(no subject)
this is so fucking hard. it really is. i knew it would be but when youre looking ahead, even if u know somethings going to be hard, it doesnt fully register until you get there and experience it. I just feel so dependent compared to everyone else which is odd because my whole life at home i always considered myself extremely independent. I just miss everyone so much its sick. Every day, shoot every hour, my mind goes thru this internal debate like fuck i hate this, get me to the nearest exit to god i love this. Its definitely a love hate relationship we have going on right now. But this girl yesterday just got back from MOzambique and she gave her presentation and it gave me so much comfort i cant even begin to describe to you. She was like throughout this whole program, i said to myself so many times what am i doing, i want to quit, i hate this, but as soon as you go to africa, as soon as you get there, it's all worth it. and i know that. i just wish it was coming sooner then march 1st. and i wish i knew i wasnt the only one feeling this way bc i really do think i am right now. everyone else is just so much more experienced, like these two people are 38 and theyve been doing this kind of development work all over the world since they were 16. Its just crazy. and im the youngest by far and the least experienced. oh well. im here, i gotta suck it up. it'll go by fast and i just have to keep reminding myself what its for. i have to say though, when she was giving her presentation, she had all these pictures from this village she worked in (she was a child aid worker which is what i want to do) and literally my heart just lept when i saw these kids and everything she got to do with them. we started havign this big discussion on what it takes to make changes and if you could do it alone. there are a lot of people who think that one person cant change the world. i guess i see it differently. maybe i'll change my perspective, its definitely possible, but right now heres the way i see it. one person yes is just one person and they are limited in what they can do physically, but emotionally, they're limitless. the changes you can make are insane. you can bring new inventive ideas to the table and you can challenge other peoples thinking and serve an as inspiration to others. you basically lead people and thats how you get support and thats where you start doing the physical things. i just think people dont realize the full potential of what they can do and how they can affect people. ill get into it more later, i think lunch is almost ready. love u guys