Late-Night Musing
Dealing with health issues. And not telling anyone my suspicions, because if I did they'd be freaking out. So don't comment asking me to tell you, because I won't do it.
It's quiet now. I have really good hearing, so it's not dead-quiet; the computer and the furnace seem to be the loudest things in the house, save for when I type or move the chair. I'm pretty sure if I close my eyes and focus I'd be able to hear something else- the fridge or the computer in the office, perhaps- but overall it's quiet.
It's amazing how, in the span of one afternoon, your perception of life can come into focus. You suddenly begin to realize what is truly important in your life, and what is merely superficial. That all the petty fights and disagreements were just that- petty- and begin to regret saying some things you said, or in some cases, not saying. You begin to look at the people in your life and realize how precious they really are.
It's funny- I've read about characters coming to these revelations all the time, but their meaning never really sunk in. It's usually the same scenario: someone dies or almost dies or is in the process of dying, and realize how important their family and friends are to them, and how there was no limit to the things they would do for them.
Granted, it's not quite the same, but seems to be pretty close. But at the same time, I can't help but to wonder if my grandmother felt the same when she began to suspect. Did she look back at her life and regret the mistakes she had made? Did she worry about all the preparations she would have to make? About all the people she would have to tell? About how they would feel?
Oddly enough, my biggest concern right now is making people worry. I want so badly to tell someone, but I know that if I do, they'll just worry and stress and I don't want that, especially since it's only a suspicion. Perhaps, if it is ever confirmed, I may make it public. Until then, I'll just have to keep it to myself, and hope that I really am just being paranoid.
It's quiet now. I have really good hearing, so it's not dead-quiet; the computer and the furnace seem to be the loudest things in the house, save for when I type or move the chair. I'm pretty sure if I close my eyes and focus I'd be able to hear something else- the fridge or the computer in the office, perhaps- but overall it's quiet.
It's amazing how, in the span of one afternoon, your perception of life can come into focus. You suddenly begin to realize what is truly important in your life, and what is merely superficial. That all the petty fights and disagreements were just that- petty- and begin to regret saying some things you said, or in some cases, not saying. You begin to look at the people in your life and realize how precious they really are.
It's funny- I've read about characters coming to these revelations all the time, but their meaning never really sunk in. It's usually the same scenario: someone dies or almost dies or is in the process of dying, and realize how important their family and friends are to them, and how there was no limit to the things they would do for them.
Granted, it's not quite the same, but seems to be pretty close. But at the same time, I can't help but to wonder if my grandmother felt the same when she began to suspect. Did she look back at her life and regret the mistakes she had made? Did she worry about all the preparations she would have to make? About all the people she would have to tell? About how they would feel?
Oddly enough, my biggest concern right now is making people worry. I want so badly to tell someone, but I know that if I do, they'll just worry and stress and I don't want that, especially since it's only a suspicion. Perhaps, if it is ever confirmed, I may make it public. Until then, I'll just have to keep it to myself, and hope that I really am just being paranoid.