It's a Mafia Life (1-2)--KHR Fanfic
Title: It's a Mafia Life
Author: Reidluver
Pairing/Characters: Um...pretty much all of them (characters I mean)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Spoilers for Future Arc
Summary: As Christmas draws near, TYL!Tsuna starts thinking his Guardians would have been better off without him. But would they? Tsuna's about to find out when his Guardian Angel takes him for a ride, but why does he look so much like Reborn?
A/N: This is based loosely on "It's a Wonderful Life" but I swear it's not crack. It's actually rather dark and depressing....at least until the end. And there are going to be 15 chapters in all, so I'm combining two chapters at a time since they're not too long.
[1-2] [3-4] [5-6] [7-8] [9-10] [11-12] [13-14] [15]
Chapter 1: 'Tis the Season to be . . . Jolly?
Tsuna glanced out his window, momentarily transfixed by the silent falling snowflakes. This rare, snowy Christmas got everyone in the Christmas spirit. There was just a magic about this time of year, more so than usual, that even had their enemies behaving. No one was on a mission, there were only a few meetings-it was peaceful. Absolutely peaceful.
All throughout the Vongola mansion, even in everyone's office-Christmas was in full swing. There was also, surprisingly, not one person solely responsible, though Haru and Kyoko were the instigators. Not to say that they never decorated for Christmas, but never before had it been on this scale. Kyoko and Haru started their furious decorating once the snow started, claiming that they shouldn't waste such a rare occasion, since it had been so long since Namimori had a White Christmas. Yamamoto had been the first to join in, and before anyone realized it, they were all taking time to go buy decorations, put them up, and make treats led by Haru, Kyoko, and Chrome, though some involvement for that particular activity was rather limited.
Yamamoto was obviously the best out of all the guys, and once he read studied enough of the theory, Gokudera had proven to be a good cook. Even Tsuna, to his surprise, had been able to help. It wasn't the biggest job, but he was the best chocolate dipper out of everyone, and he was rather proud of that fact. He made a perfect layer of chocolate every time; not too much and not too little. Lambo and Ryohei though, were out of the question, and while Mukuro was a decent cook, he spent most of his time scaring anyone near him with illusions of chocolate covered wreath monsters. (No one really wanted to ask why-the current speculation was an odd sort of childhood trauma)
Tsuna rubbed the bridge of his nose at those memories. As pleased as he was that Mukuro was finally out of the Vendice prison (he had never seem Chrome happier) it certainly made many problems for him. Yet after the initial anger had died away, things had gotten better between Mukuro and the other Guardians. And surprisingly, this whole Christmas spirit everyone had gotten into greatly helped. Tsuna had even seen Gokudera talking civilly to Mukuro the other day. Were Tsuna not on his way to an important meeting he would have fainted from shock.
And Tsuna knew that part of the reason for this great upswing in Christmas spirit was that the whole deal with Byakuran was finally over. Even though it had ended a few months ago, Tsuna couldn't shake the small twinge of guilt he felt every time he thought about it. He knew his Family had forgiven him for what he had done, but it was proving hard to completely forgive himself. He had seen the anguished looks they all gave him when they saw him for the first time in a year, no longer dead. They looked so broken, so lost. It was like they could only truly carry on with their lives from that point on because Tsuna was back.
And so he saw this holiday as a chance to get closer to his Family. He wanted to try and make it up to them for having to go through all that grieving. Tsuna wanted to do everything in his power to make this the best Christmas they ever had, because now the whole Family would be together.
All in all-this was proving to be the most peaceful, glorious Christmas of their lives. Everyone had a smile on their face, everyone was relaxed.
So . . . why didn't he feel the same?
It had all started about a week ago, at dinner. They were enjoying being able to eat a sit-down meal together and talked about past Christmas traditions. Yamamoto was the first to speak and he talked about how when he was younger, his cousins would come to stay and they'd play baseball. When asked how his cousins were doing now, Yamamoto mentioned that one of them was now a professional baseball player. While everyone else smiled and mentioned that baseball was just in the Yamamoto genes, Tsuna noticed the slightly wistful gleam in his Rain Guardian's eyes.
A small pang of guilt had settled in Tsuna's stomach. Over the course of their time together, Tsuna had felt this many times, because he knew how much baseball meant to his friend and he felt bad that the mafia life had stolen it from him. But on each occasion, Yamamoto just smiled and said that as much as he loved baseball, his friends came first and he wouldn't have it any other way.
And so Tsuna shoved the thought out of his mind, yet it resurfaced barely a moment later once everyone else gave their stories. Haru would go visit her grandparents in Tokyo and see "The Nutcracker," Kyoko and Ryohei's families had a regulated series of family traditions they followed religiously, Gokudera quietly mentioned how he'd play Christmas carols on the piano, and many, many other stories.
With each new story the guilt burrowed deeper and deeper into Tsuna. He could see the hidden longing in everyone's eyes, how they smiled warmly at the memories they held dear to their heart. He got a few questions as to why he was so quiet, but he quickly dismissed it as being tired, and ignored their suggestions for him to go to bed early. He knew how rare a situation like this was and eventually everyone was satisfied. Tsuna was actually grateful Reborn wasn't around at the time because he knew the tutor would have seen right through him. Though he did catch Gokudera and Yamamoto giving him strange looks.
He barely slept a wink that night. All he could do was mull over the stories that were shared, realizing that his Family could never return to that because of what they were now. It hurt to know that he was the cause of it.
Now all Tsuna could think about was what his Family would be doing if they had never met him. It had come to the point where he was positive they would all be happier without him. The mafia life certainly wasn't pretty. They could be settled down with a real family, living comfortably in their homes without having to fear for their lives or get injured in battles. They wouldn't-
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Come in." Tsuna looked away from the snowflakes, quickly straightened up and put a smile on his face. Gokudera strode through the door with a contagious grin, and Tsuna couldn't help but make his own smile more real. "Do you have news for me, Gokudera?"
"Yes, Tenth. We've gotten word that Reborn should be arriving any minute," his Storm Guardian began.
"Good." Reborn had been dealing with some last minute contacts with a Family overseas and Bianchi had left a while ago to pick him up. He would be the last to arrive of their Family before the Christmas celebrations began. Tsuna didn't know the exact details of what would happen, but he supposed that was the point.
All of his Guardians and other Family members had taken care of the plans when he was busy. He helped with most of the preparation, but everyone insisted that he remain in the dark about a few things so they could surprise him. Tsuna felt rather awkward not knowing anything, but everyone was so excited about surprising him that he agreed. And besides, in a twisted way he figured he deserved it. After all, wasn't that what he had done to them?
"Once Reborn arrives-" Gokudera said, bringing Tsuna back to the present, "-we're going to start!" He said this with so much fervor and excitement it was like he was a younger kid again.
Tsuna flashed him a strained smile, unable to get into the mood despite the childish glee Gokudera was emitting. "Sounds good."
Gokudera immediately caught on to Tsuna's tone. His smile vanished and he leaned on the Decimo's desk. "Tenth? What's wrong?"
Tsuna froze. Damn-he had forgotten how perceptive his Guardians could be when it came to him. Didn't stop him from trying though. "Oh, it's nothing, Gokudera. Just a little tired that's all."
The man wasn't convinced. He bit his lip and spoke slowly. "Well . . . Tenth it's just that, well . . . you've been tired a lot lately and . . . we're-all worried for you." He leaned forward even more and Tsuna almost cringed at Gokudera's expression, knowing very well that his Storm Guardian was wracking his brains to try and come up with a solution to Tsuna's problem and most likely finding some twisted way to blame it on himself. Tsuna really hated how guilty that made him feel. "You'll let us know if something's bothering you, right? I swear I'll do anything to make you happy!"
It really hurt sometimes, to know how much everyone cared about him. Tsuna certainly didn't deserve it. Not after what he'd done to them. "It's-thanks, Gokudera. I'll come join you when Reborn arrives."
Gokudera's gaze bore into him and Tsuna resisted the urge to shiver. He knew he hadn't convinced Gokudera but there was nothing he could do. He needed time to think, and knew that his Storm Guardian would get the message.
"A-all right, Tenth. I'll finish getting everything ready." Gokudera stretched out a hand, hesitated, then turned around and walked to the door. He was about to leave when he paused and glanced back at Tsuna.
"Tenth . . . you know that I'm-we're always here for you." And he shut the door, leaving Tsuna to his moody thoughts.
It was silent for a while then Tsuna sighed. "I know, I know. But that's the problem," he whispered, looking out the window once more.
It was completely dark now, but there were enough Christmas lights surrounding the mansion outside for him to still watch the snow. Once he got bored of that Tsuna leaned back in his (extremely) comfy chair and exhaled slowly.
"It would have been better off for them if I had never been born," Tsuna sighed.
Suddenly, there was a loud POOF! and Tsuna was surrounded by smoke. He coughed and leapt out of his chair, already in Hyper Dying Will Mode, ready to face his attacker. Yet before he knew it, he was face down on the ground with someone sitting on top of him.
"Ciaossu."
Tsuna froze. That was Reborn's usual greeting, but-the voice was all wrong. It sounded deeper, like a man's voice. And the Arcobaleno wasn't even supposed to be back yet anyway. Tsuna shifted as much as he could to see who was on top on him, then gasped when he realized who it was.
"R-Reborn?"
Or at least it seemed like him. Tsuna had only seen a picture of his tutor in his real form once, and it was hard not to notice the similarities. There was that same neatly pressed suit, the same fedora, the same curled sideburns-everything.
The figure smirked. "Not exactly." Then he got off Tsuna and stood up, waiting for the thoroughly embarrassed Vongola Boss to pick himself off the floor. Tsuna eyed the newcomer warily, wondering what to do. His intuition told him everything was fine, but he couldn't help but feel creeped out. Reborn was the source of many nightmares after all. And to see him in an adult form was downright spooky. Tsuna started to wonder if he was in the right holiday.
"What do you mean by that?" Tsuna asked.
The Reborn look-alike smirked in such an eerily reminiscent way of the real Reborn that Tsuna couldn't stop the shiver that ran down his spine.
"I'm not Reborn, but at the same time I am. I took on this form because it would suit my purpose better," the figure said.
"And what purpose is that?"
The fake Reborn tilted his fedora and stared Tsuna straight in the eyes.
"I'm your Guardian Angel."
Chapter 2: Home Sweet Home No Longer
"I'm your Guardian Angel."
Tsuna merely stood there, mouth agape at the so-called angel. Then he burst into laughter. "There's no such thing as Guardian Angels! And even if there were, there's no way one would want to take on Reborn's form! A devil would be more appro-"
Before he could finish he went flying through the air, an occurrence that Tsuna was ashamed to admit had become far too commonplace. Shocked, Tsuna looked back to the angel and saw him slowly lowering his leg. That had hurt! For a moment, Tsuna actually found himself grateful that Reborn was in infant form. Who knows what kind of havoc he would wreck were he larger.
"I said I was your Guardian Angel, so I'm your Guardian Angel," the man smirked. "If you want proof, do you notice anything different?"
Tsuna frowned and made his way over to the angel. "Leon's gone?"
The angel nodded. "All I did was change my appearance. Leon is with the real Reborn, and I can't just create something out of thin air."
Tsuna smirked. "But I thought angels were supposed to be all powerful?" He immediately regretted it when he found himself yet again sailing through the air.
"Really," the angel scoffed, "I would have thought that after all the years you spent with Reborn you would know better."
"Whatever," Tsuna said, walking back. "Why are you here? Not to be rude or anything, but I don't need a Guardian Angel."
"Actually, you do." The angel folded his arms and became serious. "You just made a wish a moment ago, didn't you?"
"Huh?" Tsuna frowned and tried to think back. When did he make a wish? "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."
The angel sighed and shortened the distance between them. "Just because you don't say 'I wish' doesn't mean it's not a wish, Tsuna."
Tsuna thought a moment longer then let out a nervous laugh. "Oh please-you mean that? It wasn't a wish . . . I was just thinking aloud you know, and uh-I-I didn't mean it or anything!"
The angel shook his head. "No, you did mean it. You've been meaning it for a while now, haven't you?"
Even a Reborn look-alike was able to see through him so easily. Tsuna's shoulders sagged in defeat. "You're right. It's just that . . . all my friends could have been something greater, could have a more peaceful life if they never met me! Even people who aren't my friends would be better off, since I was just no good. Even my mother would have been better off if it weren't for me." He lowered his head. Despite all the friends he had made since Reborn came into his life, the words he had just uttered were what he feared the most. It may have been pushed to the back of his mind, but there was no denying that it was the very core of his fears.
"I don't deserve them! I don't deserve all their attention and love! If it weren't for me they wouldn't be in the mafia, and do you know how I repay them for everything they've done for me? I made them think I was dead! They don't say anything, but I know they're still hurting! I betrayed their trust and they still believe in me! They still trust me!"
Tsuna leaned against his desk and ran a hand down his face in exasperation. "I'm not good enough for them and they'd be better off without me."
"Then I suppose you're lucky I'm here," the Reborn-angel said in a soft voice. "Because I'm going to grant your wish."
"Huh?"
At that instant, the window burst open and it was like a snowstorm rushed in. Tsuna covered his face as the wind whipped around him. Then as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Tsuna waited a moment longer, just to make sure, then he slowly lowered his arms and opened his eyes. The Reborn angel stood in front of him with an almost sad look on his face.
"You were never born."
"Yeah right, how-" Tsuna paused and glanced around them. "Where are we? What happened to the mansion? What happened to my office?"
Reborn-angel shrugged. "You were never born, so it doesn't belong to you. And you should recognize where we are at any rate."
Tsuna frowned and turned his attention to the house in front of him. "That's my house!" he said. "Geez, angel I-what should I call you? What's your name?"
"There's no need to tell you my real name, so let's just go with Reborn for now."
"Whatever-anyway, if you really felt I needed to see my mother more, you should have just told me and spared me the theatrics, you know." Reborn stayed silent and Tsuna rushed towards the door and eagerly rang the doorbell.
Has he really not noticed it yet? the angel wondered, choosing to stand back by the fence.
"Mom! Mom! It's me, Tsuna! I'm home!" Tsuna resisted the urge to pound on the door. He hadn't seen his mom in a long time, and while she was coming to the mansion for Christmas with his father later, Tsuna felt bad that he hadn't come to see her earlier. He could smell the homemade treats his mother was infamous for in their little neighborhood during this time of year and his mouth watered.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!"
Tsuna turned to smirk at Reborn. "I guess I should thank you for this-you're right, I should have come to see her before."
"She's not your mother," Reborn said. "I told you, you were never born."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Tsuna said. "I get it. This is another one of Reborn's weird tests or something."
The door opened. "Yes?"
Tsuna spun around and beamed. "Mom! It's so great to see you!" Then he threw his arms around the smaller woman and kissed her forehead. "I'm so-"
"Nana? What is it? Who's there?"
Tsuna froze in confusion. That voice was new to him. He was furthered confused when his mother forcibly pushed him back. She was staring at Tsuna with an unsettled and fearful expression. "Um . . . I don't really know," Nana said slowly, answering the strange voice, "but this man here seems to think I'm his . . . mother?"
"What?" Tsuna heard the pounding of footsteps on hardened floor, and a man with short, dark hair rounded the corner. He wore an apron around his waist and there were splotches of white powder in his hair. The man wiped his hands on the apron and stood beside Nana. "What did you say, honey?" The man placed an arm around Nana protectively, and Tsuna belatedly noticed the two of them had matching pajamas on. Tsuna suddenly found himself feeling sick and he took a small step backwards as if someone punched him in the gut.
"M-Mom?"
The stranger took a step forward, placing himself between Tsuna and Nana. "Who the hell are you?"
Tsuna licked his suddenly dry lips and fought against the urge to grasp onto the door frame, seeing as how his knees had become very weak. "I'm . . . I'm Nana's son, Tsunayoshi . . . Tsuna . . . My father is Iemitsu-"
"Ha! The blond?" the man snorted.
The brunette narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. "Yes-him. Who are you?"
"Jiro. I'm the man who treats Nana right, and that's all you'll ever need to know." As if to emphasize his point he pulled Nana closer to him.
"Iemitsu," Nana began slowly, "was my husband for ten years, and I did love him very much." She glanced down and clenched her apron. "The only problem was that he was never home. He was always gone doing 'construction work' and left me here all alone. Years would pass before he would even call to say he loved me . . . and so I figured the best thing for us would be to get a divorce."
That single word drove into Tsuna like one of Reborn's bullets, though instead of strengthening him he felt weaker. It drove in further at the sight of the loving look his mother gave to the dark-haired stranger.
"While I'm sure Iemitsu may have been a decent man," Jiro began, "he was a horrible husband. After meeting this wonderful woman, I just knew how special she was and that she deserved someone who would treat her right." He glanced down at Nana and smiled. "Iemitsu never knew how lucky he was." Nana blushed and the two shared a short but loving kiss.
Tsuna clutched his burning chest and struggled to breathe. Despite how happy the two looked, he couldn't help but feel it was the most horrifying image he had ever seen. He'd rather stare down the barrel of a gun than see that again.
And he knew his father wasn't the best dad around. It took Tsuna a while to get past all those years of not even knowing his dad was alive, but once he did, Tsuna made a huge effort to get the three of them to be together as a family. He eventually came to the realization that his father was doing all he could to support his family, and just because that job didn't bring him home at five everyday didn't make him any less of a father. Though Tsuna did have a meaningful discussion with his father about staying in better touch with them and scolded him on not contacting his mother enough.
To think that it went so far to a divorce . . . Tsuna could never-
"Mommy? Daddy? Is another carolers here? I wanna sing, too!"
Nana quickly turned around. "Oh, honey . . . now's not a good-go back in the kitchen-"
Her request went unheeded as a small boy pushed his way through Nana and Jiro. Tsuna's breath hitched at the sight of him. The boy looked like a perfect blend of his parents with short, dark brown hair, blue eyes, and tan skin. He too had matching pajamas, but his chest was bare and covered with chocolate fingerprints and flour. He gazed up at Tsuna in amazement and smiled.
"My name's Shouta and I'm six!" he said proudly, using three fingers on each hand to display the age. Tsuna would have found it utterly adorable if he weren't paralyzed by the implications this child brought.
"I-I just . . . I-I didn't . . . what is . . ."
Nana carefully pulled Shouta closer to herself and gave Tsuna a warm smile. "Look um . . . Tsuna, I'm deeply sorry but I never had any children with Iemitsu. But uh-" she glanced at Jiro and he nodded. She turned back to Tsuna and smiled even wider. "If you'd like, we could help you find your real parents. And in the meantime, would you like to help us make some cookies? This time of year is just perfect for having company over, and I imagine it must be rather cold out there." She gave Tsuna a glance over. "Do you have a place to stay?"
Tsuna's throat tightened and he was finding it difficult to swallow. He looked back and forth from Jiro's worried face, to Shouta's happy but confused one, then finally his mother's normal warm and caring expression-but this one had no idea who he was. This Nana had no memories of making him breakfast, of holding him close when he cried from all the bullying, of having the ability to make his day all better with a simple smile . . .
It suddenly became too much and Tsuna bolted. He sprinted off the porch and ran down the street with Reborn right behind him.
Nana watched Tsuna run away with a sad gaze. "That poor man . . ." she whispered. "Jiro? Do you think-"
"Already on it." The man had untied his apron and was pulling a jacket on. "I'll make a quick stop at the station and see if we can put out a team to find him." He put his police hat on and leaned over to peck Nana on the cheek, then knelt down to give Shouta a quick kiss on the forehead. "We'll make sure he's safe."
"Thank you," Nana said with a hand over her heart. "I just can't imagine what that poor man is going through. If I were his mother I know I'd be worried sick."
Tsuna was unaware of how long he ran, but after a while he could run no further and fell to his knees, not caring about the cold snow beneath him. He just stared at the white ground as his mother's new family flashed before his eyes. His stomach churned and Tsuna covered his mouth, feeling sick.
"Do you understand now?" Reborn said quietly, standing beside him.
"She was married to someone else," Tsuna choked. His hand felt wet and he realized he was crying. "She was married to someone else and . . . and they h-had a little boy . . ." Tsuna let out a strangled sob and covered his face with both hands.
After a few minutes, Reborn spoke again. "So, do you think she's better off this way?"
Tsuna dragged his sleeve across his eyes and sniffed. "W-well I . . . I think so," he whispered. He stood up and looked at Reborn. "She's not in danger from the mafia and doesn't have to worry about her no-good son-"
He gasped then looked all around. No . . . it couldn't be! For the first time, Tsuna took a good look at their surroundings. "What happened here?"
Instead of the snowy, friendly neighborhood he was expecting, the place he had grown up in was all bland and run down. There were no decorations, all the lampposts were dull or flickering, some houses looked abandoned-it was hell.
Tsuna nearly fell to his knees again. "Wh-what happened here, Reborn?" He turned to the angel with fresh tears in his eyes. "This can't all be because I wasn't born, right?"
Reborn shook his head. "It is. Because you were never born, Byakuran has gained nearly full control over the world."
Tsuna could only stare at Reborn in disbelief. "Wait . . . Byakuran? How could he-" Then it clicked in Tsuna's brain. Because he wasn't born, the fight between his younger self and Byakuran never happened. "But surely there had to be someone else who could fight him, right? Right?"
Reborn just shook his head. "No one else is able to step up to him."
"But what about the Vongola? Who's leading them now? Why aren't they fighting him?"
"Xanxus is the leader of Vongola now," Reborn said.
Tsuna frowned. How was that possible? He walked toward Reborn. "But . . . wouldn't the ring have rejected him? How could be become the leader of the Vongola if the ring rejected him?" Reborn stayed silent. "Come on, Reborn! Tell me!"
The angel sighed and grabbed Tsuna's arm. "How about I show you?"
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In case there is anyone whose primary language is Vietnamese, XiongMao is working on translating this story.
Author: Reidluver
Pairing/Characters: Um...pretty much all of them (characters I mean)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Spoilers for Future Arc
Summary: As Christmas draws near, TYL!Tsuna starts thinking his Guardians would have been better off without him. But would they? Tsuna's about to find out when his Guardian Angel takes him for a ride, but why does he look so much like Reborn?
A/N: This is based loosely on "It's a Wonderful Life" but I swear it's not crack. It's actually rather dark and depressing....at least until the end. And there are going to be 15 chapters in all, so I'm combining two chapters at a time since they're not too long.
[1-2] [3-4] [5-6] [7-8] [9-10] [11-12] [13-14] [15]
Chapter 1: 'Tis the Season to be . . . Jolly?
Tsuna glanced out his window, momentarily transfixed by the silent falling snowflakes. This rare, snowy Christmas got everyone in the Christmas spirit. There was just a magic about this time of year, more so than usual, that even had their enemies behaving. No one was on a mission, there were only a few meetings-it was peaceful. Absolutely peaceful.
All throughout the Vongola mansion, even in everyone's office-Christmas was in full swing. There was also, surprisingly, not one person solely responsible, though Haru and Kyoko were the instigators. Not to say that they never decorated for Christmas, but never before had it been on this scale. Kyoko and Haru started their furious decorating once the snow started, claiming that they shouldn't waste such a rare occasion, since it had been so long since Namimori had a White Christmas. Yamamoto had been the first to join in, and before anyone realized it, they were all taking time to go buy decorations, put them up, and make treats led by Haru, Kyoko, and Chrome, though some involvement for that particular activity was rather limited.
Yamamoto was obviously the best out of all the guys, and once he read studied enough of the theory, Gokudera had proven to be a good cook. Even Tsuna, to his surprise, had been able to help. It wasn't the biggest job, but he was the best chocolate dipper out of everyone, and he was rather proud of that fact. He made a perfect layer of chocolate every time; not too much and not too little. Lambo and Ryohei though, were out of the question, and while Mukuro was a decent cook, he spent most of his time scaring anyone near him with illusions of chocolate covered wreath monsters. (No one really wanted to ask why-the current speculation was an odd sort of childhood trauma)
Tsuna rubbed the bridge of his nose at those memories. As pleased as he was that Mukuro was finally out of the Vendice prison (he had never seem Chrome happier) it certainly made many problems for him. Yet after the initial anger had died away, things had gotten better between Mukuro and the other Guardians. And surprisingly, this whole Christmas spirit everyone had gotten into greatly helped. Tsuna had even seen Gokudera talking civilly to Mukuro the other day. Were Tsuna not on his way to an important meeting he would have fainted from shock.
And Tsuna knew that part of the reason for this great upswing in Christmas spirit was that the whole deal with Byakuran was finally over. Even though it had ended a few months ago, Tsuna couldn't shake the small twinge of guilt he felt every time he thought about it. He knew his Family had forgiven him for what he had done, but it was proving hard to completely forgive himself. He had seen the anguished looks they all gave him when they saw him for the first time in a year, no longer dead. They looked so broken, so lost. It was like they could only truly carry on with their lives from that point on because Tsuna was back.
And so he saw this holiday as a chance to get closer to his Family. He wanted to try and make it up to them for having to go through all that grieving. Tsuna wanted to do everything in his power to make this the best Christmas they ever had, because now the whole Family would be together.
All in all-this was proving to be the most peaceful, glorious Christmas of their lives. Everyone had a smile on their face, everyone was relaxed.
So . . . why didn't he feel the same?
It had all started about a week ago, at dinner. They were enjoying being able to eat a sit-down meal together and talked about past Christmas traditions. Yamamoto was the first to speak and he talked about how when he was younger, his cousins would come to stay and they'd play baseball. When asked how his cousins were doing now, Yamamoto mentioned that one of them was now a professional baseball player. While everyone else smiled and mentioned that baseball was just in the Yamamoto genes, Tsuna noticed the slightly wistful gleam in his Rain Guardian's eyes.
A small pang of guilt had settled in Tsuna's stomach. Over the course of their time together, Tsuna had felt this many times, because he knew how much baseball meant to his friend and he felt bad that the mafia life had stolen it from him. But on each occasion, Yamamoto just smiled and said that as much as he loved baseball, his friends came first and he wouldn't have it any other way.
And so Tsuna shoved the thought out of his mind, yet it resurfaced barely a moment later once everyone else gave their stories. Haru would go visit her grandparents in Tokyo and see "The Nutcracker," Kyoko and Ryohei's families had a regulated series of family traditions they followed religiously, Gokudera quietly mentioned how he'd play Christmas carols on the piano, and many, many other stories.
With each new story the guilt burrowed deeper and deeper into Tsuna. He could see the hidden longing in everyone's eyes, how they smiled warmly at the memories they held dear to their heart. He got a few questions as to why he was so quiet, but he quickly dismissed it as being tired, and ignored their suggestions for him to go to bed early. He knew how rare a situation like this was and eventually everyone was satisfied. Tsuna was actually grateful Reborn wasn't around at the time because he knew the tutor would have seen right through him. Though he did catch Gokudera and Yamamoto giving him strange looks.
He barely slept a wink that night. All he could do was mull over the stories that were shared, realizing that his Family could never return to that because of what they were now. It hurt to know that he was the cause of it.
Now all Tsuna could think about was what his Family would be doing if they had never met him. It had come to the point where he was positive they would all be happier without him. The mafia life certainly wasn't pretty. They could be settled down with a real family, living comfortably in their homes without having to fear for their lives or get injured in battles. They wouldn't-
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Come in." Tsuna looked away from the snowflakes, quickly straightened up and put a smile on his face. Gokudera strode through the door with a contagious grin, and Tsuna couldn't help but make his own smile more real. "Do you have news for me, Gokudera?"
"Yes, Tenth. We've gotten word that Reborn should be arriving any minute," his Storm Guardian began.
"Good." Reborn had been dealing with some last minute contacts with a Family overseas and Bianchi had left a while ago to pick him up. He would be the last to arrive of their Family before the Christmas celebrations began. Tsuna didn't know the exact details of what would happen, but he supposed that was the point.
All of his Guardians and other Family members had taken care of the plans when he was busy. He helped with most of the preparation, but everyone insisted that he remain in the dark about a few things so they could surprise him. Tsuna felt rather awkward not knowing anything, but everyone was so excited about surprising him that he agreed. And besides, in a twisted way he figured he deserved it. After all, wasn't that what he had done to them?
"Once Reborn arrives-" Gokudera said, bringing Tsuna back to the present, "-we're going to start!" He said this with so much fervor and excitement it was like he was a younger kid again.
Tsuna flashed him a strained smile, unable to get into the mood despite the childish glee Gokudera was emitting. "Sounds good."
Gokudera immediately caught on to Tsuna's tone. His smile vanished and he leaned on the Decimo's desk. "Tenth? What's wrong?"
Tsuna froze. Damn-he had forgotten how perceptive his Guardians could be when it came to him. Didn't stop him from trying though. "Oh, it's nothing, Gokudera. Just a little tired that's all."
The man wasn't convinced. He bit his lip and spoke slowly. "Well . . . Tenth it's just that, well . . . you've been tired a lot lately and . . . we're-all worried for you." He leaned forward even more and Tsuna almost cringed at Gokudera's expression, knowing very well that his Storm Guardian was wracking his brains to try and come up with a solution to Tsuna's problem and most likely finding some twisted way to blame it on himself. Tsuna really hated how guilty that made him feel. "You'll let us know if something's bothering you, right? I swear I'll do anything to make you happy!"
It really hurt sometimes, to know how much everyone cared about him. Tsuna certainly didn't deserve it. Not after what he'd done to them. "It's-thanks, Gokudera. I'll come join you when Reborn arrives."
Gokudera's gaze bore into him and Tsuna resisted the urge to shiver. He knew he hadn't convinced Gokudera but there was nothing he could do. He needed time to think, and knew that his Storm Guardian would get the message.
"A-all right, Tenth. I'll finish getting everything ready." Gokudera stretched out a hand, hesitated, then turned around and walked to the door. He was about to leave when he paused and glanced back at Tsuna.
"Tenth . . . you know that I'm-we're always here for you." And he shut the door, leaving Tsuna to his moody thoughts.
It was silent for a while then Tsuna sighed. "I know, I know. But that's the problem," he whispered, looking out the window once more.
It was completely dark now, but there were enough Christmas lights surrounding the mansion outside for him to still watch the snow. Once he got bored of that Tsuna leaned back in his (extremely) comfy chair and exhaled slowly.
"It would have been better off for them if I had never been born," Tsuna sighed.
Suddenly, there was a loud POOF! and Tsuna was surrounded by smoke. He coughed and leapt out of his chair, already in Hyper Dying Will Mode, ready to face his attacker. Yet before he knew it, he was face down on the ground with someone sitting on top of him.
"Ciaossu."
Tsuna froze. That was Reborn's usual greeting, but-the voice was all wrong. It sounded deeper, like a man's voice. And the Arcobaleno wasn't even supposed to be back yet anyway. Tsuna shifted as much as he could to see who was on top on him, then gasped when he realized who it was.
"R-Reborn?"
Or at least it seemed like him. Tsuna had only seen a picture of his tutor in his real form once, and it was hard not to notice the similarities. There was that same neatly pressed suit, the same fedora, the same curled sideburns-everything.
The figure smirked. "Not exactly." Then he got off Tsuna and stood up, waiting for the thoroughly embarrassed Vongola Boss to pick himself off the floor. Tsuna eyed the newcomer warily, wondering what to do. His intuition told him everything was fine, but he couldn't help but feel creeped out. Reborn was the source of many nightmares after all. And to see him in an adult form was downright spooky. Tsuna started to wonder if he was in the right holiday.
"What do you mean by that?" Tsuna asked.
The Reborn look-alike smirked in such an eerily reminiscent way of the real Reborn that Tsuna couldn't stop the shiver that ran down his spine.
"I'm not Reborn, but at the same time I am. I took on this form because it would suit my purpose better," the figure said.
"And what purpose is that?"
The fake Reborn tilted his fedora and stared Tsuna straight in the eyes.
"I'm your Guardian Angel."
Chapter 2: Home Sweet Home No Longer
"I'm your Guardian Angel."
Tsuna merely stood there, mouth agape at the so-called angel. Then he burst into laughter. "There's no such thing as Guardian Angels! And even if there were, there's no way one would want to take on Reborn's form! A devil would be more appro-"
Before he could finish he went flying through the air, an occurrence that Tsuna was ashamed to admit had become far too commonplace. Shocked, Tsuna looked back to the angel and saw him slowly lowering his leg. That had hurt! For a moment, Tsuna actually found himself grateful that Reborn was in infant form. Who knows what kind of havoc he would wreck were he larger.
"I said I was your Guardian Angel, so I'm your Guardian Angel," the man smirked. "If you want proof, do you notice anything different?"
Tsuna frowned and made his way over to the angel. "Leon's gone?"
The angel nodded. "All I did was change my appearance. Leon is with the real Reborn, and I can't just create something out of thin air."
Tsuna smirked. "But I thought angels were supposed to be all powerful?" He immediately regretted it when he found himself yet again sailing through the air.
"Really," the angel scoffed, "I would have thought that after all the years you spent with Reborn you would know better."
"Whatever," Tsuna said, walking back. "Why are you here? Not to be rude or anything, but I don't need a Guardian Angel."
"Actually, you do." The angel folded his arms and became serious. "You just made a wish a moment ago, didn't you?"
"Huh?" Tsuna frowned and tried to think back. When did he make a wish? "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."
The angel sighed and shortened the distance between them. "Just because you don't say 'I wish' doesn't mean it's not a wish, Tsuna."
Tsuna thought a moment longer then let out a nervous laugh. "Oh please-you mean that? It wasn't a wish . . . I was just thinking aloud you know, and uh-I-I didn't mean it or anything!"
The angel shook his head. "No, you did mean it. You've been meaning it for a while now, haven't you?"
Even a Reborn look-alike was able to see through him so easily. Tsuna's shoulders sagged in defeat. "You're right. It's just that . . . all my friends could have been something greater, could have a more peaceful life if they never met me! Even people who aren't my friends would be better off, since I was just no good. Even my mother would have been better off if it weren't for me." He lowered his head. Despite all the friends he had made since Reborn came into his life, the words he had just uttered were what he feared the most. It may have been pushed to the back of his mind, but there was no denying that it was the very core of his fears.
"I don't deserve them! I don't deserve all their attention and love! If it weren't for me they wouldn't be in the mafia, and do you know how I repay them for everything they've done for me? I made them think I was dead! They don't say anything, but I know they're still hurting! I betrayed their trust and they still believe in me! They still trust me!"
Tsuna leaned against his desk and ran a hand down his face in exasperation. "I'm not good enough for them and they'd be better off without me."
"Then I suppose you're lucky I'm here," the Reborn-angel said in a soft voice. "Because I'm going to grant your wish."
"Huh?"
At that instant, the window burst open and it was like a snowstorm rushed in. Tsuna covered his face as the wind whipped around him. Then as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Tsuna waited a moment longer, just to make sure, then he slowly lowered his arms and opened his eyes. The Reborn angel stood in front of him with an almost sad look on his face.
"You were never born."
"Yeah right, how-" Tsuna paused and glanced around them. "Where are we? What happened to the mansion? What happened to my office?"
Reborn-angel shrugged. "You were never born, so it doesn't belong to you. And you should recognize where we are at any rate."
Tsuna frowned and turned his attention to the house in front of him. "That's my house!" he said. "Geez, angel I-what should I call you? What's your name?"
"There's no need to tell you my real name, so let's just go with Reborn for now."
"Whatever-anyway, if you really felt I needed to see my mother more, you should have just told me and spared me the theatrics, you know." Reborn stayed silent and Tsuna rushed towards the door and eagerly rang the doorbell.
Has he really not noticed it yet? the angel wondered, choosing to stand back by the fence.
"Mom! Mom! It's me, Tsuna! I'm home!" Tsuna resisted the urge to pound on the door. He hadn't seen his mom in a long time, and while she was coming to the mansion for Christmas with his father later, Tsuna felt bad that he hadn't come to see her earlier. He could smell the homemade treats his mother was infamous for in their little neighborhood during this time of year and his mouth watered.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!"
Tsuna turned to smirk at Reborn. "I guess I should thank you for this-you're right, I should have come to see her before."
"She's not your mother," Reborn said. "I told you, you were never born."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Tsuna said. "I get it. This is another one of Reborn's weird tests or something."
The door opened. "Yes?"
Tsuna spun around and beamed. "Mom! It's so great to see you!" Then he threw his arms around the smaller woman and kissed her forehead. "I'm so-"
"Nana? What is it? Who's there?"
Tsuna froze in confusion. That voice was new to him. He was furthered confused when his mother forcibly pushed him back. She was staring at Tsuna with an unsettled and fearful expression. "Um . . . I don't really know," Nana said slowly, answering the strange voice, "but this man here seems to think I'm his . . . mother?"
"What?" Tsuna heard the pounding of footsteps on hardened floor, and a man with short, dark hair rounded the corner. He wore an apron around his waist and there were splotches of white powder in his hair. The man wiped his hands on the apron and stood beside Nana. "What did you say, honey?" The man placed an arm around Nana protectively, and Tsuna belatedly noticed the two of them had matching pajamas on. Tsuna suddenly found himself feeling sick and he took a small step backwards as if someone punched him in the gut.
"M-Mom?"
The stranger took a step forward, placing himself between Tsuna and Nana. "Who the hell are you?"
Tsuna licked his suddenly dry lips and fought against the urge to grasp onto the door frame, seeing as how his knees had become very weak. "I'm . . . I'm Nana's son, Tsunayoshi . . . Tsuna . . . My father is Iemitsu-"
"Ha! The blond?" the man snorted.
The brunette narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. "Yes-him. Who are you?"
"Jiro. I'm the man who treats Nana right, and that's all you'll ever need to know." As if to emphasize his point he pulled Nana closer to him.
"Iemitsu," Nana began slowly, "was my husband for ten years, and I did love him very much." She glanced down and clenched her apron. "The only problem was that he was never home. He was always gone doing 'construction work' and left me here all alone. Years would pass before he would even call to say he loved me . . . and so I figured the best thing for us would be to get a divorce."
That single word drove into Tsuna like one of Reborn's bullets, though instead of strengthening him he felt weaker. It drove in further at the sight of the loving look his mother gave to the dark-haired stranger.
"While I'm sure Iemitsu may have been a decent man," Jiro began, "he was a horrible husband. After meeting this wonderful woman, I just knew how special she was and that she deserved someone who would treat her right." He glanced down at Nana and smiled. "Iemitsu never knew how lucky he was." Nana blushed and the two shared a short but loving kiss.
Tsuna clutched his burning chest and struggled to breathe. Despite how happy the two looked, he couldn't help but feel it was the most horrifying image he had ever seen. He'd rather stare down the barrel of a gun than see that again.
And he knew his father wasn't the best dad around. It took Tsuna a while to get past all those years of not even knowing his dad was alive, but once he did, Tsuna made a huge effort to get the three of them to be together as a family. He eventually came to the realization that his father was doing all he could to support his family, and just because that job didn't bring him home at five everyday didn't make him any less of a father. Though Tsuna did have a meaningful discussion with his father about staying in better touch with them and scolded him on not contacting his mother enough.
To think that it went so far to a divorce . . . Tsuna could never-
"Mommy? Daddy? Is another carolers here? I wanna sing, too!"
Nana quickly turned around. "Oh, honey . . . now's not a good-go back in the kitchen-"
Her request went unheeded as a small boy pushed his way through Nana and Jiro. Tsuna's breath hitched at the sight of him. The boy looked like a perfect blend of his parents with short, dark brown hair, blue eyes, and tan skin. He too had matching pajamas, but his chest was bare and covered with chocolate fingerprints and flour. He gazed up at Tsuna in amazement and smiled.
"My name's Shouta and I'm six!" he said proudly, using three fingers on each hand to display the age. Tsuna would have found it utterly adorable if he weren't paralyzed by the implications this child brought.
"I-I just . . . I-I didn't . . . what is . . ."
Nana carefully pulled Shouta closer to herself and gave Tsuna a warm smile. "Look um . . . Tsuna, I'm deeply sorry but I never had any children with Iemitsu. But uh-" she glanced at Jiro and he nodded. She turned back to Tsuna and smiled even wider. "If you'd like, we could help you find your real parents. And in the meantime, would you like to help us make some cookies? This time of year is just perfect for having company over, and I imagine it must be rather cold out there." She gave Tsuna a glance over. "Do you have a place to stay?"
Tsuna's throat tightened and he was finding it difficult to swallow. He looked back and forth from Jiro's worried face, to Shouta's happy but confused one, then finally his mother's normal warm and caring expression-but this one had no idea who he was. This Nana had no memories of making him breakfast, of holding him close when he cried from all the bullying, of having the ability to make his day all better with a simple smile . . .
It suddenly became too much and Tsuna bolted. He sprinted off the porch and ran down the street with Reborn right behind him.
Nana watched Tsuna run away with a sad gaze. "That poor man . . ." she whispered. "Jiro? Do you think-"
"Already on it." The man had untied his apron and was pulling a jacket on. "I'll make a quick stop at the station and see if we can put out a team to find him." He put his police hat on and leaned over to peck Nana on the cheek, then knelt down to give Shouta a quick kiss on the forehead. "We'll make sure he's safe."
"Thank you," Nana said with a hand over her heart. "I just can't imagine what that poor man is going through. If I were his mother I know I'd be worried sick."
Tsuna was unaware of how long he ran, but after a while he could run no further and fell to his knees, not caring about the cold snow beneath him. He just stared at the white ground as his mother's new family flashed before his eyes. His stomach churned and Tsuna covered his mouth, feeling sick.
"Do you understand now?" Reborn said quietly, standing beside him.
"She was married to someone else," Tsuna choked. His hand felt wet and he realized he was crying. "She was married to someone else and . . . and they h-had a little boy . . ." Tsuna let out a strangled sob and covered his face with both hands.
After a few minutes, Reborn spoke again. "So, do you think she's better off this way?"
Tsuna dragged his sleeve across his eyes and sniffed. "W-well I . . . I think so," he whispered. He stood up and looked at Reborn. "She's not in danger from the mafia and doesn't have to worry about her no-good son-"
He gasped then looked all around. No . . . it couldn't be! For the first time, Tsuna took a good look at their surroundings. "What happened here?"
Instead of the snowy, friendly neighborhood he was expecting, the place he had grown up in was all bland and run down. There were no decorations, all the lampposts were dull or flickering, some houses looked abandoned-it was hell.
Tsuna nearly fell to his knees again. "Wh-what happened here, Reborn?" He turned to the angel with fresh tears in his eyes. "This can't all be because I wasn't born, right?"
Reborn shook his head. "It is. Because you were never born, Byakuran has gained nearly full control over the world."
Tsuna could only stare at Reborn in disbelief. "Wait . . . Byakuran? How could he-" Then it clicked in Tsuna's brain. Because he wasn't born, the fight between his younger self and Byakuran never happened. "But surely there had to be someone else who could fight him, right? Right?"
Reborn just shook his head. "No one else is able to step up to him."
"But what about the Vongola? Who's leading them now? Why aren't they fighting him?"
"Xanxus is the leader of Vongola now," Reborn said.
Tsuna frowned. How was that possible? He walked toward Reborn. "But . . . wouldn't the ring have rejected him? How could be become the leader of the Vongola if the ring rejected him?" Reborn stayed silent. "Come on, Reborn! Tell me!"
The angel sighed and grabbed Tsuna's arm. "How about I show you?"
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In case there is anyone whose primary language is Vietnamese, XiongMao is working on translating this story.