(no subject)
Well this was the first weekend without my kids in a long time.. They were with their father and I miss them like crazy and it's only been like 2 days! Well I had a pretty decent conversation with Ryan and we did get some things worked out about the kids. I'm moving back to L.A. asap, I am letting him keep the house and I'm buying a new one. We still don't know where Ryan and I stand but I suppose that takes alot more time than one phonecall.
*sighs* I wish things didn't have to be like this. We were happy once I swear and it seemed to come SO easily. Now we have to fight for every little thread of happiness. I don't know what changed in me or him or both of us maybe, that made things so unlivable. I wish that we could be the family we were if not for me, but for my kids. However, it looks as though that won't ever happen again. I really am in alot of pain here and I miss Ryan so much. I guess my way of dealing was blaming every problem on him and lashing out and just "running away" but it's only because I don't want people to see how much i'm really hurting. Life will still go on I suppose and This is just something I will eventually have to deal with and get over.
*sighs* I wish things didn't have to be like this. We were happy once I swear and it seemed to come SO easily. Now we have to fight for every little thread of happiness. I don't know what changed in me or him or both of us maybe, that made things so unlivable. I wish that we could be the family we were if not for me, but for my kids. However, it looks as though that won't ever happen again. I really am in alot of pain here and I miss Ryan so much. I guess my way of dealing was blaming every problem on him and lashing out and just "running away" but it's only because I don't want people to see how much i'm really hurting. Life will still go on I suppose and This is just something I will eventually have to deal with and get over.