X-mas eve
(Follow up: The grades turned out okay. I'm good now, but man. What madness.)
Christmas makes me feel kind of lonely and silly. It doesn't mean anything here; we don't have a tree, we don't do presents. No lights. No tinsel. No cookies. Chinese food, though, if you're into that sort of thing. (I am. It's just that it's not very chrismas-y.) And don't get me wrong, with no pressure to get people presents and no obligation to shop and be nice, it's quite relaxing. But it's funny to see those decked out yards and those warm-feeling trees and not remember how we once did Christmas.
How's this: birthdays, okay, yeah. Presents. But how about we do this: random presents. Not-back-from-a-trip, not some obscure religious festival, nothing like that. Just random, I-saw-this-and-you'd-like-it-so-I-bought-it-for-you gifts. Because I could stand to be more generous and it's just that much more personal, yeah? How about it? And everyone's excused from Christmas.
Went to dinner with the asian kids tonight. Got sugar-high off dinner and calcuated that we had known each other for at least ten or thirteen years. That we were old. And then we played Scrabble without keeping score. And I contend that "pondfairy" is very legitimate. Like, water nymphs, right.
My family is so dysfunctional. I don't know what's wrong (there's issues, you can see that, and that these small explosions are all tendrils of deeper problems...and there are hints, maybe, of the resentment or bitterness involved in a family without a center...but how does one fix that?) Arguments in the car. The standard state is everyone in the house ignores each other; we eat with each other at dinner, but we don't talk. We're so good at not talking.
I want to go back to school, really. But I've said that since day one.
Christmas makes me feel kind of lonely and silly. It doesn't mean anything here; we don't have a tree, we don't do presents. No lights. No tinsel. No cookies. Chinese food, though, if you're into that sort of thing. (I am. It's just that it's not very chrismas-y.) And don't get me wrong, with no pressure to get people presents and no obligation to shop and be nice, it's quite relaxing. But it's funny to see those decked out yards and those warm-feeling trees and not remember how we once did Christmas.
How's this: birthdays, okay, yeah. Presents. But how about we do this: random presents. Not-back-from-a-trip, not some obscure religious festival, nothing like that. Just random, I-saw-this-and-you'd-like-it-so-I-bought-it-for-you gifts. Because I could stand to be more generous and it's just that much more personal, yeah? How about it? And everyone's excused from Christmas.
Went to dinner with the asian kids tonight. Got sugar-high off dinner and calcuated that we had known each other for at least ten or thirteen years. That we were old. And then we played Scrabble without keeping score. And I contend that "pondfairy" is very legitimate. Like, water nymphs, right.
My family is so dysfunctional. I don't know what's wrong (there's issues, you can see that, and that these small explosions are all tendrils of deeper problems...and there are hints, maybe, of the resentment or bitterness involved in a family without a center...but how does one fix that?) Arguments in the car. The standard state is everyone in the house ignores each other; we eat with each other at dinner, but we don't talk. We're so good at not talking.
I want to go back to school, really. But I've said that since day one.