People I've Been/People I Miss
I was re-reading some of my old posts today and it was like reading someone else's journal. All the people that I've been, all the pain and happiness that I've written about...somehow it doesn't seem like it was ever really me. One girl wrote. Not with any particular passion or skill, she just wrote what she saw and felt and it was as easy as breathing. One girl loved openly, stubbornly, and although she was misguided most of the time, she had a multitude of friends, lovers and family in her heart. Another girl was bitter, one was forgiving, vengeful, and even one was a dreamer.
I don't see myself as any of these people anymore. I wanted to comfort a friend who comforted me when I was one of those girls mentioned above. But I didn't have the words, even days later I don't know what I could say and I realized I haven't written anything of merit in years. I haven't loved anything or anyone with the fervor that I once did. Today my friends are dwindling away separated by cities, states and admittedly my coldness. All of my relationships crash and burn and I have to wonder, is it me? Is my heart closed off? Is it too damaged? Is there something a man sees in me that lets him know this?
So which one of those girls am I? Am I none of them, all of them...its hard to say. Even if people can change, is it a real difference or a subtle variation of who you always were?
My name is Melody Gandy.
I'm a college graduate.
I have three best friends. Well maybe we're not that close anymore.
I have a boyfriend. The minute I let him in I'll lose him.
These people don't really know me though because I don't know me.
And maybe that's the point of it all.
The lover in me left her heart in San Diego and the writer in me found her inspiration heading North.
Maybe the people in our lives aren't thtere to define you, but to help you define yourself.
To help you find your voice. Or the right words.
I don't see myself as any of these people anymore. I wanted to comfort a friend who comforted me when I was one of those girls mentioned above. But I didn't have the words, even days later I don't know what I could say and I realized I haven't written anything of merit in years. I haven't loved anything or anyone with the fervor that I once did. Today my friends are dwindling away separated by cities, states and admittedly my coldness. All of my relationships crash and burn and I have to wonder, is it me? Is my heart closed off? Is it too damaged? Is there something a man sees in me that lets him know this?
So which one of those girls am I? Am I none of them, all of them...its hard to say. Even if people can change, is it a real difference or a subtle variation of who you always were?
My name is Melody Gandy.
I'm a college graduate.
I have three best friends. Well maybe we're not that close anymore.
I have a boyfriend. The minute I let him in I'll lose him.
These people don't really know me though because I don't know me.
And maybe that's the point of it all.
The lover in me left her heart in San Diego and the writer in me found her inspiration heading North.
Maybe the people in our lives aren't thtere to define you, but to help you define yourself.
To help you find your voice. Or the right words.