:
cr: Digital Scratch
CAST
Haruka Nanase : Nobunaga Shimazaki
Makoto Tachibana : Tatsuhisa Suzuki
Nagisa Hazuki : Tsubasa Yonaga
Rei Ryuugazaki : Daisuke Hirakawa
Gou Matsuoka : Akeno Watanabe
Miho Amakata : Satsuki Yukino
Rin Matsuoka : Mamoru Miyano
Seijuurou Mikoshiba : Kenjirou Tsuda
Ai’ichirou Nitori : Kouki Miyata
Chigusa Hanamura : Satomi Satou
Ren Tachibana : Yuuka Maruyama
Ran Tachibana : Miyuki Kobori
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TRACKS01: 渚と怜の開発シリーズ
TRACK 01: Nagisa and Rei’s Invention Series
HARUKA: FREE! Drama CD. Iwatobi High School Swim Club’s Activity Log.
NAGISA: “Nagisa and Rei’s Invention Series.”
REI: Why. Why won’t my time shorten?!
MAKOTO: This again, Rei? As I said, while you’re improving your form, your time isn’t-
HARUKA: Don’t be so consumed by your time. Let the water embrace you. There, you will find your answer.
NAGISA: Oooh, you sound so cool, Haru-chan!
HARUKA: Don’t be so consumed by your time. Let the water embrace you. There, you will find your answer.
REI: You don’t have to repeat yourself. I know time isn’t important to you, Haruka-senpai, but as a new member, it’s important to me. I have to catch up to the same level everyone else is before the tournament!
NAGISA: That’s it! I have an idea!
REI: No thanks. We’ve never produced any good results with your ideas. Not after how you covered me with slime and made my legs silky smooth… [shivers]
NAGISA: No, it’s not like that this time! We just have to invent a new way of swimming!
REI: A new way of swimming? Is it okay for us to just come up with one?
HARUKA: I only swim freestyle.
NAGISA: Right, freestyle! Freestyle means swimming freely. Since the crawl is the fastest, there aren’t many swimmers who swim otherwise, but according to the rules, it’s okay for you to swim any way you want! So, we just have to invent a stroke that’s faster than the crawl!
REI: That’s easy for you to say, but…
NAGISA: It’ll be fine. With the help of your muscled body and your perfect brain stuffed with all sorts of theories and calculations…
REI: Heh! You do have a point. The theories for Newtonian mechanics, Hamiltonian mechanics, Lagrangian mechanics, fluid mechanics, mechanism, quantum mechanics, human factors and ergonomics are all perfectly arranged in my head. Finding a new swimming stroke will be no trouble at all.
NAGISA: [claps] As expected of Rei-chan!
REI; Very well, Nagisa-kun! Follow me!
NAGISA: Yay!
MAKOTO: [laughs] This seems a little interesting.
HARUKA: Rei. Find your own freestyle. [plunges into the water]
NAGISA: Then let’s get down to it!
REI: Where should we start first? I recommend developing a form that reduces the water’s viscosity to its utmost-
NAGISA: I think we should start first with the drill.
REI: Drill?
NAGISA: Yes! Plunge through the water while spinning around like a drill!
REI: I see! That does sound fast.
NAGISA: Then try it out the way I tell you to. First, stretch out your arms all the way up over your head… and place your fingers together.
REI: Like this?
NAGISA: Yeah, that’s it! Good, Rei-chan! That’s very good!
REI: To add more for effectiveness, I’ll imagine myself as a spiral and add in a 75 degree angle turn to the right!
NAGISA: Wow! You look like a real drill!
REI: Call me the Human Drill!
NAGISA: Let’s work on your legs next! Try it using the form for the flutter kick!
REI: Like this?
NAGISA: Rei-chan, that’s perfect!
REI: Hahaha! You just leave it to me!
NAGISA: Then, while keeping that perfect form, try twisting only your upper body around really hard to the right.
REI: [twists] [twists] [twists] [cracks his spine] [screams] There’s no way any human can do that! What do you mean, twisting only my upper body around?!
NAGISA: Ehhh, I thought you would be able to pull it off.
REI: I can’t!
NAGISA: But you said all that snooty stuff about Hamiltonian mechanics and Lagrangian mechanics and whatever.
REI: I am human! I can only move like a human!
NAGISA: Aw, too bad. Then keep your arms that way and twist your legs around at superspeed to make them into the shape of a screw!
REI: I can’t do that either!!!
NAGISA: Boooooo. Rei-chan, you’re so selfish saying you can’t do this, you can’t do that.
REI: I’m the selfish one? Give me actions that only humans can accomplish!
NAGISA: Hmm… in that case, how about doing it like a flying fish?
REI: A flying fish? …It doesn’t sound all that beautiful.
NAGISA: What are you talking about?! Flying fish are really beautiful! When they glitter silver as they sail over the water, they’re like a butterfly soaring through the ocean! It’s perfect for you, Rei-chan!
REI: [giggles] A butterfly soaring through the ocean, is it? That does sound perfect for me.
NAGISA: That’s right! Also, the fastest speed at which flying fish travel over the sea surface is 70km/h! They’re really fast!
REI : Very well! I will show you that I am the Butterfly of Truth who soars over the ocean!
NAGISA : Nothing less from you, Rei-chan! Then let’s start with the butterfly stroke first!
REI : Just leave it to me! [swims]
NAGISA : Okay! Now spread out your wings and fly!
REI : [tries] I CAN’T DO THAT! Do you see wings on me anywhere?!
NAGISA : I thought you’d be able to pull it off somehow…
REI : I can’t, I’m human!
NAGISA : Then… here’s our last resort. Want to try altering yourself?
REI : A-Altering?
NAGISA : Yep. We’ll alter your body so you can swim faster. You know, like how pianists cut the bottom parts of their fingers so they can stretch out their fingers wider? The swimmer has to reshape his body just like that to be able to swim faster. Like putting webbing on your feet, for instance.
REI : Are you being serious? Isn’t that non-ethical?!
NAGISA : Everyone does it in competitive swimming.
MIKOSHIBA : THAT’S RIGHT!
REI : That’s… Samezuka’s captain?
MIKOSHIBA : Hey there!
MIKOSHIBA: At our Samezuka Academy swim club, undergoing surgery to put webbing between our fingers is a basic move for all new club entrants! Just look at my hands!
REI: It has webbing!
MIKOSHIBA: That’s not all. Once I take my clothes off, you’ll see something even more amazing!
REI: You have a shell on your back?!
MIKOSHIBA: I even have a plate on my head!
REI: Ehhhhhh?!
NAGISA: See? So, Rei-chan… here.
REI: W-What do you mean “Rei-chan, here”?! I don’t want to do this… T-There’s webbing on my fingers, when did that happen?! I have a plate on my head! A shell on my back! And my entire body is green?!
MIKOSHIBA: That’s it! Now try it out by going against me in a sumo match! Ready, and… begin!
REI: W-Wait, why are we fighting with sumo?!
MIKOSHIBA: Isn’t it obvious?! With kappa, it’s gotta be sumo! And the one who wins sticks his hands into the loser’s anus - the loser’s anus - and takes the mythical ball that contains his soul![1]
REI: Mythical ball…? Wai- No- Stop!
[REI screams]
[REI wakes up]
AMAKATA: “In spring it is the dawn that is the most beautiful. As the light creeps over the hills, their outlines are dyed a faint red and wisps of purplish clouds trail over them.”[2]
REI: [gasps] (It was all a dream…? This sucks… Or rather, why was I in hijinks again with Nagisa-kun even in my dreams?! I even named the dream “Nagisa and Rei’s Invention Series”!)
[School bell rings]
NAGISA: Are you okay, Rei-chan? It was rare seeing you fall asleep in class.
REI: Indeed. I can’t believe myself.
NAGISA: You must be really tired! I mean, you’ve been working so hard lately on shortening your time! That’s it! I have an idea!
REI: W-What?!
NAGISA: We just have to invent a new way of swimming! Freestyle means swimming freely. Since the crawl is the fastest, there aren’t many swimmers who swim otherwise, but according to the rules, it’s okay for you to swim any way you want! So let’s try it!
REI: Wai- Wait! Stop! I don’t- [screams]
02: 似鳥の同室日記・4月
TRACK 02: Nitori’s Roommate Diary, April
NITORI: “Nitori’s Roommate Diary, April.”
NITORI: [writing] I moved into my dorm room today, on order of Captain Mikoshiba. My new roommate is Matsuoka-senpai. I heard he studied abroad in Australia for swimming. I’ve seen Matsuoka-senpai swim before in a tournament for elementary school. The relay back then was so wonderful! Now I’m sharing a room with my role model… I’m so glad I joined Samezuka’s swim club! I hope I get to learn a lot from him… Ah, but there’s one problem. For the bunk beds in the dorm rooms… Which of us will take the top and bottom? Since he’s my senpai, he should be top, right? But whoever sleeps on top will have to climb up the ladder. I don’t know if I should let my senpai take the trouble… But the idea of me sleeping on top of Matsuoka-senpai seems kind of rude… What should I do?
[RIN enters the room]
NITORI: Ah! Matsuoka-senpai! I’ll be your roommate starting today! I’m Nitori Ai’ichirou! It’s nice to meet you!
RIN: Yeah.
NITORI: U-Um!
RIN: What?
NITORI: Ma-Matsuoka-senpai! Top or bottom… which do you prefer?
RIN: HUH?!
NITORI: Um… so… top or bottom…
RIN: HUHHHH?!
NITORI: The bed…
RIN: Ah… Tch. ……Bottom.
NITORI: Okay!
NITORI: [writing] Matsuoka-senpai likes the bottom.
03: 遙の誕生日
TRACK 03: Haruka’s Birthday
MAKOTO: “Haruka’s Birthday.”
MAKOTO: It’s taking shape!
NAGISA: A giant birthday cake made from sand!
REI: But I never dreamed our last day of training camp today would be Haruka-senpai’s birthday! If I’d known earlier, I would have prepared a present…
MAKOTO: No, since it’s a training camp for the swim club, we should save those kinds of celebrations for after we’ve arrived back home- Wah!
NAGISA: It fell apart! We have to start over again!
REI: Maybe it will form shape better if we add in more water.
NAGISA: I bet Haru-chan will be really surprised since he won’t expect us to make this.
MAKOTO: Gou-chan and Ama-chan-sensei are keeping Haru in their room at the inn. We have to finish this before the sun sets-
GOU: [runs up] Bad news! I have bad news!
MAKOTO: Wait… Gou-chan?!
NAGISA: What’s wrong?
GOU: Well… Haruka-senpai said he was going to go swim in the ocean since there was still time left before dinner and…
MAKOTO: He’s heading this way?!
REI: That’s bad! If we don’t do something, he’ll see our surprise!
GOU: Ama-chan-sensei is doing all she can to hold him back right now, but there’s no telling how long that will last…
NAGISA: Okay then! Just leave it to me! I’ll be right back! [runs off]
MAKOTO: We’re counting on you, Nagisa!
AMAKATA: I know! Nanase-kun, have you heard of this famous saying? The one that the old man said after he was asked to choose between a big basket and a small basket? “Can I decide after I’ve taken a look inside?”
HARUKA: …
AMAKATA: Ehe.
HARUKA: Can I go swim now?
NAGISA: [slams open the door] Haru-chan!
AMAKATA: Hazuki-kun…
HARUKA: What’s the matter, Nagisa?
NAGISA: Well, Haru-chan, I just found some really amazing info! Would you believe it, this island has its own mascot!
HARUKA: What?!
NAGISA: Take a look at this pamphlet! It’s Shimashima-chan, who loves water and is modeled after Mizushima, Ooshima, and Sukishima! Her background story is also amazing! Read this!
GOU: I hope Nagisa-kun’s idea worked…
MAKOTO: In any case, we’ve got to finish this while we still have time…
REI: Okay… with this, I have completed the base. Now all we need left is the decoration part. What decorations should we use?
MAKOTO: The one thing that would please Haru most is…
GOU: Mackerel?
REI: No, I don’t think that will work…
MAKOTO: That’s right! It’s difficult to demonstrate the mackerel’s delicate line and its material feel. It has to look distinct from the sea perch and the tuna, and that’s hard to do with amateur hands.
REI: That’s what you’re concerned about?!
GOU: Also, even if we did succeed in making it look like a mackerel, he won’t be able to tell whether it’s a mackerel on a cake or just a mackerel on a huge thick platter.
REI: That’s your concern?! I don’t mean that, I mean that it’s weird having a cake with mackerel on it!
[A wave comes crashing in]
REI: It fell apart again…
GOU: Just when we had it ready…
MAKOTO: The high tide is rising. We should have made it a little further away from the waves!
REI: Let’s make it one more time then! This time, in a place a little further away from the waves!
MAKOTO: Yeah. We’re running out of time. Let’s hurry!
NAGISA: [runs up] Bad news! Bad news!
MAKOTO: What’s wrong, Nagisa?
REI: Did your plan to divert his attention with a mascot character not work?
NAGISA: Actually, Haru-chan got really interested in it… but then he found out there’s an event for it and… Look, over there!
SHIMASHIMA-CHAN: Shimashi~ Shimashi~ Shimashima-chan!
GOU: Shimashima-chan is dancing!
NAGISA: Haru-chan said he wanted to go see her! What do I do?!
REI: Once Haruka-senpai steps onto the beach, he’ll see our sand cake!
MAKOTO: This is bad! What do we do?!
REI: I know! I’ll do something!
NAGISA: Oohh, Rei-chan!
MAKOTO: We’re counting on you, Rei!
AMAKATA: Oh, I know! Nanase-kun! Have you heard of this famous saying? What did the woodcutter say after the spirit of the spring asked him if he’d dropped a gold axe, a silver axe, or an iron axe? “Can I decide after I’ve checked out the market price for the gold axe?”
HARUKA: …
AMAKATA: Ehe.
HARUKA: Can I go see Shimashima-chan now?
REI: [slams open the door and runs in] Haruka-senpai!
AMAKATA: Ryuugazaki-kun!
HARUKA: What’s the matter, Rei?
REI: There’s something I need you to check for me in the bath!
HARUKA: The bath?
REI: Yes! Haruka-senpai, you’re knowledgeable when it comes to water, right? Could you check out the water quality for me? For instance… um… tell me how the components of hot spring minerals feel… like a water sommelier!
HARUKA: Water… sommelier… Okay.
NAGISA: I hope Rei-chan’s plan worked…
MAKOTO: Okay! How’s that? I managed to build up the base again.
GOU: What should we do for decorations? No mackerel, right?
NAGISA: I liked having the house covered with snow on my decoration cakes.
GOU: That’s a Christmas cake! [sighs] Oh, but I liked those too. My brother and I would often split it into halfsies.
MAKOTO: Well, since it’s a birthday cake, we should go with the usual strawberries and whipped cream, I guess? Also, it might be a good idea to have a plate that says “Happy Birthday.”
NAGISA: What about candles?
MAKOTO: It’s difficult to demonstrate lit candles with sand…
GOU: Then how about we use real candles?
MAKOTO: This sand cake has a diameter of over 1 meter wide. The sizes won’t match.
NAGISA: Then… how about we use fireworks instead of candles?
MAKOTO: That’s it, Nagisa!
GOU: If we light them up all at once, it will look really pretty! I’ll go buy them!
NAGISA: Thanks, Gou-chan!
REI: [runs up] Bad news, everyone!
MAKOTO: What’s wrong, Rei?
NAGISA: Did you not manage to entice him with the water from the bath?
REI: No, it worked but… He went into the water and made a verdict on the water quality almost immediately. Now he’s saying that he wants to go souvenir shopping! Since he couldn’t get to meet Shimashima-chan, he wants to at least buy her strap!
NAGISA: Ehhh?! The souvenir shop is the one I see right over there, isn’t it? He’ll spot us right away! We’re so close!
MAKOTO: Okay. I’ll go.
NAGISA: Mako-chan!
MAKOTO: The only one who can stop Haru right now is me. [runs off]
REI: We’re counting on you, Makoto-senpai!
AMAKATA: Ahhhh, just a minute, Nanase-kun! How about this famous saying? This is what a young priest said when he was told to cross a bridge with a sign that said “You must not cross this bridge”…
HARUKA: Can I go buy a strap?
MAKOTO: [slams open the door] Haru!
AMAKATA: Tachibana-kun!
HARUKA: Makoto?
MAKOTO: About that girl…
HARUKA: …What?
MAKOTO: I… I don’t think she’s right for you.
HARUKA: Why do you think that?
MAKOTO: Because she… she just doesn’t suit you!
HARUKA: That’s for me to decide!
MAKOTO: But… mmghh…!
AMAKATA: (What? What are they talking about? They’re in such harmonization that I can’t follow…)
MAKOTO: I… I think for you, Haru… Mizushimashima-chan is way better!
AMAKATA: You’re talking about the mascots?!
NAGISA: All right! It’s done!
REI: For the finishing touches, let’s write “Happy Birthday” on this driftwood and put it up!
NAGISA: Looking good, looking good!
GOU: I bought seventeen fireworks!
NAGISA: Welcome back, Gou-chan!
REI: We just finished here, too!
GOU: Wow! It’s so big!
REI: We all worked hard on this together!
GOU: But I wonder how Haruka-senpai will react to a surprise. I just can’t imagine it.
NAGISA: Haru-chan gets embarrassed easily. But I think anyone would be happy about a surprise.
REI: Let’s send Makoto-senpai a text message saying that we’re ready.
AMAKATA: The sun has set a long time ago.
MAKOTO: It’s pitch-black!
HARUKA: Where are Nagisa and the others?
[Crackers popping]
HARUKA: !
GOU/NAGISA/REI: Haruka-senpai! Happy birthday!
HARUKA: A birthday cake made out of sand… Did you all make this?
REI: Yes, although it’s inedible…
NAGISA: We set seventeen fireworks to replace the candles.
MAKOTO: Congratulations, Haru!
HARUKA: I-It’s just a birthday…
MAKOTO: Yeah, well, we wanted to celebrate it.
NAGISA: That’s right! A celebration shared by all of us!
GOU: My brother isn’t here, but I’m sure he’d give you his best wishes too.
REI: Since we don’t have a present ready, we only have our feelings to offer to you…
AMAKATA: Here’s a famous saying. “People everywhere have the heart of a 17-year-old.”
NAGISA: Who said that?
REI: I don’t get it.
AMAKATA: Now, now. You’ll understand once you become adults.
GOU: What’s up with that?
HARUKA: Thank you.
04: 似鳥の同室日記・7月
TRACK 04: Nitori’s Roomate Diary, July
NITORI: “Nitori’s Roommate Diary, July.”
NITORI: [writing] I had Matsuoka-senpai take a look at my English studies today. As expected from someone who lived in Australia for four years. He has perfect pronunciation. It’s as if I’m talking to a foreigner. Not only is he good at swimming, but he speaks fluent English. Not only is his English good, but he’s among the best ten in all of the school’s subjects. That alone is amazing but just yesterday I came upon something even more amazing. When I left campus for food shopping after practice was over, I saw Matsuoka-senpai pick up a stray cat in the rain and bring it home. Since we can’t keep pets in the dorms, the cat is living in an abandoned school building right now. Matsuoka-senpai is taking to it some leftover mackerel from dinner again. Normally he’s rude and kind of acts like a delinquent, but he’s studious and cool-looking and also a nice guy!
[out loud] He’s completely paafecto!
RIN: What’s perfect?
NITORI: P-P-Perfjakq…. N-nothing!
05: イカ祭り、リターンズ!
TRACK 05: Squid Festival Returns
REI: “Squid Festival Returns.”
MAKOTO: We came here again on the second day.
HARUKA: Yeah. It’s our custom every year anyway.
MAKOTO: Haha. We’re wearing our yukatas today, so we’re in the proper summer festival mood.
NAGISA: Haru-chan! Mako-chan!
REI: You came here again too, Senpai?
MAKOTO: Huh? You guys, too?
NAGISA: Yeah! We were running around a lot yesterday, and Rei-chan said he really wanted to participate in Squid-grabbing Heaven.
REI: I did not say that!
NAGISA: Now, don’t say that! Look! They’re slipping all over each other!
GOU: [walks up] Good evening, everyone!
MAKOTO: You’re here too, Gou-chan?
GOU: Yes. Since Hana-chan was with me yesterday, I didn’t get to feast my eyes.
NAGISA: You really like muscles, don’t you…
GOU: No, I didn’t mean that! This is, um, how do you call it- an observational learning experience on the squid festival.
REI: You can get a learning experience from the squid festival?
GOU: Yes! Don’t you know, Rei-kun? Squid-grabbing Heaven is not a sport for commoners. It’s an event where men in fundoshi intertwine with a live squid as they grab at each other. In fact, it all began as a plan to correspond with the Ukiyo painting “The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife” made by Kakushita Hokusai during the Edo period.[3]
REI: I don’t see why anyone felt the need to do that in the first place…
GOU: I know! Why don’t you all participate too?
HARUKA: As long as there’s water.
NAGISA: Me, me! I want to join, too! Rei-chan, come on!
REI: No! Intertwining with a squid while wearing only a fundoshi… It’s just not beautiful!
GOU: What are you talking about?! It’s very beautiful! [gasps] And if Rei-kun joins, there will be squid, glasses, and muscles! A new collaboration! There’s not a chance this won’t be beautiful!
REI: Squid, glasses, and muscles?! That makes no sense to me!
MAKOTO: Now, now. Why don’t we go grab squid and take it as a chance to make memories about our summer?
REI: Not you too, Makoto-senpai…!
GOU: Right?! You tell him too, Haruka-senpai!
HARUKA: Rei. Don’t try to catch the squid. Be the squid. Let the squid accept you.
REI: What would I even gain from being accepted by a squid?!
GOU: Okay then, it’s decided! Go catch as much squid as you can! I have my camera ready!
AMAKATA: Unfortunately, you can’t.
MAKOTO: Ama-chan-sensei!
GOU: Why not?
AMAKATA: Because you’re underage. The rules have gotten stricter this year, and the combination of squid with underaged persons mixed together is forbidden.
ALL: Ehhhhhhh?
06: 似鳥の同室日記・9月
TRACK 06: Nitori’s Roomate Diary, September
NITORI: “Nitori’s Roommate Diary, September.”
NITORI: [writing] With the district tournament over, Rin-senpai has reconciled with Nanase-senpai and the others. Thank goodness.
…I’m glad for him, but… it feels as if Rin-senpai is moving further and further away from me and it makes me feel lonely. No, it’ll be okay! That can’t be right! After all, Rin-senpai said he would make the best team at Samezuka. I’ve put even more effort into my training so I can enter the relay with him. Also, what made me happiest of all was when… after the district tournament was over, Rin-senpai called me by my first name. He called me “Ai.” It’s the same way he calls Nanase-senpai “Haru”! In other words, it means that Senpai recognizes me as a fully-fledged athlete!
[RIN walks in]
NITORI: Ah, Senpai!
RIN: Huh? What’s the matter… Nitori?
NITORI: Ni… Ni-Nitori…
RIN: Hm? What? What’s the matter… Nitori?
NITORI: Eh… N-Nitori… Nitori… Nitori… No! It’s nothing!NITORI: [writing] It’s okay if he doesn’t call me that all the time. It’s because he only calls me that some of the time that the happiness when he does call me that increases!!!!!
07: 遙VS凜 カニ祭り頂上決戦
TRACK 07: Haruka VS Rin, the Crab Festival’s Peak Playoff
MAKOTO: “Haruka VS Rin, The Crab Festival’s Peak Playoff!”
REI: What kind of festival is it this time?
HARUKA: The crab festival.
REI: First it’s squid, now it’s crab?
MAKOTO: Yep! In Iwatobi, we hold a grand squid festival in early summer and a grand crab festival in autumn every year.
REI: They sound like very high-class festivals…
NAGISA: Where should we start eating first? Crab croquettes? Or maybe crab miso-flavored yakisoba noodles, crab soup, or crab sticks?
RIN: Hey, Haru. The rest of you guys are here, too.
HARUKA: Rin!
NAGISA: You’re here too, Rin-chan! And the person next to you is… let me think…
NITORI: I’m Nitori Ai’ichirou.
NAGISA: Nice to meet you, Ai-chan!
NITORI: A-Ai-chan?!
HARUKA: Have you come here to pray for your victory again?
RIN: Not that I need god’s help, really. I can win on my own abilities. Come to think of it, I remember how I won the prefecturals and how you were no match for me, Haru.
HARUKA: There wasn’t much difference between us in that match. Heh. If you’re going to brag over something tiny like that, then you’ve become a tiny man, Rin.
RIN: What?!
NITORI: Wait, Rin-senpai! Not here!
RIN: He’s picked a fight with me, there’s no way I’m not taking it! Fight me, Haru!
HARUKA: Fine! We’ll settle the score on our freestyle match!
NAGISA: Yeah! I wanna see your fight!
REI: Don’t encourage them, Nagisa-kun!
MAKOTO: Yeah, you two! Don’t fight here!
HARUKA: It has to happen sooner or later.
RIN: Hah! I’ll end it in the blink of an eye.
HARUKA: You sound pretty confident.
RIN: How about whoever jumps in here, touches that crab fishing boat parked on that harbor and gets back first, wins?
HARUKA: Sounds interesting. Let’s do this, Rin!
RIN: Fight me, Haru!
[HARUKA and RIN hurriedly take their clothes off]
MAKOTO: Whoa… Their speed at taking off their belts isn’t ordinary!
REI: Wait, they’re both wearing swimsuits underneath their clothes!!!
NAGISA: Allow me to explain! On days when Haru-chan feels the water, he prepares by wearing a swimsuit underneath his clothes!
REI: Is that the same for Rin-san as well?
MAKOTO: No! Rin wore his because he had a feeling he’d be versing Haru today! …I think.
REI: You think?!
NITORI: Well, let’s begin! Ready… go!
[HARUKA and RIN swim back and forth]
NAGISA: You’re both so fast!
MAKOTO: Who was faster?!
REI: They both arrived at the same time!
RIN: Haru and I, the same?!
HARUKA: It’s a tie?!
RIN: Not a chance!
NITORI: Wait. It’s true that both of them arrived at the same time, but…
MAKOTO: But?
NITORI: When it comes to the speed at which they undressed, Rin-senpai was faster.
HARUKA: !
RIN: Hehe. Well, I don’t lose to anyone when it comes to being the fastest at undressing.
NAGISA: Nothing less from Rin-chan!
MAKOTO: That has nothing to do with swimming!
REI: Even if it did, there’s no way we can determine who was faster when we didn’t even keep track of time!
NITORI: No, we can. I’ve been recording the whole thing.
MAKOTO: Since when?!
NITORI: Watch this. I’ll rewind it.
RIN: How about whoever jumps in here, touches that crab fishing boat parked on that harbor and gets back first, wins?
HARUKA: Sounds interesting. Let’s do this, Rin!
RIN: Fight me, Haru!
[HARUKA and RIN hurriedly take their clothes off]
NITORI: See that?
MAKOTO: You’re right…
NAGISA: Rin-chan was faster…
RIN: Hehehe. Take that, Haru.
HARUKA: … [glares]
NAGISA: At this rate, Rin-chan will win…
HARUKA: One more time, Rin!
RIN: Fine by me, Haru. But the result will be the same no matter what you do.
HARUKA: Let’s do this, Rin!
RIN: Fight me, Haru!
[HARUKA and RIN hurriedly take their clothes off]
MAKOTO: Whoa… They’re so fast, I can’t even see their hands taking off their belts…
RIN: Take that!
NAGISA: Haru-chan wins this time!
REI: It was an undressing contest?!
NITORI: Now it’s one win, one loss, one draw each…
REI: No, wait, the speed at which you undress has nothing to do with anything!
RIN: One more time, Haru!
HARUKA: What do we fight with this time?
RIN: We’ve reached the height of the festival. How about some target practice?
HARUKA: Okay!
REI: You’re okay with that?!
MAKOTO: This is solid FREE!
NAGISA: Haru-chan, you can do it!
NITORI: Whoever gets the biggest prize wins!
RIN: I’m going first.
MAKOTO: Rin’s stance… and his eyes locking onto his prey… He’s like an assassin aiming for his target!
[RIN shoots]
NAGISA: Wow, Rin-chan! You took down the life-sized Iwatobi-chan!
RIN: Heh! That’s about right.
HARUKA: Give me that. I’m next.
MAKOTO: Haru isn’t giving in either! If Rin is an assassin, then Haru is a C.I.A agent protecting the target from him!
[HARUKA shoots]
NAGISA: He took down the Iwatobi-chan costume set!
MAKOTO: Not bad, Haru!
REI: Who wins in this case? It’s a life-sized Iwatobi-chan against a Iwatobi-chan costume set…
NITORI: They’re both rare items.
NAGISA: So it’s a tie.
RIN: Damn it! Next match!
HARUKA: Let’s go with what you’re best at.
RIN: You’ve got guts. In that case… we’ll fight with those.
HARUKA: !! The Crab-catching Hell?!
REI: Crab-catching Hell?
NAGISA: It’s the crab version of Squid-grabbing Heaven. Unlike squid though, crabs have claws so if they manage to get you, you feel hellish pain…
REI: That is so scary!!
NITORI: They’re holding it over there! Let’s go!
REI: This is… the Crab-catching Hell… Men in fundoshi are grabbing live crabs… It is indeed pure hell…
GOU: Oh, you’re here, Brother! Haruka-senpai and the others, too!
NAGISA: You’re here again, Gou-chan?
GOU: Are you participating too?
RIN: Yeah. I’m fighting with Haru to see who gets the most.
REI: Don’t the rules ban underaged people like us from participating?
GOU: We can’t participate with squid, but crabs are okay! Since they’re not slimy!
REI: That’s their criteria?!
HARUKA: Let’s go, Rin!
RIN: I won’t lose!
[HARUKA and RIN grab crabs while shouting "Crab crab crab crab!"]
NAGISA: You can do it, Haru-chan!
NITORI: Rin-senpai!
MAKOTO: Haru grabbed the first one!
NITORI: Rin-senpai has grabbed two at the same time!
MAKOTO: But Haru’s crab is slightly bigger!
NITORI: But Rin-senpai’s crabs have better color!
MAKOTO: Haru isn’t giving in either! He’s grabbed one with huge claws in successive blows!
NAGISA: Don’t lose, Haru-chan!
NITORI: Ah! Rin-senpai! Look out!
[RIN screams]
REI: Haruka-senpai is going for the big one while Rin-san’s fingers are caught in the crab’s claws!
NITORI: No, Rin-senpai isn’t giving in! Even though his fingers are caught, he’s moving with such force…!
GOU: The intense collaboration between throbbing muscles and crabs! Amazing! This is so amazing!
[HARUKA and RIN both scream]
RIN: Ow!
[HARUKA and RIN breathe heavily]
MAKOTO: [whispers] Who won?
REI: Haruka-senpai… caught 14!
NITORI: Rin-senpai has also… caught 14!
NAGISA: Another tie?!
RIN: Damn it! One more match!
NITORI: What this time?
RIN: This time…
RIN: It’s fortune slips!
HARUKA: Hmph! So whoever gets the better fortune wins!
[HARUKA and RIN fight aggressively with their fortunes]
RIN: Middle luck. The object you’ve lost is hard to find.
HARUKA: Half luck. The person you are waiting for comes, but they are late.
GOU: They’re both neither here nor there…
REI: Which is better anyway, middle luck or half luck?
ALL: Hmm…
RIN: All right then! The next match!
HARUKA: I’ll go as far as it takes me!
REI: Maybe we should be getting back home now, yes?
MAKOTO: Yeah.
GOU: It’s starting to get more and more stupider…
NAGISA: Text us to tell us how it ended, okay, Ai-chan?
NITORI: I told you, I’m not Ai-chan!
RIN: Haru! Next we’ll see who eats crab sticks the fastest!HARUKA: I accept your challenge!
08: 似鳥の同室日記・10月
TRACK 08: Nitori’s Roomate Diary, October
NITORI: “Nitori’s Roommate Diary, October.”
NITORI: [writing] I want to be able to handle any sort of challenge one day, just like Rin-senpai. Today, I tried ripping my clothes off really quickly in secret. [sigh] It’s pretty difficult. I’m not doing it as well as Rin-senpai does yet. I need to practice more!
NITORI: [pulling clothes off] Hah!
RIN: W-What are you doing, Nitori?
NITORI: Uhh… um… well, I… DON’T LOOK AT ME!!!
09: 凜のお部屋訪問
TRACK 09: Rin’s Room Visit
NAGISA: “Rin’s Room Visit.”
NAGISA: The joint practice sure was fun!
HARUKA: We haven’t swam with Samezuka since we had that first joint practice with them before Rei joined us.
GOU: And your relationship with my brother was still rocky, so we left right after we finished practice.
REI: But today we’re visiting Rin-san’s room.
MAKOTO: Yeah. I never expected Rin to allow it.
RIN: Huh?! My room?! …Sure, I don’t mind. I’ll be right there after I’ve taken my shower, so go wait ahead of me.
GOU: My brother’s room! I can’t wait!
HARUKA: You’ve never been there either, Gou?
GOU: Of course not! Samezuka Academy is an all-boy’s school, so a girl can’t just go barging into their dormitories.
[NAGISA knocks]
NAGISA: We’re coming in!
MAKOTO: So this is Rin’s room, huh?
REI: It’s pretty messy…
NAGISA: There’s a photo at the bedside.
GOU: Whose photo? Whose photo?!
HARUKA: [picks it up] This is…
REI/MAKOTO/NAGISA: Gou-chan?!
GOU: Brother put my photo in a photo stand?
NAGISA: Rin-chan must really love you, Gou-chan.
REI: That’s a little gross though…
GOU: What are you saying, Rei-kun?! It’s only natural for my brother to care so much for his precious, precious little sister.
REI: But there are photos over here too…
NAGISA: Wow, you’re right! Photos all over the desk!
MAKOTO: All of Gou-chan…
HARUKA: There isn’t a single photo of us.
GOU: Now, now, Haruka-senpai! Don’t be jealous!
NAGISA: Huh? I see a magazine peeking out from under the bed.
REI: Nagisa-kun, don’t! You mustn’t touch that! There’s only one type of book that boys hide underneath their beds!
NAGISA: Like what? *stare*
REI: Eh? That is… um… Don’t look at me with those eyes full of pure innocence!
MAKOTO: T-That’s right! You shouldn’t look at those!
GOU: What is it?! I want to know!
REI: You don’t want to know!
MAKOTO: Let’s pretend we didn’t see it, okay?
GOU: I want to see it!
HARUKA: I want to see it, too!
MAKOTO: Not you too, Haru!
GOU: As his little sister, I take full responsibility for looking at it! [grabs for it]
MAKOTO: No, don’t!
REI: The space underneath the bed is holy ground for men! It’s not for other people to touch-
GOU: Got it!
MAKOTO/REI: Ahhhh!
GOU: T-This is…
MAKOTO/REI: Eh?!
HARUKA: Monthly Muscle Magazine!
MAKOTO/REI/NAGISA: Ehhhhhhh?!
GOU: I buy this every month! I didn’t know my brother read it too!
MAKOTO: You read Monthly Muscle Magazine too, huh, Gou-chan…
NAGISA: [flips through] “Special feature on running, the extensor crappy uterus muscle”…
MAKOTO: Nagisa? It’s extensor carpi ulnaris muscle. Umm, and… “For this autumn’s trend… we will further examine the charm of the sternocleidomastoid muscle”…?
REI: T-There are a lot of muscle pictures in there…
NAGISA: Does Rin-chan have a muscle fetish too?
HARUKA: Maybe it’s so he has something to talk about with Gou?
MAKOTO: Sibling love, huh?
REI: That kind of sibling love is just icky…
NAGISA: But there’s a normal magazine of idol gravure photos over here.
GOU: [looks] Ehh, my brother looks at this kind of stuff? Shock.
REI: No, I think your brother finding out that his younger sister looks at muscle magazines would be the bigger shock…
NAGISA: Hey, there’s an envelope with a half-written letter in it here!
REI: It has a heart sticker on it!
GOU: A love letter?!
HARUKA: Who was Rin writing that to?
NAGISA: It’s addressed to…
REI: Wai- Don’t, Nagisa-kun! You shouldn’t be looking at other people’s love letters!
NAGISA: Eh?! This is addressed to Gou-chan!
GOU: Me?!
REI: There’s something definitely wrong here! What brother in his right mind uses a heart sticker in a letter to his sister?!
HARUKA: Wait! This isn’t Rin’s handwriting!
MAKOTO: You’re right! And now that I have a better look at it, it says “To Gou-kun”!
GOU: Gou… kun…?
REI: You don’t mean…?
MIKOSHIBA: [barges in] Hey, what’s wrong with you people! Don’t enter other people’s rooms without- I-It’s you, Gou-kun! This is perfect, I was actually writing you a letter! I-I was wondering if you’d like to go see a movie with me this Sunday-
GOU: Um… sorry, no.
MIKOSHIBA: -I thought so.
RIN: Those guys are late.
NITORI: Yeah, they aren’t coming.
RIN: Actually… I don’t know why, but I’m getting this overwhelming urge to punch Captain to the ground… Why is that?
10: 似鳥の同室日記・11月
TRACK 10: Nitori’s Roommate Diary, November
NITORI: “Nitori’s Roommate Diary, November.”
NITORI: [writing] Nanase-san and the others came to the room I share with Rin-senpai today. When Rin-senpai is with them, he shows different expressions than when he’s with me. Whenever I see him make those faces, I do get a little surprised, but…
NITORI: [writing but speaking out loud] It also makes me a little happy dot dot dot.
RIN: What makes you happy?NITORI: Eh?! N-Nothing!
11: 俺の妹がどこぞの男とデートなんてするわけがない
TRACK 11: There’s No Way My Little Sister Is Dating Some Guy
RIN: “There’s No Way My Little Sister Is Dating Some Guy.”
[RIN sighs]
NITORI: What’s the matter, Rin-senpai?
RIN: Nothing. It’s just a little thing with Gou…
NITORI: Your sister? Is something wrong?
RIN: N-No, nothing.
RIN: (I can’t… I can’t tell anyone that Gou’s been going out with someone every Sunday lately. I cannot… I cannot tell anyone that I’m so worried about my little sis that I’m going crazy!)
NITORI: Oh, could it be that your sister has made a boyfriend? It is the Christmas season after all, it’s the season of lovers-
RIN: THERE’S NO WAY! Gou is still a freshman in high school! Dating a guy at that age is unthinkable! Gou would never do that!
NITORI: W-Why are you getting so worked up, Rin-senpai?
RIN: I-It’s nothing!
NITORI: But your sister is cute. Captain Mikoshiba seems to like her, too.
RIN: (It can’t be… The captain didn’t lay his filthy mitts on her, did he?!)
NITORI: Now that I think about it, Captain went out somewhere with a big smile on his face last Sunday. Could it be-
RIN: [stands up quickly] I’m going for a jog!
NITORI: Eh?! But you just came back from a jog!
[RIN rushes out]
NITORI: Wait, Rin-senpai!
RIN: Goddamnit! Fucking Mikoshibaaaaaaaa!
[RIN bangs on MIKOSHIBA's door]
MIKOSHIBA: What’d you wake me up for at this hour, Matsuoka?
RIN: Mikoshiba- Captain! There’s something I have to ask you.
MIKOSHIBA: Oh?! You can ask me anything!
RIN: Where did you go last Sunday?
MIKOSHIBA: Last Sunday? I went to go see a movie.
RIN: ?!!!! With a girl?
MIKOSHIBA: Yep! With the little sister!
RIN: FUCKING SHIT, I KNEW-
MIKOSHIBA: Ahahahahaha!
RIN: You-
MIKOSHIBA: I’m just like you, I have a little sister of my own who’s a high school freshman.
RIN: Your… sister?
MIKOSHIBA: That’s right. There was a movie she really wanted to see, so I went with her. The movie is called “The Rat Life” and it was pretty interesting squeak!
RIN: Squeak…
NITORI: Sounds like it wasn’t a date with your little sister.
RIN: Yeah… What the hell kind of movie is “The Rat Life” anyway?
NITORI: But this is good news, isn’t it?
RIN: NO, IT’S NOT. (If that’s the case… someone else is going out with Gou! …It’s not Haru, is it?!)
[RIN hurriedly makes a phone call]
RIN: …He’s not picking up! I forgot, he doesn’t carry his phone around goddamnit! What’s the point of having a phone in the first place then?!
[RIN calls another line]
MAKOTO: Hello?
RIN: MAKOTO! Is Haru there?!
MAKOTO: He’s here. Hang on a sec.
RIN: Hurry up!
MAKOTO: Haru!
HARUKA: Hm?
MAKOTO: Rin is on the phone and he’s pissed.
HARUKA: Okay… What is it, Rin?
RIN: HARU! [in a calmer voice] I have to ask you something. What were you doing last Sunday?
HARUKA: Watching a movie.
RIN: WHAT?!
HARUKA: “The Rat Life.”
RIN: You, too?!
HARUKA: Nagisa said he really wanted to see it, so I went with him-
NAGISA: Hello, Rin-chan? “The Rat Life” is a really fun movie! I recommend it! We invited Rei-chan too, but he said [imitating REI] “I don’t watch incomprehensible movies like that” and-
[RIN hangs up]
RIN: Damn it! Who the hell is it then?! Who keeps going out on a date with Gou every week?!
NITORI: Eh?! Every week? Is that so?
RIN: Y-Yes, but- It’s not like I’m worried! I’m not worried at all!!!
NITORI: Don’t worry, Rin-senpai. I have an idea.
RIN: A good idea?
NITORI: Yes. It’s a way for us to find out the truth.
RIN: W-What way is that?
NITORI: We’ll tail after her.
RIN: That’s stalking!
NITORI: So are you telling me that you don’t want to know who your sister is with?
RIN: …
RIN: Hey.
NITORI: Y-Yes?
RIN: Are you sure about this?
NITORI: Don’t worry. With these disguises, she’ll never know that it’s us. No matter how people look at us, we’re a novice movie director and a first-class cooking apprentice.
RIN: Where the hell did those details come from?! No one can even tell which of us is the movie director and which of us is the cooking apprentice since this story is sound-based…
NITORI: Shh! Here she comes!
[GOU comes out of a building]
RIN: Gou is alone.
NITORI: Looks that way. She must be heading to the meeting spot now. Let’s go.
NITORI: This is…
RIN: A sports shop. I knew it was someone from the swim club…!
NITORI: There’s the person she’s meeting.
HANAMURA: Good morning, Gou!
GOU: Sorry to keep you waiting, Hana-chan!
RIN: Hana-chan?
NITORI: It’s a girl friend…
RIN: [sighs] Guess we should leave.
GOU: I’m sorry for making you come with me every week.
HANAMURA: Don’t worry about it. But even though we’ve visited a lot of shops, I guess this is the obvious last place to be in, huh?
GOU: If it’s a present that’ll make him happy, it’s got to be from here.
RIN: PRESENT?!
NITORI: Shh! Rin-senpai, keep your voice down! Let’s follow them!
RIN: OKAY!
NITORI: Shh! Shh!
[RIN and NITORI enter the store]
GOU: This parker is wonderful. It looks so manly. Also, this face towel.
HANAMURA: Yeah! The red color looks so cool! It’s nice!
GOU: I’ll put them together with these goggles too… Excuse me, can you wrap these up as a Christmas gift?
NITORI: It looks like she’s buying a Christmas present.
RIN: Who is it for, damnit?!
HANAMURA: What are you going to write on the message card?
GOU: Just a normal “Thank you for everything, Brother,” I guess.
RIN: Eh?
HANAMURA: I’m so jealous that you have such a good-looking brother.
GOU: He can be a pain sometimes, though. He’s never honest about his feelings.
NITORI: It was a present for you, Senpai.
RIN: Let’s go, Ai.NITORI: Okay!
12: 似鳥の同室日記・12月
TRACK 12: Nitori’s Roomate Diary, December
NITORI: “Nitori’s Roommate Diary, December.”
NITORI: [writing] I want to give Rin-senpai something as a Christmas present. Something to express my gratitude for him always watching out for me.
[RIN walks in, NITORI flings himself over his diary]
RIN: Hm? What’s the matter? What are you hiding?
NITORI: N-N-N-Nothing!!
RIN: Just show me. [snatches it up]
NITORI: Ah!!
RIN: Oh, a diary. You have one too, huh?
NITORI: “Too”…?
RIN: Huh?
NITORI: Eh?
NITORI: [writing] I think I’ll give him a new journal as a Christmas present.
13: 遙と真琴と蘭と蓮
TRACK 13: Haruka and Makoto and Ran and Ren
HARUKA: “Haruka and Makoto and Ran and Ren.”
MAKOTO: Haru is over my house to hang out today. Or at least, that’s what we were supposed to do…
REN: Haru-chan, this one next! Let’s play this game next!
RAN: Ren, no fair! He’s supposed to play with me now! Right, Haru-chan?
MAKOTO: Guys, cut it out! Can’t you see you’re bothering Haru?
RAN: I want to play more with Haru-chan!
MAKOTO: I’m sorry they’re so noisy, Haru.
HARUKA: It’s okay. Ran, Ren. What do you want to play with next?
RAN/REN: Yay!
MAKOTO: Haru gives in too easily to Ran and Ren…
REN: This time…
RAN: No, it’s my turn now!
HARUKA: Since we played Ren’s game before, now it’s Ran’s turn.
RAN: Yay!
REN: Tch. What do we do then, Ran?
RAN: I want to play house.
REN: Ehh, again?
HARUKA: House…
MAKOTO: Haru, you don’t have to play along with her if you don’t want to.
HARUKA: No… I’ll do it.
RAN: Then I’ll decide our roles. I’ll be the mom. Brother will be the dad, and Haru-chan and Ren will be our children.
REN: Why does Brother get to be the dad?
RAN: Because I’m going to marry him one day.
REN: No fair! I’m going to marry him too!
MAKOTO: Wai- Don’t climb over me, you two! Ow ow ow ow!
[REN and RAN argue about who loves MAKOTO more]
HARUKA: Good thing you found two people willing to marry you so early in life.
MAKOTO: Haru! Don’t just stand there, help me!
HARUKA: It’s too much trouble.
MAKOTO: Haru! Oww… Ran! Ren! Get down!
RAN: Pbbtt! Stingy!
MAKOTO: [sighs] They finally got off…
REN: Ran, it’s no fair you play the mom. I want to play the mom!
RAN: No, I want to be the mom!
MAKOTO: Don’t fight, you two!
HARUKA: How about this then, Ran?
HARUKA: I’m home.
RAN: Welcome back, Haru-chan! I made hotcakes for snacks today. Father will be home soon.
REN: I’m home.
RAN: Oh, there’s your father. Go on, Makoto, greet him.
MAKOTO: Woof! …I’m the dog?!
RAN: You’re the puppy, the vegetable shop owner, and the fish store owner.
MAKOTO: Three roles in one?! That’s a lot!
HARUKA: Good thing you got a lot of roles, Makoto, eh?
MAKOTO: They’re all minor ones though…
RAN: Let’s move on! Here’s your hotcakes, Haru-chan!
HARUKA: … [quietly motioning eating action]
RAN: Haru-chan, eat it.
HARUKA: I ate it already.
RAN: No, you have to say “chew chew chew.”
HARUKA: C-Chew, chew, chew… I ate it.
MAKOTO: Pffftt! That’s a rare sight coming from Haru.
HARUKA: Dogs don’t talk.
MAKOTO: Don’t be mean, woof.
RAN: Brother and Haru-chan, you two need to be more serious!
HARUKA: Sorry.
MAKOTO: Sorry.
RAN: You ate your food so neatly, Haru-chan! Now do your homework until dinnertime, okay? Dad, look over Haru-chan’s homework, won’t you, dear?
REN: Haru-chan, what is it you don’t understand?
HARUKA: Let’s see… 13 x 47.
REN: Eh? U-Um… Umm… This is too simple for me, so let’s ask Makoto.
HARUKA: What he said, Makoto.
MAKOTO: You’re asking the dog?! Ehhh… 13 x 47, right? I need a pencil and paper… Here they are. Look, Ren. The way you calculate this on paper is…
REN: Teach Haru-chan, not me.
MAKOTO: You didn’t know the answer either, Ren.
HARUKA: Wait, Makoto. Who said I didn’t know the answer?
MAKOTO: It was you who asked.
HARUKA: Don’t take that seriously. I was just acting my part.
MAKOTO: Well, it’s still true that Ren doesn’t know how to solve it, so I’ll teach him since it’s a good opportunity.
REN: Eh?! I don’t want to study!
RAN: Ren… Brother… Haru-chan… Be serious!!
REN: Sorry.
HARUKA: Sorry.
MAKOTO: Uhhh… woof!
RAN: [murmuring] No… that’s mine…
MAKOTO: Ran fell asleep in Haru’s lap.
HARUKA: I can’t move…
MAKOTO: [giggles] Ren fell asleep hugging me.
[REN murmuring]
HARUKA: They’ll be tired after all of that playing around.
MAKOTO: Sorry, Haru. It was noisy, wasn’t it.
HARUKA: It doesn’t matter. I don’t care, as long as these guys were happy.
MAKOTO: Hm.
HARUKA: What.
MAKOTO: Nothing.
HARUKA: … [glares]
MAKOTO: We’ll have to stay like this until they both wake up, huh?
HARUKA: My legs are falling asleep…
MAKOTO: Haru, are you okay? You can put Ran down, you know.
HARUKA: It’s okay.
MAKOTO: But you must be feeling tired yourself.
HARUKA: I said, it’s okay.
MAKOTO: Really?
HARUKA: Yeah.