'nuther one o' dems
Another romantic semi-depressed want everything post.
I don't really feel depressed.
I just... want somebody to hold.
Like always.
It seems the core of all of these emotional outbursts are over girls. Never a particular girl, but just girls in general.
I mean.. all I want is to be loved.
I had a few... Jaci. She was amazing... But, I don't know what happened there. Me and her just stopped talking.. she never calls me... I call her a few times every so often, but I get a hold of her maybe 1/10 times I do... And so I just let her go. Sigh. She could've been her.
Or, Emily, girl from my school. Also amazing... but she doesn't like me like that... I think she might've considered it at one point, but I was confused and stupid, and let her pass too. I had a dream about her... I was in the studio at my school, and she said she loved me. And.. it made me happy. Very happy. Ecstatic almost. And everyday, I would wish the dream would come true. I'd see her.. and I would sigh, because I knew it would never happen. It sucks wanting the impossible.
Always impossible.
Why strive when you always fail?
I think they hate me. Not they the government. They the random collection of deities I call gods. Maybe I'm just praying to the wrong ones? Or maybe there is only one? I'm not sure. I'm still searching. There are so many different things out there.
Anyways. Back to girl. There's Cecilia... I met her at that place... where we did that thing. I saw her because she was beautiful, and she had an amazing smile. So I said Hi. And.. we hit it off almost immediatly... We danced, and hung out.. My favorite part of the night was when we danced. We weren't that close.. she was running her fingers through my hair... a thing I love.. and it was.. like nobody else existed.. just me and her... It was wonderful. Wonderful like the day you see the sun for the first time. Wonderful like the day somebody pays attention to you, a higher power does something pleasent for you.
I've had too many experiences with higher powers. Too many to not believe. Too many... and I still don't believe. I don't know why, maybe it's because as soon as I do believe, I see the fucked up world we live in, and wonder... has he forgotten us all?
Life is so hectic... Can't there be any beauty left? I want to live somewhere peaceful. Somewhere green... Somewhere quiet.
Somewhere where I can pour out my soul without distraction. I've been distracted. And called to turn it off. So, I leave. Maybe I'll complete this some other day. Probably not.
I hate everything. Give me something to love.
I don't really feel depressed.
I just... want somebody to hold.
Like always.
It seems the core of all of these emotional outbursts are over girls. Never a particular girl, but just girls in general.
I mean.. all I want is to be loved.
I had a few... Jaci. She was amazing... But, I don't know what happened there. Me and her just stopped talking.. she never calls me... I call her a few times every so often, but I get a hold of her maybe 1/10 times I do... And so I just let her go. Sigh. She could've been her.
Or, Emily, girl from my school. Also amazing... but she doesn't like me like that... I think she might've considered it at one point, but I was confused and stupid, and let her pass too. I had a dream about her... I was in the studio at my school, and she said she loved me. And.. it made me happy. Very happy. Ecstatic almost. And everyday, I would wish the dream would come true. I'd see her.. and I would sigh, because I knew it would never happen. It sucks wanting the impossible.
Always impossible.
Why strive when you always fail?
I think they hate me. Not they the government. They the random collection of deities I call gods. Maybe I'm just praying to the wrong ones? Or maybe there is only one? I'm not sure. I'm still searching. There are so many different things out there.
Anyways. Back to girl. There's Cecilia... I met her at that place... where we did that thing. I saw her because she was beautiful, and she had an amazing smile. So I said Hi. And.. we hit it off almost immediatly... We danced, and hung out.. My favorite part of the night was when we danced. We weren't that close.. she was running her fingers through my hair... a thing I love.. and it was.. like nobody else existed.. just me and her... It was wonderful. Wonderful like the day you see the sun for the first time. Wonderful like the day somebody pays attention to you, a higher power does something pleasent for you.
I've had too many experiences with higher powers. Too many to not believe. Too many... and I still don't believe. I don't know why, maybe it's because as soon as I do believe, I see the fucked up world we live in, and wonder... has he forgotten us all?
Life is so hectic... Can't there be any beauty left? I want to live somewhere peaceful. Somewhere green... Somewhere quiet.
Somewhere where I can pour out my soul without distraction. I've been distracted. And called to turn it off. So, I leave. Maybe I'll complete this some other day. Probably not.
I hate everything. Give me something to love.