(no subject)
3/10/04
today is today.
it has been a while
since this whole inside
was filled with joy.
it was thrust away
when i was too young.
the innocence,
the happiness.
i am now a women
with scars.
living in constant
terror and shame.
no longer
daddy's little girl.
born to adore him,
forced to hate him.
he came to close
and i am daddy little girl
no more.
3/26/04
i want to findout
what you are.
why is it hard to find you.
you hide from me.
you taunt me.
you make me feel alone.
i need you in my life,
but all you bring me is pain.
i loved you and can't live
without you.
i fight you constantly.
you made me who i am.
you were not there when i needed you most,
or were to crushed to help me.
i thought you would make me happy.
i think of you and i start to cry.
i am not better. you are not making me better.
do you need my help?
do you need to hold my hand?
i would do anything for you.
i need you.
i love you.
you hurt me.
i can't help me.
i wished you would stop beating.
i feel you inside of me.
you can't leave me.
but you can ignore me.
i don't want you inside me.
i would stick a knife through my chest
to kill you.
if only i could live without you.
i can't.
i won't
crying tears you do not deserve.
3/17/04
life is as sweet as it can be.
no one to rely on.
no one to trust.
there are those rare but sweet moments.
a glimpse of what one can be
but never will.
maybe there are but a selected few
who are suppose to wonder this earth
disapointed and tired of life.
maybe it is fate.
maybe we bring it upon ourselves.
maybe.....
i think there are to many maybe's in life.
what is.
our lives can be shitty but we do little to help
or the ones who are suppose to help turn their backs
i know first hand the feeling of abandonment.
i always have family near,
but what if that family closes their eyes to the truth.
being so connected that you let hurt to one continue
in order to not hurt the rest.
i have no point for writing this.
i am sorry for wasting your time.
just thought writing would help a little.
it didn't.
3/3/04
even though it seems solid,
that cloud you are floating on is not what it seems.
as soon as you feel like you will stay in the clouds forever,
you will soon discover it is not solid,
it is as solid as steam.
you will slip through it as fast as it lifted you up.
life.
what a joke!!!!
2/28/04
what is a mood swing?
if it has anything to do with feeling great and then fall
into a deep abyss.
my fingers nails are painted to hide them.
people tend to paint over what they don't want seen.
i am tired of screaming only on the inside.
i wish i can let people hear me.
oh well another day to survive.
who will be the one to breath.
i hope every one is doing well.
somewhere some must be very happy.
someone out in this big world is feeling the exact opposite.
good luck on another night of this beautiful, yet ugly world
3/26/04
when i am there, i'm there
when i am not there, who cares.
i exsist in this shitty world.
who knows me here.
who knows me there.
who really cares.
i am who i am
so why do i not matter.
why don't you matter to them.
i matter to those who are not matter
matter is exsisting more than me.
i can not see me writing. the focus is gone.
the words fade away.
without my words i would fade too.
today is today.
it has been a while
since this whole inside
was filled with joy.
it was thrust away
when i was too young.
the innocence,
the happiness.
i am now a women
with scars.
living in constant
terror and shame.
no longer
daddy's little girl.
born to adore him,
forced to hate him.
he came to close
and i am daddy little girl
no more.
3/26/04
i want to findout
what you are.
why is it hard to find you.
you hide from me.
you taunt me.
you make me feel alone.
i need you in my life,
but all you bring me is pain.
i loved you and can't live
without you.
i fight you constantly.
you made me who i am.
you were not there when i needed you most,
or were to crushed to help me.
i thought you would make me happy.
i think of you and i start to cry.
i am not better. you are not making me better.
do you need my help?
do you need to hold my hand?
i would do anything for you.
i need you.
i love you.
you hurt me.
i can't help me.
i wished you would stop beating.
i feel you inside of me.
you can't leave me.
but you can ignore me.
i don't want you inside me.
i would stick a knife through my chest
to kill you.
if only i could live without you.
i can't.
i won't
crying tears you do not deserve.
3/17/04
life is as sweet as it can be.
no one to rely on.
no one to trust.
there are those rare but sweet moments.
a glimpse of what one can be
but never will.
maybe there are but a selected few
who are suppose to wonder this earth
disapointed and tired of life.
maybe it is fate.
maybe we bring it upon ourselves.
maybe.....
i think there are to many maybe's in life.
what is.
our lives can be shitty but we do little to help
or the ones who are suppose to help turn their backs
i know first hand the feeling of abandonment.
i always have family near,
but what if that family closes their eyes to the truth.
being so connected that you let hurt to one continue
in order to not hurt the rest.
i have no point for writing this.
i am sorry for wasting your time.
just thought writing would help a little.
it didn't.
3/3/04
even though it seems solid,
that cloud you are floating on is not what it seems.
as soon as you feel like you will stay in the clouds forever,
you will soon discover it is not solid,
it is as solid as steam.
you will slip through it as fast as it lifted you up.
life.
what a joke!!!!
2/28/04
what is a mood swing?
if it has anything to do with feeling great and then fall
into a deep abyss.
my fingers nails are painted to hide them.
people tend to paint over what they don't want seen.
i am tired of screaming only on the inside.
i wish i can let people hear me.
oh well another day to survive.
who will be the one to breath.
i hope every one is doing well.
somewhere some must be very happy.
someone out in this big world is feeling the exact opposite.
good luck on another night of this beautiful, yet ugly world
3/26/04
when i am there, i'm there
when i am not there, who cares.
i exsist in this shitty world.
who knows me here.
who knows me there.
who really cares.
i am who i am
so why do i not matter.
why don't you matter to them.
i matter to those who are not matter
matter is exsisting more than me.
i can not see me writing. the focus is gone.
the words fade away.
without my words i would fade too.