thoughtbubbles
drinking
vodka and cherry amp
best of both worlds.
Thank you, Karen.
I've decided that the universe is fucked up sometimes.
Events shouldn't have to transpire that are out of the ordinary in their trauma before people can really bond. It shouldn't have to be that way.
I shouldn't be thinking about being the one to find my brother when he dies, not when I've only just really found him period.
While I am honored and touched when he says that he envisions me being the one to find him after he has died (seemingly before his time) there is no avoiding the absolute horror such a sentiment brings about. I cannot take the thought.
I don't care if I have seven years... that's not enough time.
There is a great deal of back-story I am leaving out, incidents and conversations twining throughout the crescendo to this unbalanced moment... some things you just can't talk about. Not all the time.
I have always worshiped my big brother. Always.
He's been the only one that looked out for me over the long run, running interference, making me feel okay being me whenever he was around. It was only in his absence that I began to imagine that he thought me asinine. That he saw me as I saw me.
I guess he never has.
Iain is having his tonsils out. Not a pleasant thought. A week out of school and feeling miserable to boot? Ye gods, grant me succor.
I have two hours and two minutes before starting my fast so that I might have my bloodwork done. After drinking a spirits/energy beverage cocktail.
*rolls eyes*
...I'm working on it, damn it. Keep your expectations low. Like non-existent low. Otherwise you are going to be more than a little disappointed. Trust me, I have been there before.
You know what? I am almost okay with a great deal of my life. I have been fiddling with the watercolors, scaling the mountains of clean laundry, moving things around the house and carting off veritable land-fills of fricking trash. I have gotten more books onto bookshelves than I have ever had in my LIFE. While aware of the distance I have yet to cover I know where I've come from. I know the creature I have been.
I also know I cannot be that creature any longer.
rah-rah-rah
Ahem.
vodka and cherry amp
best of both worlds.
Thank you, Karen.
I've decided that the universe is fucked up sometimes.
Events shouldn't have to transpire that are out of the ordinary in their trauma before people can really bond. It shouldn't have to be that way.
I shouldn't be thinking about being the one to find my brother when he dies, not when I've only just really found him period.
While I am honored and touched when he says that he envisions me being the one to find him after he has died (seemingly before his time) there is no avoiding the absolute horror such a sentiment brings about. I cannot take the thought.
I don't care if I have seven years... that's not enough time.
There is a great deal of back-story I am leaving out, incidents and conversations twining throughout the crescendo to this unbalanced moment... some things you just can't talk about. Not all the time.
I have always worshiped my big brother. Always.
He's been the only one that looked out for me over the long run, running interference, making me feel okay being me whenever he was around. It was only in his absence that I began to imagine that he thought me asinine. That he saw me as I saw me.
I guess he never has.
Iain is having his tonsils out. Not a pleasant thought. A week out of school and feeling miserable to boot? Ye gods, grant me succor.
I have two hours and two minutes before starting my fast so that I might have my bloodwork done. After drinking a spirits/energy beverage cocktail.
*rolls eyes*
...I'm working on it, damn it. Keep your expectations low. Like non-existent low. Otherwise you are going to be more than a little disappointed. Trust me, I have been there before.
You know what? I am almost okay with a great deal of my life. I have been fiddling with the watercolors, scaling the mountains of clean laundry, moving things around the house and carting off veritable land-fills of fricking trash. I have gotten more books onto bookshelves than I have ever had in my LIFE. While aware of the distance I have yet to cover I know where I've come from. I know the creature I have been.
I also know I cannot be that creature any longer.
rah-rah-rah
Ahem.