we are like frogs oblivious
Nothing makes any sense anymore.
I haven't seen Remus in some time. I miss him, I really do.
At least, I think I do. I'm inclined to. I can't stand being away from him, and I end up thinking about him all the time. He said he loves me.
I can't just ignore that. Because I love him, too.
But gods, Rodolphus. I can't get into it. I care about him so much, so much more than I should. We had sex. It was.. I can't describe it. Different. Passionate. Good. I barely feel bad about it, either. I mean...Remus is a werewolf. He lied. Rodolphus never has. He's never been like that. And he wasn't embarassed. I was, but then again it was my first time and not his. He seemed so confident and sure. And afterwards it was so calm. And relaxed.
I feel contented now. Like things might not end up being so horrible.
He just always knows what to say, doesn't he? He always knows exactly what to do, he's such a gentleman. He's always been there, solid and not sickly and he understand. He understands. I never have to elaborate anything with him, never have to explain, because he's experienced the same thing. He always smiles when he sees me, even if he's had an awful day. He always makes that time.
"adorable" isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind.
Any Amycus is odd. Which isn't a suprise. He's odd, and he apparently talks to Bellatrix behind my back. Which is not only strange, as she seems bent on telling me over and over again that I must find a girl and produce and heir, but also untrustworthy. What would they talk about? I'm almost concerned.
Have I covered everything? Oh, right. I'm almost failing Arithmancy. Excellent.
I've just given up on work. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't have the energy, the motivation, the..what I need. I just want to sleep. But then when I try, I can't.
Whatever.
Aye, me. I'm picking this thing up once again to report on things that are not important.
I'm not sure as to whether or not I'll be going home for hols. I don't see much point. Could catch up on work. The castle is lovely in Spring.
I've lost my will to study. I fear I'm becoming a bad student. I haven't been to the library in ages. Alas. I need help with Arithmancy, but things might just work out in the end. It's the constant essays and assignments. But I suppose I can't argue or complain.
Alas. This has been a waste of your time.