"Hobbes, you want some nip? Yeaaaah, you do. I'm gonna give you some nip tonight."
Holy shit! Yes, I'm back, after some serious bitching from the roommates. Okay, since so much has happened, much of which I don't remember, I'm taking a little artistic license with this one. So if it didn't actually happen..........well, whatever, I don't like you either.
We'll have to take this shit slowly, in sections.
Act I: Penn State weekend.
So we had a shit load of people at the house. Casey's friend A.J. towed 3 of his friends from Penn State up here to go to the game and experience our general awesomeness. If only they knew what was in store for them........As soon as they arrived, the boys christened our cat Hobbes as the Nittany Lion. It took a very long drunken explanation before any of us realized that the Nittany Lion is actually a mountain.
Ummm.....yeah, don't remember so much of this. I was too busy making people touch the infected area on my ass cheek to take any notes. Yes, for those of you who don't know, I got staph AGAIN, on my ASS. It was good times for awhile.
So here we go with highlights:
-Casey getting fairly wasted and turning every song (including every one on the Now and Then soundtrack) into her own personal up-against-the-wall-look-at-me-aren't-I-a-bad-girl-with-my-finger-in-my-mouth dirty stripping anthem. I was even fortunate enough to receive a lap dance. Note to self: take Casey to the Vu on Amateur Night.
-Walking around campus Friday night, only to realize that we U of M people were severely outnumbered on the streets. "WE ARE!!! PENN STATE!!!" Yeah, kiss my ass. Our wolverine can kick the shit out of your pussy lion.
-The Penn State boys winning the contest for best guys to visit our apartment. For any of you who might demand a recount, let me lay it all out for you:
1)They knew all the words to all of our guilty pleasure songs. This includes the aforementioned Now and Then Soundtrack, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Paula Abdul, Whitney Houston, and even the Ace of Base that we didn't know. No, they are not gay. Do I wish they were? Maybe a little.
2)They performed an all-inclusive striptease. Two nights in a row. All of them. On the coffee table. And we have pictures to prove it.
3)Danced with us on the coffee table and didn't care when Steph and I randomly spilled beer on them throughout the night.
4)One of them put Stephanie in the dishwasher. Literally picked her up and stuck her in head first.
5)The grand finale? They made us breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes. Good God.
-After the bitching game when our football team finally found their balls and won a good game, the poor little Penn State boys were depressed. They dealt with their anger in various ways: napping, yelling, and doing math homework. Yep.
Act II: Halloweekend at Cedar Point.
Not much to say about this, but Stephanie made me put it in. Rosie's friend Jen came, so we treated her to America's Roller Coast. Ever been to a Halloweekend there? Christ almighty does that shit rock. Although it rained like a mother the whole night, it was still awesome. I nearly pissed myself on the Millenium Force and threatened to murder Stephanie for making me go on it. In the "Scream Zone," where they pumped out fog like it was going out of style, we somehow got targeted as "screamers." Now, wouldn't you jump just a little bit if some crazy asshole sneaks out of the fog and shakes a can full of pennies in your ear? That's what I thought. It almost reminds me of the homeless guy who always ambles up to us and demands a cigarette. Or at least that's what we think he wants.
Sidenote: Possums are dirty ass scary motherfuckers. I was outside one night and looked up, only to see that dirty bastard staring at me from the fire escape. Shudder.
Act III: HALLOFUCKINGWEEN
Now, you all know how I feel about this holiday. It beats the hell out of Easter every time. We decorated the shit out of our house: cobwebs, hanging skeletons, a ghost that flew across the kitchen, black lights, and scary music. Oh yeah. We were ready for this shit. I, as a pirate wench, looked pretty fucking hot. But the rest of the rooomates were even better. In no particular order:
Casey - Hooters girl
Rosie - Mr. Peanut
Kate - The white tiger Montecore that mauled Roy of Sigfried and Roy; the boyfriend Tim was Roy.
Abby - Tommy Lee
Steph - Pamela Anderson.
Oh, yes, we went there.
The party began well enough. The keg was chilling in a garbage bag that leaked; all of my bath towels were casualties of that little issue. Tray of orange and black Jell-O shots. Wapatouli in a cauldron (for the uninformed, Kool-Aid, fruit, and lots and lots of vodka). Salem Witch drinks with a whole bunch of liquor. My hip flask was filled with Midori (odd choice, right?).
I made the fun mistake of partaking in all the beverages we had to offer. And in no little portions. So this explains why I don't remember all that much. Highlights:
-Before we were too wasted, some scary black men came up under the pretense that they knew me. Now, if you'll all think back to the Rock Stars and Groupies party when I gave that other scary black guy my number...............yes, I believe they are the friends. In any case, one of the them decided to charge his cell phone, then steal our tequila and walk out the door. What the fuck? Who steals tequila? I thought Casey was going to go on a Hooters themed rampage. I ran out the door to see her thundering down the stairs, screaming, "Give us back our fucking tequila, you bastards!" And we never saw the tequila again....
-There were far too many people there. God.
-A girl friend of Tyler's was dressed as "The Man of Your Dreams." She introduced herself to me by making me feel her "bulge" and pouring me a keg cup of champagne. If you guessed I almost made out with her, you'd be right.
-Jesus, there were a lot of fucking people.
-At some point during the night, I became generally incoherent and incapable of useful conversation. Everything else from now on is what I was told:
-A large group of freshman girls positioned themselves in our living room and coffe table and danced their asses off. Apparently, these girls adopted me as some kind of hero. The roommates tell me it was like I was their idol. I'm told I was wildly dancing in the middle of their dance group and stomping loudly on the coffee table, thus creating the dented masterpiece that now adorns the tabletop. Wow. After seeing a picture where some girl I swore I'd never seen was hugging the hell out of me, I'm inclined to believe the roomies. Hah.
-While I was outside, attempting to form a sentence, a gang of Guido boys strolled up. Now, we were only letting in people who actually knew one of us. Since I was mentally unavailable upon their arrival, I made a half-hearted slurred attempt at stopping them, then opened the door for them. The roommates were not amused. I was scolded and told to go fix my mistake, who were currently grinding on the freshman girls. It went a little something like this:
Me -(stumble, stumble, grab shoulder of angel for balance) "Hey! Hey you guys! HEY!! Anybody who isn't a girl and doesn't live here has to go."
Now, if you paid attention to that, that means everyone would have had to leave. But I, being the slick pirate wench that I was, told the other guys in a not so inside voice that they could stay. Needless to say, the Guido gang was not pleased. They stomped down the stairs, ripping down our cobwebs and the skeleton in the doorway. Someone brought him to me and whispered their condolences. Poor skeleton. Apparently Kate was not very happy with this behavior. She, followed by her boyfriend and his friend, went after them.
Imagine for me if you will, Kate in a white sweatshirt and black duct tape to look like a tiger, and her face painted more or less like a kitty. She starts after the Guidos, screaming about them being assholes and the like. Tim grabs her by the tail and holds her back. Wait.......give me a moment to visualize that.........okay........I'm good. I guess there was lots of yelling about disrespect, and some spitting was involved. Way not to disappoint, guys.
-Stephanie woke up the next day with still unexplained bruises covering her body, including a giant one on her arm, and twisted ankle. Some of that may have to do with her falling off the chaise lounge while hooking up with a mummy, but I'm just speculating here.
Well...........I'm thinking that might be it. I puked in a garbage bag outside the bathroom door. Steph came out and gave me a disgusted look and asked why I didn't knock on the door. I think I just mumbled something and brushed past her. I awoke the next day near to death, and stayed in bed until 4. Aren't I a role model.
Oh, God. I can't write anymore. I'll be back soon with (maybe) Halloween: The Remix and Casey's 21st birthday. Stay tuned.
We'll have to take this shit slowly, in sections.
Act I: Penn State weekend.
So we had a shit load of people at the house. Casey's friend A.J. towed 3 of his friends from Penn State up here to go to the game and experience our general awesomeness. If only they knew what was in store for them........As soon as they arrived, the boys christened our cat Hobbes as the Nittany Lion. It took a very long drunken explanation before any of us realized that the Nittany Lion is actually a mountain.
Ummm.....yeah, don't remember so much of this. I was too busy making people touch the infected area on my ass cheek to take any notes. Yes, for those of you who don't know, I got staph AGAIN, on my ASS. It was good times for awhile.
So here we go with highlights:
-Casey getting fairly wasted and turning every song (including every one on the Now and Then soundtrack) into her own personal up-against-the-wall-look-at-me-aren't-I-a-bad-girl-with-my-finger-in-my-mouth dirty stripping anthem. I was even fortunate enough to receive a lap dance. Note to self: take Casey to the Vu on Amateur Night.
-Walking around campus Friday night, only to realize that we U of M people were severely outnumbered on the streets. "WE ARE!!! PENN STATE!!!" Yeah, kiss my ass. Our wolverine can kick the shit out of your pussy lion.
-The Penn State boys winning the contest for best guys to visit our apartment. For any of you who might demand a recount, let me lay it all out for you:
1)They knew all the words to all of our guilty pleasure songs. This includes the aforementioned Now and Then Soundtrack, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Paula Abdul, Whitney Houston, and even the Ace of Base that we didn't know. No, they are not gay. Do I wish they were? Maybe a little.
2)They performed an all-inclusive striptease. Two nights in a row. All of them. On the coffee table. And we have pictures to prove it.
3)Danced with us on the coffee table and didn't care when Steph and I randomly spilled beer on them throughout the night.
4)One of them put Stephanie in the dishwasher. Literally picked her up and stuck her in head first.
5)The grand finale? They made us breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes. Good God.
-After the bitching game when our football team finally found their balls and won a good game, the poor little Penn State boys were depressed. They dealt with their anger in various ways: napping, yelling, and doing math homework. Yep.
Act II: Halloweekend at Cedar Point.
Not much to say about this, but Stephanie made me put it in. Rosie's friend Jen came, so we treated her to America's Roller Coast. Ever been to a Halloweekend there? Christ almighty does that shit rock. Although it rained like a mother the whole night, it was still awesome. I nearly pissed myself on the Millenium Force and threatened to murder Stephanie for making me go on it. In the "Scream Zone," where they pumped out fog like it was going out of style, we somehow got targeted as "screamers." Now, wouldn't you jump just a little bit if some crazy asshole sneaks out of the fog and shakes a can full of pennies in your ear? That's what I thought. It almost reminds me of the homeless guy who always ambles up to us and demands a cigarette. Or at least that's what we think he wants.
Sidenote: Possums are dirty ass scary motherfuckers. I was outside one night and looked up, only to see that dirty bastard staring at me from the fire escape. Shudder.
Act III: HALLOFUCKINGWEEN
Now, you all know how I feel about this holiday. It beats the hell out of Easter every time. We decorated the shit out of our house: cobwebs, hanging skeletons, a ghost that flew across the kitchen, black lights, and scary music. Oh yeah. We were ready for this shit. I, as a pirate wench, looked pretty fucking hot. But the rest of the rooomates were even better. In no particular order:
Casey - Hooters girl
Rosie - Mr. Peanut
Kate - The white tiger Montecore that mauled Roy of Sigfried and Roy; the boyfriend Tim was Roy.
Abby - Tommy Lee
Steph - Pamela Anderson.
Oh, yes, we went there.
The party began well enough. The keg was chilling in a garbage bag that leaked; all of my bath towels were casualties of that little issue. Tray of orange and black Jell-O shots. Wapatouli in a cauldron (for the uninformed, Kool-Aid, fruit, and lots and lots of vodka). Salem Witch drinks with a whole bunch of liquor. My hip flask was filled with Midori (odd choice, right?).
I made the fun mistake of partaking in all the beverages we had to offer. And in no little portions. So this explains why I don't remember all that much. Highlights:
-Before we were too wasted, some scary black men came up under the pretense that they knew me. Now, if you'll all think back to the Rock Stars and Groupies party when I gave that other scary black guy my number...............yes, I believe they are the friends. In any case, one of the them decided to charge his cell phone, then steal our tequila and walk out the door. What the fuck? Who steals tequila? I thought Casey was going to go on a Hooters themed rampage. I ran out the door to see her thundering down the stairs, screaming, "Give us back our fucking tequila, you bastards!" And we never saw the tequila again....
-There were far too many people there. God.
-A girl friend of Tyler's was dressed as "The Man of Your Dreams." She introduced herself to me by making me feel her "bulge" and pouring me a keg cup of champagne. If you guessed I almost made out with her, you'd be right.
-Jesus, there were a lot of fucking people.
-At some point during the night, I became generally incoherent and incapable of useful conversation. Everything else from now on is what I was told:
-A large group of freshman girls positioned themselves in our living room and coffe table and danced their asses off. Apparently, these girls adopted me as some kind of hero. The roommates tell me it was like I was their idol. I'm told I was wildly dancing in the middle of their dance group and stomping loudly on the coffee table, thus creating the dented masterpiece that now adorns the tabletop. Wow. After seeing a picture where some girl I swore I'd never seen was hugging the hell out of me, I'm inclined to believe the roomies. Hah.
-While I was outside, attempting to form a sentence, a gang of Guido boys strolled up. Now, we were only letting in people who actually knew one of us. Since I was mentally unavailable upon their arrival, I made a half-hearted slurred attempt at stopping them, then opened the door for them. The roommates were not amused. I was scolded and told to go fix my mistake, who were currently grinding on the freshman girls. It went a little something like this:
Me -(stumble, stumble, grab shoulder of angel for balance) "Hey! Hey you guys! HEY!! Anybody who isn't a girl and doesn't live here has to go."
Now, if you paid attention to that, that means everyone would have had to leave. But I, being the slick pirate wench that I was, told the other guys in a not so inside voice that they could stay. Needless to say, the Guido gang was not pleased. They stomped down the stairs, ripping down our cobwebs and the skeleton in the doorway. Someone brought him to me and whispered their condolences. Poor skeleton. Apparently Kate was not very happy with this behavior. She, followed by her boyfriend and his friend, went after them.
Imagine for me if you will, Kate in a white sweatshirt and black duct tape to look like a tiger, and her face painted more or less like a kitty. She starts after the Guidos, screaming about them being assholes and the like. Tim grabs her by the tail and holds her back. Wait.......give me a moment to visualize that.........okay........I'm good. I guess there was lots of yelling about disrespect, and some spitting was involved. Way not to disappoint, guys.
-Stephanie woke up the next day with still unexplained bruises covering her body, including a giant one on her arm, and twisted ankle. Some of that may have to do with her falling off the chaise lounge while hooking up with a mummy, but I'm just speculating here.
Well...........I'm thinking that might be it. I puked in a garbage bag outside the bathroom door. Steph came out and gave me a disgusted look and asked why I didn't knock on the door. I think I just mumbled something and brushed past her. I awoke the next day near to death, and stayed in bed until 4. Aren't I a role model.
Oh, God. I can't write anymore. I'll be back soon with (maybe) Halloween: The Remix and Casey's 21st birthday. Stay tuned.