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Sorry this entry is so long. When I finished I tried to go back and clean it up a bit, but there wasn't anything I wanted to change... It is duplicated on MySpace and Xanga because I'm too lazy to write something different to post there... :P And I normally don't do pink, but it seems appropriate today.
Several of you know me from the SCA, and you already know that my knight's lady died last week. She was a victim of the breast cancer she’d beaten twice before. She wasn’t all that well known in the SCA, at least, not outside of her own region. In fact, she didn’t play SCA much at all anymore, her own household events excepted. House Wolfstar and the people in it were very important to her.
In fact, I met Keri at my very first SCA camping event - Wolfstar’s 1st 2nd annual Tourney. A week later I showed up at her house for fighter practice. Her son David was barely a toddler, and even then she’d already become less active in the SCA. Nevertheless, she graciously allowed Hildy’s squires and their friends to invade her home every Wednesday night and hit each other with sticks - a tradition that went on for well over 10 years. She always had a pot of tea brewed and we were welcome to come inside and chat, help with whatever Camp Fire project she was working on, or sit out practice in the living room if we needed to do schoolwork instead. It was like having a mid-week home away from the dorms. :)
Aside from fighter practices, my husband and I did more with them outside the SCA than in. I especially remember our bowling nights, and helping with the annual Camp Fire Haunted Forest and Spook House. Over the years I had many chances to talk to her about her choice: to invest her time and energy in things other than the SCA - her family, her mundane job (at Camp Fire, USA) and her church. For her, the rewards of the SCA were shallow. Scrolls, titles and imaginary accolades didn’t hold a candle to watching her son grow up, spending special occasions with her family, enriching the lives of kids with her latest Camp Fire project, or winning ribbons at the state fair (which she did often - she was a wonderful cook!). For her, the SCA was a recreational activity (like golf or fishing). It was not a lifestyle.
After 22 years in the SCA, I’ve earned my share of accolades (my laurel once pointed out - as a point of interest - that I once had more awards than anyone else in the kingdom save Duke Sigmund - lol… I’m sure the stats have changed since then). Although I’m proud of some of my SCA accomplishments, when I put them into perspective they really do seem shallow and self-serving. Twenty two years of my life that can be reduced to scrolls I could hang on my walls and several strong and lasting friendships.
Don’t misunderstand. I value the friendships I’ve made in the SCA a great deal - especially the people who helped us in the early days of 2002, which were by far the darkest days of our relationship. Without those people (both SCA and non) Bar and I literally would never have been able to find our way back to a place where we could even consider reconciliation. Keri, in particular, had some words of wisdom for me that I won’t soon forget (I’m afraid I can’t share what she said, but maybe I’ll share the lesson later ;) It was a good one and well worth the time it would take to write it out).
Anyway, I’ve come to a place where I understand Keri’s thinking. All the things that kept us attached to the SCA, aside from the people, were so transitory. Seriously, who was king in our imaginary world 10, 20 or even 30 years ago doesn’t matter, does it? Who wears the shiny hats right now doesn’t really matter either. Certainly the number of scrolls on your walls is pretty irrelevant too (though many of them are beautiful and crafted with love that makes them worthy artwork in and of themselves). Offices and rules also don’t matter. The “legacies” of the people who wrote all those laws, who founded those traditions…. news has it that those legacies are dust in the wind. They are nothing that can’t be changed at the whim of any new officer, noble or royal who comes along. The greatest irony is the fact that the people who are changing things now don’t seem to understand karma… everything they fix ‘cause they think its broke… well, years from now someone will write a new law or rule to “fix” the very thing they fixed… It is in this way that everything changes, yet stays the same. (Are you humming “Circle of Life” yet?)
The game entire can be changed. In fact, it is changing, right this very moment, in fundamental ways that make it different than it ever was. I hear that all the time from people who are gone for a number of years. When they come back they all seem to say “it’s just a different game now.”
It is surely grace that I no longer think of accomplishments in SCA terms. One thing I know for certain… Keri had no regrets about the life she chose to live. Her legacy wasn’t silver, gold or paper. Her legacy was people. I’m sure that made leaving this world, her son, her husband, her family and her friends, easier than it could have been.
People always ask “how was the funeral?” Well, Keri’s service was blessed. That is really the only way to describe it. She had 4 rows of family, all of whom were clearly grieved at her loss. The rest of the church was filled (yes, filled - meaning probably several hundred people) with friends, co-workers & Camp Fire kids whose lives she had touched. David said a few words of thanks to everyone who prayed for Keri during this last bout with cancer. There were at least 20 entire churches. It was awe inspiring. It really was. Her faith was a tangible presence in the building and I know everyone there could feel it. And I know she had a hand in the planning of her service (because she knew this day would come). The song she picked? “Spirit in the Sky.” LOL… You could tell she wanted to leave us with the laughter we always shared in her presence, and it worked. :)