The Night Uruha Lost His Shorts
Title: The Night Uruha Lost His Shorts
Chapter: Oneshot
Author:reeses6826
Genres: Humor (I hope), Crack
Bands: GazettE, ViViD
Pairings: Reita/Uruha (friendship only), Aoi/Uruha, Shin/Ryouga, Reno/Ruki, attempted IV/Ko-ki, ?/Kai
Rating: PG13 - NC17
Warnings: Reita's POV, Sexual innuendos and situations, Alcohol & Drugs
Summary: There is no such thing as a routine night when you're friends with these fools.
Comments: All based on an embarrassingly true story.
Before we begin our tale, it is important to keep the following points in mind:
1. Uruha is usually not this slutty. Yes, we joke about it, but in all seriousness, he usually has some self-respect and sense of decency.
2. I am an amazing friend, a fact that will become obvious through the telling of this story. But I just wanted to point it out anyway.
3. It is a bad idea to drink from other peoples' fishbowls if you don't know whats in them. (Don't worry, you'll understand soon)
4. Never enter the Frisbee House. Nothing but shame can come from it.
~~~~ ~~~~
In every group of friends, there is the one responsible person. The parent, if you will. The one who herds their friends out of a shitty party, looks for the drunkie who wandered off into an alley alone to pee, holds back the hair of the person puking in a bush, and so on.
Most people look at our little group and assume that this person is Kai. Yeah, right. He may seem sweet and caring and maternal, but don't be fooled. This is an act. A very successful one. He uses it to pick off the weak members of the herd, the clearly vulnerable prey. He showers them with affection and kindness to create a sense of security... then he pounces. Using his finely honed method, he gets more play than he knows what to do with. But the morning-after fights and angry phone messages are not too pretty.
So, if its not Kai, you say, then it must be Ruki. Yea, cause he's so organized, so efficient. He certainly doesn't seem like the type to get trashed and need someone to take care of him. Wrong again. Actually, no one needs to be looked after more than Ruki. He calls and texts Uruha and I at all hours of the night to either tell us that he's in love with us or that he hates his life and he'll never be happy again. When we call him the next morning to see how he's feeling, he has no clue what we're talking about. I'm not saying he's a dramatic, imposing, train-wreck, alcoholic diva. I could never say that about a friend. But if I COULD say that... I would.
Okay so its not Kai, and its not Ruki. Can't decide between Uruha or me, can you? Uruha will claim that its him. That he is the mother of the group and that we would all be lost without him. And while he is claiming this, we will all be standing behind him, rolling our eyes. Yes, Uruha can be helpful when he wants to be, but mostly, he looks out for number one. Its all about Uruha and the fun Uruha can have and the mischief Uruha can get into. He never worries too much because he knows thats what I'm there for. He knows I'll take care of things, no matter what. Which brings me to a little story that I now lovingly refer to as The Night Uruha Lost His Shorts.
~~~~ ~~~~
This all started because, for some ungodly reason, Kai and Ruki can always manage to convince Uruha and I to go out to parties with them. I don't know why we say yes. We know better. And yet, here we are, parking in front of the house the two of them share with their surprisingly normal friend Shin. When we walked in the door, I was less than shocked to find that, despite the fact that it was 4:00 in the afternoon, Ruki had already started tossing back vodka shots with Kai not far behind.
I will now skip ahead a bit in this tale, because the monotony of the hours it took for drunk divas to figure out what skin-tight outfit they want to wear is not something I care to relive. It was about 10:00 when we finally made it to the bar a few blocks over. Originally, we weren't planning on doing any barhopping, but a good friend of Ruki and Kai was celebrating his birthday so we stopped by.
Remember when I mentioned the mysterious fishbowl? Well, this fishbowl is a drink that Ryouga (the friend) had gotten for free from the bartender since apparently he just became legal. Seeing as the rest of us had been legal for quite some time, and had been drinking for even longer, we didn't find it all that interesting. But, an already wasted Ryouga made his rounds with the fishbowl, offering up any one of the seven straws flung carelessly over the rim of the large glass which, lets be honest, was shaped like a huge breast. I'm talking a D-cup at least. And this D-cup was filled with a bright red liquid that was mixed with so many different types of alcohol we cannot to this day identify them. Ryouga insisted that he couldn't take another sip because he might throw up on his boyfriend, who was apparently Shin which surprised the hell out of me. Nevertheless, Uruha and I, being the helpful people we are, took it off his hands and used our admittedly awesome teamwork to finish the mysterious concoction.
I cannot tell you about the next hour of the story because, thanks to the fishbowl, there are huge chunks of memory missing from my recollection. I do remember there being an incident involving Ruki leaving the bar without telling us, texting us that he was outside, and demanding we join him (despite the fact that there was a huge line at the bar now and we would not be able to get back in). I have a blurry idea of Uruha and I leaving the bar to find Kai standing at the end of an alley down the street next to Ruki, who was nursing a skinned knee. I don't remember what happened persay, but Ruki was muttering something about peeing in the alley and the sidewalk being full of cracks. Frankly, I don't care to know more.
We stumbled back to Kai and Ruki's house, disappointed at the somewhat boring course our evening had taken despite the massive amounts of preparation we had endured. It was at this point that Kai noticed that their neighbors across the street were having a party in their house, the Frisbee House. This is where the story really begins.
We entered the Frisbee House, which Kai described as being like a frat house but with more freedom. That's right, more freedom than a frat house. Because frat houses are really strict. This should have been an immediate red flag.
Phew, I'm exhausted from my epic storytelling already. I need a nap. I will continue this tale of woe and weirdness after I get some shuteye and some pizza. But I leave you with this warning: if you are planning on hearing this thing through to the end, be prepared for weirdness, sluttiness, drugginess, stupidness, and of course, Uruha losing his shorts.
~~~~ ~~~~
Okay, I'm back. That pizza tasted like cheesy feet.
Where was I? Oh right, we were walking into the Frisbee House, where all kinds of sin would take place. I'm going to skip ahead about an hour. You're not missing much, just small talk and beer and at one point Kai was dancing on a counter-top and singing a song about dumplings. Eventually Shin and Ryouga showed up, both drunk as all hell. They barely waved hello to us before they collapsed on the couch and started making out rather viciously. I wouldn't have minded so much had I not been still sitting on said couch. I think I touched something...
So, I got up and went into the kitchen where an increasingly drunk Uruha introduced me to a couple of the guys that lived there. Reno, who was really super-good-looking, just kind of lingered in the corner of the room with that I'm-a-sexy-beast-player-and-I-draw-you-in-with-my-mysterious-gaze look about him. Yea, thats pretty much what that look was saying. Not that I was drawn into it or anything. And I certainly didn't flirt vehemently with him or accidentally drop my phone so I would have to bend over and pick it up in a hot way or anything like that. Really I didn't. Stop looking at me like that!
So yea, Uruha introduced me to Reno and then to Ko-ki, who had hair like Uruha's bright pink panties (which I would later end up throwing in Ruki's face... but I'm getting ahead of myself). IV was there too. I had already met him and we got along really well. We have surprisingly similar senses of humor, him and I. I'm not attracted to him or anything, but we hang out and its cool.
So that was the gang. As the evening proceeded and the crowd in the house grew (which by the way did not have any effect on Shin and Ryouga who had no problem giving their audience quite a show in the living room), IV, Ko-ki, Uruha, and I went upstairs to their TV room to relax. And by relax of course I mean smoke.
Uruha wasn't smoking because, well he was much too busy drinking. IV, Ko-ki, and I smoked along with some of their other friends whose names I never caught. We laughed and had a good time and IV very nearly knocked out a few teeth making obscene gestures with the bong. Then, this unfamiliar guy came in and sat down next to Uruha. To this day, I have no idea what that guy's real name was and neither does anyone else. When we talk about this incident, we just call him Aoi.
Now, here's where Uruha gets a little slutty. This guy did not introduce himself, he did not acknowledge anyone else in the room, he just sat down and started rubbing Uruha's back. I chose to ignore this because, frankly, I am not Uruha's keeper and if he wants to have his back rubbed by a stranger, thats his business. Well, not two minutes later, Aoi was laying on top of Uruha on the couch and they were making out. It must have been intense because they were both kicking me in the back as I sat on the corner, trying to ignore them while I watched IV try to seduce Ko-ki (who was far too busy failing at Mario Kart).
Then, all of the sudden, Uruha and Aoi were gone. Normally I keep better tabs on my friends, but I was having too much fun. Poor IV was making a solid effort at getting into Ko-ki's pants while Ko-ki texted a guy he met online that he's going to meet for a blind date. Without getting into too much detail about that, I'll just tell you that by the end of the night that guy insisted that Ko-ki send him several pictures of his feet. That was the end of that cyber-romance.
Eventually, Ruki came into the room with Reno hanging on him. Which is fine, by the way. I certainly wasn't interested in Reno. And I certainly didn't call dibs on him to Ruki, who apparently ignored me.
Ruki said we really should get going, to which I agreed. But first we needed to get Uruha who was, according to Ruki, in the bedroom down the hall with Aoi. So Ruki and I walked to the bedroom, tripping over Uruha's shoes that had been tossed on the ground for some reason. After a few minutes of banging on the door to no avail, we grew impatient and simply flung it open, flicking on the lights without warning. Uruha sat up in the bed quickly, the look on his face a clear mixture of sleepiness, drunkenness, and confusion. He left the mop of dark hair that I assume was a sleeping Aoi and walked out of the room and into the bathroom next to it without a word. The only reason Ruki and I followed him into the bathroom was to ask him a simple question:
"Where are your shorts?"
For you see, when Uruha walked into the bathroom he was simultaneously tugging his shirt downward to cover his bottom half. No shorts, no underwear. It was really no big deal to see him half-naked in the bathroom though. We've been friends for a long time and I have seen him naked. I've seen him naked and crying. I've seen him naked and puking. I've seen him naked and yelling at me to get naked so we can compare.
"I lost my shorts... and my virginity." was his groggy answer.
Fantastic. I had to trek back into Aoi's room with Ruki to look for a pair of shorts so small I wouldn't even be able to wear them as a thong. Not that I would. What a weird thing to say.
Ruki and I tore that pigsty of a room apart and never found the shorts. I did find Uruha's hot pink panties. I tossed them to Ruki so I could keep searching, but he was still fairly intoxicated so the panties just hit him in the face. We never found those damn shorts.
Now, keep in mind that we have to walk through the house and across the street to Ruki and Kai's place. I would have let Uruha borrow my bottoms to cover himself for the walk of shame, but we are not nearly the same size. Begrudgingly, Ruki stepped out of his skintight leather pants and handed them to Uruha. When Uruha asked Ruki what he was going to wear, Ruki squealed something about Reno and burst out of the bathroom. I highly doubt he was going to ask Reno for a pair of pants. Especially considering that we didn't see Ruki until the next morning.
Uruha and I stumbled to the house, him drunk and me high. We collapsed next to one another on the futon in their living room and Uruha passed out in minutes. I laid awake for awhile, mostly cause I could hear Kai and somebody upstairs in his room. I don't know who it was, but from what I heard he seems to be a "glorious stallion". No joke.
~~~~ ~~~~
So, that was the evening as I remember it. I have the best memory of it among all of us, but even mine is not without holes unfortunately. As we sat around the table in a greasy diner the next morning, some nursing hangovers, we pieced together our parts of the evening.
Shin informed me that some jackass recorded his and Ryouga's little show on his phone and put it online. I am definitely not gonna watch that. Probably.
Ruki could not for the life of him remember what happened with Reno cause the two of them apparently did tequila shots at some point. All we know is, Ruki had some serious hickeys and the little girl at the table next to us kept staring at them.
Kai opted not to share the identity of his stallion. All he said was that he was a hot guy with a really sexy voice who turned out to be quite a pervert. Yea, that narrows it down.
Uruha cried about the loss of his favorite shorts. When we pressed him for details about his experience with this Aoi dude, he said that it was pretty good eventually but it was terrible at first. What could have happened on their first attempt to make it so bad, you ask?
"He missed."
Yup, he missed. How you miss a hole right in front of you I'll never know.
~ The End ~
A/N: So that's the totally fucked up and pretty much entirely true story of a night with me and my friends. I'm the Reita of the story, which should be obvious given his sardonic wit ;) And my best friend is the Uruha. She's a girl by the way, which makes 'the miss' all the more hilarious. All of the events really did happen and we really don't know who that guy was or his name, but he was way uglier than Aoi, I'll tell you that :O
Lol, hope you enjoyed! Please comment!!!
EDIT: Fyi, I am not a pothead. I'm just not a prude either XD
Chapter: Oneshot
Author:reeses6826
Genres: Humor (I hope), Crack
Bands: GazettE, ViViD
Pairings: Reita/Uruha (friendship only), Aoi/Uruha, Shin/Ryouga, Reno/Ruki, attempted IV/Ko-ki, ?/Kai
Rating: PG13 - NC17
Warnings: Reita's POV, Sexual innuendos and situations, Alcohol & Drugs
Summary: There is no such thing as a routine night when you're friends with these fools.
Comments: All based on an embarrassingly true story.
Before we begin our tale, it is important to keep the following points in mind:
1. Uruha is usually not this slutty. Yes, we joke about it, but in all seriousness, he usually has some self-respect and sense of decency.
2. I am an amazing friend, a fact that will become obvious through the telling of this story. But I just wanted to point it out anyway.
3. It is a bad idea to drink from other peoples' fishbowls if you don't know whats in them. (Don't worry, you'll understand soon)
4. Never enter the Frisbee House. Nothing but shame can come from it.
~~~~ ~~~~
In every group of friends, there is the one responsible person. The parent, if you will. The one who herds their friends out of a shitty party, looks for the drunkie who wandered off into an alley alone to pee, holds back the hair of the person puking in a bush, and so on.
Most people look at our little group and assume that this person is Kai. Yeah, right. He may seem sweet and caring and maternal, but don't be fooled. This is an act. A very successful one. He uses it to pick off the weak members of the herd, the clearly vulnerable prey. He showers them with affection and kindness to create a sense of security... then he pounces. Using his finely honed method, he gets more play than he knows what to do with. But the morning-after fights and angry phone messages are not too pretty.
So, if its not Kai, you say, then it must be Ruki. Yea, cause he's so organized, so efficient. He certainly doesn't seem like the type to get trashed and need someone to take care of him. Wrong again. Actually, no one needs to be looked after more than Ruki. He calls and texts Uruha and I at all hours of the night to either tell us that he's in love with us or that he hates his life and he'll never be happy again. When we call him the next morning to see how he's feeling, he has no clue what we're talking about. I'm not saying he's a dramatic, imposing, train-wreck, alcoholic diva. I could never say that about a friend. But if I COULD say that... I would.
Okay so its not Kai, and its not Ruki. Can't decide between Uruha or me, can you? Uruha will claim that its him. That he is the mother of the group and that we would all be lost without him. And while he is claiming this, we will all be standing behind him, rolling our eyes. Yes, Uruha can be helpful when he wants to be, but mostly, he looks out for number one. Its all about Uruha and the fun Uruha can have and the mischief Uruha can get into. He never worries too much because he knows thats what I'm there for. He knows I'll take care of things, no matter what. Which brings me to a little story that I now lovingly refer to as The Night Uruha Lost His Shorts.
~~~~ ~~~~
This all started because, for some ungodly reason, Kai and Ruki can always manage to convince Uruha and I to go out to parties with them. I don't know why we say yes. We know better. And yet, here we are, parking in front of the house the two of them share with their surprisingly normal friend Shin. When we walked in the door, I was less than shocked to find that, despite the fact that it was 4:00 in the afternoon, Ruki had already started tossing back vodka shots with Kai not far behind.
I will now skip ahead a bit in this tale, because the monotony of the hours it took for drunk divas to figure out what skin-tight outfit they want to wear is not something I care to relive. It was about 10:00 when we finally made it to the bar a few blocks over. Originally, we weren't planning on doing any barhopping, but a good friend of Ruki and Kai was celebrating his birthday so we stopped by.
Remember when I mentioned the mysterious fishbowl? Well, this fishbowl is a drink that Ryouga (the friend) had gotten for free from the bartender since apparently he just became legal. Seeing as the rest of us had been legal for quite some time, and had been drinking for even longer, we didn't find it all that interesting. But, an already wasted Ryouga made his rounds with the fishbowl, offering up any one of the seven straws flung carelessly over the rim of the large glass which, lets be honest, was shaped like a huge breast. I'm talking a D-cup at least. And this D-cup was filled with a bright red liquid that was mixed with so many different types of alcohol we cannot to this day identify them. Ryouga insisted that he couldn't take another sip because he might throw up on his boyfriend, who was apparently Shin which surprised the hell out of me. Nevertheless, Uruha and I, being the helpful people we are, took it off his hands and used our admittedly awesome teamwork to finish the mysterious concoction.
I cannot tell you about the next hour of the story because, thanks to the fishbowl, there are huge chunks of memory missing from my recollection. I do remember there being an incident involving Ruki leaving the bar without telling us, texting us that he was outside, and demanding we join him (despite the fact that there was a huge line at the bar now and we would not be able to get back in). I have a blurry idea of Uruha and I leaving the bar to find Kai standing at the end of an alley down the street next to Ruki, who was nursing a skinned knee. I don't remember what happened persay, but Ruki was muttering something about peeing in the alley and the sidewalk being full of cracks. Frankly, I don't care to know more.
We stumbled back to Kai and Ruki's house, disappointed at the somewhat boring course our evening had taken despite the massive amounts of preparation we had endured. It was at this point that Kai noticed that their neighbors across the street were having a party in their house, the Frisbee House. This is where the story really begins.
We entered the Frisbee House, which Kai described as being like a frat house but with more freedom. That's right, more freedom than a frat house. Because frat houses are really strict. This should have been an immediate red flag.
Phew, I'm exhausted from my epic storytelling already. I need a nap. I will continue this tale of woe and weirdness after I get some shuteye and some pizza. But I leave you with this warning: if you are planning on hearing this thing through to the end, be prepared for weirdness, sluttiness, drugginess, stupidness, and of course, Uruha losing his shorts.
~~~~ ~~~~
Okay, I'm back. That pizza tasted like cheesy feet.
Where was I? Oh right, we were walking into the Frisbee House, where all kinds of sin would take place. I'm going to skip ahead about an hour. You're not missing much, just small talk and beer and at one point Kai was dancing on a counter-top and singing a song about dumplings. Eventually Shin and Ryouga showed up, both drunk as all hell. They barely waved hello to us before they collapsed on the couch and started making out rather viciously. I wouldn't have minded so much had I not been still sitting on said couch. I think I touched something...
So, I got up and went into the kitchen where an increasingly drunk Uruha introduced me to a couple of the guys that lived there. Reno, who was really super-good-looking, just kind of lingered in the corner of the room with that I'm-a-sexy-beast-player-and-I-draw-you-in-with-my-mysterious-gaze look about him. Yea, thats pretty much what that look was saying. Not that I was drawn into it or anything. And I certainly didn't flirt vehemently with him or accidentally drop my phone so I would have to bend over and pick it up in a hot way or anything like that. Really I didn't. Stop looking at me like that!
So yea, Uruha introduced me to Reno and then to Ko-ki, who had hair like Uruha's bright pink panties (which I would later end up throwing in Ruki's face... but I'm getting ahead of myself). IV was there too. I had already met him and we got along really well. We have surprisingly similar senses of humor, him and I. I'm not attracted to him or anything, but we hang out and its cool.
So that was the gang. As the evening proceeded and the crowd in the house grew (which by the way did not have any effect on Shin and Ryouga who had no problem giving their audience quite a show in the living room), IV, Ko-ki, Uruha, and I went upstairs to their TV room to relax. And by relax of course I mean smoke.
Uruha wasn't smoking because, well he was much too busy drinking. IV, Ko-ki, and I smoked along with some of their other friends whose names I never caught. We laughed and had a good time and IV very nearly knocked out a few teeth making obscene gestures with the bong. Then, this unfamiliar guy came in and sat down next to Uruha. To this day, I have no idea what that guy's real name was and neither does anyone else. When we talk about this incident, we just call him Aoi.
Now, here's where Uruha gets a little slutty. This guy did not introduce himself, he did not acknowledge anyone else in the room, he just sat down and started rubbing Uruha's back. I chose to ignore this because, frankly, I am not Uruha's keeper and if he wants to have his back rubbed by a stranger, thats his business. Well, not two minutes later, Aoi was laying on top of Uruha on the couch and they were making out. It must have been intense because they were both kicking me in the back as I sat on the corner, trying to ignore them while I watched IV try to seduce Ko-ki (who was far too busy failing at Mario Kart).
Then, all of the sudden, Uruha and Aoi were gone. Normally I keep better tabs on my friends, but I was having too much fun. Poor IV was making a solid effort at getting into Ko-ki's pants while Ko-ki texted a guy he met online that he's going to meet for a blind date. Without getting into too much detail about that, I'll just tell you that by the end of the night that guy insisted that Ko-ki send him several pictures of his feet. That was the end of that cyber-romance.
Eventually, Ruki came into the room with Reno hanging on him. Which is fine, by the way. I certainly wasn't interested in Reno. And I certainly didn't call dibs on him to Ruki, who apparently ignored me.
Ruki said we really should get going, to which I agreed. But first we needed to get Uruha who was, according to Ruki, in the bedroom down the hall with Aoi. So Ruki and I walked to the bedroom, tripping over Uruha's shoes that had been tossed on the ground for some reason. After a few minutes of banging on the door to no avail, we grew impatient and simply flung it open, flicking on the lights without warning. Uruha sat up in the bed quickly, the look on his face a clear mixture of sleepiness, drunkenness, and confusion. He left the mop of dark hair that I assume was a sleeping Aoi and walked out of the room and into the bathroom next to it without a word. The only reason Ruki and I followed him into the bathroom was to ask him a simple question:
"Where are your shorts?"
For you see, when Uruha walked into the bathroom he was simultaneously tugging his shirt downward to cover his bottom half. No shorts, no underwear. It was really no big deal to see him half-naked in the bathroom though. We've been friends for a long time and I have seen him naked. I've seen him naked and crying. I've seen him naked and puking. I've seen him naked and yelling at me to get naked so we can compare.
"I lost my shorts... and my virginity." was his groggy answer.
Fantastic. I had to trek back into Aoi's room with Ruki to look for a pair of shorts so small I wouldn't even be able to wear them as a thong. Not that I would. What a weird thing to say.
Ruki and I tore that pigsty of a room apart and never found the shorts. I did find Uruha's hot pink panties. I tossed them to Ruki so I could keep searching, but he was still fairly intoxicated so the panties just hit him in the face. We never found those damn shorts.
Now, keep in mind that we have to walk through the house and across the street to Ruki and Kai's place. I would have let Uruha borrow my bottoms to cover himself for the walk of shame, but we are not nearly the same size. Begrudgingly, Ruki stepped out of his skintight leather pants and handed them to Uruha. When Uruha asked Ruki what he was going to wear, Ruki squealed something about Reno and burst out of the bathroom. I highly doubt he was going to ask Reno for a pair of pants. Especially considering that we didn't see Ruki until the next morning.
Uruha and I stumbled to the house, him drunk and me high. We collapsed next to one another on the futon in their living room and Uruha passed out in minutes. I laid awake for awhile, mostly cause I could hear Kai and somebody upstairs in his room. I don't know who it was, but from what I heard he seems to be a "glorious stallion". No joke.
~~~~ ~~~~
So, that was the evening as I remember it. I have the best memory of it among all of us, but even mine is not without holes unfortunately. As we sat around the table in a greasy diner the next morning, some nursing hangovers, we pieced together our parts of the evening.
Shin informed me that some jackass recorded his and Ryouga's little show on his phone and put it online. I am definitely not gonna watch that. Probably.
Ruki could not for the life of him remember what happened with Reno cause the two of them apparently did tequila shots at some point. All we know is, Ruki had some serious hickeys and the little girl at the table next to us kept staring at them.
Kai opted not to share the identity of his stallion. All he said was that he was a hot guy with a really sexy voice who turned out to be quite a pervert. Yea, that narrows it down.
Uruha cried about the loss of his favorite shorts. When we pressed him for details about his experience with this Aoi dude, he said that it was pretty good eventually but it was terrible at first. What could have happened on their first attempt to make it so bad, you ask?
"He missed."
Yup, he missed. How you miss a hole right in front of you I'll never know.
~ The End ~
A/N: So that's the totally fucked up and pretty much entirely true story of a night with me and my friends. I'm the Reita of the story, which should be obvious given his sardonic wit ;) And my best friend is the Uruha. She's a girl by the way, which makes 'the miss' all the more hilarious. All of the events really did happen and we really don't know who that guy was or his name, but he was way uglier than Aoi, I'll tell you that :O
Lol, hope you enjoyed! Please comment!!!
EDIT: Fyi, I am not a pothead. I'm just not a prude either XD