(no subject)
I thought that this would save me...pull me out from lonliness. Intiate me. give me some place that I could be. But instead it just messed with my head. Left me more confused than I ever was before. I want something in my life to work out. Something to be simple. But nothing ever is. Why didn't it occur to you before you asked the question? Why did you have to rush into it, when I put no pressure? I would have been glad to wait and let things develop but instead we started too soon. And now it's left a tainted trophy, no longer new. No more luster. I wish this was easy for me to take. I ask myself how I can actually be hurt at this point. Hurt is really the wrong word. Surprise is more accurate. I just wanted it to work, really really needed something to hold on to. Nothing at school is solid anymore. Every day's a question mark. Who will I wind up spending time with? I don't fit in anywhere. Everywhere is a closed door, something sets me apart.
God damned emo-ness. I want to be happy really I do but shit keeps goin againts my way. and to make matters worse i have to ask danielle for $70. I tried so hard to make it so i wouldnt need a penny but the people i invited wound up not being able to go. oh well. life sucks. ill get over this all.
furthermore, i keep having the worst dreams. i keep dreaming about my old friends. and youd think okay no big deal right? what makes them so hard is that in the dreams things are how they used to be. were friends. and it just make me miss it 10x more. but no one wants me back into the group so im still just...left behind. *sarcastic:* And i think im better than them. FUCKING CHRIST. I can't even explain how fucked up that is.
Anyone have any ideas on how to make this all go away????
KT
PS yesterday was good. even after today, yesterday still remains a good memory.
God damned emo-ness. I want to be happy really I do but shit keeps goin againts my way. and to make matters worse i have to ask danielle for $70. I tried so hard to make it so i wouldnt need a penny but the people i invited wound up not being able to go. oh well. life sucks. ill get over this all.
furthermore, i keep having the worst dreams. i keep dreaming about my old friends. and youd think okay no big deal right? what makes them so hard is that in the dreams things are how they used to be. were friends. and it just make me miss it 10x more. but no one wants me back into the group so im still just...left behind. *sarcastic:* And i think im better than them. FUCKING CHRIST. I can't even explain how fucked up that is.
Anyone have any ideas on how to make this all go away????
KT
PS yesterday was good. even after today, yesterday still remains a good memory.