reoccuring
days have begun to stretch
forming thinly over muddy mondays
as black night gives way to mangled mornings
it was i who broke it
stubbornly forsaking freedom
choosing instead
a perpetual prision of “someday”
instinct indicates that i am too far gone,
still following closely wherever he has led
and it’s not so difficult to see why
we have been decaying for so long
(were i that kind of girl-
able to pick myself apart and become all the cleaner for it
. As if it were really that simple. As if all the years and trauma between us amounted to nothing more then an opportunity for this figure lying beside me
words will always be my downfall, i think. i twist and stretch and mangle them in attempts to weave into coherence my thoughts. so i can point to the paper, to the letters rearranged in order and you will know what it is like on the inside of my mind. So that i won't be alone up here.
once you told me that your love was selfish. you were drunk, and crying, and the playground equipment beneath us hardly seemed the setting. I'm not like you, you said- spitting out the words and i resented you for lumping me into a category of those who had crumbled in your wake.'I've broken too many hearts, I suppose' you went on� and I considered pushing you off of the plastic railing.
My love is selfish too. Maybe more so then yours. I wanted so much from you, demanded so much from you. Attempted to Infuse myself into every part of your life and waited for you to settle for me in earnest. Always wanting, maybe even expecting, more.
there are days when i just
sit
here
and hide
behind the empty coffee cups and forsaken muffins and i picture you at the peak of our summer
-before we closed our eyes and clutched each other, fingers tight and weaving familiar hands-
before we plummeted,
together
and you are smiling and looking up from the road
another misadventure
you are watching me watch you
your eyes are bright and dancing and i can almost hear you now.
it happens, in the twitch of twilight
as an entirely different set of fingertips flutter over my bare skin