Dear Diary aka Raina and the City
New York is a strange place, almost unbelievably so. Thus...I bring you the New York/Grad school blog-like musings of me. Think voice-over musings of Carry in SATC meets overly philosophical diary entries. So please read on.
Ok here goes nothing...
We've all watched tv, so really we all know that New York City is a virtual smorgasbord of opportunities for sex, "relationships" and actual relationships. But, if you're me, you probably thought that these crazy people cavorting about with all their affairs were part of some special club, or at least some special part of society that presented them with these opportunities and made it all seem like not such a big deal.
Well, if you're at all like me, you were wrong. There is no secret club. Welcome to a city of sex without strings, without questions, without labels instead of names. To a city where Irish tourists are delivered as "presents" for friend and a night with a woman is a black chip in a poker game, and a woman can "date" men known as "cardboard boy" and "blue sweater". This is not elite at all, it is mid level in all ways. Mid-Twenties, mid-thirties, mid-level, mid-range, Midtown. Unlike much of the city, it envelops you with open arms.
But what if you don't want to be welcomed into this world?
A friend was on a date at a trendy but quiet bar recently with an older man (25 vs. 32), and when asked said that she was celibate. Her companion was, needless to say, shocked and responded "So, are you a virgin?"
She did not respond.
He did not call.
Celibacy is an unheard of concept here, it seems, really the only one. New York en masse will readily accept virginity, monogamy, polygamy, promiscuity, homosexuality, bisexuality, transgender, asexuality, etc. But the idea of simple not having sex is incomprehensible, and in some cases reprehensible.
If you don't "do it" "it" becomes an issue. People try to figure you out. The theories will be amusing and endless and virtually always incorrect. Regardless of your willingness to discuss your reasons, the issue remains unresolved unless you "hook-up" or admit that you're sad and unfulfilled because your sex life is lacking.
Regardless of the reason, the question really is: Whose business is it anyway?
In a city known for unfriendliness and a lack of intimacy, why is it so strange to do without intimacy?
Ok here goes nothing...
We've all watched tv, so really we all know that New York City is a virtual smorgasbord of opportunities for sex, "relationships" and actual relationships. But, if you're me, you probably thought that these crazy people cavorting about with all their affairs were part of some special club, or at least some special part of society that presented them with these opportunities and made it all seem like not such a big deal.
Well, if you're at all like me, you were wrong. There is no secret club. Welcome to a city of sex without strings, without questions, without labels instead of names. To a city where Irish tourists are delivered as "presents" for friend and a night with a woman is a black chip in a poker game, and a woman can "date" men known as "cardboard boy" and "blue sweater". This is not elite at all, it is mid level in all ways. Mid-Twenties, mid-thirties, mid-level, mid-range, Midtown. Unlike much of the city, it envelops you with open arms.
But what if you don't want to be welcomed into this world?
A friend was on a date at a trendy but quiet bar recently with an older man (25 vs. 32), and when asked said that she was celibate. Her companion was, needless to say, shocked and responded "So, are you a virgin?"
She did not respond.
He did not call.
Celibacy is an unheard of concept here, it seems, really the only one. New York en masse will readily accept virginity, monogamy, polygamy, promiscuity, homosexuality, bisexuality, transgender, asexuality, etc. But the idea of simple not having sex is incomprehensible, and in some cases reprehensible.
If you don't "do it" "it" becomes an issue. People try to figure you out. The theories will be amusing and endless and virtually always incorrect. Regardless of your willingness to discuss your reasons, the issue remains unresolved unless you "hook-up" or admit that you're sad and unfulfilled because your sex life is lacking.
Regardless of the reason, the question really is: Whose business is it anyway?
In a city known for unfriendliness and a lack of intimacy, why is it so strange to do without intimacy?