(non-#ITPE stocking stuffer for analise010)
Title: Decoction
Author: leupagus
Reader: reena_jenkins
Coverartist: reena_jenkins
Rating: PG-13
Fandoms: The Hobbit
Pairing: past Thorin Oakenshield/Thranduil
Warnings: female Bilbo Baggins, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafes, Tumblr Prompt
Length: 00:08:58
Author's Summary: "From rob-anybody's excellent tag spiral:
WHERE IS THE HOBBIT RESTAURANT AU #WHERE THRANDUIL IS THE PIE KING #AND THORIN RUNS A SUCCESSFUL 5-STAR RESTAURANT #AND HE USED TO SELL THRANDUIL'S PIES THROUGH HIS PLACE #UNTIL THERE WAS A HORRIBLE FALLING OUT OVER SOMETHING STUPID #AND NOW THEY'RE MORTAL ENEMIES #MEANWHILE DWALIN MAKES SPECIAL MEALS FOR THRANDUIL AGAINST THORIN'S WISHES #BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN #(either personally or professionally; he doesn't care which) #SO THAT THEY'LL STOP HAVING SCREAMING MATCHES IN THE MIDDLE OF LUNCH HOUR #BILBO AS THE REGULAR CUSTOMER WHO IS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ESCAPE #SMAUG AS THE TERRIBLE SNOTTY FOOD CRITIC THAT NO ONE LIKES #THE REST OF THE DWARVES EITHER WORK THE KITCHEN OR THE FINANCES #SO THORIN HAS PLENTY OF TIME TO IVSIT THRANDUIL AND YELL AT HIM OVER PIE FILLING CHOICES AND GENERAL BUSINESS ACUMEN #CHI MCBRIDE AS THRANDUIL'S SECOND-IN-COMMAND WHO JUST WANTS SOME GODDAMN PEACE AND QUIET #AND TO BE DONE WITH THIS ELF AND HOBBIT BULLSHIT
The prompt went a little sideways from there."
Download link: You can download this podfic as an mp3 right over here (thank you,
paraka, for hosting me!)
Why I Think analise010 Will Love It: Because girl!Bilbo DOESN'T CRY in this one. NOT AT ALL
Why Everyone Else Will Love It: It's basically a fusion with Pushing Daisies (because Thranduil = Ned = Pies), with added sass and coffee-based shenanigans. But no dead bodies. So... maybe not actually a Pushing Daisies AU, after all.... but Dwalin tries his hand at matchmaking, and there is much glowering and dramatic tension.