blahs and more blahs
yeah so i didnt binge and purge yesterday even tho i thought about it...even tho i knew it would have made me feel better about having food in my stomach leave but then i logically thought it out and said no its ok ashley so u had some food that u usually wouldnt have...my mom and my sis went shopping yesterday ansd Grace got some new clothes that i aasked her to try on for me...she tried on her shirts and then cried bc she said she looked fat in it and kept looking at herslef in the mirror...that terrified me more than anything ever has...i know that epople always have defaults in their body but i saw that she mirrored me in some ways...i talked to her about everything and that she should love her body and thried to make her feel ebtter but what do i say tghat could make her love herself? what can i do to make sure she wont ever hate her body and wanna do unhealthy things to it? i mean i kno EDs are also mental as well and how some people deal with their problems but how do i make sure she deals with her problems and emotions normally? gosh it just really sacres me so much i cant even put into words..if i could i would take on her hate and everything upon myself so she would never have to feel it...i would take everything upon myself if i could but i know that i cant...anyways i ordered a book with my card and thought i was gonna get it in the mail but then it said i didnt have enough money on my card so i cant get it..so now im waiting for my mom to get home so we can go to the library and get some books...i guess u have to have a tennessee liscence to get a library card and i dont have one...i talked to danielle on the phone today and all she was saying ws how fat she has gotten and that she was on a diet and then she kept goin on and on and on and i just wanted to smack her bc i know she is not as fat as she says she is...gosh what has happened to this freakin country? everyone on diets and thinking they r never good enough and plastic surgery and diet pills and everything!! it pissess me off cuz a 200 yrs ago i bet it wasnt like this at all...why cant everyone just embrace themselves and love themselves? i know tyhats a question that has been asked and never answered but it jsut pissess me off!!! anyways i really dont know what to write cuz i have nothing..blah