yuck
man.. i'm turning into such a fuckin loner. I don't know what's going on. I feel so weird after "that night" hanging around people in school, and it seems to have messed with things between me and mark. I spent the weekend at my brothers place and he helped me with some college stuff. I guess going there should've made me feel surrounded with company that loved me and cared for me, but in reality, when I layed down to sleep on his living room couch, staring out the 12th story window, listening to the noisey 8,000,000 people in the same town as me, I never felt so alone in my life.
School just feels like a fuzzy daydream thats neither good nor bad. It's just.. there. I went through my entire day today and didn't talk to one person, minus the occasional answer to a question in chem or in french when I was randomly called on. I got something from Allie in the mail which actually lifted my mood some when I came home from school, but it was like this brosure thing for a magazine subscription for the colorodo music education something or other. bummer.
I'd say 70% of the time now, I come home from school and lay on my bed on the verge of crying. But for the life of me, I couldn't tell you why.
I'm fighting with mark a lot. It gets worse every fucking second of the day.
I'm handing in my Columbia application for early decision tomorrow morning. My essay's good, my grades are good, my chances are good.
So why does everything suddenly seem so wrong?
-- edit --
12:26am
God definitely hates me,
because I've never felt so fucking terrible in my entire life.
And no matter how much I want to
there's no fucking way for me to fix it.
School just feels like a fuzzy daydream thats neither good nor bad. It's just.. there. I went through my entire day today and didn't talk to one person, minus the occasional answer to a question in chem or in french when I was randomly called on. I got something from Allie in the mail which actually lifted my mood some when I came home from school, but it was like this brosure thing for a magazine subscription for the colorodo music education something or other. bummer.
I'd say 70% of the time now, I come home from school and lay on my bed on the verge of crying. But for the life of me, I couldn't tell you why.
I'm fighting with mark a lot. It gets worse every fucking second of the day.
I'm handing in my Columbia application for early decision tomorrow morning. My essay's good, my grades are good, my chances are good.
So why does everything suddenly seem so wrong?
-- edit --
12:26am
God definitely hates me,
because I've never felt so fucking terrible in my entire life.
And no matter how much I want to
there's no fucking way for me to fix it.