Inspiration from the worst places
I filled out the transfer applications mostly to shut Is the fuck up. He got on my ass about how all I ever do is complain because things aren't ~*~perfect~*~ after I bitched about how going to CSE has fucked me all up because I've been in college for two years and haven't even STARTED on the shit I need for my major. I have fewer major credits than a Freshman at UT would. I also can't even start next semester because the classes I needed were canceled-- AGAIN. Meaning, if I transfer, I'm gonna end up so far behind I'll probably need a summer and an extra semester to get everything done.
While I did it, I was nervous about it. I was thinking about how much I hated living so far away from Isaac and not being able to call him when he was in Mexico, and how the time difference will make it hard to talk to him. I was thinking about how much the plane tickets cost and worrying about how often we'd be able to visit each other... All the stuff that kept me from going there in the first place like I should have.
After I finished them, he told me he wasn't coming here this weekend to help me move things like he said he would last weekend. Apparently after a day and a half of classes he already has too much work to spare part of his three day weekend. Then I started looking for showtimes of The Spirit-- I really, REALLY wanted to see it in theaters because of the crazy desaturation. We had planned on going to see it at the Drafthouse after he turned 21 earlier this month in Austin, but the day before when I was looking up showtimes he said he wanted to go see Let The Right One In instead. Well... It's not playing here anymore. At all. Not in Jersey, not in New York. Still playing in Austin, but not here. Awesome.
But I wouldn't have had anyone to go with anyway because he's just ~*~so busy~*~ and I can't make friends in fucking New Jersey for some reason. The other day I entered Sephora's Ole Henriksen sweepstakes, where the grand prize winner and a friend get an all expenses paid trip to his spa and personal consultations by him and shit. I couldn't think of anyone I could take with me. No one I know would want to do that but me. Yesterday at MAC they signed me up for the Hello Kitty launch event next month and asked if I wanted to bring a friend. I said that none of my friends like makeup, so it would just be me. She kept asking if I was sure, and if maybe I knew someone who could just come give their opinions on my makeup or something. I said no one would be interested. The truth is that I don't even know anyone up here. Literally, no one. I know Isaac and his two roommates and Azure's brother who lives in New York. I know the three girls I went to Japan with last spring, all of whom dislike of me so much that they don't answer when I call them anymore. I've met a few people here and tried to hang out with them, but I'm just really awkward and they never wanted to do anything with me again after the first time. I made one friend here who moved away before we really got to do anything (although she did get me rides to and from the airport, thanks again for that! I really appreciate it!). My friends who I saw in Austin once over the break have been my friends for so long that I just forgot how to meet people. I only got to spend one night with them in Anna's house and it's the most fun I've had in a year and a half.
So now I'm thinking, what the fuck do I have to lose? I already gave up a place I loved and my family and friends to come here, and the only thing I have going for me here is a boyfriend who never has time for me and doesn't sympathize with how hard it is for me to be here for him. I moved here so I could live with him and not only do we not live together, we don't even live in the same state. Without him I can't even afford an efficiency apartment on my own so I'm stuck with a passive aggressive landlady who overcharges the hell out of me. How the fuck could Hawaii really be any worse??
While I did it, I was nervous about it. I was thinking about how much I hated living so far away from Isaac and not being able to call him when he was in Mexico, and how the time difference will make it hard to talk to him. I was thinking about how much the plane tickets cost and worrying about how often we'd be able to visit each other... All the stuff that kept me from going there in the first place like I should have.
After I finished them, he told me he wasn't coming here this weekend to help me move things like he said he would last weekend. Apparently after a day and a half of classes he already has too much work to spare part of his three day weekend. Then I started looking for showtimes of The Spirit-- I really, REALLY wanted to see it in theaters because of the crazy desaturation. We had planned on going to see it at the Drafthouse after he turned 21 earlier this month in Austin, but the day before when I was looking up showtimes he said he wanted to go see Let The Right One In instead. Well... It's not playing here anymore. At all. Not in Jersey, not in New York. Still playing in Austin, but not here. Awesome.
But I wouldn't have had anyone to go with anyway because he's just ~*~so busy~*~ and I can't make friends in fucking New Jersey for some reason. The other day I entered Sephora's Ole Henriksen sweepstakes, where the grand prize winner and a friend get an all expenses paid trip to his spa and personal consultations by him and shit. I couldn't think of anyone I could take with me. No one I know would want to do that but me. Yesterday at MAC they signed me up for the Hello Kitty launch event next month and asked if I wanted to bring a friend. I said that none of my friends like makeup, so it would just be me. She kept asking if I was sure, and if maybe I knew someone who could just come give their opinions on my makeup or something. I said no one would be interested. The truth is that I don't even know anyone up here. Literally, no one. I know Isaac and his two roommates and Azure's brother who lives in New York. I know the three girls I went to Japan with last spring, all of whom dislike of me so much that they don't answer when I call them anymore. I've met a few people here and tried to hang out with them, but I'm just really awkward and they never wanted to do anything with me again after the first time. I made one friend here who moved away before we really got to do anything (although she did get me rides to and from the airport, thanks again for that! I really appreciate it!). My friends who I saw in Austin once over the break have been my friends for so long that I just forgot how to meet people. I only got to spend one night with them in Anna's house and it's the most fun I've had in a year and a half.
So now I'm thinking, what the fuck do I have to lose? I already gave up a place I loved and my family and friends to come here, and the only thing I have going for me here is a boyfriend who never has time for me and doesn't sympathize with how hard it is for me to be here for him. I moved here so I could live with him and not only do we not live together, we don't even live in the same state. Without him I can't even afford an efficiency apartment on my own so I'm stuck with a passive aggressive landlady who overcharges the hell out of me. How the fuck could Hawaii really be any worse??