Family: The Stories We Tell Ourselves
The stories we come to believe about our families define how we see ourselves in life. Children as young as 3 years of age begin to retell their family stories. This is the time for brain development that allows for the "autobiographical self" to emerge and is due to the emergence of the left-frontal areas of the brain. Prior to this, the child brain is largely the world of attachment and social/emotional experiences centered in the right hemisphere and the middle/lower areas of the brain. These areas are mostly nonverbal contrary to the autobiographical self where language plays a larger role in self understanding.
Where do these stories circulate? They get told around the family dinner table, at holiday gatherings, at bedtimes and during daily household activities. The autobiographical memories are more than "recalling" facts and events. They involve an interpretive element that makes them unique and powerful. They start to define the self and allow a way for us to make decisions about what we do, who we interact with, what limits we have and what dreams and goals will drive us. In other words, they have a filtering effect. Our future is seen through these family story filters.
This would lead us to feel that stories are negative because of how they limit us but they can be powerful tools in a parents toolbox. Parents can use stories to teach important moral lessons, increase attachment and reinforce positive attitudes and behaviors. One of the most powerful ways to promote healthy self-esteem is for when the child can see himself or herself from the positive eyes of the parent. Their self story is developed by what is told to them as well as what is experienced. One of the earliest attachment experiences occurs when the infant is responded to by the parent with excitement and joy. This creates an internal world of joy that is more about a feeling of "completeness" than "pleasure."
Where do these stories circulate? They get told around the family dinner table, at holiday gatherings, at bedtimes and during daily household activities. The autobiographical memories are more than "recalling" facts and events. They involve an interpretive element that makes them unique and powerful. They start to define the self and allow a way for us to make decisions about what we do, who we interact with, what limits we have and what dreams and goals will drive us. In other words, they have a filtering effect. Our future is seen through these family story filters.
This would lead us to feel that stories are negative because of how they limit us but they can be powerful tools in a parents toolbox. Parents can use stories to teach important moral lessons, increase attachment and reinforce positive attitudes and behaviors. One of the most powerful ways to promote healthy self-esteem is for when the child can see himself or herself from the positive eyes of the parent. Their self story is developed by what is told to them as well as what is experienced. One of the earliest attachment experiences occurs when the infant is responded to by the parent with excitement and joy. This creates an internal world of joy that is more about a feeling of "completeness" than "pleasure."