Say Yes (part II.)

[quarrions]

Title: Say Yes
Author: jrock_reaction
Movie Adapted: Yes Man
Genre: Comedy, Romance, Yaoi
Pairings: Karyu/Zero, Hizumi/Tsukasa (D'espairsRay)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 17,475
Warnings: Smut, profanity, cross-dressing

Read Part I.


I couldn’t believe that two days later I was sitting in the crowd of gullible suckers waiting to have their lives turned around by some scam of a seminar.

I’d have liked to believe that it was only curiosity that brought me here, but that was a lie. I wanted it to be real. I wanted to hear something that would turn my life around.

Because I was fucking miserable.

I worked a dead-end job for way too little money, had two friends who I systematically pushed away, and had been launched into an existential crisis by a surprisingly insightful cross-dresser.

Needless to say, I could’ve used a life-turn-around right about then.

“Is this your first time?” I heard a voice to my left, and I turn and looked down at… a collar bone.

No fucking way.

I looked up into the eyes of one of the first people I had met who was as tall as me.

He was smiling widely at me. “First time?” he repeated.

I nodded distracted, still taken aback by the almost fateful tallness of the stranger. “Yeah… Oh, yeah, it is,” I said finally.

The height is a sign from something or someone vaguely divine. I should not try to push this person away. In fact, in addition to answering the question posed (huge accomplishment, by the way), I’m going to respond with my own.

“You?” I asked.

His already wide smile widened, making me wonder how a human being kept that much happy in their body.

Peppy as a clam, this kid.

“Nope,” he said proudly. “Actually, I’ve been to every single one he’s ever done. The speaker’s actually a friend of mine. He’s great.”

I looked him over, noticing his bright pink shoes. “Yeah… you don’t look like the target audience of this kind of thing.”

He grinned. “I’ve been embracing life from my first day experiencing it. Even though I already apply everything he says to my life, I love being here. It’s the positive energy. Not to mention, just hearing him say it-and he says it so well, he’s really amazing-always makes me feel so invigorated.” He was nearly bouncing as he finished.

“That’s...” I wasn’t sure what that was. “...interesting,” I finished lamely.

He just smiled. “How’d you hear about it?” he asked.

The phrase recommended by a friend ran through my mind, but that wasn’t really accurate, was it? I didn’t even know the kid’s name.

But Hizumi and Tsukasa did, I realized.

“A friend of a friend gave me a pamphlet!” I said a little too quickly in my excitement to have found a true and acceptable answer. I reached into my pocket, pulled out the pamphlet, and pushed it into his hands. “See?”

He smiled widely, and I realized that speaking quickly had come across as overall energy for life. “That’s so cool,” he enthused. “You’re going to love it. He’s great-he’s really great.”

He was so... happy. It was so strange to see him smiling, talking so energetically to a stranger like me. It was weird, kind of creepy... and I wanted it, I realized. I wanted to feel that happy.

It was a message from whatever power assigns height at birth. This man in hot pink shoes was a sign that I could be that happy.

Now it was just a matter of whether or not I would.

The chances seemed slim, but it was weirdly comforting to think that I had the capability.

Like, maybe someday, or something.

“OOH! He’s coming on now!” Pink-Shoes tugged on my sleeve, pointing at the stage as if I would look anywhere else for the speaker.

“Shh!” he shushed me, as if I had said anything at all, turning his rapt attention to the stage.

I followed his eyes, ready to hear what this man had to say.

He was a good-looking guy. Overall appealing build, strong but not over-muscular. Blonde hair combed back and gelled tastefully. Confident and professional smile. Face almost too perfect, like plastic surgery gone horribly right. He looked like a real-life photoshopped picture.
“Welcome, friends,” he said in a rich voice, waving to the crowed who hung on the two words he had spoken.
Weirdly charismatic. Definitely good at his job.

“You’re all here because, for some reason or another, you’re unhappy with your life right now.”

Except for Pink-Shoes, but I had a feeling my fellow giant was the exception in almost any group he was a part of.

“You may feel like life has been unfair to you. You may feel that there is no hope, and that as things are now, so they will always be.” He seemed to make a note of looking into everyone’s eyes, a godly task considering there was at least 250 people in the conference room the seminar was being held in. “I’m here to tell you that a belief like that is a complete lie.”

Everyone seemed to shift forward.

“Life presents every human being millions of opportunities every day. However, many of you may be so discouraged by various factors that you close your eyes to these opportunities. This will inevitably lead to more discouragement, and more missed opportunities. I am here, dear friends, to break that vicious cycle.”

He told us story after story about people who had missed chances, and of people who had embraced them. It was easy to see stories resonating with members of the audience-I know many resonated with me. He painted hypothetical situations, told us how a discouraged person would react, how an average person would react, and how he would react. It always came down to opening your eyes to the opportunities life gave-and grabbing onto them before they passed.

“Friends, if you hesitate as you take each step forward, you will undoubtedly have regrets!” A wave of applause.

“Don’t hesitate to accept life’s gifts! Don’t close your eyes to opportunities!”

Louder applause, some people even crying.

“Don’t believe me just because of my words, dear friends! Words are cheap!”

Actually, his words were rather expensive.

“Believe not just in my words, but my way of thinking and living too!”

It was powerful, to be sure. In fact, almost everyone in the crowd looked like their lives had just been turned around. He was extremely compelling.

But it was different for me.

Because I didn’t close my eyes to opportunities.

I chose to turn away.

There was nothing he could say to change me.

“So, my dear friends, I challenge you to spend one month saying ‘yes’ to life’s opportunities. I dare you to embrace life!”

...Except that.

You dare me? You fucking dare me?

Oh, bitch, it was on.

I never said no to a challenge.

“Those who want to sing, sing. Those who want to dance, dance. Those who want to go, GO!”

The crowd stood and cheered.

“Embrace today, and every day after!”

The crowd roared.

“Never forget! So then, goodbye, my dears! Goodbye with all my strength!” He waved to the cheering crowd as he exited stage left.

“Wasn’t that fantastic?!” Pink-Shoes exclaimed, not waiting for an answer before throwing his arms around me and kissing my cheek.

Comfortable as a clam.

But as for me, I was on fire from the challenge, so I lifted him up and spun him around, making him shriek with delight.

I still had no idea what his name was.

“Be ambitious! Let’s embrace life!” he enthused.

“Hell yes!” I yelled back, still spinning him faster and faster.

“I’m gonna puke!” he said joyfully.

I nearly dropped him, stepping away with instinctively.

“Aw,” he said sadly. “Why’d you stop?”

“...”

*********

I didn’t sleep that night.

I didn’t have time.

I talked to my mom for 4 hours on the phone, reassuring her that, yes, I was alive and fine-great, in fact. I asked her about everything back home, and listened attentively as she caught me up.

After we hung up, I read that book that Hizumi had given me more than two years ago.

It really was great-I couldn’t wait to talk to him about it... assuming he still remembered it.

Then I drove all around the city trying to find a gym that was open 24 hours, because I was pretty sure there were no marathons going on at such a late hour. Luckily, I found a place open 24 hours after 40 minutes of searching.

I ran 3 miles on a treadmill. Who’d have thought?

By the time I go home and showered, my alarm was going off, and I turned it off cheerfully.

I felt better rested than I had in years.

As I got ready for work in my apartment’s frigid cold, a thought occurred to me. It was a crazy thought, something I never would’ve thought to do before.

I called Hizumi and Tsukasa to say good morning.

After a few rings, a hesitant voice of a certain Hizu-Hamster answered, “Karyu?”

“Good morning!” I said brightly.

His voice turned worried. “Are you ok? Are you hurt? Do you need me to call an ambulance?!”

I frowned a little, feeling confused. “I’m fine… If I could call you, why couldn’t I call an ambulance?”

“Did you forget the number? I can call for you-“

“Hizumi!”

“Karyu!”

I blinked. “No, I was trying to snap you out of it. I’m fine-seriously.”

There was a long silence. “You are?”

“Um, yeah. I just called to say good morning, actually.”

Hizumi groaned. “You’re drunk, aren’t you? Dear god, tell me you aren’t high. I swear, Karyu, if you-”

I was mildly offended. “I am NOT drunk… or high. Do I sound under the influence to you?”

He paused to consider that. “…No,” he said finally. “You don’t.”

I nodded with satisfaction. “That’s because I’m not. Sober as a clam, in fact.”

I could almost see the look of mystification on his adorable hamster face.

“I really did just call to say good morning to my two best friends,” I told him.

“Really?” he asked, beginning to sound hopeful.

“Um, yeah, I just said really.”

“Like, for real?”

In his defense, I had not just said ‘for real’. “Yes. For super real.”

He let out some weird joyful sound, somewhere between a squee and a ‘yay’, and yelled, “Tsuka! Tsuka! Karyu’s on the phone!”

“Is he ok?!” I heard a distant worried voice ask.

“Yeah yeah yeah!” Hizu said excitedly. “C’mere!”

There was a click as I was put on speaker phone.

“We’re both here, Karyu,” Hizumi said with a smile that was clearly visible even through the phone. It made me smile myself.

“Good morning, guys!” I said cheerfully.

“Good morning!” Hizu chorused back.

“…Is he drunk?” Tsukasa asked.

“I’m not drunk!” I defended. “Seriously, guys.”

“Seriously?” Tsukasa asked, sounding doubtful.

“What is it with you two and asking things I just said?” I wondered. “Yeah, seriously.”

“How are you, Karyu?” Hizumi asked.

“I am doing GREAT, actually. I haven’t felt this good in a while.”

“I’m really glad,” Hizumi said sincerely, “even though I’m confused as hell.”

“I’m happy for you, too,” Tsukasa said, “even though I still think you’re drunk.”

I pouted. “Hey, do you guys want to do something tonight? I get off work at 5, so we could get dinner, maybe a movie…”

Stunned silence. “Are you… asking us out?” Tsukasa asked incredulously.

“Oh my god, YES!” That was Hizumi. Could you tell?

I laughed. “Yeah, I guess I am. But if I’m treating you guys to dinner, I expect you both to put out for me.”

Hizu giggled (cutest damn giggle, too), but Tsuka was all business.

“You aren’t touching my ass,” he warned me. “But if you ask nicely, Hizumi might let you top him as he tops me.”

Were we seriously discussing the mechanics of a potential threesome between us?

Yes, we were.

“Hmm,” Hizumi mused. “It’d have to be a nice dinner. I’m not putting out for anything less than lobster.” Dear god, what an expensive little whore.

Was he seriously putting a price on the dinner I’d have to buy him to get his ass?

Yes, he was.

Dear god, I fucking loved these guys.

“Oh,” he added, “and you’d have to tell me how pretty I am.”

“You’re very pretty,” I assured him, “but I think date-rape drugs are cheaper than lobster, and we ARE in a recession, so…”

Both of them laughed.

“Dinner sounds great,” Tsukasa said. “Why don’t Hizu and I poke around for a place, and you can call us when you get off work?”

“Will you bring me flowers?” Hizumi asked.

“Of course,” I assured him. “That sounds perfect, thanks guys.”

“Too perfect,” Tsukasa mused. “I keep waiting to wake up.”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “So do I.”

*********

The three of us were crammed inside a little corner booth at a nice, lively Italian place, stuffing our faces with carbs and laughing.

“So no one at work asked what you were sick with?” Hizumi giggled, twirling the thornless red rose I had bought him between his fingers. “I want to work there.”

I feigned an agonized groan. “No, you don’t. It’s terrible. Do you know what I do all day?”

Both of them knew, but Tsukasa decided to humor me. “No, what DO you do all day, Karyu?”

“Well I’m glad you asked,” I answered back. “Paperwork. Nothing but paperwork.”

“So I’m guessing you don’t like paperwork?” he asked.

“Why, no, as a matter of fact I don’t. Actually, I loathe it passionately.”

“Fuck,” he said. “Hizu, we’re going to need to find him a new birthday gift.”

I stuck my tongue out.

“Don’t show it if you don’t want to share it,” Hizumi warned me with a grin.

I turned to him, sticking my tongue out further.

Never a hamster of idle threats, Hizumi leaned forward and stuck his own out-right onto mine.

All three of us burst out laughing.

*********

The next day was a movie.

The day after, we all squeezed into the small basement under Hizu and Tsuka’s apartment building with our instruments and rocked out for the first in a long time.

Too long.

Though I had been playing my guitar regularly, you really can’t compare solo practice to the feeling of playing as a group. There really was no comparison.

After a few hours of subjecting their neighbors to our awesomeness, Hizu, Tsuka, and I sat our asses down in front of Tsukasa’s drum set, popped open some Cokes, and talked music.

“You guys remember my friend Tatsurou? The one who started a band a few years ago?” Hizumi asked.

“I know Karyu remembers him,” Tsukasa smirked. “Highlight of his life, finding someone as tall as him.”

I pouted. “Yes, I remember him. But, I’ll have you fuckers know, I actually ran into another person as tall as
me the other day.”

“No way,” Hizumi said, thoroughly engrossed, completely forgetting about whatever he was going to say. “Who?”

“Pink-Shoes,” I answered immediately, then frowned.

I had never gotten around to asking his name.

“…Pink-Shoes,” Tsukasa repeated for clarification.

“Um, that’s not his name… I never actually asked his name… but he was wearing pink shoes!” I explained.

“Like, hot pink? Or light red?” Hizumi asked.

“Hot pink,” I confirmed.

“Did you call him this to his face?” Tsukasa asked skeptically.

“Of course not,” I defended. “I just never addressed him directly.”

Tsukasa rolled his eyes. “Anyway, Karyu’s innate lack of manners aside, what about Tatsurou, Hizumi?”

Hizumi blinked. “…Oh! That’s right!”

ADD as a clam.

“His band came out with their first major single,” he explained. “He sent me a copy-it’s really good.”

“Better than sex?” I asked.

It’s a legitimate way to gauge music.

Hizu thought about it. “Hmm… better than some sex I’ve had.”

“Better than sex with me?” Tsukasa asked.

Hizumi smiled. “I’ve yet to find music that’s better than sex with you, Tsuka.”

Tsukasa nodded with approval. “Speaking of sexy music…”

He and Hizumi shared a look.

Patting my leg gently, Hizumi asked, “Do you want to come with us to the next concert?” Both he and Tsukasa were watching me cautiously, trying to gauge my reaction.

Instinctively, I felt a ‘no’ rise up in my throat, but I swallowed it down.

There was no way I was going to back down from the challenge.

Still, I pretended to give it deep thought as I took a small sip of my Coke, finally turning to Hizumi and spraying it in his face.

“PAOON!” I said cheerfully.

*********

“You guys want to go to the left?” I asked them as we waited outside the live house.

They both exchanged cautious looks.

“…Are you sure?” Tsukasa asked me finally.

“Sure as a clam,” I answered, though my stomach was doing Olympic-level gymnastics beneath my skin at the thought of seeing the bassist again.

“I never got the clam thing,” Hizumi said. “Why do you compare everything to clams?”

I blinked. “Oh… There’s actually a saying in English ‘happy as a clam’… but I’ve never thought of clams as particularly happy, y’know? So, I figured I must just be missing the emotional depth of clams. And, if clams are the epitome of happiness, how do I know they aren’t the epitome of everything else? It’s that kind of idea.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day,” Tsukasa said encouragingly.

Hizumi, however, was pondering it. “So, Tsukasa could’ve said ‘That’s as dumb as a clam’.”

I snapped and pointed. “Bingo.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tsukasa said in disbelief. “Hizumi, you’d better not start using that. I swear to god, it’s bad enough with him doing it.”

I pointed at him accusingly. “You weren’t complaining when I gave you ‘Hamster-Hizu’.”

“That’s different,” Tsukasa said in his most reasonable voice. “Hizumi really is a hamster.”

Hizu smiled. “I still have no idea why you guys think that.”

“Just… Just trust us on this one,” I said.

“Line is moving,” Tsuka informed us, nudging us along by our sweet candy asses.

Could you blame him?

We situated ourselves nice and comfortably in front of the left side, and I thought about how surreal these past few days had been.

How much had changed so quickly.

But, as the lights lowered and the concert got ready to start, I wondered whether or not it would be enough to face the person who sent me barreling down this road to life with the brakes cut.

But there was only one way to find out, now wasn’t there?

I kept my eyes locked onto the section of the stage the bassist would soon occupy, ignoring the vocalist and guitarist completely and only vaguely noticing out of my peripheral that the drummer’s hair was electric blue tonight.

The vocalist screamed, the guitar jumped in, the drums picked up a high velocity.

And out walked the bassist, who once again decided to up the sex appeal to dangerous levels in his slutty outfit.

What sick, twisted fuck decided to design a skirt that short?

Torn lace stockings revealed generous spans of pale skin, leading up to the rough helm of a miniskirt that appeared to be covered entirely by sequins that caught and threw the small amount of light in a way that was completely hypnotizing.

His corset, made in places of vinyl and other places of lace, was tight enough to show off gorgeous curves that would make most girls green with envy.

And most guys lose their minds.

My body hummed with the rapidly building energy to turn and get my ass out of there, and I honestly might have.

But then he looked at me, eyes piercing mine, and smirked with that same smugness that had driven me insane the night we spoke.

I knew you’d come back, those eyes said.

Violent fantasies that ended with us both coming in a very different way flashed through my head, but I refused to let them take over.

That would be victory for him, to make me lose my cool.

We have unfinished business, mine responded, my lips curling into their own smirk as I moved with the music.

My confidence obviously surprised him, but he masked it quickly and began to head-thrash as the music got more aggressive, and everyone joined him.

It was great music, and a great feeling.

I’m not sure how much time passed with me lost in the music and in the frequently stolen glances between me and the bassist, but all too soon the vocalist was thanking everyone for coming out tonight.

I felt Hizumi leaning against me, whispering something about how glad he was I’d stayed, asking me if I had enjoyed myself, but I was a little past words at this point. I simply answered by stroking his hair as my breathing slowly calmed down, profoundly enjoying the warmth of another human being in the moment. I couldn’t wait until next time, when I could-

“It’s been a great run,” the vocalist said. “We’ll miss this more than anything, so thank you for supporting us all this time.”

Horror.

“It’s their third to last concert ever,” Hizumi had said-I counted back frantically in my head-three concerts ago.

No. No fucking way.

But the band left the stage for the last time.

I felt like I was about to start hyperventilating, and I pulled Hizumi against me tightly for comfort.

I couldn’t explain why I was reacting this way. Yeah, they were a great band, but that didn’t merit this panic.

Hizumi snuggled against me happily, blissfully unaware of my little freakout.

It had to be the bassist, I realized. Because I did have unfinished business with him.

I still needed to grind his nose into the dirt in one way or another.

But, as the low lights got a little brighter, that possibility seemed to go with the sad fans that made their way out slowly.

I squeezed Hizumi tightly.

“Why are you killing my boyfriend?” Tsukasa asked as he walked up to us.

I blinked, releasing Hizu. Where the hell had he been?

“I wasn’t,” I defended. “That was a hug.”

“I couldn’t breathe,” Hizumi said cheerfully.

“Breathing is overrated,” I consoled him. Making me a hypocrite, because my own breathing was coming way too fast.

“Right,” Tsukasa drawled, then turned his attention to Hizumi. “Hey, Zero wanted to know if we wanted to get something to drink with him.”

“Sounds good to me,” Hizumi quipped happily. “Hey, Karyu, do you want to go drinking with us?”

I arched an eyebrow. “Who the hell is Zero?”

Tsukasa looked at me as if I were extremely stupid. “You just spent two hours staring at him. He’s the bassist.”

No fucking way.

“Yes,” I said quickly. “I would love to go drinking. God, I love alcohol.”

Smooth as fucking sandpaper.

But I didn’t care. This was divine intervention.

Or, I would realize later, Zero intervention.

Tsukasa gave me a strange look. “Alright then.” He shrugged and turned. “I’ll drive.”

*********

Zero was the last one to arrive, considering he had to change out of his whoring clothes into regular attire and wash out that hair dye.

In fact, by the time he got there, I had already used a few beers to depress my systems into a nice calm. It allowed me to give him a nonchalant smirk as he sat down next to Tsukasa, across from me in the little booth.

“Hello, Zero,” I greeted amiably. He looked surprised at my use of his name.

Yeah, bitch, I can learn names from Hizumi and Tsukasa, too.

“Hello, Karyu,” he recovered quickly. “Nice to see you again.”

“And you,” I said politely.

Hizumi and Tsukasa looked lost.

“You two know each other?” Tsukasa asked.

“We’ve spoken,” Zero said casually, flagging down a waitress. “Thanks for waiting for me, by the way.”

Hizumi grinned and sipped his drink. “We figured you’d want us to go ahead.”
Tsukasa was still looking between me and Zero, trying to read what was going on between us.

Good luck with that, Tsuka. I don’t even think we know ourselves.

“Vodka, no ice,” Zero told the waitress before she had a chance to open her mouth. She nodded somewhat nervously and ran off to get his drink.

A real no-nonsense drinker. I could respect that.

“Care for something to drink while you wait?” I asked casually, holding out my bottle. “If you aren’t germophobic, that is.”

He looked surprised by my comfortable offer, but accepted the beer with a nod of thanks, taking a healthy sip.

“Great show tonight,” Hizumi said.

Zero flashed him a nice, practiced smile, but there was something more genuine under it. You had to really look, but he was glowing from the praise. Someone who craved approval? That contradicted the confident persona he had put forward the other night.

Hm. Interesting.

“Thank you, Hizumi,” he said.

“More aggressive setlist,” Tsukasa noted. “It was a very powerful end.”

Zero laughed. “My idea. I told them we’d make a bigger impression if our last live was heavier.” His laugh turned a little bitter. “Honestly, Yami and Kazan didn’t even want to do the live.”

I must have looked as lost as I felt, because Hizumi whispered in my ear, “The vocalist and guitarist.”

“Ah,” I murmured, tuning back in.

Zero’s laugh turned bitter. “For all of his talk about ‘we’ll miss this more than anything’, Yami couldn’t care less about it. He always complained about being indie, saying that if we couldn’t get big there was no point in doing it at all. He said he wouldn’t even do this last live. I had to blackmail him.”

I blinked. “How’d you do that? Stick a gun to his head?”

“That would be threatening him, Karyu,” Tsukasa corrected me.

“I’ve heard it both ways,” I waved him off dismissively. “So, how’d you do it?”

Zero laughed. “I told him I’d tell his girlfriend he was cheating on her.”

Tsukasa whistled lowly in respect.

“Would you have?” I asked. The better look I got of him, the more I suspected he was the type to bluff.

He met my eyes boldly. “Of course. I never bluff.”

We’ll see about that, won’t we?

The waitress arrived with Zero’s alcohol.

He flashed her a smile that seemed to make up for his earlier brusqueness in her mind, and she left with an expression of melting.

Taking a sip, he hissed softly in appreciation. Then he held his glass out to me, expression strangely sweet, and asked, “Care to have the favor returned?”

I smiled. “Thank you kindly.” I took a liberal drink, sharing in his appreciation before handing it back.

It was good vodka.

Made all the better by the faint but sweet taste of grape that I could only assume was from his lipgloss.

“What model was your bass tonight?” Hizumi asked, and Tsukasa and I exchanged a look as the conversation dove into the subject about everything bass guitar.

It was adorable how passionate they got about it.

Tsukasa and I “mm”-ed at all the right times to appear involved, and amused ourselves by making faces at each other.

It was a great sign of our vast maturity, really.

“…Why are you two sticking your tongues out at each other?” Hizumi asked finally.

We both retracted our tongues quickly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.

“Karyu started it,” Tsukasa said at the same time.

Gee, thanks for having my back, man.

Zero laughed. “Our fault, Hizumi. We were excluding them.”

“Not that your conversation wasn’t fascinating to listen to,” I assured them.

The topic then flowed smoothly into music in general, which was great because we all loved the same kind of stuff. It felt… natural to talk to these guys. To hang out with them.

Comfortable.

Eventually, however, Hizumi and Tsukasa must have been struck by their undying love for each other, because they politely excused themselves to go home and do who knows what to each other before the sun rose.

Tsukasa and I exchanged man-hugs, Hizumi and I kisses on the cheek, and they were gone, leaving me and Zero.

Alone.

In proximity with alcohol.

There was the obligatory silence between two people with too much to say to each other, but finally Zero said,

“You have great friends.”

I smiled softly. “Yeah,” I agreed. “I really do.”

I looked at him, the way he absentminded sipped from his second drink, the almost sad look in his eyes.

And wondered if he had anyone like Hizumi and Tsukasa.

“They really like you,” I told him.

He tried not to look too affected by hearing that, but I could tell it meant a lot to him. “They’re great guys,” he said simply. He looked at me. “What about you?”

I blinked, not quite sure what he was getting at. “Um, I’m a pretty good guy myself. On most days… On good days.”

He laughed lightly. “No, I meant…” He bit his lip, but quickly released it, putting on a confident expression.

“What do you think of me?”

I leaned back, considering his question carefully.

What did I think of him?

There was part of me that really connected with him. That felt a comfort with him that I had only ever felt with Hizumi and Tsukasa before.

But there was another part of me that found him so damn inciting. A part that he drove absolutely crazy.

And then there was the attraction, which created tension with my image of myself. Because, though I had never considered myself anything other than 100% straight, I couldn’t deny that I wanted him.

That it really didn’t bother me that he was a boy.

That I might even like it.

That he might have been right about me.

“I think,” I said finally, “that figuring that out will be a great accomplishment for me.”

He laughed, almost sounding relieved that I hadn’t spewed something hateful about him ruining my life. I was seeing more and more cracks in his ‘I’m completely comfortable with myself and don’t care what others think about me’ persona.

“I can live with that,” he conceded, smiling. Then his smile shifted to a smirk, and he leaned forward. “But,

I don’t think you should.”

I blinked. “Eh?”

He licked his lips, maybe teasingly, maybe nervously. “My group disbanded, which means no more concerts. No more chance meetings at bars after concerts. If you want me to be a part of your life, you need to decide now and ask me.” He leaned back. “Because, if you don’t, I’m going to go home, go to sleep, and wake up to my automatic world.”

I felt my blood heat up. This was the moment. I could say no and return to my own automatic world, or say yes and go where I’d never been before.

This was the challenge.

And I never said no to a challenge.

I stood abruptly. “Zero Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is,” I began.

“Shimizu,” he provided, looking amused.

“Zero Shimizu,” I continued, “I am not going to ask you out. It is not going to happen.”

That broke his confidence. He looked stunned.

“Because I’m a man,” I continued. “So I won’t ask another guy out. It will not happen.”

It was slight, but he was definitely shaking the tiniest bit.

“Zero Shimizu,” I said, “I am informing you: you will go out with me. There is no question. This is an order.”

He choked, torn between a stunned laugh and what might have been a sob.

How does the dirt taste, Zero?

He stood and threw his arms around me, body shaking as he laughed hysterically in a manner that meant he would otherwise be crying. “Yes,” he managed. “Yes.”

I wrapped my arms around him… and pinched his ass, hard.

He squeaked. “Yes, sir,” he corrected, trembling with his hysteric laughter. “Yes, sir.”

I smiled, feeling satisfied.

Then he looked up at me, wiping tears from his eyes and smiling blindingly the most adorable smile I had ever seen.

And then he stood on his tippy toes and kissed me, hard.

Oh hell no.

I pushed him down onto the seat of booth, pinning him down with my body and ravishing his mouth hard enough to bruise.

Maybe people noticed us, but we didn’t notice them. We were lost in the world of each other’s mouths, drinking in each other as if we had been dying of thirst, tugging at each other’s clothes in an attempt to get impossibly close.

Yeah, we had wanted each other.

And it didn’t matter to me that he was a boy.

It wouldn’t have mattered to me if he was an alien.

This was simply Zero, the impossible creature I wanted more than anything.

We finally broke for much-needed breath, and Zero dissolved into what had to be the world’s cutest giggles.

“You’re like nothing I’ve ever seen,” he managed finally, kissing me quickly on the lips. “But, man or not, there’s no way you’re getting past first base with me in a crowded bar.”

I smirked. “Well, you’re in luck. I’m the proud owner of an apartment with somewhat soundproofed walls.”

He matched my smirk. “Well, you’re out of luck. I’m not as whorish as I dress.”

I groaned. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

He laughed. “I know, I know. How dare I require that you actually take me out before I put out for you. I know.”

“Would it count if I paid for your drinks?” I asked hopefully.

“You’re doing that anyway,” he told me. “Nope, you have to take me out.”

Well, fuck.

“Don’t worry,” he reassured me. “I’ve got some fun ideas.”

*********

Fun ideas indeed.

Over the next few hours we went to an arcade (he kicked my ass at the racing games, but I was the champion of the first-person shooters), go-kart racing (which I had loved as a kid), and laser-tagging (in which we fought valiantly against a bunch of kids who completely kicked our asses).

Thoroughly emasculated and having the time of our lives, we got ice cream and walked through the gorgeous streets of Tokyo, catching each other up on the twenty years we had missed with each other.

“You were hit by a truck?” I asked disbelievingly.

“Yup,” he confirmed. “When I was two. The truck itself actually went over me, but all the stuff on the bottom snagged my head and left my skull riddled full of holes. The doctors were pretty sure I was going to die.”

“That’s crazy,” I said. “Did you?”

He laughed. “Probably.” He stole a lick from my ice cream, getting a little on his nose. “But, if I did, the afterlife isn’t so bad.”

I stole a lick from his nose. “I guess that makes me a demon, doesn’t it?”

“Absolutely,” he confirmed, giggling as my tongue flicked over his nose. “So, what about you? Anything crazy exciting in your life?”

“I watched Interview with a Vampire when I was a teenager,” I mused.

“That’s way more exciting than getting hit by a truck,” he agreed.

“Let me finish! Anyway, ever since then, I’ve know that I’m a vampire.”

“Is that so?” he asked. “Well, you’re in luck. I happen to have about 4 liters of hot, fresh blood on my person at this very moment.”

I grinned. “Really? Where do you hide it all?”

“I had this idea,” he told me, “to store it in my veins. It’s a little out there, but it’s been working pretty well for me so far.”

“I might want to try that,” I decided. “It sounds convenient.”

He giggled. “So, Interview with a Vampire. Is that your typical genre?”

“Horror,” I said. “Especially supernatural horror. And, you know, porn.”

He smirked. “One and the same, for me.”

I choked on a stunned laugh. “You’re a sick little fuck, aren’t you?”

“Definitely,” he confirmed.

My hand found his, and our fingers laced together as our hands clung to each other.

His hands were cold and slightly damp… clammy, I realized with wonder.

Clams were the epitome of clamminess.

That may have been when I started loving him.

“You know,” he said, “now I’m kind of curious about that somewhat sound-proofed apartment of yours.” He flashed me a shy grin. “Care to show it to me?”

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.

*********

I think we were both a little nervous as I gave Zero the speed tour that skipped every room but the bedroom.
Me because I was about to have my first sexual experience with another guy, Zero because he knew we were going really fast.

Crazy fast.

Downhill with the brakes cut fast.

But, when I pushed him down onto my bed and crawled over him, none of that mattered.

Because I was staring into his eyes, he was staring into mine, and instantly there was nothing more important than our lips pressed together, our hips pressed together, our bodies moving against one another’s.

There was a… friction that you didn’t get with a girl.

It was amazing.

“Karyu!” he gasped out as I moved my lips to his delicious neck, sucking eagerly on the heated skin there. His hips snapped up against mine, and I groaned low in my throat.

I had definitely found a sensitive spot.

He was whimpering and moaning, moving against me with a desperation I had never before elicited from something so simple. His hands were frantically feeling over every inch of my clothed chest, before his fingers tightened into my shirt.

“Clothes,” he gasped out. “Clothes.”

I pulled back, sitting up to straddle him, smirking down at his adorably flushed face. We worked together to get his shirt off, and I lifted my own off quickly and dropped it next to his, eyes hungrily taking in his body.

He had a delicate build, thin but not harshly so. His skin was pale and, I was pleased to note, soft to the touch. Silky pale skin led up to small, rosy nipples that were already begging for attention.

I traced my thumb over one, enjoying the similarity to a girl’s but also the differences, and was surprised when he whimpered sharply.

Another sensitive spot?

This was getting better and better.

Catching his eyes and licking my lips, I pinched experimentally.

His breath caught, and his back actually arched off the bed.

I felt the predatory instinct take over as my other hand found the other one, teasing him with gentle strokes alternated with sharp pinches that had him moaning like the whore he had denied being.

He was coming undone, and it was inexplicably orgasmic to watch.

He made the cutest noises, something between a whine, and moan, and a whimper, and it set my blood on fire.

I leaned down, feeling his hot breath on my lips, pressing mine to his to taste that delicious noise.

“So cute,” I whispered against his lips, grinding my hips down and making him cry out. “You might be the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”

He struggled to catch his breath. “Pants,” he said desperately.

I smirked, wanting to tease him a little longer, even though I was under plenty of pressure myself.

But then he reached his trembling fingers into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle that I quickly identified as lube, and I damn near lost my mind.

He had known when he changed his clothes how this night would end.

Not a whore his soon to be properly prepared ass.

I nearly ripped his jeans off of him, tossing them aside carelessly, and quickly pulled off my own to match him.

He scooted up further onto the bed, pulling me up after him, and crashed his lips to mine as he pulled down my boxers.

If that little display of dominance bothered me, it was only because I had no way of knowing what he was about to do next.

He slid down until I could feel the shock of his hot breath against my erection, then his cool fingers against it.

“Don’t get on a high horse,” he whispered deliciously. “Everyone has sensitivities.”

And then a wet heat enveloped me and I couldn’t even moan loud enough for how good it felt.

He didn’t waste any time beating around the bush.

We’re talking ‘0’ to ‘deep-throat’ in seconds.

My legs were shaking, and there was nothing I could do to take the power back. I couldn’t fuck his throat-he was doing that for me. All I could do was fist his hair tightly, which only served to make him moan and me see stars.

He was amazing at this in a way that only someone who had gotten many himself could be. He knew exactly what to do because he had received this before and knew exactly what was wanted.

It made for what was easily the greatest blowjob of my life.

“Zero-aaahh,” I gasped out. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck!”

He smirked and pulled back, sitting back up, obviously with the intention to make some smartass remark, but I didn’t give him the chance.

The second I could I crushed my lips against his, devouring him until we were both dizzy, yanking his underwear off and keeping my body pressed tightly against him so he had no chance of escape.

My fingers were still tangled in his hair, and I used the grip to yank his head back, sinking my teeth into his neck and making him scream my name in a way I could quickly get addicted to.

Guy and girl, guy and guy… it didn’t matter.

It was all just a game of power and pleasure.

“Karyu..!” He sounded as desperate as I was beginning to feel.

The pressure was getting unbearable.

We both needed release.

I grabbed the little bottle and popped it open with my thumb. “You want it, Zero?” I whispered in his ear as I coated my fingers. “Moan for me like the slut you are.”

I forced two fingers into him roughly, and his moans were music to my ears.

I wasn’t uneducated-I had done this plenty of times with open-minded girlfriends and I knew the differences between boys and girls. I knew what I was looking for. And, when his hips snapped up and he gasped out a sharp moan, I knew I had found it.

“Karyu,” he breathed out, hips moving desperately as I fucked him with my fingers. “Please, nn!”

“Please what?” I asked lowly, licking his jaw and letting my hot breath play at his ear. “What are you begging me for?”

As if my body wasn’t begging me to do the exact same thing.

He let out a moan of frustrated pleasure. “Fuck me,” he begged shamelessly. “Nn, fuck-Karyu, fuck me!”

And it didn’t matter at all that he was a guy.

Zero was the most erotic thing I had ever seen.

And he was begging me to fuck him.

I retracted my fingers quickly, making him whine despite himself at the loss, and used the remaining lube to coat myself. In my effort to make him come undone I had largely ignored my own pleasure, and the obscene feeling of my own wet touch was all the more appreciated because of it.

The sound of a needy whimper slipping past his lips caused me to snap, however, and I almost frantically crashed my lips against his and thrust in…

…to a feeling so amazing it short-circuited my brain.

There were a few moments where my entire body lost tangible feeling, and all that remained was a pleasure that washed over me.

That shifted quickly into hypersensitivity, and again I couldn’t moan loud enough for how good it felt.

Zero wasn’t much better off-clinging to me, moaning my name, shifting his hips to encourage me to move.

Taking a shaky breath, I began to build up a slow rhythm, though every motion sent near-fatal electricity through me.

“Fuck, Zero,” I breathed in his ear, “you feel so good.”

He was clawing at me now, getting too impatient with my torturous pace. “Please, Karyu,” he begged. “Harder, faster…Ahh!”

Whatever self-control had been keeping me rational at that point died a painful death, and I growled as I slammed into him roughly.

Suddenly I couldn’t move fast enough, and even with Zero raising his hips to meet me thrust for thrust, it wasn’t hard enough.

We were spiraling away from sanity to a world where only we existed-us and the mind-numbing pleasure between us.

Our mouths met in a messy kiss that muffled our desperate moans, bodies moving in a near panic to get closer, go higher.

His legs were wrapped tightly around my waist now, his arms around my neck, and every motion made him cling to me tighter.

Made him moan louder.

Which drove me absolutely insane.

There was no discomfort when I reached down to touch him where he wanted so badly to be touched-only instinct.

A fundamental need to see that pleasure play out on his face, hear his responding moans.

It was my drug as I spiraled down toward oblivion.

I couldn’t tell how long it had been, but neither of us were going to last much longer. Zero was already trembling with holding himself back, and I wasn’t much better off.

The pressure was beyond unbearable.

But I knew what to do to push him over the edge.

I broke our kiss to move my lips to his neck, sucking roughly at the sensitive skin while my free hand moved to his chest, pinching a nipple harshly.

It didn’t take long at all before he was moaning out curses incoherently, then screaming my name as hot fluid spilled over my hand and our stomachs.

And instantly I was losing it as his every muscle tightened around me deliciously painfully.

We both came down from our highs slowly, sharing lazy and breathless kisses as we did.

Zero whimpered softly as I pulled out, and quickly snuggled against my chest to regain the proximity. I held him close, reveling in the almost feverish warmth of him against me.

Strangely enough, I wasn’t thinking about how I had just had sex with a guy for the first time in my life.

All I could think was that I just had sex with Zero, the cutest and sexiest and strangest thing I had ever met.

And that I was happy.

*********

The grand door of crimson wood and black metal bracings looms before me. The nervousness sets in-but this time is met with resolve. I choose to say yes to this chance. Determinedly, I push open the heavy door to a room even darker than the scarcely lit hallway I came from. My eyes once again struggle to adjust as, from within the room, the beautiful voice softly whispers my name.

“Yes,” I call out. “I’m here. Yes.” I force myself to step forward, the tip of my boots just barely reaching the threshold.

I choose to say yes.

I cross the threshold, not looking back as the heavy door closes behind me. My eyes continue to adjust, but suddenly torches along the walls light themselves and I can see more clearly.

Sitting primly on a throne of black metal, whispering my name so softly, is Zero.

I continue forward, almost hypnotized.

He stands slowly, walking out to meet me, and we both stopped with only a breath between us.

“Karyu?” he asks softly.

“Yes,” I answer. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know what he’s asking. The answer will always be yes for him.

His smile is momentarily heartbreakingly sincere, then shifts into something more devious.

“Karyu,” he whispers deliciously, leaning forward and flicking his tongue over my cheek teasingly, his warm breath playing on my skin.

It’s incredible how strongly I react to something so simple.

He leans in more until I can feel his warm chest against mine and his licks my cheek again, and again, and it’s sexy and strange and-

I opened my eyes to see Ryuutaro perched on my chest, licking my cheek affectionately to say good morning.

I sat up quickly, pushing him off, wanting to scream and cry because that damn cat had no idea the crisis it was sending me into at the moment and where the FUCK was FUCKING erectile dysfunction when you actually WANTED it and-

But then I saw Zero curled up next to me, his face so peaceful and angelic as he drooled on my pillow, and I quickly swallowed the building scream so that I could watch that beautiful sleeping for a little longer.

Ryuutaro looked at me, pretending to be innocent as he cocked his head to the side.

I pointed at him threateningly, letting him know that this wasn’t over, that he could definitely look forward to a bath for this one.

He scampered away.

And I returned to watching Zero drool.

My blissful moment was broken by the less blissful feeling of dried come on my stomach, and I allowed myself an ‘ew’ moment before rising and making my clumsy way to the bathroom.

As I showered, I allowed myself to think more deeply about what these past few days had meant.

What last night had meant.

I knew that Zero had changed my life forever.

Without him, I never would’ve said yes to life.

I would’ve continued along, miserable and pushing everyone away.

But now there was a new world in front of my eyes, and I wanted it.

I wanted him.

As I shut off the water, putting on my robe, I realized that I could have it.

Could have him.

I stole a look at his still serenely sleeping form, closing the bedroom door quietly behind me.

As I walked up to my phone, I saw a little note with a small key on top.

Karyu-san,

You weren’t home, so I used your spare key to let the electrician in. Your unit’s heater should work now.

Thank you for your patience.

Signed, my landlord.

I only then realized that my apartment wasn’t the arctic wonderland it normally was in the mornings, and that some serial killer wasn’t going to kill me in my sleep.

It was with that comfort that I called my best friends.

It was almost ironic that, upon calling them, I got Hizumi and Tsukasa’s voicemail.

I waited patiently for the beep.

“Hey guys,” I said. “It’s Karyu, obviously.” I paused. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you asked me before… about starting our own band. Hizumi, I know you want to sing, and that’s ok. I think I’ve found us a bassist.” I smiled. “So, my answer is yes.”

And in that recorded moment, with ¾ of the future D’espairsRay unconscious, the ground gave way to our horizon.