year in review 2010
even w/ my kids to accompany me
i was outnumbered this year by misery
walked right into the trap of being home for Christmas
didn't realize not having other plans could become so toxic
it was her (My Mom) & her holier-than-now sidekick neice-my cousin, i brought my X to dinner to be nice '#%for him as i didn't have other plans & actually thought their evilness would cancel each other out - he stayed neutral (he was no help, he mostly stayed-out-of-it like my father only i expect more from him because now he's my Guest!. & i generally expect more from my father bc he's my father but i try not to discredit him for siding his wife (my mother) as that's what i EXPECTED from my husband which is why he's now my x-husband of course. & of course i find my mother the most reprehensible bc not only are her misdeeds heinous, but she's MY MOTHER so i expect the MOSTEST from her that is why it's the MOST wrong of ALL Horribles)
REMIND ME NOT TO BE SO GODDAMN NICE
it's better when i take precautions, when i retaliate
Laruocco dinner conversation to my cousin, "gracious me, it must be so horrible for you
passing such negative & false judgement & having so often to be in a state of biting your lip.. because when you do open your mouth everyone including yourself finds-out the
awfully wrong injustice of your opinions."
my being hated by them for whatever reason, it's not as simple as jealousy, that's too easy
they grew up with scorn, that's all they know & think that's what love is, i fell into that trap as well
& married the male hot version of my mother, who was only slightly nicer & supportive of me..so i must of thought WHAT A PRIZE.
nice & supportive until the point of which he is not...
they think bad behavior is love
they can't even understand nurture & respect.
they'd actually treat me better if i WASN'T a nice person, that's the sad part, because at least i'd be understood.
their sarcasm's are so grossly misintertwined; their evilness confuses most bystanders
i even take too long before i can sift through the commentary to reveal blatant insult stacked upon pure misjudgements & foul outright negativity. good behavior is ridiculed & actually punished in my family. My dad's staying out of it lasts till its breaking point generally sides against me in the slightest hint of my reaction - i fall
but i catch myself quicker & quicker,
i'm wearing a quick silver bell around my nick for the next 7 days
in homage of the new change for the new decade
YEAR in REVIEW:::::: -STAYED DIVORCED
-my biceps are twice the size they started off this year! (to do: Get a phot of that)
-so what i spent More time (CLOCKED MORE hOURS) applying rhinestones to the guitar than playing it
but i still played it more than i did the 5 yrs previous!
-arrived to the esteem of not beating-myself-up about the thousand things i was brought so closely on the verge of doing that i maybe was Supposed "to do"
this year
-i was mom, i was monk, i'm 2 places at once - i wrote those song lyrics!! & 3 albums (the financial album, Laruocco Stunt Double (title ALBUM SO ON SO FORTH...
so what i didn't accomplish the neatly packaged listenable material item(s)
i traversed soul to spirit & slipped into dimensions i'd only referred to previously
time is not moving for me
i cut 2 wisdom teeth - but it is happening SO SLOWly it's the same 2 teeth i was cutting last year
the pressure is building, the force is mounting
things will take as long as they're gonna take
-(one setback is LAYLA cut bangs & i hate the way they frame her face & it's all my fault bc i turned away for the one second it took for her to take the scissor to her hair by mistake.. but it's almost growing out)
-& i perhaps missed a lot of baby modeling she could of done bc my mal-organization of the comp-card not going as swimmingly as is
the production of my back burner novels (Cereal Killer -Genericide Laruoc(C)2010 & the whatit'sliketobeafckingHouseWife-psychoanylis BestSeller
ten years in the making. o so what Happy New Year
Thank You & Goodnite.
(*p.s. SHEEN's communicating, she's so cute i'm gonna eat her up. we all started Karate & my abs turned to diamonds & disappeared, thee end)
i was outnumbered this year by misery
walked right into the trap of being home for Christmas
didn't realize not having other plans could become so toxic
it was her (My Mom) & her holier-than-now sidekick neice-my cousin, i brought my X to dinner to be nice '#%for him as i didn't have other plans & actually thought their evilness would cancel each other out - he stayed neutral (he was no help, he mostly stayed-out-of-it like my father only i expect more from him because now he's my Guest!. & i generally expect more from my father bc he's my father but i try not to discredit him for siding his wife (my mother) as that's what i EXPECTED from my husband which is why he's now my x-husband of course. & of course i find my mother the most reprehensible bc not only are her misdeeds heinous, but she's MY MOTHER so i expect the MOSTEST from her that is why it's the MOST wrong of ALL Horribles)
REMIND ME NOT TO BE SO GODDAMN NICE
it's better when i take precautions, when i retaliate
Laruocco dinner conversation to my cousin, "gracious me, it must be so horrible for you
passing such negative & false judgement & having so often to be in a state of biting your lip.. because when you do open your mouth everyone including yourself finds-out the
awfully wrong injustice of your opinions."
my being hated by them for whatever reason, it's not as simple as jealousy, that's too easy
they grew up with scorn, that's all they know & think that's what love is, i fell into that trap as well
& married the male hot version of my mother, who was only slightly nicer & supportive of me..so i must of thought WHAT A PRIZE.
nice & supportive until the point of which he is not...
they think bad behavior is love
they can't even understand nurture & respect.
they'd actually treat me better if i WASN'T a nice person, that's the sad part, because at least i'd be understood.
their sarcasm's are so grossly misintertwined; their evilness confuses most bystanders
i even take too long before i can sift through the commentary to reveal blatant insult stacked upon pure misjudgements & foul outright negativity. good behavior is ridiculed & actually punished in my family. My dad's staying out of it lasts till its breaking point generally sides against me in the slightest hint of my reaction - i fall
but i catch myself quicker & quicker,
i'm wearing a quick silver bell around my nick for the next 7 days
in homage of the new change for the new decade
YEAR in REVIEW:::::: -STAYED DIVORCED
-my biceps are twice the size they started off this year! (to do: Get a phot of that)
-so what i spent More time (CLOCKED MORE hOURS) applying rhinestones to the guitar than playing it
but i still played it more than i did the 5 yrs previous!
-arrived to the esteem of not beating-myself-up about the thousand things i was brought so closely on the verge of doing that i maybe was Supposed "to do"
this year
-i was mom, i was monk, i'm 2 places at once - i wrote those song lyrics!! & 3 albums (the financial album, Laruocco Stunt Double (title ALBUM SO ON SO FORTH...
so what i didn't accomplish the neatly packaged listenable material item(s)
i traversed soul to spirit & slipped into dimensions i'd only referred to previously
time is not moving for me
i cut 2 wisdom teeth - but it is happening SO SLOWly it's the same 2 teeth i was cutting last year
the pressure is building, the force is mounting
things will take as long as they're gonna take
-(one setback is LAYLA cut bangs & i hate the way they frame her face & it's all my fault bc i turned away for the one second it took for her to take the scissor to her hair by mistake.. but it's almost growing out)
-& i perhaps missed a lot of baby modeling she could of done bc my mal-organization of the comp-card not going as swimmingly as is
the production of my back burner novels (Cereal Killer -Genericide Laruoc(C)2010 & the whatit'sliketobeafckingHouseWife-psychoanylis BestSeller
ten years in the making. o so what Happy New Year
Thank You & Goodnite.
(*p.s. SHEEN's communicating, she's so cute i'm gonna eat her up. we all started Karate & my abs turned to diamonds & disappeared, thee end)