i don't want you to believe in me, just believe me,.. the things i'm telling you. i don't talk sht,
meanwhile i don't wanna be redundant. All the explanations of anything or interpretations of lies i was told (by most of my close loved ones)& reassertions of stuff they* [*(if you are reading this it's probably not You)] ... (they) didn't believe (me), so then i second guessed (myself)
bc i gave them the benefit of the doubt on top of their misgivings & missed-trust(distrust)
then they continued to side track(me) & divert to cover their asses with passive aggressive sarcasms, i didn't stand a chance with my
over-concern to the what's & whys then nothing worked, flows never followed through. they sparred me nothing but sorrow & payback, compensation, (& an artist of my magnitude & caliber compromises Nothing! we already Knew what was possible.. what we were capable, what was left to chance to every essence of the direction of the wind to the perfect sound wave to a indiscriminalbe shape color off the spectrum map to a temperature of the oil evaporation rate calculated to the imaginary plane to the most irrational of standard deviation even accounting for human error.*
what i hadn't accounted for was outright betrayal. out right dismissal. total lied to disregarding abandonment. the most lied to lied about stinking lies you can smell thrown around in the most arbitrary nonchalant fashion,
i took belief for granted. i thought it was a given, meanwhile i was the only one doing it.
so yeah, i need it, & if no ones gonna believe me i damn well better believe in myself.
(i mean i have a couple a friends i guess tell some truth, but maybe they are kidding themselves & i am kidding myself - & for even that i hold myself accountable. am i the best one. the only one so truthful & honest in this world - not that i am all all very good, but the only one who sticks entirely to her word at all cost & if i can't - i own up apologetically as if it were the worst of all crimes>
feign irresponsibility
fiend integrity
the preist said truth was over rated, yeah, so is surface, eye candy is only skin deep but the interplay of image over occurance over blur over smear over rememberance over interpretation over blood over water over metal over bone over air over nothing
it becomes over nothing, nothing matters any more, but it did
& it Does to me, & it will continue to the last slowest breath in the last loudest longest takeforever laugh that ever happens i assure you it will be mine. i if it is the last thing will own that & no-one can lie that away from me
*ref.:the Molecule of Art laruocco article, just for kicks.
bc i gave them the benefit of the doubt on top of their misgivings & missed-trust(distrust)
then they continued to side track(me) & divert to cover their asses with passive aggressive sarcasms, i didn't stand a chance with my
over-concern to the what's & whys then nothing worked, flows never followed through. they sparred me nothing but sorrow & payback, compensation, (& an artist of my magnitude & caliber compromises Nothing! we already Knew what was possible.. what we were capable, what was left to chance to every essence of the direction of the wind to the perfect sound wave to a indiscriminalbe shape color off the spectrum map to a temperature of the oil evaporation rate calculated to the imaginary plane to the most irrational of standard deviation even accounting for human error.*
what i hadn't accounted for was outright betrayal. out right dismissal. total lied to disregarding abandonment. the most lied to lied about stinking lies you can smell thrown around in the most arbitrary nonchalant fashion,
i took belief for granted. i thought it was a given, meanwhile i was the only one doing it.
so yeah, i need it, & if no ones gonna believe me i damn well better believe in myself.
(i mean i have a couple a friends i guess tell some truth, but maybe they are kidding themselves & i am kidding myself - & for even that i hold myself accountable. am i the best one. the only one so truthful & honest in this world - not that i am all all very good, but the only one who sticks entirely to her word at all cost & if i can't - i own up apologetically as if it were the worst of all crimes>
feign irresponsibility
fiend integrity
the preist said truth was over rated, yeah, so is surface, eye candy is only skin deep but the interplay of image over occurance over blur over smear over rememberance over interpretation over blood over water over metal over bone over air over nothing
it becomes over nothing, nothing matters any more, but it did
& it Does to me, & it will continue to the last slowest breath in the last loudest longest takeforever laugh that ever happens i assure you it will be mine. i if it is the last thing will own that & no-one can lie that away from me
*ref.:the Molecule of Art laruocco article, just for kicks.