| The Twenty Eighth Aura • Video |
[ - Forward Dated To Saturday Morning | Filtered From Bubbles - ]
[There's a stillness that fills the room as the PCD turns on, the camera aimed directly at the bed located in a room at the clinic. The sheets are stained and bloody, an obvious sign that someone who had been gravely hurt had once laid there. However hurt they might have once been, ( Read more... )
[There's a stillness that fills the room as the PCD turns on, the camera aimed directly at the bed located in a room at the clinic. The sheets are stained and bloody, an obvious sign that someone who had been gravely hurt had once laid there. However hurt they might have once been, ( Read more... )
[He may have made a promise, yes, and maybe it's his job. But protecting the people who have the misfortune to be cared for by her is one of very few things she has left--and perhaps it's selfish, but it's not something she's about to give up.]
[Their problem? They are so, so similar. Because doing whatever it takes to protect those who matter... it sounds a lot like her, too. She's realized this before and it only becomes painfully more transparent as she sees that their roles could so easily be switched. And nothing would change.]
[How are you supposed to be angry with someone who's done something that you would do exactly the way you would do it? (Sango will find a way.)]
Could you blame me for wanting to protect you? [She sighs and starts to separate herself from him before it gets too awkward and painful.]
[No, she's not as powerful as he is. And that does, of course, irk her to no end. But that does not in any way make her useless. She has her own strengths, strengths that she wasn't given--she earned. Paid dearly for. What's the point of having strength if there's no one to benefit from it?]
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He didn't think she was useless. If anything, he felt like the useless one. He had fought, used every trick, spell and attack he had, and he had still lost. He had saved people, possibly everyone, but he had still lost. He had called for help to late, in the form of someone more powerful than himself. If he had let her go, released her from the shield she had been placed in, she would have ran into the middle of a battle and died along with him.
He didn't want her to suffer that fate. To have to pay a price decided by someone else, to have something taken away from her, when he knew exactly how it felt to have something so important taken from him.]
And you would have died and paid a price for it. [And he would have had to watch. As much as his body ached and as hollow as he felt inside, he knew he would have felt even more hollow, even more empty if he had been forced to stand by and watch and be able to do nothing.]
Sorry for not wanting you to suffer the same fate. [He wanted to be angry. Wanted, desperately, but he couldn't seem to drum up the emotion. Couldn't seem to come up the type of anger he should be feeling. Anger at having his sacrifice, his death somehow cheapened because of how he had gone about it.]
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And somehow, he knew. The hollow feeling. The inability to feel emotions he never had, one's he didn't have memories of.
He knew, without even having to speak, to think about it.
He knew what they had taken.
They had taken his heart.]
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How it felt to be happy. How it felt to be angry. How it felt to love and be loved in return.
He wasn't sure memories would ever be enough. And the hollowness he felt only increased, spreading rapidly throughout his chest, until it was all he could feel. He was empty. Completely and utterly devoid of any emotion.
And when he looked back up at her, it was like everything had changed. A memory sparked in the back of his mind, of him asking her to dinner and calling it a date. She stilled owed him an answer, but somehow, he knew whatever answer she was going to give him would never be fair. If she said no, he would feel the fleeting memory of rejection and move on. If she said yes...
She would never really know what it felt like to have him care about her anymore than he already did, only what it felt like to have him apply the memories of the care and love he had for Sora to her.
What was he supposed to do? What could he do?]
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Lifting a hand, he rubbed at his forehead for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts, what he wanted to say.]
I know you're not useless, Sango. I've fought you, remember? [And he had been forced to be crafty and use spells he hadn't practiced in months in order to win.] But I didn't want something taken from you because of me. I -- [care to much about you to let that happen. But could he still really say that?
And the answer was yes, because he did. He had cared that much about her before he died, and he cared that much now.] There are people here who need you. I didn't want to take you from them.
[His voice was even, calm. He couldn't even feel sorrow even his own loss. It was like another blow, one that only caused pain to erupt in his chest, like his heart was being twisted and wretched from his body.]
Forgive me?
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[But of course--that's the easy way out, and besides, she can't muster the energy or the will to punish him even more, to punish herself even more, or to brave her own hypocrisy.]
[She's about to reply that she'd rather die than watch him do the same--that there was no price that would be as painful as watching that happen, helplessly, again--but the change in expressions written all over his face stops her dead.]
[Even as she realizes something's wrong, very wrong, she knows that she has no right to ask--not when he died trying to protect her, not when he's already broken and bruised and, apparently, guilty. Nor does she think that at the moment she has the capacity to even deal with whatever it might be. He'll tell her in time, she knows. Hopefully it will be once they're both finished being broken for a moment--once the crazy glue that holds them together finishes drying and, even then, prepares to be used again. So she shuts her mouth, moves the issue to the back of her mind. But she won't forget it.]
[And she studies him, just now registering his words after watching his face. Forgive him? Ha. It's not a question of if she'll forgive him, or even when, because she already has--while Sango can hold the most solid grudge of anyone she knows, she also has the capacity to forgive and forgive until she has nothing left. Exhibit A--her brother. Riku's already been forgiven--she forgave him the moment she picked up that keyblade--but it doesn't stop the frustration, the worry, the nerve-wracking panic and grief from bleeding into anger.]
[It may be forgiven, yes, but it won't be forgotten. Nor will it be allowed to persist. She sets her jaw, and crosses her arms--adopting the stubborn, obstinate demeanor he's probably seen written all over her countless times.]
Of course you're forgiven. But. [A poignant pause.] You have to promise me something.
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The smile faded at her next words, however. A promise. How many of those had he made knowing he would never be able to follow through on it? How many times had he said those words when he knew that he would fail? He had promised Sora that the day he left, he would go with him. He had promised Hanna that he would never leave him. What impossible promise could she possibly want him to make, knowing that he would never be able to keep it.
His eyes closed, slowly, and he took a deep breath. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? These questions kept repeating themselves, coming up over and over in his mind. And all he could say was:]
Right.
[He nodded slowly, eyes opening. Whatever the price was, he was ready to pay it.]
Just tell me what it is.
[No matter how much he wanted to tell her he couldn't promise her anything, not in this world. Not here where nothing could be guaranteed. Where he could be forced to break the very promise he made to her to day tomorrow. He couldn't. He had already hurt her enough by dying.
Maybe this would finally be the one he'd be allowed to keep.]
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[She can already hear the no she's going to receive. Because that is definitely the answer she would give. But she has a bargaining chip--one she'd rather not use if she doesn't have to--but still, leverage all the same.]
[Promises are dangerous things and she knows it. Especially when they're made to be broken. But that doesn't matter so much.]
[This is what matters. And Riku had told her he'd wanted to protect the things that mattered. He can't blame her for wanting the same thing.]
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And for a time, it seemed as if the answer truly would be the no that she was apparently expecting. After all, he wanted to protect the things that mattered, and she was one of those things. How could he protect her is she was by his side?
But he let Sora fight by his side, often allowing the other to stand in front of him. Why couldn't he do the same things for her?]
Answer something for me first.
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[And truthfully, as strong as she tries to be, something like this--watching helplessly, powerless to do anything--hurts her more than any physicality ever could.]
What is it?
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[It's said calmly, as if they're discussing what they should have for dinner. But he needs to know. Before he can answer, he needs to know.]
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[Between Madara, Sephiroth, and Riku's death... well, it's been more than a week since his question, but she hasn't had time to really think. She's spoken with Raven, it's been sitting in the back of her mind...]
[And one thing his death made her realize is how much she doesn't want to lose him. And how much she could want this, if she only let herself. But it also made her realize how devastating it would be to see him hurt on her behalf, again, and that being with her could make him a bigger target than he already is... for anyone, really, but Naraku especially.]
...there were some things I wanted to... discuss with you, first.
So you know exactly what you'd be getting into.
Because... there's more than just what we want to consider here.
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[He knew so much much than she would ever know. He knew how much this could end up hurting either one of them. She wasn't the only one with enemies. The only difference was her's were here and his could show up at any moment.
But he wasn't even sure what he wanted anymore. He had thought, before this, that he had wanted to move on, to get over what he had been through. That he had wanted to move on with her. Now, he wasn't so sure he wanted to put her in that position.]
Start talking. Tell me what I'm getting myself into. Because there's somethings you should know too.
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I've told you a lot about Naraku and what he can do. One thing, among several, that has not been discussed is the fact that instead of hurting people directly or even physically, he prefers to use emotional torment to accomplish his ends. [A pause.] Given the chance, he will do anything and everything to hurt you. He knows that my biggest weakness is the people I care about--he's used them before, and he will do it again. Being with me would be like painting a target on your back--one that he is fully qualified to hit.
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[He had known that the moment one of Naraku's pest had invaded his home and had come after Bubbles. Why else would he had sent one of his spies there unless he had figured out the connection between the two of them?]
That doesn't scare me, Sango.
[Nothing scared him anymore. Even before this, before his death, nothing scared him. Living in fear would get him no where, not in a place like this. And he wouldn't do so now.]
You want me to promise that next time I have to fight, I'll let you fight by my side. And I will. On one condition.
[He moved forward, bright eyes meeting hers, his hand lifting the, the back of his fingers brushing over her cheek softly.]
That you let me do the same for you.
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[She knows it, too. The moment she saw the Saimyosho in the house, she knew, just like he did. It's the reason she told Bubbles to apologize to Riku. Not for the bug, because he could take care of that (hell, Bubbles could take care of that given the right instruction), but because they--all of them--were already hopelessly entangled in the web of lies and hurt and broken of Naraku.]
[And it is all her fault.]
[Traveling with Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippou, Miroku--it had made her forget. When she was with them, the burden she carried wasn't just hers. It was one they all shared, because they'd all been hurt by Naraku. They all had a reason to be where they were... they all had the same shackles, and in an environment where that was normal, she had forgotten that said shackles even existed.]
[In Adstring, it's different. But she forgot. And then, when Naraku came, it was too late. Everyone she loved was already infected; without even realizing it she'd looped her chains around her friends like nooses around their necks. She had as good as marked them for the slaughter.]
[It's too late to change a thing. There's no way to unlove them, and vice versa; and it's not like they'd go away, even if she told them to. She both loves and hates them for it. She's not strong enough to push them away, to force herself to be truly alone. She's never strong enough.]
[But the hole's already been dug. The shackles are closed around her, around everyone she cares about. There is no turning back, not even if she wanted to be alone. She can revel in the guilt all she likes, but it won't change a thing. It won't stop them. Raven was too right.]
[If you love someone, it's already too late.]
[Her eyes shut. Squeeze shut, because she doesn't want to make this decision, she doesn't want to have to play this card. Without even realizing it, she reaches up to squeeze his hand with hers.]
[It's a lose-lose situation. Because she can't, she won't let him fight alone, not again. As much for herself as for him. But agreeing... is basically signing his death warrant.]
[But she knows, of course, that it's already been signed.]
[She slumps a little, but looks up at him.]
...alright.
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