes," he replied, and grinned at her sweetly. "Always."
"You're going to teach our daughter to be stupid too, aren't you," she said with a mock-weary sigh, and watched the way his eyes widened at this mention of the baby's gender. He smiled, and his eyes were brighter than usual.
"I'm afraid so," he said, and his voice was barely more than a whisper. "Luckily her mother will be there to provide a better role model, right, Kuro-sama?"
"Tch," Kurogane snorted. "She'll have two. You're acceptable even though you're an idiot." After a heartbeat she added, "Besides, I... don't think I'll be the best mother, so... you can do that."
"Kuro-daddy will teach her daughter to be the bravest, strongest warrior ever," he said, and raised a hand, his expression abruptly unsure. "Can - can I...?"
"Go ahead," she said amused, and when he gingerly placed his palm atop her belly she grabbed his shoulder and roughly dragged him toward her. The look in his eyes was one of awe, and it softened his whole face and made her heart flutter against her ribs. "I think," she said, shakily, "That this party isn't one I'm interested in. Maybe we should... head to our rooms in the palace. You mind, wizard?"
He glanced up at her, his whole face so perfect in that moment that she couldn't help but bend down and kiss him right there in the open. He tasted like wine and faintly, of honey, and it was the only sweet thing she would ever enjoy. When they broke apart she kept her eyes on him as she raised the goblet to her lips, and drained it in three long swallows; a rivulet of wine trickled from the corner of her mouth when she lowered it, and she swiped it up with her tongue and watched the way his pupils dilated.
"Palace," he said, firmly, and she nodded agreement, and the sounds of the party followed them all the way to their usual rooms.
She woke up the next afternoon to the sunshine burning through the gaps in the shutters, and him sleeping curled against her back. One of his arms was heavy across her side. He'd fallen asleep with a hand over her stomach, and she raised her head from the pillow and pulled the covers back to look at it, at his long pale fingers splayed out against her darker skin.
Lucky baby, she thought, and dropped the blankets. She was tired and she ached, and she felt safe here, so she closed her eyes and slid her hand down her body to rest atop his, and she fell asleep with the knowledge that no matter what, things were going to be okay.
She hoped Tomoyo picked a good name.
Notes: here is the hedgehog song Fai taught Touya.
An iwata-obi is a traditional stomach wrap worn by pregnant woman in their 5th month+ to provide protection to the baby (and a bit of support).
so far i've been sort of keeping the series in some kind of vague chronological order, but the reason im posting it here rather than inmyvortex is cos its rough draft, so here's a post-series segment!
Your heart is the only place that I call home
I could be your girl (but would you love me if I ruled the world) 'verse (Kuro-girl!)
Previous parts chronologically: Fish and silent ocean - It's in the ABC of growing up - All I want, only one, street level miracle - There is no modern romance
7,291 words. Post-series. Ridiculous amounts of schmoop.
When Kurogane was younger her mother had sat her down and they had had a talk, in which her mother explained plenty of aspects of a woman's life that Kurogane had until that point never considered. It had been shortly after she started her bleeding, and her embarrassment had been plenty obvious, to her mother's wry amusement. She had learned how to brew certain teas, and how to use the herbs that grew naturally in their country for many things beyond simple cough medicines and poultices, and she knew it was important but she hadn't really... well, she hadn't thought it would apply to her.
She sighed and tipped her head back, letting the water of the shower wash over her scalp, and mused about how she really should have foreseen this.
This world was fairly boring, which suited her fine. The technology was adequate - hence the shower, which she was enjoying perhaps more than she ought - and the people were happy enough. It was the third world in a row where she hadn't needed to so much as touch her sword, a situation that vexed her as much as pleased her. Fai openly preferred the calmer worlds; he and Syaoran were out at the local library, taking the opportunity to... obsess over something pointless, she didn't know, and the blond was an idiot and she was angry at him, and it just made her angrier to know that that was why he was at the library.
He probably thought he was being sensitive and fucking in tune with her emotions or something by giving her space. Instead, she kind of wanted to smack him, because he was so damn insensitive sometimes, and...
She sighed heavily and thumbed her wet mane out of her eyes, leaning back and fixing the showerhead above her with a glare. The hot water was doing wonders for most of her various aches and pains, but it couldn't fix the unobservant blond idiot she loved.
(Because she did love him, she knew that, even when he hadn't the brains to put two and two together.)
The whole mess had started because of him. Well, okay, she could admit that wasn't fair of her. It had been both of them in the wide bed of Spirit world, him stretched out on the bed naked and hers as she threw a leg over his narrow hips and guided him inside her with shallow jerks of her hips, loving the way his eyes shuttered in pleasure, how she could do that to him. And... and it had been her idea to do it even though they hadn't had anything, because Mokona was sleeping in Syaoran's room that night and she hadn't wanted to go wake them both up to have that pork bun vomit up one of those little foil wrappers...
Well, it was still his fault for not noticing, she thought grumpily.
By her count it had been thirty four days since then, and she was definitely feeling it. He had noticed how sore her breasts were because he used them as a fucking pillow and she hadn't let him do so, but he had accepted her claims that her absent woman's blood was down to a new tea she was trying to stave off this very situation without blinking. Sometimes it amazed her that someone that bright could be that stupid, but she supposed it was a case of not seeing the forest through the trees.
She could tell him. She probably should. But the problem was, she didn't know yet whether she even wanted this... thing growing inside her, because it would change everything, and she didn't... she didn't want to tell him and then decide she didn't. She had been kind of hoping he would notice to take the gods-damned choice out of her hands, but she suspected he would remain stupidly oblivious right up until she started to show, so she had kept quiet.
Her mother had fallen pregnant again several times after she had been born, but her body had been too weak to survive childbirth a second time. She hadn't had to deal with the problem by herself. Kurogane's father had loved his wife more than life itself, and he had been there every step of the way, and they had openly discussed it in front of Kurogane, because they thought it was something she needed to know about being an adult woman and in a relationship.
Kurogane had never thought it would apply to her, but she had listened. She had thought she would never find a man like her father because she wasn't her mother, and then Fai had turned up and he wasn't much like either of her parents but he was... right for her. Sometimes that embarrassed her, because he was, after all, an idiot and a foreigner with dreadful manners and a ridiculous habit of abusing nicknames; but he made her smile, and he made her happy, and she just didn't know.
She blew out a long breath and ran her palm over the flat, taut muscles of her abdomen. It didn't feel any different, but she wasn't a complete child, she knew, and hadn't Souma warned her this could happen the morning after she had first slept with him?
"You are gonna fuck up my stances," she remarked into the steamy air of the bathroom, and waited to see if she would experience any sort of squishy maternal feelings for the thing. After a moment, she shook her head and turned the shower off.
She was definitely not her mother.
The other three members of her strange travelling household returned while she was in her bedroom toweling off, and were about as subtle as a facial rash. "Kuro-chaaaaaaaan~!"
"Indoor voice, idiot," she said as the bedroom door bounced open, and then dropped her towel and recoiled. "The hell is that?"
Fai beamed at her proudly. "Well," he said, "Since poor Kuro-breasts were sore earlier, I thought I'd stop off on the way back and get something to help! It's supposed to lift and support."
He held the cotton bra out helpfully, and Kurogane reminded herself that she wasn't allowed to dropkick him, especially not the way she was right now. "You talked about my breasts with a stranger," she said, icily, and he nodded cheerfully.
"The salesgirl was quite impressed I knew your size off the bat," he said, and Kurogane buried her face in the palm of her hand and told herself that he was trying to be nice.
"Give me that," she said, and swiped it. It took longer to put on that it should, and though she could feel how something like it might help, she pulled it off again with a wince. He had moved close, circling her, and she threw it at his face and scowled. "It's too small," she said, turning away to her drawers, and out of the corner of her eye she watched him peel it off and turn it over in his hands.
"Hrm. It's the same size I always get," he said, frowning, and then glanced up with a wicked light in his eyes and his mouth curling in a grin. "Maybe Kuro-sama's poor chest hurts because she's undergoing a growth spurt~!"
"What," she said, deadpan.
He managed to eel his way closer to her, but she slapped his hand ruthlessly away before he could cup one of her tits with it and he pouted and then leaned in and kissed her, lightning quick, on the cheek. She sighed and slid her hand onto his narrow hips, feeling the sharp press of bone there against her palm, and ducked her head to kiss him. He tasted revoltingly like hot chocolate, and the way he melted against her woke a flicker of interest in her belly. Maybe they had time...
"You've been sore for three weeks now," he said quietly, and she jerked back. He was watching her from up close, his eyes so vivid and beautiful. "Are you sure you're okay, Kuro-sama? Even big tough ninja can get sick every now and then."
For a moment she couldn't speak, and then she smiled and cupped the back of his neck, her fingers digging into his soft hair. He was still watching her, so she kissed him. "I'm fine," she said, and added, "Really."
"Is it something to do with that tea you're taking?" he wanted to know, and she huffed out a breath and bumped her mouth against his forehead, less a kiss and more a nuzzle. He was paying attention. Just to the wrong damn things, and she supposed that wasn't surprising considering his upbringing.
"Oi," she said. "I know what I'm doing. I'll be fine."
"If you're sure," he said, but he sounded doubtful. She kissed him again. He smelled like old books and paper, and his hair was so soft... she let her hand slip lower, and then lower than that until he made a pleased heh noise into her mouth. "I really should go start dinner within the hour," he breathed, and she shrugged.
"That's loads of time," she said, and stepped away. She wanted to be close to him, and she wanted it now, and the worst had already happened so everything would be fine. She still didn't know what to do about the... about the thing growing inside her, but she had plenty of time yet to think it through, and right now she just really wanted his mouth between her legs, using his clever tongue for something a whole lot less irritating than teasing her. She grabbed a hair tie from the drawer and yanked her hair into a rough ponytail, and then turned to watch the way his eyes roamed her body hungrily. She grinned and held her arms open, quirking an eyebrow.
He made dinner late.
By the time the earring glowed, she still hadn't made up her mind on the fate of the thing. She refused to think of it as a child or a baby, because it blatantly wasn't, yet, and such words were loaded. The indecision was beginning to take over her life, and Fai and even Syaoran had definitely noticed it; she was increasingly foul tempered and silent, and she kept almost snapping their heads off because they seemed so impossibly cheerful and what did they know?
She felt bad about it. She could just see the expression Tomoyo would make if she knew, although that vision was almost always followed by another one of the outfits her princess would force her into and really she was kind of glad she wasn't home. She tried to make it up to them, to the men in her life, by taking herself off to sulk when she knew she was in a terrible mood, or by doing their share of the chores. They knew something was wrong but they didn't know what, and for the first time since Fai had socked her in head in her rooms in Nihon there was a kind of hesitance between them as he plainly tried to avoid upsetting her. It just made her feel guilty.
It didn't help that she was beginning to have nightmares, which was unusual. She wasn't the type to remember her dreams, and her ninja training had taught her how to centre herself before sleeping to ensure peace and quiet, but now she started to have them almost every night.
They were different from the ones that had plagued her after she had first arrived in Tomoyo's care, a half-feral wounded creature who dreamed of her parents' death; one night she merely dreamed of waking up to find someone had left a red iwata-obi at the foot of her bed, and in the dream she knew she had left it there because she no longer needed it because she was no longer pregnant, and she woke up to find wetness at the edges of her cheeks.
This did not help her mood.
She resolved not to think about it for a good two days, and that evening she made an effort to be normal to Fai, a process that clearly made him suspicious. Their sex that night was angry and hard, and she dug her blunt fingernails into the meat of his shoulder and reflected that this had gone on for long enough.
"Tell me what's wrong," he said, matter-of-factly, after he had toppled her over and pulled out of her. He was lying on his belly, his head turned toward her and his blond hair bright and pale in the darkness, and she growled under her breath.
He didn't blink and he didn't look away, and she eventually sighed and said, "I can't tell you yet, wizard. Soon, maybe. I'm working a few things out."
"Kuro-sama, you've been..." he paused. "You've been different," he said, eventually. "I thought we weren't supposed to be that anymore. What are you hiding from me?"
Under the covers, she caught her hand before it could drift to her stomach, and swallowed. "I know," she said. "Tch. I know, okay? It's... I'm working it out. Just wait, wizard."
He didn't answer straight away, and she could sense the careful way he was watching her; then he pushed himself up on his elbow, leaned over her, and kissed her so gently and so carefully it made her toes curl. "I trust you," he said, softly. "If there's anything I can do, tell me."
Oh, she thought numbly, and nodded. He gave her a slow, warm smile and snuggled down in the covers to sleep, in his usual position with his face wedged into the pillow, and she reached out before she could think and carded her fingers gently through his hair. She couldn't lie to this man, she knew, and she... and she didn't want to lie by omission much longer. She'd have to tell him. She just didn't know when, or how.
The next morning started badly, which was to say Syaoran thundered on the door before the sun was up. "Fai-san," he called, urgently. "Kurogane-sensei!"
Fai got up and answered it, and Kurogane sat up, wrapping the blanket around her chest in the name of modesty as he pulled on his underwear and opened the door. Syaoran was standing on the other side, looking faintly concerned, and the reason why was apparent; Mokona was on his shoulder with her earring glowing. "Wakey wakey!" chirped the pork bun, and before Fai or Syaoran could react, launched itself across the room in a plain beeline for Kurogane's cleavage; she caught it by the ears almost lazily and it made a whining noise. "Good morning!" it sang. "We've got to go soon!"
"Yeah, yeah," Kurogane grunted. She felt faintly nauseous and was still tired, but this was something out of any of their control. "Fine. Get out so we can get dressed, cream puff."
Mokona strained in her grip toward her cleavage and she shook it. She only let the silly thing rest there on special occasions, and they were so sore lately that no occasion would be special enough. Fai was pulling on his trousers, and Syaoran bowed to her quickly. "We'll head from the roof in twenty minutes," he said, and she nodded to show him she'd heard.
"Kuro-daddy's breasts have gotten sooooo biiiiig!" Mokona crooned, and she threw it at the kid through the open door; it went sailing through the air with a faint wheee! noise that had Fai chuckling as he closed the door gently behind them.
"You know you only encourage her," he remarked, and she sighed and flopped back on the pillows, stretching out her legs and arms. He padded over toward her and held out his hand, and smiling crookedly she grasped it and got out of bed. Her own clothing was scattered over the room, so she pulled something clean out of her bags and changed into it briefly while Fai shoved his own stuff carelessly into his. "Kuro-sama, can you do the rest of our belongings so I can make some toast or something? I'd hate to travel hungry..."
Kurogane winced. "Nothing for me," she said, "But you go ahead, wizard."
He paused. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," she replied, bending down to scoop a pair of his underpants out from underneath the dresser. She thought she remembered pulling these off him the first night they'd arrived... She shoved them in with her dirty laundry bag and swung the strap over her shoulder, and realized he was eyeing her oddly. "What? Weren't you going to get some breakfast?"
"I changed my mind," he said, shaking his head, and turned away.
It only took then fifteen minutes to get everything prepared, and that was only because Fai kept breaking off from his packing to look at her thoughtfully. The kid was up on the roof when they got there, his bag on the floor by his feet, and Kurogane ditched hers on top of it. "We're ready," she said, shortly, and the pork bun leaped onto her shoulder. Usually she would have swatted it away, but this time she just hmphed and let it sit there.
"Here we go," it said, and jumped up into the air; Fai reached out absently and took her hand, and she let him. He was being weird today.
It was a strange feeling, dissolving and then reconstructing, but she was used to it. Closing her eyes helped. Usually the first thing she noticed was the weather, and this time was no exception; heat hit her like a wave, and her eyes flew open to sand, and a town sprouting from the desert, and in the distance the ruins...
"Oh," Syaoran said, and beamed. "Oh."
"It's Clow!" Mokona squealed with glee, and bounced off Fai's shoulder and onto Syaoran's head. "Look, we're back in Clow!"
They had materialized on the roof of Sakura and Syaoran's building, overlooking the market street; Kurogane headed over to the edge and narrowed her eyes. There was some kind of disturbance... ah. She stood up straight and smiled. "Oi, pork bun," she said. "Over here."
"Is that Sakura?" Fai wondered, looking out beside her at the girl pushing her way through the shoppers, and then smiled warmly and waved. Down in the street below Sakura returned it and Syaoran came to the edge as well, grinning fit to burst. Kurogane eyed him, touched for his sake; she thought he had been through enough in his short life, and his happiness helped hers, too. Was that a parental feeling? She didn't know.
"Princess~! Princess~!" Mokona chirped, so she reached out and yanked it up by the ears.
"Come on," she said, depositing it on her own shoulder. "Let's give the kids some time alone, huh?"
Syaoran flushed gratefully and Fai chuckled, climbing up onto the edge of the roof. "Kuro-sama, we should at least say hello," he said.
Sakura bounded up the stairs two at a time, and when she reached the top she flung herself into Syaoran's arms with such force she knocked them both over. Fai laughed at that, covering his mouth with his hand, and Kurogane grinned despite herself. Mokona bounced up and down excitedly, waving its stubby arms.
"Fai-san, Kurogane-san," Sakura said politely from the floor, and then stood up, pulling Syaoran to his feet. They embraced, rather hard, and Kurogane glanced away politely, pretending not to hear that murmured, "Tsubasa-kun."
"It's good to see you, Princess," Fai said warmly, and Sakura giggled.
"I knew you were coming, I saw it in dreams! Come on, the clock's racing," she said happily, and grabbed Syaoran's hand; he blinked at her in open confusion.
"I don't -"
"You'll see! Come on, all of you!" she called over her shoulder, and then she was racing down the stairs, Syaoran dragged behind her looking both uncertain and excited. Fai and Kurogane exchanged glances, then Kurogane shrugged and jumped off the edge of the building to follow them to the ground. She had to admit she was curious.
She dragged them to the palace, which wasn't really a surprise since it was where they stayed every time they came. She didn't let them go sort out their rooms, dragging them straight to the gardens, which were full of flowering plants; a luxury indeed, in the heat of the desert. This was no surprise either.
What was a surprise were the sheer amount of people standing there in the courtyard, dressed in awkward finery and staring at the three of them.
"Tsubasa, I don't understand -" Syaoran whispered, eyeing her brother. Prince Touya was standing at the edge of the crowd with his arms folded over his chest and a deep scowl on his face, glaring at Syaoran; Yukito patted him gently on the shoulder. Sakura tossed her hair, and Syaoran's attention returned to her. Kurogane glanced cautiously around their surroundings and made to go investigate, but Fai caught her real shoulder in an iron grip and shook his head minutely.
"It's alright," said Sakura. "I didn't really explain." She turned to the crowd - every important member of the nobility and castle staff Kurogane had met over the years, as well as her family - and bowed deeply. "One moment, please," she said, and returned her gaze to Syaoran. "This is somewhat unconventional, I know," she said, and flushed. "And... And it's very forward. But... now is the best time, I think. I..."
"Princess?" Syaoran asked, mystified, and Kurogane began to have some inkling of what was happening here. She turned to Fai to see him looking smug and nudged him; he shushed her absently.
Sakura dropped to her knees in the heady loam of the gardens, drew in a deep breath, and said, "Syaoran... no, Tsubasa. Would you take me as your bound partner, in the..." she drew in another gulp of air and pushed forward. "In the eyes of the law and my kin, here in the house of my father?"
Syaoran's jaw dropped open, and then he was on the dirt next to her and they were hugging and the sound of applause thundered the air, the King and Queen perhaps the loudest. Fai was grinning like the cat who had gotten all the cream in the world, and Kurogane narrowed her eyes at him.
"How long have you been planning this with the princess?" she murmured, leaning over to put her mouth to his ear, and he smiled at her but didn't reply, which was all the answer she needed.
"The princess was quite determined," he said cheerfully, and Kurogane snorted and shook her head, and brought her hands together hard enough her palms stung. Fai snuggled up against her side and said, "That was just the proposal. The wedding comes next, Kuro-chan. The princess has been coordinating this for some time!"
Kurogane shook her head, amused, and Mokona bounced up and down on her shoulder, its small stubby paws banging together as it joined in the applause. Even the Crown Prince was clapping, although he looked like he'd rather have been doing something else entirely.
"You've done stupider things," she said, and he laughed, and while attention was on the kids she bent her head and kissed him, because sometimes he could be so damn thoughtful, and she could admit she liked that about him.
It was going to be a beautiful day.
The wedding took perhaps half an hour, which surprised Kurogane. She'd never seen a royal wedding back home, but she had known how much work it would take because every year advisors planned one 'just in case' for Amaterasu, although Kurogane privately thought they'd have an easier time winching the sun itself from the sky and wedding it to some politically appropriate partner than getting Kendappa to do something she didn't want to do. She'd always known when the annual barking about weddings began because Souma always grew this tension around her mouth, and they'd left off their bickering and nagging during that time.
It was a nice enough ceremony, seemingly consisting of exchanging rings - Sakura had had one made for Syaoran out of memory and, Kurogane suspected, Fai's help finding a size - and vows to honour and obey each other. Kurogane stood to attention through the whole thing, Fai at her sword-side, and couldn't help but keep glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. His attention was rapt on the kids.
"You okay, wizard?" she asked at the crucial moment, and he flicked his gaze up to meet hers and gave her a wistful, sweet smile.
"Of course," he said. "It's just so strange, to see our kids all grown up, don't you think?"
"All grown up, all grown up!" Mokona crooned, jumping onto Kurogane's lap, and she was feeling mellow enough she put her hand onto its head and stroked it. She felt better now than she had when she woke up, but still vaguely nauseous. Stupid wizard's spawn.
"Tch," she said. "It's about time."
"Fai-mommy and Kuro-daddy should go next," Mokona said, slyly, and Kurogane snorted. Fai raised an eyebrow, smiling.
"We don't really do weddings back home, unless you're someone important," Kurogane said, and Fai nodded agreement.
"Ceres either," he said. "Weddings were for lords and ladies. I went to a few, but... well." He glanced away, his blue eyes bright, and she cautiously touched her fingertips to his elbow to offer him some ground. That got his attention, and he grinned at her, crooked and warm.
"But weddings are fun!" Mokona said. "All those drinks, yum yum!" It bounced at Kurogane's face and she caught it absently, her fingers splayed around its round white body.
"Not in Ceres," Fai said, grinning. "Only one drink, really. Mead. It's made with honey, and... other things," he added at Kurogane's mystified look. "The married couple got red wine, because it was so expensive. No vineyards in Ruval."
Kurogane snorted and poked Mokona in its stomach. "No booze for you anyway, pork bun," she said, severely. "You do stupid fucking shit when you're plastered."
Mokona pouted and turned its eyes on Fai. "Mommy," it complained, "Kuro-daddy is so strict."
"She has a point," said Fai, but he rescued it from Kurogane's palm and placed it on his shoulder, stroking the fingers of one long pale hand down one of Mokona's ears. Musicians were setting up shop, and he glanced over at them. "The after-party is getting started, and there will be plenty to drink tonight. The princess is fairly sure we won't be leaving for a few days, so you'll have lots of time to sleep it off, I promise."
"Just don't trash our rooms again," Kurogane grunted, and the pork bun bounced off Fai's shoulder over to the tables with another high-pitched wheeee~! Kurogane shook her head. "I swear, that thing..."
"Mokona is having fun," Fai said, and smiled. He glanced back at Sakura and Syaoran, who had their fingers locked at the very front of the gathering; Yukito behind them flipped his book closed with one hand and smiled.
"You may now kiss the bride," he said, and Syaoran stooped and did. More applause rang out, along with cheers and cries of advice; Fai's whole face softened.
"They're all doing well," he said, gently. "All three of them. We didn't fail."
Kurogane leaned over and took his hand, sighing. "You are aware they're not really our children," she said dryly. "They have their own parents."
Fai grinned at her, sweetly. "But they're as good as," he countered, and Kurogane had the sudden feeling that this... this was the side of Fai their baby would be seeing as it grew up, because... because...
Oh, fuck. Somehow she knew now what choice she would make. Maybe she had always been going to make it, because she was kind of in love with this man, and, well, it was going to happen sooner or later. She closed her eyes and flopped back in her chair with a groan, and Fai chuckled and kissed her cheek.
"I'm going to grab something from the tables, since we didn't have anything to eat," he said. "Then we should go congratulate the happy couple. Do you want anything?"
"No," she said shortly, massaging her temples, and he made an agreeable noise and she felt him getting up.
She waited until she was sure he was distracted before hunching up in her seat, her palm resting lightly across her flat belly, and she sighed. "Well," she said, in a low, slightly grumpy voice, "I guess I'm keeping you." After a moment, she added, "You better not be an idiot like your father."
Sakura and Syaoran were surrounded by other well-wishers when they approached, but Sakura excused herself with a deftness Kurogane could admire and threw her arms around Fai's chest when she realized they were there. "It worked just like you said, thank you so much, Fai-san!" she said, and he laughed and put his arms around her, too, bending down to embrace her back.
Syaoran was beaming like Kurogane hadn't seen for a while, and she scuffed his hair fondly with her palm. Would it be a boy, she wondered? She would know what to do with a boy.
"You looked so beautiful, Princess," Fai said, and Sakura giggled and her eyes tracked sideward to Kurogane, and then widened. It was only momentary, but Kurogane felt rather like she'd been stripped bare in that moment, that Sakura had seen rather more than she should. The Princess looked flabbergasted, her lips parting; and then she smiled deeply like nothing had happened and grabbed Kurogane into a tight hug that she was definitely less than comfortable with. Awkwardly she patted her other princess on the shoulders, and when Fai smirked at her she glared at him.
"Well done," she said, not sure what else to offer her... fuck it, her kids, and Syaoran made a noise suspiciously like a snigger and then hastily disguised it as a cough when she glared at him. "You did good."
"Kurogane-san, we're twenty one," Sakura said, laughing, and let her go. Her fingertips fluttered over Kurogane's belly as she did so, in a gesture that probably looked natural to everyone else, and uncomfortably Kurogane shifted her weight. Sakura smiled up at her sweetly, innocently, and said, "Please enjoy the party, both of you. I imported wine for it from all over the world. I already tried some and it's very nice. It won't harm you as long as you don't drink to excess!"
It won't hurt the baby if you only have a bit, Kurogane heard in her words, and bit her lower lip. Fai and Syaoran hadn't seemed to have noticed; Fai pressed himself against her side and smiled beatifically at Sakura. "Oh dear, my little girl is drinking without me?" he sang, and Sakura giggled.
Kurogane excused herself shortly after that, patting both the kids' heads as she went, and headed over to the tables. Mokona was attempting to knock over one of the wine bottles to get at the contents, and with a sigh she seized it and poured the pork bun out a generous measure into a shot glass, which it happily drained. She took a swig of the bottle and refilled the glass, to the pork bun's delight.
"Kuro-daddy is so supportive," it said.
"Tch," Kurogane said, and put the bottle down heavily. Fai was still talking to Syaoran, but as she glanced over Sakura lifted her head and met her gaze; excusing herself with a touch to her new husband's shoulder, the princess made her way over toward Kurogane, who took herself off to a more isolated spot away from the tables. She sensed she was going to need privacy for this.
"Congratulations," Sakura said quietly as she rounded the tree Kurogane was leaning against. Her ruffled skirts swished over the plant life, and Kurogane grunted awkwardly.
"I could say the same for you," she said. "It's your wedding. Shouldn't you be with the other kid?"
"It's my wedding, Kurogane-san," Sakura said, lightly. "I don't know when you're leaving, but we have a few days together yet, Tsubasa and I. I wanted... I wanted to tell you what I saw. I think it's something your princess would want me to do."
Kurogane hesitated, scuffing her hand through the fine hairs at the back of her neck, and quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"It's a girl," Sakura said. "I... I know you're confused, but I think you've already made up your mind on that score. I just wanted to let you know."
Kurogane grunted, but she couldn't keep her artificial hand from lowering to rest lightly against her belly. Still so early... "You saw that in your future-dreams?" she asked, and Sakura nodded calmly.
"If your princess could still see, I think she would have been the one to tell you," she said. "As it is, I think you will see her again shortly, and she will suggest a name." She picked a tree opposite Kurogane and leaned against it, and smiled. "You're afraid, aren't you?"
Kurogane snorted. "Of course I'm not," she said. "I've faced -"
"- Enemies," Sakura finished. "Things that you can kill. This isn't something you'll be able to get rid of with your sword, Kurogane-san, and... and I wanted to offer you someone to talk to. You spent so much time worrying about being female."
She swallowed. "I didn't," she protested. "The rest of the world did. All those fucking rules about what makes a woman a woman... er, sorry about the language," she added awkwardly, and Sakura giggled, covering her mouth with both her hands.
"In another life I was a mother too," she replied, and Kurogane paused and then nodded. Yes, of course. The clone.
The party was still going on, and dimly Kurogane hoped Fai wouldn't come looking for her. "A mother," she mused, quietly. "My mother was... she was a kind woman, and she was... warm. Princess, how can I be her?"
Sakura cocked her head to one side. "Is that what you're worrying about?" she asked softly, and Kurogane shrugged and folded her arms across her chest, refusing to make eye contact.
The grass cushioned Sakura's footsteps when she approached, but Kurogane sensed it anyway. All those years wound up and tense, a warrior hunting down threats; that didn't go away just because she'd had a few years of comfort and safety. Sakura's small hands folded over hers, and the princess tugged gently, forcing her to uncross her arms and free her chest of its defensive barrier.
"Kurogane-san," she said, and there was a kind of mature firmness in her voice that Kurogane had heard from the clone during that final battle with Fei Wang Reed. "Kurogane-san, listen to me. You can do this. You were there for me, and for Syaoran-kun, and for his parents. You kept us together during that horrible period after... after Tokyo, and I know you'll do great. I love you, and so does Syaoran-kun... and so does Fai-san, more than all of us. If you think you'll be a bad mother, remember that you won't be alone, and... and what you're missing, he can provide. Do you understand?"
She drew in a deep breath, and forced herself to meet Sakura's eyes. They were narrowed slightly in concentration, every inch of the princess' body tense with seriousness. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah, I understand."
"Have you made your choice?" Sakura asked gently, and she could only nod, because she had and she knew she had. A girl. Huh. Sakura smiled so suddenly and brightly it was like watching the sun come out from behind grey storm clouds; the princess squeezed her hands and said, "You'll do fine. Besides... as Mokona keeps reminding us, Fai-mommy is plenty maternal."
That made the corner of her mouth turn up, because it was true. The idiot would make a good parent, she already knew that. She tugged one hand free of the princess' and put it over her stomach, and Sakura beamed back at her. Kurogane cleared her throat. "I should... I should probably go tell the idiot, right?" she said, in a voice that was only a little bit raspy.
Sakura nodded firmly. "I think that would be for the best," she said, and well, Kurogane supposed she had a point. It was long past time, anyway.
When she found the wizard, he was sitting on an overturned log teaching a naughty drinking song to the Crown Prince, his fingers moving like an imaginary conductor’s baton as he navigated his way through the twisting turns of a song about a rodent that could not be sodomized in any way. Kurogane had a moment of doubt about the man's parental abilities, and then reminded herself that the last time he was really, truly, honestly drunk - not like Outo country, where being in a video game had affected his tolerance levels - he had refused to do anything because of his impaired judgment, drunk two whole jugs of water to stave off a hangover, and then put himself to bed early. This was just him playing.
"Oi," she said, stepping into their circle in the middle of a refrain about what one could do to a giraffe that could not be done to a hedgehog, "I want a word with you."
Fai blinked at her hazily and then smiled. "Okay," he said. "I was wondering where you'd gotten to."
He climbed to his feet and as he did so she let herself admire his backside and the tight lines of his body. Sometimes she wondered how a man like him had ended up with her; and then she remembered everything they had done for each other. She reached out and seized his sleeve, and yanked him away from the people he'd been entertaining as behind them Touya began to pick up the song where he'd left off.
"Listen," she said, as she towed him over to the far edges of the gathering, half in the tree line. Over his shoulder she could see Sakura rejoining her new husband for a dance; the musicians were playing a slow, sensual waltz for the newlywed's first dance, and she felt marginally guilty for delaying it. "I... I promised to tell you what was wrong with me, right?"
He blinked at her and nodded. He had a tall goblet in his free hand of something dark, and he took a sip as she hesitated. "Kuro-sama has been quite tetchy," he said cheerfully. "Even for her."
"Yeah, yeah," she said, irritably, and sighed. "Oh, fuck it, there's no way to get around this, is there? Listen." She weighed her words heavily, and then nodded, lifted her chin to meet his eyes, and said, firmly, "I'm pregnant."
"I know," said Fai, and she felt her jaw drop open.
It took her a moment to find her voice, and he took another sip from the goblet, his face carefully blank. "You knew? Since when, you scrawny blond bastard?"
He laughed. "Well, I didn't know know until now," he said. "But... I guessed. From this morning, actually."
"And when were you going to, I don't know, fucking ask me about it?" she growled, and he licked his lips and glanced up at the sky.
"Never," he said, quietly. "I thought you had your own reasons for not saying anything. Kuro-sama, I... I trust you. I said that, didn't I?" Caught off-guard, she nodded, and he flashed her a quick smile. "I meant it. Whatever you chose to do, I would have been okay with that."
She stared at him, speechless, and he held out the goblet, pressing it into her free hand. When she glanced down she realized the liquid in it was dark, and though she couldn't quite make out the colour, she was suddenly reasonably sure it was a red-purple. "This is wine," she said, quietly, remembering what he'd said about red wine and Ceresian weddings...
He nodded and picked up her free hand, the fake one, wrapping both his hands around it. She couldn't really feel the contact - the false skin wasn't that sensitive - but she could pick up the warmth of his touch. His gaze was completely serious when he said, "This was for me, Kuro-sama. So the wine is for you."
Her chest felt impossibly full, like her heart was too small to contain all the things she felt for him, so she tugged her hand free and thanked him the only way she knew how; she curled it into a fist and bonked him gently on top of the head. "Idiot," she said, and if her voice wavered it was no fault of hers.
"Yes," he replied, and grinned at her sweetly. "Always."
"You're going to teach our daughter to be stupid too, aren't you," she said with a mock-weary sigh, and watched the way his eyes widened at this mention of the baby's gender. He smiled, and his eyes were brighter than usual.
"I'm afraid so," he said, and his voice was barely more than a whisper. "Luckily her mother will be there to provide a better role model, right, Kuro-sama?"
"Tch," Kurogane snorted. "She'll have two. You're acceptable even though you're an idiot." After a heartbeat she added, "Besides, I... don't think I'll be the best mother, so... you can do that."
"Kuro-daddy will teach her daughter to be the bravest, strongest warrior ever," he said, and raised a hand, his expression abruptly unsure. "Can - can I...?"
"Go ahead," she said amused, and when he gingerly placed his palm atop her belly she grabbed his shoulder and roughly dragged him toward her. The look in his eyes was one of awe, and it softened his whole face and made her heart flutter against her ribs. "I think," she said, shakily, "That this party isn't one I'm interested in. Maybe we should... head to our rooms in the palace. You mind, wizard?"
He glanced up at her, his whole face so perfect in that moment that she couldn't help but bend down and kiss him right there in the open. He tasted like wine and faintly, of honey, and it was the only sweet thing she would ever enjoy. When they broke apart she kept her eyes on him as she raised the goblet to her lips, and drained it in three long swallows; a rivulet of wine trickled from the corner of her mouth when she lowered it, and she swiped it up with her tongue and watched the way his pupils dilated.
"Palace," he said, firmly, and she nodded agreement, and the sounds of the party followed them all the way to their usual rooms.
She woke up the next afternoon to the sunshine burning through the gaps in the shutters, and him sleeping curled against her back. One of his arms was heavy across her side. He'd fallen asleep with a hand over her stomach, and she raised her head from the pillow and pulled the covers back to look at it, at his long pale fingers splayed out against her darker skin.
Lucky baby, she thought, and dropped the blankets. She was tired and she ached, and she felt safe here, so she closed her eyes and slid her hand down her body to rest atop his, and she fell asleep with the knowledge that no matter what, things were going to be okay.
She hoped Tomoyo picked a good name.
Notes: here is the hedgehog song Fai taught Touya.
An iwata-obi is a traditional stomach wrap worn by pregnant woman in their 5th month+ to provide protection to the baby (and a bit of support).