Retail Therapy: Because the World Makes You Weary
"Teukie-hyung... Teukie-hyung...."
Sungmin gently nudged Eeteuk's shoulder for the older one to wake up.
"Ugh.... huh?" Eeteuk sleepily opened his eyes and squinted. He fell asleep with his glasses still on.
"You fell asleep while sitting at the table, Hyung. You ok?" asked Sungmin with a worried look.
Eeteuk heavily pushed himself off the table and looked blearily at Sungmin's face. "Yeah, Sungmin, I'm fine. Thanks." He said. He stretched his arms and gave out a yawn. He was starting to feel numb after staying in a position for too long.
"Here, Teukie-hyung." Sungmin said, taking a seat next to Eeteuk on the small dining table. He handed Eeteuk a warm cup of tea. The elder nodded his silent thanks and held the mug in his hands, trying to warm his palms with it. He stared at the calm green liquid and followed the smoke arising from the top with his eyes. After a few more seconds, he lifted the cup to his lips and sipped a bit before setting it down again in front of him.
Sungmin pulled his chair in forward. "Hyung, you seem really tired these days."
"Yeah, work's been really stressful lately. Schedule's always full." Eeteuk gave a half-smile as he continued staring at his cup of tea. "It's amazing there are so many events that we get booked to, you know. Sometimes I never really would've thought that it would be possible."
"I saw you slip several times when we were onstage a couple of days ago." Sungmin began. He was really worried about his hyung. Over the past week, he could really tell that something was wrong. He didn't know what, but he was determined to find out and help Eeteuk solve whatever problem he was having. "Kangin-hyung even said you fainted last night. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you got rushed to the emergency room. I came home pretty late - MC gig that Manager-hyung booked for me." Sungmin said, trying to explain.
Eeteuk looked up from his cup and gave Sungmin a warm smile. "It's alright, Sungmin. You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine now."
Even though Sungmin wasn't too sure about the truth in Eeteuk's last statement, he returned the older boy's smile with his own even brighter grin. Eeteuk needed encouragement, a high dosage of happiness and sunshine to wake him up from the dreary weary spells he's been having as of late. "You're right! Teukie-hyung always bounces back!" Sungmin said, raising a fist in the air.
Eeteuk only smiled in return.
"Time to get back on track!" Sungmin continued, radiating beams of yellow (and pink) energy.
Eeteuk gave another half smile and nodded, then dipping his head low to sip from his mug. "Yeah. I guess so."
At this, Sungmin became disheartened. He dropped his fist from the air and looked at his hyung with a pout. "What's wrong, Hyung? I thought you were all well and better now. You should feel more sunny, like you always do!"
"Yeah..." Eeteuk tried to look more enthusiastic. "Yep, I'm back at full strength now!" Then it was his turn to throw a fist in the air. It looked a little bit forced though. That little detail didn't slip Sungmin's eye.
"Of course, you have to be strong, Hyung! Who else will take care of all of us? We need our Umma." Sungmin smiled sweetly, and Eeteuk replied with a chuckle.
"Ah, my boys, what would you do without me?"
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It was one o'clock in the afternoon. Eeteuk was the one who prepared lunch for the members in the dorm since Hankyung was in China, with the rest of SuJu-M. Yesung and Shindong joined Eeteuk and Sungmin at the table.
"Teukie-hyung, I never knew you could prepare really good beef stew." Yesung said as he got another serving of the said viand. "I thought boiling rice was your one and only forte."
"I'll take that as a compliment." Eeteuk said as he laughed.
Shindong, who had the biggest pile of food on his plate among the four, looked up from eating and asked, "You doing anything after this, Hyung?"
"No, Manager-hyung let me take the day off. He said it wouldn't be good to get back to work too soon after the incident last night." Eeteuk replied.
"Aaah," Shindong nodded. "What about you, Minnie? You doing anything?"
"No." Sungmin simply said before putting a piece of beef into his mouth.
"You on leave too?" Yesung asked.
"No."
"Then you don't have anything on your schedule?" Shindong queried, eyebrow raised.
"I think I've got some stuff in my schedule. But then Eunhyuk said he'd go and take care of it for me." Sungmin shrugged.
"How could Eunhyuk be the one to do the events set for you in your schedule?" Shindong asked, quite perplexed.
"I don't think anything big was in my schedule today. Probably a couple of guest slots on radio shows."
"You just doubled Eunhyuk's work, Sungmin." Eeteuk said, gently reprimanding the said boy. "He told me he had stuff to arrange at Sukira. That load's heavier on him now without me there." Eeteuk's expression changed from nonchalance to worry as he thought of how pressured Eunhyuk might be feeling at that very moment.
"Don't worry, Teukie-hyung. Eunhyuk could handle it. Besides, he offered to help. I couldn't say no to a day of rest!" Sungmin said with a small smile. Deep inside of him, he was glad that Eunhyuk was so thoughtful. Eunhyuk knew how stressed Sungmin's been lately so he proposed to take a day's load off of him. When he heard of Eunhyuk's offer, Sungmin hugged the younger boy and asked what he wanted in return for the favor he was granting. Eunhyuk asked for nothing. Instead, he said that Sungmin's smiles were more than enough, at least for him. He also made Sungmin promise to get enough rest. After all, Sungmin was already lacking sleep, and his anemia wasn't helping either. He just felt weaker by the hour. He made it a point to get enough sleep from the previous night. He felt so energized and rejuvenated the following day, more than he's ever felt in a while.
"What about you Shindong, you going anywhere?" Sungmin asked.
"Yeah. I'm going to the dance studio. Manager-hyung wanted me to collaborate with some new dance instructor." Shindong replied.
"Yesung?"
"Arranging a new ballad! Manager-hyung reserved the studio for me." Yesung said as he stood up from the table to carry his used dishes over to the sink and load them in the dishwasher. "Hey, thanks again for the food. I'll be going now!" He patted each member sitting at the dining table on the back and sprinted towards the doorway. He put on his sneakers and slid out of the main door.
"And now it's my turn." Shindong said as he stood up, carried his plates over, and said his goodbyes. "See you later!"
Then it was only Eeteuk and Sungmin in the dorm.
Sungmin was already quite up and about from the extra hours of sleep he got. He walked around the dorm, looking for things to do. He paced back and forth, back and forth. He then decided to enter his room, open his closet, and try, once again, to arrange his wardrobe. He folded the articles of clothing strewn on the floor or were messily shoved into drawers. While doing so, he noticed that things were a little bit too quiet outside. He wondered to himself a bit.
Sungmin knew that something was defnitely wrong with Eeteuk. Given that he just came out of the hospital twelve hours ago, sure, he wouldn't be in tip top shape yet. However, there was something in the way Eeteuk sighed that told Sungmin that a certain sparkle had gone missing. There was something in the way Eeteuk gave his smiles that told Sungmin that apparently someone has lost that pulse that kept a person going -- and that pulse was the sense of purpose.
And so, Sungmin thought to himself and he came up with a very firm resolution...
"Hey, Hyung, could you come with me for a while?" Sungmin asked Eeteuk as the older boy was lounging on the couch.
"Hmm? Where are we going?"
"To the mall."
Eeteuk looked confused. "You lack something? There's a convenince store across the street."
"No, I don't lack anything. I just want to go to the mall." Sungmin shrugged.
"Why?" Eeteuk asked again, putting his feet up on the couch.
Seeing that Eeteuk had no plans of actually leaving the plush sofa, Sungmin yanked on his hyung's arm. "Because, I want to go shopping!"
"Sungmin, you know I don't have anything to spend ---" before Eeteuk could finish what he was saying --
"Come on, Hyung, let's just go!"
Sungmin dragged him out of the apartment.
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"So, we're here." Eeteuk said, scratching his head.
They were at the mall, how many blocks away from their dorm. They got there by taxi, and Sungmin paid for it. The younger boy grabbed his Hyung and gave him absolutely no time to prepare. Before leaving the dorm, Eeteuk just manged to get his jacket off the coat rack and steal the few paper bills on top of the shoe cabinet. Those paper bills probably belonged to Kangin. He wouldn't mind anyone taking them... as long as that anyone was Eeteuk and only Eeteuk. And everyone knew that, except for Eeteuk, because Eeteuk, despite being the Umma, was most often left clueless.
"Yep, we're at the mall! Let's start shopping!" Sungmin jovially said, smiling brightly.
"Sungmin, I don't have any money. I don't even have my wallet. How could I buy anything?" Eeteuk asked the younger boy, looking incredulous.
"You have those paper bills Kangin-hyung left on top of the shoe cabinet. I'm sure he won't mind you spending those."
"Ok, I guess I could always repay him later."
Sungmin nodded and then proceeded to walk forward. He entered the mall's glass doors with Eeteuk following suit. After five minutes of walking around in comfortable silence, a store caught Sungmin's eye and he went towards it.
"Teukie-hyung..."
"Yes?"
Sungmin turned around to face his hyung. The look on his face was a serious one. "This trip to the mall shall be our bonding time."
"What? Bonding time? Don't we bond enough at home?" Eeteuk asked, shocked and perplexed at the same time.
"No, this will be our mother-son/daughter bonding time." And then all seriousness that Sungmin's face held before dissipated into a smile. "I'll call you Umma, because you techinically are my Umma, and I shall be your son-daughter."
"Son-daughter?" Eeteuk repeated. Sungmin had crazy ideas sometimes.
"Yep. I can be whatever kid you want me to be. I could be your son, with a hint of being girly, or I could be your daughter, with huge ounces of being manly." Sungmin explained.
Eeteuk stood there staring at Sungmin with a questioning glare. But then he shook himself and decided to play along. Why he decided to play along? He wasn't so sure himself, but he had a weird feeling something would work out in the end.
"Ok, then." Eeteuk nodded.
"Yey!" Sungmin squeeled in delight and entered the store he's been eyeing for the past ten minutes.
They entered a clothing store. However, the store didn't sell the usual polo shirts, oxfords, and jeans. They sold graphic print tees with loud colors and bold images. Sungmin hovered the nearest rack.
"So, Umma," Sungmin began, and somehow Eeteuk didn't find it weird being called that term at all, even in public. Maybe he was already used to it from all the times the other members called him that name. "I noticed something was up... or rather something was missing. Care to tell me about it?" Sungmin asked as he looked through various shirts.
Eeteuk chuckled to himself. He knew Sungmin was doing this to make him feel better and the reason why he was confronting him while browsing through a clothing store was so that he could keep the mood light and comfortable. "I never knew my son-daughter could be so perceptive."
"Of course I'm perceptive. I'm sensitive to how you feel because you're my Umma." Sungmin said with a smile.
Eeteuk didn't really give a reply to Sungmin's question. He just stood there, looking at the shirts folded neatly on the display table. He felt someone tap his shoulder and he looked back, only to find Sugnmin handing him a hanger with a shirt on it. It was a pale yellow shirt with a gold and brown print on it. He couldn't exactly tell what it was, although it looked sort of like an electric guitar.
"Here, try this on, Umma." Sungmin suggested and gently pushed Eeteuk into one of the changing room stalls. Once Eeteuk was inside and had locked the door, Sungmin called out, "I'm right here outside. Just open the door to let me see how it looks on you once you've finished changing."
Eeteuk sighed. He was already in the changing room so what the heck. He pulled off his hoodie and put on the t-shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror. He head bags under his eyes, and his stare was droopy. He smiled his dimple smile and found that he couldn't hold it for more than five seconds. It turned into a frown. Maybe it was time he let someone know how he felt. It wouldn't hurt to unload the emotional burden he had. If anything, it would be very good for him.
So reluctantly, he opened up. "Sungmin?" He called out to check if the younger one was indeed there.
"Yes, Umma?" Sungmin piped up.
"I.... I'm..." Eeteuk sighed. "I'm tired." He finally admitted it. "But it's not the usual tired because I lack sleep or food or water or anything. I'm just tired of getting up everyday to fulfill this monotonous schedule of going to castings, shootings, radio shows, appearances. I mean, for what? Everything's so dull, like there's nothing more to it. Everything in this business is so shallow.
"I first joined SM and agreed to be part of Super Junior because I thought I was going to fulfill my dreams. I was going to be famous. I was going to be popular. I was going to be singing, dancing, doing the things I love, for the people I love. I was going to earn money for my family. I was going to entertain fans. But lately, with all the hurtful rumors and comments, I don't know. I know I should just ignore these stuff, but they bring me down. I can't help it, but they still bring me down.
"I don't know what else I have going for me in here. Maybe I should just quit. It's tiring. And all the pressures and expectations everyone puts on me. I'm fed up with it! I want to be myself and let go and let loose, but everyone's gripping me so tight and pushing me to do something I don't want to do or project an image I'm not. Why do I have to be outgoing cutesie Teukie? Why can't I be quiet rebellious Teukie? And then they get disappointed and it's even harder to deal with disappointment because I have no idea how to fix things sometimes!
"I just feel so lost, and sometimes being tired and burdened too much makes me feel so useless, and I just get so mad at myself for not being able to help, I just!......."
Eeteuk opened the door of the changing room stall, ready to burst. What greeted him, however, was Sungmin looking at him up and down with worried and sympathetic eyes. He opened his mouth to speak.
"That shirt doesn't look good on you. Try this white one." He shoved the hanger into Eeteuk's hands and pushed him back inside the stall.
Eeteuk fell backwards and leaned on the mirror for support. His mouth was hanging open. He just poured his heart out to his son-daughter and all he could give him was another shirt to try on.
Wow, Eeteuk thought. That.... was such....... a stupid moment. He actually thought someone was listening to him, sharing the weight on his shoulders and in his heart. He thought that someone could actually understand him. He chuckled to himself and sniffled a bit. He was on the verge of tears. Instead, he took his shirt off and tried on the one Sungmin just handed to him. He was fixing himself when...
"Umma..." It was Sungmin's turn to call out. Eeteuk didn't respond. "I heard every word you said, Umma. And now I know how you really feel. And I do know how you feel. Yes, our job could get tiring, but we still wake up everyday, because it's our job to entertain people. And when we entertain people, we make people happy. When we go onstage, and we sing, and we dance, and we do the things we love, we make people happy. Making other people smile -- that's the most fulfilling thing anyone can do on earth.
"You should know. You told me that yourself, Umma.
"So don't forget that, okay? That's the purpose why we're here, and that the reason why we refuse to quit - because we want to continue making our fans, our families, everyone we meet, happy. All those things antis say, or all the mean things Manger-hyung may say to you -- don't mind them. They shouldn't get in the way of our main purpose. And besides, whatever Manager-hyung says, there's a reason. Yeah, he can be a little harsh sometimes... or most of the time... but he gives us really good advice so that next time we make songs or have appearances, we can be better! Right, Umma?"
Eeteuk let Sungmin's words sink into him. The boy was right. He did say that. Making other people smile was the most fulfilling thing in the world. He wasn't going to take it back. Eeteuk suddenly began to question what in the world was he thinking. He remembered that when he first started out as a trainee that as long as he was in the entertainment business, he would do his best to make people happy, no matter what, because that was his duty, and that was his calling, and because he was a man, he wouldn't run away. He would face it head-on, and never grow tired, and never surrender, because he knew that he was doing something worthwhile.
Eeteuk opened the door of the changing room once more. He gave Sungmin a hug. A long, warm, grateful hug.
"Thank you, Sungmin."
"You're welcome, Umma. Anything for you." And Sungmin hugged Eeteuk back.
Once they pulled apart, Sungmin added, "Oh, and Umma..."
"Yes?"
"Don't worry. Whenever you feel weak, the rest of Super Junior will always be there for you. We'll be your strength, and we'll lift you up to new heights, and help you reach your dreams, and help you catch your star, just as you do for us." Sungmin smiled affectionately. He pointed to Eeteuk's shirt. "And even though the gods may clip your wings, know that we'll be your new wings, and we'll always provide for you and stick by your side... because Umma, you'll always be our..." and it was only then that Eeteuk realized that the print on the tee he was wearing was that of an angel.
At this, Eeteuk smiled widely and laughed. He ruffled Sungmin's hair. "Aaaah! Son-daughter, you're too cheesy for your own good!" and he continued laughing. Sungmin soon joined in his laughter.
Once they've calmed themselves down, Eeteuk changed back into his hoodie and stepped out of the stall. He said, "Sungmin, I'm getting this shirt." while holding up the white shirt with the angel print on it. "What about you?" He asked.
"I'm getting this scarf."
They lined up at the check-out counter and paid for the items they wanted to purchase. Soon they were walking out of the store and out of the mall, shopping bags in hand.
"Sungmin, let's go home." Eeteuk said with a smile.
"Sure, Umma." and they hailed a cab and rode off back to the dorm.
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"We're home!" Both Eeteuk and Sungmin called out at the same time as they entered the dorm.
"Hey, finally. What, you girls went out shopping today?" Kangin said as he went near Eeteuk to get his bags for him.
"Yep! Umma and I had a great time! Retail therapy works wonders!" Sungmin called out as he entered the kitchen to make dinner for the members at home.
Eeteuk could only smile. Oh, so that's what you call retail therapy, he thought to himself.
"Umma! Where's the pepper?" Sungmin yelled from the kitchen.
"Top cabinets, second from the left, bottom shelf, rightmost." Eetuek yelled back the coordinates of the pepper.
"Thank you!"
Just then Eunhyuk came into the kitchen and chanced upon Sungmin's shopping bag. "Hey, Minnie, did you buy anything for me? Oh you bought a scarf?" He said as he unraveled the cloth.
"Yeah, and instead of buying it in pink, I bought it in blue so we could share it." Sungmin replied.
Eunhyuk proceeded to tie the scarf around his neck.
"And for a hard day's work, you also get this..." And Sungmin gave Eunhyuk a kiss on the cheek. Eunhyuk gave a huge grin and Eeteuk chuckled to himself.
"Hey, Hyung, you seem in better spirits now." Eunhyuk remarked.
Sungmin and Eeteuk shared a knowing glance.
Eeteuk smiled and replied, "It's retail therapy, I tell you. Plus the good company. It's awesome."
"Hyung, I put your shopping bag in our room!" Kangin called out as he passed by on his way to use the computer.
"Thanks, Kangin. Oh and was the money on top of the shoe cabinet yours?" Eeteuk remembered to ask. He stuck his head out of the kitchen doorway to better hear Kangin's response.
"Yeah, it was. I've been looking for it the whole afternoon."
"I kind of used it on today's shopping. I hope you don't mind. I'll repay you later though!"
"It's okay, Hyung. As long as you feel better, I don't mind."
And this time it was Eunhyuk and Sungmin's turn to share knowing glances.
Eeteuk returned within the kitchen and put on his pink and white apron.
"So... Hyukjae... what do you guys want for dinner?"