i'm just about dead.
i really am....this isnt a little thing i deal with or a big thing i make out of it....its just how i feel. i find it harmless to feel how i feel. nothing bad should even be thought up out of how i feel, its a feeling stronger than "i miss you" or "you're the bestest in the world"....something i havent quite said yet. its a feeling that i take in part very seriously. something most people throw around easily. why they do it, whatever it just them. people do what they do i do what i do. i know what i do, good or bad...i see it. change is hard. hard when you'v come accostumed to something so negitive that doesnt help a situation at all what so ever. i wish i could just snap my fingers and give it my all then have the world at my finger tips to give you my all.....i'm just a mess that gets smellier, dirtier and just filthier((for lack of better ie.)) i can pin point certain traits of me that i can just stomp on and shit on....and others that i want to light up and have them be seen. but i have not yet let those ones free for some stupid ungodly dumb reason. a reason that is beyond me to figure out....or anyone. and well...."you"....i know you'll read this....maybe not when i want you too but as long as you glance it, cool. call me crazy but you are the only thing i have at this very moment....nothing else is as true to me then you. call me obbsessive and overdone with my feelings but i will just prove you wrong.<----that was not at you....just at people. this strong feeling i mentioned for a little bit just before in this entry has grown stronger twords you....wheather it be "too soon" and just not the right time, its something i cant help but feel twords you. you give me strength and nothing else does. my music and bands make me over come what i cant deal with alone....but if i have you by my side i can do it all. and giving you my all is what i intend to do. from this day on. forever. in my eyes, thats what it will be. my flaws are best known at this point in time, it gives me kind of a slow start, or to say that im starting behind everything else in what i should be doing. its hard to know and realize that...it sucks that i have to feel regret like that, my OWN regret of course. but make it no ones less that its still there and needed to be dealt with. its something thats more than just trying to explain it secrecly over LJ....something that i will have to show you day by day night in, night out. alls i ask is to see threw my flaws....and to just embrace whatever good i have showed you....more will come by the next time i speak/see you. its there. waiting to be shown. i realyl dont fuckign care how much time you spend posting on these community's(sp?) or anything like that, you mean the fucking world to me, and if that stupid thing holds me in the way of showing you that then i want you to know that i dont care!!! you silly girl, youre everything just know that forever. i miss you beyond belief. sweetdreams tonight. you need it with what i'v givin you : /.... <3