This is an excerpt from my private post...
Guys, please read this with an open mind...
Wednesday, like the last few days, I'd been feeling really shithouse, like drained and disengaged from everyone. I went to Cam's for the band meeting that night. As soon as I walked in and the first words were said I knew what was going on. I was quizzed on a whole bunch of things, it was like they were searching for ammunition to get rid of me. I told them pretty much all they needed to know about what was going on in my personal life in hope that they could understand why I have been so detached from everyone. They were quite adamant that they needed a new front man. I understand their point of view that they want someone with more charisma in front of the band. I know I havent been that person. I used to be, but certainly not at this point of my life.. where correcting all the years of pretending to be cheerful means being honest with myself and not covering up the emotions that I am truely feeling. It fucking sux, I know I can be that person, I am that person, just not right now. What makes it worse is that I never had the opportunity to show them that. I wish that this band meeting was held at least a month ago, giving me that opportunity. Had I have known that I was being that shit, I would have put everything aside because the band, besides my girlfriend, was more important to me than everything else in my life. I would have quit my job for this band. But all in all the hardest part is trying to understand why they never said anything to me, and why they acted the way the did on the weekend, and how shit it makes me feel that I used to have such a great bond with these guys and I dont know how I let it all slip away. It's hard seeing your band advertising for your replacement without even acknowledging that you were there in the first place. But I'm not gonna get caught up in any bullshit, I'm not going to be bitter, I wish them the best of luck and I hope the guy they find takes them to higher places. They are a hard working band and deserve everything that comes their way. I'm disheartened that I wont be on that journey with them, but thats ok, I'll find some fellow washed up cunts to play with at the Tote every weekend.
Wednesday, like the last few days, I'd been feeling really shithouse, like drained and disengaged from everyone. I went to Cam's for the band meeting that night. As soon as I walked in and the first words were said I knew what was going on. I was quizzed on a whole bunch of things, it was like they were searching for ammunition to get rid of me. I told them pretty much all they needed to know about what was going on in my personal life in hope that they could understand why I have been so detached from everyone. They were quite adamant that they needed a new front man. I understand their point of view that they want someone with more charisma in front of the band. I know I havent been that person. I used to be, but certainly not at this point of my life.. where correcting all the years of pretending to be cheerful means being honest with myself and not covering up the emotions that I am truely feeling. It fucking sux, I know I can be that person, I am that person, just not right now. What makes it worse is that I never had the opportunity to show them that. I wish that this band meeting was held at least a month ago, giving me that opportunity. Had I have known that I was being that shit, I would have put everything aside because the band, besides my girlfriend, was more important to me than everything else in my life. I would have quit my job for this band. But all in all the hardest part is trying to understand why they never said anything to me, and why they acted the way the did on the weekend, and how shit it makes me feel that I used to have such a great bond with these guys and I dont know how I let it all slip away. It's hard seeing your band advertising for your replacement without even acknowledging that you were there in the first place. But I'm not gonna get caught up in any bullshit, I'm not going to be bitter, I wish them the best of luck and I hope the guy they find takes them to higher places. They are a hard working band and deserve everything that comes their way. I'm disheartened that I wont be on that journey with them, but thats ok, I'll find some fellow washed up cunts to play with at the Tote every weekend.