"Where is he from?" "The fourth circle of hell."
Calvin Anderson is an evil little man.
Let me preface this story by saying that we at the Apple store have tried everything within our power- and then some -to make this guy happy and to help fix whatever problems he think he has, but nothing is ever good enough. No solution is the right solution. For example, we have something called One-to-One training. Someone pays $99/yr and can make hour long appointments up to once a week to learn how to use their computer. He wanted to buy two so he could have two-hour-long sessions. This is not how it works. For whatever reason, we made a ridiculous exception and let him do this. One of the trainers stayed with him for three hours, teaching him whatever he wanted to know. When he left, he seemed okay... a few hours later we got phone calls about how it was awful, the service sucked, I want money back... you get the idea. Okay? So it's not like you can even suggest my store is even a little bit responsible for this guy's anger.
In addition to being a wretched human being to multiple employees (like, half the store), Calvin has said the Magic Word: "Sue." He once (because he couldn't figure out how to use iWork to his satisfaction) threatened to sue us, so now, legally, we can't even talk to him. He has been banned from the store (not just the magic word, here) and is only allowed to speak to TWO people from Apple: My general manager and his boss. Seriously. If he calls, we are to politely say, "I can't talk to you. I'm hanging up now." And then hang up. Then tell a manager so that they can document it.
Here's the thing: When Calvin calls he doesn't generally say, "Hi, it's Calvin Anderson. I'm now going to be a complete dick to you. Ready?" And since I, like the other half of the store, had never spoken with him, I didn't recognize his voice when he called. This is how it went:
"Hi, thank you for calling Apple Northshore, may I put you on hold for a moment?"
::sigh:: "I guess so."
(1 - 2 minutes later)
"Thank you so much for holding. My name is Coreen, how can I help you?"
Questions about buying a power cord for an iMac ensue. I answer that yes, I believe we have it in stock but let me double check. Turns out I'm wrong, that cord isn't sold separately. Not 20 seconds later I pick up the phone again and start to tell him that no, we don't have it-
"Thank you again for holding, sir. Now, is your older power cord broken? Because if it is-"
"They sent me the wrong one, ma'am!" (the "ma'am was said with an audible sneer. I never knew what that meant until tonight.)
"Okay, I'm sorry. You see, unfortunately it turns out that I was wrong and-"
"You said I could get a new one in store so I'm just going to do that."
"No, sir, please, I gave you some misinformation, and I'd like to correct-"
"This is crazy, I'm just going to get my new power cord, it's just a simple-"
"No no, please don't hang up! I-"
"I really don't have time for this! I'm just going to come in tomorrow and get it."
"You can't."
"You just said I could! You said you have them in stock!"
"Yes, and I'm very sorry but I was mistaken. They don't sell those as a separate part. If you'd like-"
"So you lied to me, Coreen."
(I didn't know whether or not he was joking; I almost laughed. Good thing I didn't.)
"That's not a nice thing, to lie to the customer." (again with the sneering)
"Sir, I'm very sorry for my misconception, if-"
"It's not a misconception, it's wrong! You're just plain wrong!"
"You're right, I was wrong and I apologize-"
"Well, it's just par for the course for your little company. You know, forget this!"
"Sir, if I-"
"Oh you know, you're so pathetic! You can't even get a real job, you have to work in retail! I've been selling products for years and I service the parts! This is so stupid! I'm not going to even go there, you can't get anything right! I'm just going to go to Radio Shack and they'll sell me a cord and I'm going to tell them all!!"
(Here I am, shocked at best, barely keeping my voice from cracking) "Well I hope you find-"
"I don't have time for this crap! You're a loser, Coreen, you are such a loser!-"
At which point I hung up the phone, walked into the back room and cried. One of my coworkers saw me and brought me into the manager's office where Kate (one of the managers) hugged me and had me tell her everything that happened. She wrote it all down and called her boss. There were lots of hugs for me, lots of story sharing about Calvin... and then the phone rang again. I just knew it was him.
"Thank you for calling the Apple store, Northshore. This is Coreen, how can I help you?"
"Yes. What is Leopard?"
"Is this Mr. Anderson?"
"Yes it is." (How can one man sneer so much??)
"I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to talk to you. Have a great night." And I hung up.
I did not make up one little bit of that. If anything, I left a good chunk of horrible yelling out because I can't remember the exact words he said. It seems silly to cry about it, but even when you know that the person screaming that you're a pathetic loser doesn't matter, it still hurts in that moment. So that was my night at work.
Let me preface this story by saying that we at the Apple store have tried everything within our power- and then some -to make this guy happy and to help fix whatever problems he think he has, but nothing is ever good enough. No solution is the right solution. For example, we have something called One-to-One training. Someone pays $99/yr and can make hour long appointments up to once a week to learn how to use their computer. He wanted to buy two so he could have two-hour-long sessions. This is not how it works. For whatever reason, we made a ridiculous exception and let him do this. One of the trainers stayed with him for three hours, teaching him whatever he wanted to know. When he left, he seemed okay... a few hours later we got phone calls about how it was awful, the service sucked, I want money back... you get the idea. Okay? So it's not like you can even suggest my store is even a little bit responsible for this guy's anger.
In addition to being a wretched human being to multiple employees (like, half the store), Calvin has said the Magic Word: "Sue." He once (because he couldn't figure out how to use iWork to his satisfaction) threatened to sue us, so now, legally, we can't even talk to him. He has been banned from the store (not just the magic word, here) and is only allowed to speak to TWO people from Apple: My general manager and his boss. Seriously. If he calls, we are to politely say, "I can't talk to you. I'm hanging up now." And then hang up. Then tell a manager so that they can document it.
Here's the thing: When Calvin calls he doesn't generally say, "Hi, it's Calvin Anderson. I'm now going to be a complete dick to you. Ready?" And since I, like the other half of the store, had never spoken with him, I didn't recognize his voice when he called. This is how it went:
"Hi, thank you for calling Apple Northshore, may I put you on hold for a moment?"
::sigh:: "I guess so."
(1 - 2 minutes later)
"Thank you so much for holding. My name is Coreen, how can I help you?"
Questions about buying a power cord for an iMac ensue. I answer that yes, I believe we have it in stock but let me double check. Turns out I'm wrong, that cord isn't sold separately. Not 20 seconds later I pick up the phone again and start to tell him that no, we don't have it-
"Thank you again for holding, sir. Now, is your older power cord broken? Because if it is-"
"They sent me the wrong one, ma'am!" (the "ma'am was said with an audible sneer. I never knew what that meant until tonight.)
"Okay, I'm sorry. You see, unfortunately it turns out that I was wrong and-"
"You said I could get a new one in store so I'm just going to do that."
"No, sir, please, I gave you some misinformation, and I'd like to correct-"
"This is crazy, I'm just going to get my new power cord, it's just a simple-"
"No no, please don't hang up! I-"
"I really don't have time for this! I'm just going to come in tomorrow and get it."
"You can't."
"You just said I could! You said you have them in stock!"
"Yes, and I'm very sorry but I was mistaken. They don't sell those as a separate part. If you'd like-"
"So you lied to me, Coreen."
(I didn't know whether or not he was joking; I almost laughed. Good thing I didn't.)
"That's not a nice thing, to lie to the customer." (again with the sneering)
"Sir, I'm very sorry for my misconception, if-"
"It's not a misconception, it's wrong! You're just plain wrong!"
"You're right, I was wrong and I apologize-"
"Well, it's just par for the course for your little company. You know, forget this!"
"Sir, if I-"
"Oh you know, you're so pathetic! You can't even get a real job, you have to work in retail! I've been selling products for years and I service the parts! This is so stupid! I'm not going to even go there, you can't get anything right! I'm just going to go to Radio Shack and they'll sell me a cord and I'm going to tell them all!!"
(Here I am, shocked at best, barely keeping my voice from cracking) "Well I hope you find-"
"I don't have time for this crap! You're a loser, Coreen, you are such a loser!-"
At which point I hung up the phone, walked into the back room and cried. One of my coworkers saw me and brought me into the manager's office where Kate (one of the managers) hugged me and had me tell her everything that happened. She wrote it all down and called her boss. There were lots of hugs for me, lots of story sharing about Calvin... and then the phone rang again. I just knew it was him.
"Thank you for calling the Apple store, Northshore. This is Coreen, how can I help you?"
"Yes. What is Leopard?"
"Is this Mr. Anderson?"
"Yes it is." (How can one man sneer so much??)
"I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to talk to you. Have a great night." And I hung up.
I did not make up one little bit of that. If anything, I left a good chunk of horrible yelling out because I can't remember the exact words he said. It seems silly to cry about it, but even when you know that the person screaming that you're a pathetic loser doesn't matter, it still hurts in that moment. So that was my night at work.