indifferent
sometimes i feel so small. not invisable, but barely there, like the wind could blow me away and no one would notice. it's wierd, i guess i've just been getting a lot of these ups and downs lately.
i got what i wanted, i got what i prayed for, but now i'm not so sure if i want it or not. But if i hadn't got it i would be depressed for a bit but now i have to think about whether to go or not. I got the bursary and it was just like 'oh, ok..
' i thought i'd be rejoiced about this opportunity but i guess i hyped it up too much. I got my third choice University of Alberta and the summer session. Right now i'm still contacting the school about trying to switch into the spring one because i want the 6 credits which unfortunetely the summer one does not offer. The school rep said it shouldn't be a problem and i should hear from them in a couple of days (via email). cross fingers.
I'm also going to be orientation leader for fall. sweet. sometimes i don't get why i do all these volunteer things.. for the experience? i unno.. it's like in my heart i know i should be doing them.. hopefully the future will answer me soon. I guess i feel that i should always be doing something productive instead of wasting my time watching movies or whatever.. trying to make the world a better place. I think i just want to make an imprint on this earth before i return to dusk.
i'm just confused, i know the path i want to choose for my career.. that is the only clear thing in my mind. But it's my personal life that troubles me, maybe that's why i like being busy all the time. It's like a welcoming distraction so i won't have to deal with all these things that are going on.. 'putting them on hold for the better good'. I guess sometimes i wish i wasn't so stubborn, to admit that i'm not as strong as i think, and sometimes that i do need someone there, just to be beside me and tell me that everythings going to be ok. instead i hold in these tears, this need for a hug and for a shoulder cry on. i can't do this alone. i want to be a healthy balance between independance and dependance. they should really make up a word for that.
i got what i wanted, i got what i prayed for, but now i'm not so sure if i want it or not. But if i hadn't got it i would be depressed for a bit but now i have to think about whether to go or not. I got the bursary and it was just like 'oh, ok..
' i thought i'd be rejoiced about this opportunity but i guess i hyped it up too much. I got my third choice University of Alberta and the summer session. Right now i'm still contacting the school about trying to switch into the spring one because i want the 6 credits which unfortunetely the summer one does not offer. The school rep said it shouldn't be a problem and i should hear from them in a couple of days (via email). cross fingers.
I'm also going to be orientation leader for fall. sweet. sometimes i don't get why i do all these volunteer things.. for the experience? i unno.. it's like in my heart i know i should be doing them.. hopefully the future will answer me soon. I guess i feel that i should always be doing something productive instead of wasting my time watching movies or whatever.. trying to make the world a better place. I think i just want to make an imprint on this earth before i return to dusk.
i'm just confused, i know the path i want to choose for my career.. that is the only clear thing in my mind. But it's my personal life that troubles me, maybe that's why i like being busy all the time. It's like a welcoming distraction so i won't have to deal with all these things that are going on.. 'putting them on hold for the better good'. I guess sometimes i wish i wasn't so stubborn, to admit that i'm not as strong as i think, and sometimes that i do need someone there, just to be beside me and tell me that everythings going to be ok. instead i hold in these tears, this need for a hug and for a shoulder cry on. i can't do this alone. i want to be a healthy balance between independance and dependance. they should really make up a word for that.