"Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, just without all that esteem."
THE AMAZING FASSY AND HIS GIANT COCK SHARK GRIN
I'd like to thank Michael Fassbender for taking over the frontal nudity responsibility that I had. Really, Michael, honestly, if you can play golf like this with your hands behind your back, go for it, man, do it. --GEORGE CLOONEY, AKA WINNER OF THE INTERNETS, IN HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
HIS REACTION ALDKFASLKJ. :D :D :D Well, Fassy may not have won, but, dammit, getting acknowledged by George Fucking Clooney at the Golden Globes is still pretty awesome. :D I love that George cracked HIMSELF up, lol. OMG, that dude on the right in the gif. He looks so confused and about .002 seconds from asking the chick next to him what the heck is going on AHAHAHAHA.
ANYHOO. More Fassy, cos he's pretty.
LOOK AT THAT GQMF. HIS SUIT IS SHINY YOU GUYS. I PARTICULARLY ENJOY HOW THE CUT OF HIS JACKET IS ALL "BEHOLD THE FASSBENDER VAGINABENDER, OH HELLLL YEAAAH." I'M LOOKING, FASSY, I'M LOOKING.
THE RANDOM MOMENTS
• Ricky did okay! Yeah, I coulda done without the Kardashian mentions (ENOUGH ALREADY), but he still made me lol. HE ASKED JOHNNY DEPP IF HE'D SEEN THE TOURIST YET. Johnny, "Um, no." ALDFKJALSFKJA AHAHAHA. Add in him running across the stage to flee Madonna's (weirdawkwarduncomfy) spell at the mic and I'm pretty happy.
• I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. They announced Amy for her category--and Tina stuck her head into the shot aldfkjs. :D That's srsly the best table in the joint. (How the hell did Laura Dern win? :| I haven't seen her show, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT OKAY.)
• Dammit, The Hour lost. I love that show. Ah, well. Though now I'm doubley excited to finally watch Downton Abbey. Which I have been mistakingly calling Downtown Abbey for longer than I care to admit.
• WHO WON BEST ACTRESS? KATE FUCKING WINSLET THAT'S WHO BITCHES. \:D/ God, she's lovely.
• Jake introducing Michelle's Marilyn movie and the way she smiled up at him made me happy and sad at the same time and just omg. :) :(
• Jimmy Fallon on da staaaage! The Jagger bit wasn't actually funny to me, but I was amused how much fun he was having doing that bit. Next year's hosts? Fallon and Justin Timberlake. MAKE IT HAPPEN, GOLDEN GLOBES.
• Dang, there were actually some big song ppl this year. And Madonna won. Hmn. I think I'm happy? Her acceptance speech made me wanna punch her a little ("I DON'T HAVE TIME I CAAAAAN'T OH LOOK I WON I'M SOOOOO SHOCKED."), but I really did like her song. The camera kept showing her fellow nominees as she was speaking and they were all :||||||, ahahaha.
• George and Brad presenting each others' movies, awwww. One day they're going to make-out and no one's going to be surprised.
• JGL all *WOOOOOOT* as Seth came on stage with Kate Beckingsale, hee. Then Seth's, "trying to conceal a massive erection." You weren't the only one, Seth. Kate in that dress gave me girliewood. Best part? Kate's "Nice.
" reaction. And I'm pretty sure JGL hooted again at that exchange ahaha. Whoa, Jodie Foster's kids are BIG. I always think of them as babies, heh. Y'know, when they first showed her putting the boys on her lap, I thought she was laughingly hurumphing for the camera at the dirty joke cos of little ears. Then realized she was nommed alkdfja.
• My Week With Marilyn in that group is so awkward. The GG really do need a Best Comedy category. I wanted Bridesmaids to win just to see how awesome the acceptance speech woulda been!
• JESSE PHOTO BOMBING ERIC AND ERIC'S REACTION ALKDFJALSKJ AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
• Ricky on George: "If he gets anymore popular or anymore handsome, he'll be hosting this puppy next year." HEE.
• OMG PIXAR DIDN'T WIN. I'm actually shocked. Not upset or anything, just shocked. If they're in a category, they win. That's how it's been. Of course, Cars 2 wasn't their strongest effort. :P
• BEST PRESENTERS: Tina Fey and Jane Lynch. On not being like their characters, Tina: "And I'm not Liz Lemon. I just can't think of any example right now that prove it." AHAHAHAHAHA.
• HOLD UP. Matt LeBlanc was once nommed for his show Joey? WTF. Musta been a slow year.
• Octavia Spencer during her acceptance speech, "Seriously... nuts." ♥ And Melissa McCarthy crying! ♥
• Aww, Sidney Poiter's standing O was so beautiful. So many were in tears! Though... I love you Helen Mirren, but that was awkward.
• The "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" look on Brad's face when Angelina presented makes me both love them and want to set them on fire for being so damned happy. :P
• BEST GROUP ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: Modern Family in two languages. :D
• Ricky being bitter over Colin Firth: "What you don't know is he's racist. And I've seen him punch a little blind kitten." HEE.
• Dear George Clooney, If I ever forget my glasses, you have permission to bring them to me. I don't care if I'm in the middle of an acceptance speech, or getting married. COME TO ME OKAY. Glasses optional. Love, Ree
• GEORGE WON! And what does he do FIRST? Praise his manhusband, Brad, for being a 100% awesome human being. THOSE TWO I SWEAR. ♥
• HARRISON FORD I SEE YOU SIR. ♥ ♥ ♥ Even if it's totally random you're here introducing The Descendants. Doesn't matter; you should be at every awards show, all the time.
IN CONCLUSION:
Penis jokes: 3
Standing O's: 4
Fugly dresses: So, so v. many.
I love awards season. :D
HOLY MOLY HOTTIES AKA BEST DRESSED
Hot damn, woman. My jaw dropped when I saw Angelina. AND SHE DIDN'T WEAR BLACK OR LONG-SLEEVES I'M SO PROUD OF HER.
Emma is my fashion god. I LOVE HER/THIS SO MUCH. :((((( NGL, was really hoping Andrew would be her escort. BUT! Considering how much he loves these type of things, I'm not surprised he wasn't there. ;)
Girliewood. I mean, really. That figure is ridiculous. HOW ARE YOU SO ATTRACTIVE KATE B.
I WHAT OMG. There is just not one thing wrong with this picture!
This dress actually has a lot of things going on (deep front cut, brooch, bow, leg slit, train), but somehow Charlize is woooorkin' it. And her hair! I love her hair and that headband and it's all balanced with her bow and just YES YES YES. :D
Claire always gets it right, guh. That back!
KATE. WORK IT GIRL. ♥ The gold accents with that dress make me so happy. As does her hair. That golden swoop!
Damn, she was flawless. That color and her hair, guh. So classy!
So pretty! And look how even her hair curling downward is balanced with the bow. ♥
This is sooo Zooey and I love her to pieces! The 60's vibe with the hair and jazzy green sparkles and her NAILS PAINTED LIKE TUXES. Much love! Though, gotta admit, "I'm a cute wee little pixie" pose is a little bit annoying. We get it. :|
That dress is KICK-ASS on her. The bottom half looks so soft and I reallyreally wanna pet it. The dress, not her bottom. But I wouldn't mind either! But, omg, I'm so tired of this same style on her ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Bleh.
I'm not a fan of mermaid dresses at all, but Paula was rocking this one. THAT COLOR OMG. And lookit her nails, the dark popping off that bright yellow. GUH.
HONORABLE MENTION (COS THEY USUALLY DRESS LIKE CRAP)
She looks so natural and fresh and absolutely gorgeous (esp commendable now that we know about her and Seal), but it seems more like garden party wear. I'm just grateful she didn't show up dressed like a clown in some runway dress like usual. SO YAY HEIDI.
I reallyreally don't care for this, but, dammit, she's trying! And for how awful she's looked in the past, I'm so proud of her!
This is the best she's looked in a long time! Love how all the detailing emphasizes her curves in all the right ways and how her hair color highlights it all and just YES.
LOOK AT TILDA. JUST LOOK AT HER. I really think she did an awesome job of dressing for the occassion, but staying true to her own sense of fashion.
SOOOOOO CLOSE TO PERFECT--BUT NO CIGAR
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH--except for how it looks like a small child is using her dress to hide behind.
Okay, see, I really want to love this completely, but the middle of this dress BUGS ME SO MUCH. All the baubles and pleating right down the middle looks so pinched. I dunno. It just gives this illusion that she's leaning over, like it's pulling at her and ruins how pretty the dress is otherwise.
Dress by Cricut. :P I actually love the top half on her (the fit is flawless), but then the bottom made me go D: and start waving my hands in horror.
♥ Rooney ♥ You guys, Rooney is my Jesse Eisenberg of awards shows. Poor thing looked so painfully shy and overwhelmed the whole night, I wanted to just hug her. And take her shopping for a new dress, omg. I get that she was dressing more for the movie, but still. She's gorgeous! And this just looks so ill-fitting and makes me sad.
Pics of this one don't do it justice. It was so floaty and princessy. Though I still don't like the bodice from front-on -- it makes her boobs look freaky, omg. But she was so giddy in it and that was the best part, watching her walk around in it. :D
This one grew on me, not gonna lie. Tho I totally hate that the seam is straight up the middle of the dress. :\
That dress is pure art and she does give it a lovely shape, but um. It needed to be on someone else? I can't pinpoint it. Maybe the color. It's not doing much for her at all. But I do love what she was going for. And, dayum, she does have the attitude to carry it off. :D
OH GOOD GOD WHAT WERE THEY THINKING
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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NO.
WOW. That is. WOW. THAT IS A LOT OF NO RIGHT THERE. DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: And ppl who supposedly love her let her outta the house like that.
:\\\\\\\ It's like a 70s prom dress, but in a non-ironic, non-attractive way. I'm just not sure why you'd want everyone who looks at you to be visually dividing your body into four parts. :|
Oh, Amyface. No. I love you. But... no. This is just totally the wrong style and fabric and just everything for you, bb. I WANT TO TAKE YOU AND TINA SHOPPING SO BAD. And inevitably ending up in the food court eating eggrolls and ice cream and laughing about everything and fuck shopping when you can just go get another scoop of dark chocolate BUT ANYWAY.
o.O This reminds me of when I was in grade school and usta tie my sweatshirts around my waist lol. I, uh, guess I like how she matched her shoes to the circular pattern on the dress. But, srsly, with that god awful thing, who's really looking at her shoes.
Okay, she's just a random model at an after-party, but I had to include her for the sheer horror factor. I just. WHAT.
Jessica apparently wanted everyone to know she was engaged with this red carpet wedding dress. o.O Thank goodness for the necklace; lord know there wasn't enough going on in the back! And, why yes, it does look like she has granny panties on under it. WHAT. WHY WOULD THAT BE CONSIDERED SEXY, FUTURE-MRS TIMBERLAKE, WHYYYYY.
Because sometimes a dress just needs a tutu in the middle of it.
Kelly, I love you, girl, but I'm just not feeling those sleeves. The color is lovely, but, man, I just cannot handle those SLEEVES. And the blue granny hair she's been sporting for awhile now. I DON'T GET IT.
It kinda looks like she had Lourdes basketweave it herself as practice for the fashion line. Just, ew. I. Yeah. And, really, boobs should never look tortured, not even for Madonna.
Oh, Meryl, why are you dressed for a hoedown funeral? :( (I really wish women would stop adding width to their hips. >.<)
If I just don't look down beyond her neck, I'm loving it! :P It just looks so danged HEAVY on her little frame.
Is... Wait, is her nipple peeking out at us? Mia can usually do no wrong with me, but this is. Odd. I do love the strap across her neck, if I just lift my hand and block out the rest.
I'm still not sure why Nicole gets invited to these thing. :| But anyway, love the hair/etc, meh the dress.
I didn't like this at all. :( I don't even know why exactly. It looks kinda... trashy? I dunno, that's not even the word I want. It's just.. her hips and her boobs look so unbalanced and just ugh. I seem to be all about the balance this year lol. I did love how HAPPEH she looks tho. :D
I knew she was gonna say her daughter picked it out before she opened her mouth. :|
No guys category this year. They bored me, meh. AND THIS YEAR IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE FASSY. :D