'Strong applications' don't pay the bills
Had so much flying around in my head the last couple of weeks, I've not been able to find any time for slacking or for posting or for sleeping enough, or for cooking my evening meals before they've all gone past their respective sale by dates.
So the latest is I've again been rejected for the internal position I found and went for, see earlier post. This shouldn't be a surprise, but given the encouragement I'd had from sources within the company, and the lengths I'd gone to to get the interview, and the image I'd built up with the manager, I have to say this time I'm pretty gutted. Because I don't get turned down for jobs like this the way a lot of people do. I get turned down in frustrating, tantalising ways. Ways in which the interviewers admit I could do the job but have some kind of frivolous concern about a minor personality trait.
Dammit it's so complicated, I'm never going to be able to explain it properly. Everyone will just think 'they were just trying to let you down gently', or' they say these things to everyone'. But not this time. Because in the interview I was asked what I'd do if I didn't get the job. And my reply was basically that if I didn't get the opportunity to go for the supervisor's job, I'd have to consider leaving the company, as I'm just likely to get more and mroe resentful and undervalued as time went on. As usual. Bearing that in mind, the client services manager guy, and the girl who's supervising the team with all the vacancies,called me into a meeting with no advance notice, where they turned me down for the job, and spent half an hour giving me advice. Basically they told me all the guff about how I had a lot to offer and a lot of skills and a lot of potential, but they didn't think I was ready right now (etc etc). But what made me think that they were genuine was that they advised me to leave the company, and look for a job in a bigger corporate with some client services element, which I could grow in at a slower pace. They even offered to help me rewrite my CV to make me more interviewable. (being as they, like interview people. lots). It's not in their or the company's interest to encourageme to leave.
This is all very nice of them. The manager guy even says hello to me when he sees me now - which makes me think Hi! I remember you from all those failed job interviews! Have fun with the months long training process you're going to have to go through with all your new recruits with zero knowledge of the products! But I can't help feeling a bit frustrated and patronised. It's tough to explain, but I'm so sick of being turned down for positions I know I could do. The interviewers know I could do it, and say as much. They say loads of good things about my abilities, further than I'd go in my most arrogant moods. Yet it's all undone because I'm too 'negative' or I 'couldn't fit in with the team of over enthusiastic women'. So I end up stuck in jobs I don't like, underachieving, feeling low about myself, being bored for 90% of my working life. Not because I'm incapable of doing better jobs. Not because I don't work hard. Not because I can't learn, not because I can't persuade people I can't learn, not because I don't try, but because of minor things like the management 'looking ofr a certain type of person' or because they can't see me integrating into the team fast enough'. And then I read every day about people in business whining about skills shortages, about people being illiterate slackers. About how they're supposedly desperate for people with any skills at all. It's all bollocks in my experience. They just want someone to go to the pub with.
Well it looks like my supervisor and employee of the month got the other job, leaving her position open. She said to me that I shouldn't worry because I put in 'strong' application and that things would happen if I kept working hard. Sadly it doesn't matter how close you get in the world of work. It's so heartbreaking, I know I have the ability to achieve a hell of alot more (which face it, wouldn't be hard AT ALL). But how am I going to show that ability at other companies if it's not enough for someone who works in my office and knows everything about the efforts I put in? if I can't get jobs in a company where I have a lot of specific experience, how am I going to get one in one where they've never heard of me?
I can't go on in my job at the moment but I'm so afraid that leaving the company will leave me unemployed for another six months. Nothing's really changed since last time, much as I've tried to make it.
Damn all this worrying is starting to make me feel ill. TUC tomorrow? Hell yes.
So the latest is I've again been rejected for the internal position I found and went for, see earlier post. This shouldn't be a surprise, but given the encouragement I'd had from sources within the company, and the lengths I'd gone to to get the interview, and the image I'd built up with the manager, I have to say this time I'm pretty gutted. Because I don't get turned down for jobs like this the way a lot of people do. I get turned down in frustrating, tantalising ways. Ways in which the interviewers admit I could do the job but have some kind of frivolous concern about a minor personality trait.
Dammit it's so complicated, I'm never going to be able to explain it properly. Everyone will just think 'they were just trying to let you down gently', or' they say these things to everyone'. But not this time. Because in the interview I was asked what I'd do if I didn't get the job. And my reply was basically that if I didn't get the opportunity to go for the supervisor's job, I'd have to consider leaving the company, as I'm just likely to get more and mroe resentful and undervalued as time went on. As usual. Bearing that in mind, the client services manager guy, and the girl who's supervising the team with all the vacancies,called me into a meeting with no advance notice, where they turned me down for the job, and spent half an hour giving me advice. Basically they told me all the guff about how I had a lot to offer and a lot of skills and a lot of potential, but they didn't think I was ready right now (etc etc). But what made me think that they were genuine was that they advised me to leave the company, and look for a job in a bigger corporate with some client services element, which I could grow in at a slower pace. They even offered to help me rewrite my CV to make me more interviewable. (being as they, like interview people. lots). It's not in their or the company's interest to encourageme to leave.
This is all very nice of them. The manager guy even says hello to me when he sees me now - which makes me think Hi! I remember you from all those failed job interviews! Have fun with the months long training process you're going to have to go through with all your new recruits with zero knowledge of the products! But I can't help feeling a bit frustrated and patronised. It's tough to explain, but I'm so sick of being turned down for positions I know I could do. The interviewers know I could do it, and say as much. They say loads of good things about my abilities, further than I'd go in my most arrogant moods. Yet it's all undone because I'm too 'negative' or I 'couldn't fit in with the team of over enthusiastic women'. So I end up stuck in jobs I don't like, underachieving, feeling low about myself, being bored for 90% of my working life. Not because I'm incapable of doing better jobs. Not because I don't work hard. Not because I can't learn, not because I can't persuade people I can't learn, not because I don't try, but because of minor things like the management 'looking ofr a certain type of person' or because they can't see me integrating into the team fast enough'. And then I read every day about people in business whining about skills shortages, about people being illiterate slackers. About how they're supposedly desperate for people with any skills at all. It's all bollocks in my experience. They just want someone to go to the pub with.
Well it looks like my supervisor and employee of the month got the other job, leaving her position open. She said to me that I shouldn't worry because I put in 'strong' application and that things would happen if I kept working hard. Sadly it doesn't matter how close you get in the world of work. It's so heartbreaking, I know I have the ability to achieve a hell of alot more (which face it, wouldn't be hard AT ALL). But how am I going to show that ability at other companies if it's not enough for someone who works in my office and knows everything about the efforts I put in? if I can't get jobs in a company where I have a lot of specific experience, how am I going to get one in one where they've never heard of me?
I can't go on in my job at the moment but I'm so afraid that leaving the company will leave me unemployed for another six months. Nothing's really changed since last time, much as I've tried to make it.
Damn all this worrying is starting to make me feel ill. TUC tomorrow? Hell yes.