Why should next year suddenly have to be different?
Two things have come to my attention after reading the various 'what I did last year and what I'm going to do this year' New Year entries being posted by various people on this site. The first is that I have had a really shit year during which I have achieved nothing. The second is that this year wasn't really any better or worse than any other years I've had in the past. I suppose the obvious conclusion to that is that my life pretty much sucks on almost every level.
Obviously I know there are things I need to fix, but they're the same things I've needed to fix for years, so I'm not sure the new year's going to make any difference. I suppose it's an opportunity to think about what's going on, and what needs changing in your life, but I obsess about that sort of thing constantly anyway.
I did sort of make a sort of new year's resolution in my head this time. Everyone tells me to stop being so negative, but I don't think that's realistic, bearing in mind how deeply unhappy I am. So I thought instead of being positive, which would be nothing more than believing for believing's sake, I'll be less demanding and needy, and more friendly, rather than taking out my unhappiness on others. This is a bad way to be and it always makes me feel worse rather than better anyway. Now the year hasn't been going on long yet (for me it started on Monday, even though that was technically 2007, sue me), but already I'm wondering whether I can sustain it. It felt nice for a while when I was in the pub with workmates, but it all fell apart when I was once again getting ignored by a clubful of women, which just amplified my loneliness to the point where I just cannot keep it to myself as it hurts so badly. So I piss off my poor innocent housemates by banging on things loudly late at night. The new year isn't going to change this. Or at least it shouldn't have to. I tried hard last year but still failed, and there's no real reason why any things I resolve to try this year should work. But that doesn't stop being a failure affecting me and propogating itself in the way that these things do.
So anyway if you're making new year's resolutions, just do one of two so that they're achievable, and make sure you don't go about trying to change your fundamental nature, as that's unlikely to improve your self esteem.
Obviously I know there are things I need to fix, but they're the same things I've needed to fix for years, so I'm not sure the new year's going to make any difference. I suppose it's an opportunity to think about what's going on, and what needs changing in your life, but I obsess about that sort of thing constantly anyway.
I did sort of make a sort of new year's resolution in my head this time. Everyone tells me to stop being so negative, but I don't think that's realistic, bearing in mind how deeply unhappy I am. So I thought instead of being positive, which would be nothing more than believing for believing's sake, I'll be less demanding and needy, and more friendly, rather than taking out my unhappiness on others. This is a bad way to be and it always makes me feel worse rather than better anyway. Now the year hasn't been going on long yet (for me it started on Monday, even though that was technically 2007, sue me), but already I'm wondering whether I can sustain it. It felt nice for a while when I was in the pub with workmates, but it all fell apart when I was once again getting ignored by a clubful of women, which just amplified my loneliness to the point where I just cannot keep it to myself as it hurts so badly. So I piss off my poor innocent housemates by banging on things loudly late at night. The new year isn't going to change this. Or at least it shouldn't have to. I tried hard last year but still failed, and there's no real reason why any things I resolve to try this year should work. But that doesn't stop being a failure affecting me and propogating itself in the way that these things do.
So anyway if you're making new year's resolutions, just do one of two so that they're achievable, and make sure you don't go about trying to change your fundamental nature, as that's unlikely to improve your self esteem.