(no subject)
i'm not perfect, i'll be the first person to flat out admit i've got problems.
i'm really good at throwing myself into guilt trips. i don't know why but i do it. if i can't do something (like pick dann up) i automatically feel like the worst person in the world and that its my fault he won't be able to be somewhere. i think maybe its cause even after over a year i'm still suffering from habits mark ingrained into me. if i couldn't be somewhere because of a snowstorm or drop everything i was doing to attend to whatever he wanted i was the worst person in the world. i felt bad cause i freaked out over the phone with dann and he didn't know what my problem was and i was like "i'm sorry i can't get you and that it'll be my fault you wont be able to sleep tonight" and he was like "why is it your fault?" i honestly didnt' know. he told me it was never my fault if he couldn't get somewhere (in this case he wanted to get to his mothers so he wouldn't be woken up by tex's party) i guess i feel a little better knowing he won't blame me for things that i am unable to do. i just wish i didn't have to keep reminding myself its not my fault. :-\
i went to the doctors again to get my wrist looked at, since high school i've had a cyst that hurts something good. the doctor drained it last time...kinda. it came back and i think it looks worse. he attempted to drain it again but no luck. i got a wrist brace though so i don't keep putting pressure on it.
i'm really good at throwing myself into guilt trips. i don't know why but i do it. if i can't do something (like pick dann up) i automatically feel like the worst person in the world and that its my fault he won't be able to be somewhere. i think maybe its cause even after over a year i'm still suffering from habits mark ingrained into me. if i couldn't be somewhere because of a snowstorm or drop everything i was doing to attend to whatever he wanted i was the worst person in the world. i felt bad cause i freaked out over the phone with dann and he didn't know what my problem was and i was like "i'm sorry i can't get you and that it'll be my fault you wont be able to sleep tonight" and he was like "why is it your fault?" i honestly didnt' know. he told me it was never my fault if he couldn't get somewhere (in this case he wanted to get to his mothers so he wouldn't be woken up by tex's party) i guess i feel a little better knowing he won't blame me for things that i am unable to do. i just wish i didn't have to keep reminding myself its not my fault. :-\
i went to the doctors again to get my wrist looked at, since high school i've had a cyst that hurts something good. the doctor drained it last time...kinda. it came back and i think it looks worse. he attempted to drain it again but no luck. i got a wrist brace though so i don't keep putting pressure on it.